More on Hair, Odd Coincidence

[sandhawke]

In a bizarre postscript to yesterday's question about hair styles (as I contemplate cutting my long hair), and my happening across the nicely written if historically inaccurate Louis CK Poker ("faggot") scene earlier today (and on Fresh Air yesterday), I got rudely called "long haired faggot" for the first time in my life today

Comments

[miss_chance]

I was wondering, as I started reading your post, whether this was going to disuade you from cutting your hair. It's nice to know that you'll make your choices independently of the incident. I think you can rest assured that men with short hair get rudely called faggot, too. :-/ I know I was rudely called dyke back when I had long hair.

Also, the thing about stopping and letting people pass? I'm pretty sure I've avoided a couple potentially ugly incidents that way. In your case it sounds like it really might have been coincidence, but I'm sure of at least one time when someone was following in a way that was more like "casing," attempting to read me, and when I stopped, stepped out of the sidewalk and made eye contact, they decided to move on to someone else. I never do it casually-- I stop and say "go ahead." It makes it clear that whatever else might happen, the element of surprise is not going to be a factor.

[ceo]

My sister once suggested a retort for remarks like this: "What's your problem, it's not clogging your drains!"

I've never used it, because I've only ever been harassed about my hair twice in over a decade of having it long. (And I get compliments from random strangers once or twice a month.)

I'm curious about the inaccurate bit

[drwex]

The historical 'burning' part? I'd never heard that before so I assume that's what you mean by inaccurate?

Re: I'm curious about the inaccurate bit

[sandhawke]

Right. Wikipedia, at least, says that's not true.

Before reading Wikipedia, I was partial to the theory that it came from British school slang, with "faggot" actually coming from "fag" (in the sense of cigarettes, another forbidden phallic pleasure). Now I have no idea.

Mr. CK talks about this in the Fresh Air interview, expressing that he knows of the controversy and doesn't care; this is what the character believes (and what his friend who told him the same thing in the real-life parallel story believed), and that makes it fine for this kind of show. (I don't actually quite agree -- I would have liked one of the other characters to at least point out some doubt about the history.)

Re: I'm curious about the inaccurate bit

[kcatalyst]

No one really knows, but the OED entry suggests a trace that goes something like this:

"bundle of sticks, as for burning, espcially for poor people lacking logs" ->
"rude term for a women, especially older, unattractive" (connection presumably through unattractiveness and association with home and poverty) ->
jumping the pond to the US, still as a crude insult for a woman ->
crude insult for a gay man, through the obvious link of insult for a woman

[kcatalyst]

That sounds like an unfun experience, but now I'm really curious if you've ever been politely called a long-haired faggot before.

[sandhawke]

Sure. I have several college friends who tease me like that all the time, in scenes very much like that poker one.

In fact, I might have had a conversation shockingly like that after my then-boyfriend got handed an invitation to a jerk-off club in NYC. (Although in that case, neither of us was speaking from experience, in telling my straight roommates about it.)

[redheadedmuse]

So not OK. I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you.