Gratitude and flailing
I had a wonderful and lovely Thanksgiving, and was extremely happy to spend time in the quiet of Vermont, surrounded by excellent company. While intermittently pulling catering reports for work. As one does.
Monday after a holiday is usually kind of terrible, but since I've started the new job there's the element of "AUGH, WHAT AM I *DOING*?" that's crept back in. I always forget that the sliding scale of job familiarity and satisfaction has not only the end that says "I have done this so many times I am bored out of my mind and have learned nothing new," but also the end that says "I don't have a damned clue what I'm doing! How am I supposed to pretend or to figure this out most effectively?!"
I am taking a few moments to not think about one of the many things I have to do in short order which I have absolutely no idea how to do (the prep work for back-filling my prior position). I think my expectation of myself is still that I should know how to do everything and never ask for help, even when I haven't ever done the thing in question before (I've sure as hell never participated in hiring processes before. Being on the interview panel, yeah, but this... no clue).
Anyhow. I wanted to both note my inner flailing and my extreme satisfaction with life, aside from that. I've been spending a fair bit of time in November thinking about the good things in my life, and they are legion. Whoever said things about high school and college being the best times of peoples' lives has turned out to be fabulously and spectacularly off-base, judging from personal experience. :)
So in no particular order, things I am thankful for:
* A stable home life, with two housemates who are good friends and fun to be ridiculous at/with and decompress with. Oh, and no more neighbours having loud parties at obscene hours of night/morning on weekdays.
* A wonderful bunch of friends, both local and not, who habitually make me laugh, make me think and help me grow.
* A stable job which has allowed me to be challenged, to learn new skills and even to improve myself as a person.
* Both musical groups I've gotten involved with... one that challenges me in ways I haven't been since college, and another that allows creative and free expression that I have pretty much never really had. (And both with an end result that makes me happy and fulfilled.) This makes me feel so, so lucky.
* A year in which my relationship with my mother has gotten healthier, and where I actually feel like she is listening to me and respects me. (We're not perfect, but uh. Who was expecting that? And it's been I think the best year to date.)
* My dad, well... he's still odd. But I know he cares.
* A sister who always understands me and loves me, even when we don't keep in constant contact.
* A comparatively healthy body and mind.
* A life in a wonderful city that I pretty unreservedly love.
* A world which, while it still needs some improvements, pretty continually amazes me with how excellent it can be. It honestly feels like in so many areas things just keep progressing. (Technology, tolerance, various fields of study, various measures of equality...)
There are probably more things I should be thankful for, but haven't thought of.
Life is, of course, not perfect, but this month I've been feeling like the world is continuing to move toward being a better place. Similarly, the inside of my head is still somewhat a mess, but I'm getting better over time. Most things are going amazingly well, and there are so many wonderful, supportive people in my life.
Anyhow. If I haven't said it lately - in between all the frustration, flailing, and feelings of being too busy to cope, I love my life and the people in it. :)
Monday after a holiday is usually kind of terrible, but since I've started the new job there's the element of "AUGH, WHAT AM I *DOING*?" that's crept back in. I always forget that the sliding scale of job familiarity and satisfaction has not only the end that says "I have done this so many times I am bored out of my mind and have learned nothing new," but also the end that says "I don't have a damned clue what I'm doing! How am I supposed to pretend or to figure this out most effectively?!"
I am taking a few moments to not think about one of the many things I have to do in short order which I have absolutely no idea how to do (the prep work for back-filling my prior position). I think my expectation of myself is still that I should know how to do everything and never ask for help, even when I haven't ever done the thing in question before (I've sure as hell never participated in hiring processes before. Being on the interview panel, yeah, but this... no clue).
Anyhow. I wanted to both note my inner flailing and my extreme satisfaction with life, aside from that. I've been spending a fair bit of time in November thinking about the good things in my life, and they are legion. Whoever said things about high school and college being the best times of peoples' lives has turned out to be fabulously and spectacularly off-base, judging from personal experience. :)
So in no particular order, things I am thankful for:
* A stable home life, with two housemates who are good friends and fun to be ridiculous at/with and decompress with. Oh, and no more neighbours having loud parties at obscene hours of night/morning on weekdays.
* A wonderful bunch of friends, both local and not, who habitually make me laugh, make me think and help me grow.
* A stable job which has allowed me to be challenged, to learn new skills and even to improve myself as a person.
* Both musical groups I've gotten involved with... one that challenges me in ways I haven't been since college, and another that allows creative and free expression that I have pretty much never really had. (And both with an end result that makes me happy and fulfilled.) This makes me feel so, so lucky.
* A year in which my relationship with my mother has gotten healthier, and where I actually feel like she is listening to me and respects me. (We're not perfect, but uh. Who was expecting that? And it's been I think the best year to date.)
* My dad, well... he's still odd. But I know he cares.
* A sister who always understands me and loves me, even when we don't keep in constant contact.
* A comparatively healthy body and mind.
* A life in a wonderful city that I pretty unreservedly love.
* A world which, while it still needs some improvements, pretty continually amazes me with how excellent it can be. It honestly feels like in so many areas things just keep progressing. (Technology, tolerance, various fields of study, various measures of equality...)
There are probably more things I should be thankful for, but haven't thought of.
Life is, of course, not perfect, but this month I've been feeling like the world is continuing to move toward being a better place. Similarly, the inside of my head is still somewhat a mess, but I'm getting better over time. Most things are going amazingly well, and there are so many wonderful, supportive people in my life.
Anyhow. If I haven't said it lately - in between all the frustration, flailing, and feelings of being too busy to cope, I love my life and the people in it. :)