Beholder, Ch. 10, NC-17, RPS, AU, Jensen/Jared

[sandymg]

Jared stared at Jeff. He had a million questions. But this wasn’t the time to get them answered. Not with Jensen hiding in the bedroom. Dammit.

“You think this was … Jensen?”

The computer printout rustled in Jared’s fist. It couldn’t be. But the picture didn’t lie. If this was true, then Jensen was anything but a homeless pauper. Or should have been.

Jeff’s mouth pursed. “It’s possible. The name’s unusual. Not so much as a surname but as a first name … yeah. And the timing fits.” His lips lifted in a smile. “Hey, if this pans out then your boy is an heiress.” He joked. “So to speak.”

Jared fingered his hair. Holy shit. Could any of this be possible? “What happens now? What do we do? How do we find out if they are the same person? DNA or something?”

“Dental records maybe. Or DNA, not sure. Of course … we’d have to find Jensen first.” Jeff eyed Jared curiously. “You haven’t seen him?”

“No.” Jared forced himself to meet Jeff’s eyes. Knew that if he didn’t Jeff would suspect. He couldn’t let Jeff catch on. It would be a betrayal to Jensen, and Jared, frankly, would rather die than face Jensen’s face under such a circumstance.

“Well, if you do see him, tell him to come see me. Maybe we can give him back his past. But, Jared, none of that changes his situation. He still needs medical attention. And if this does turn out to be true … once we can get the courts to acknowledge him then he’ll have the means to have the best possible care.”

Jared’s face reddened. “You’re talking about institutionalizing him.”

Jeff didn’t flinch. “Yes. For a while.” Jeff sensed Jared’s resistance. “Jared, this isn’t the Dark Ages. It’s not Cuckoo’s Nest. Nobody is going to cut into his brain.” Jeff rose, clearly frustrated. “The reason it’s helpful to have a limited hospital stay is so that the doctors can monitor the medications 24/7. Like I said, brain chemistry is subtle. Different medications and combinations work on people differently. There is no one size fits all. As soon as they stabilize Jensen, they’ll release him as an outpatient.” Jeff sat again and peered closely at Jared.

“If you want to help him, you’ll need to let him go, for a little while,” he said softly.

Jared didn’t say anything. It was all too much. Jensen’s potential past. The idea of trying to get him to agree to be locked up, even temporarily. He’d lose him. Jared knew this as clearly as he knew his own name. And that was just not acceptable.

But he nodded because he didn’t have the luxury of arguing with Jeff. He needed Jeff to leave. A twinge of guilt hit. Jeff was trying to help. He was a good friend. Jared asked a final question. “What about the curse?”

Jeff tilted his head in confusion. “What about it?”

“Who was the witch? The old woman?”

“You still believe she existed?”

Jared didn’t hesitate a second. “Yes.” More than believe. Jared had to find her. Get her to remove the curse.



“Jen, did you hear what Jeff said?”

“Yes.”

“If this is true … god, Jen. You … you’re worth millions. Not that … I mean, I know you don’t care about … “ He swiped a hand over his face. “Damn, this is all coming out wrong. It means you have family out there. Well, some family at least. I’m sorry about your parents. I mean, if you are that Jensen.”

Jensen was on the floor, leaning up against the front of the sofa, knees up, head down, rocking slightly.
Jared looked down at him. Took in the small keening noises. Jensen was upset. Jared dropped down and sat next to him, wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to do anything.”

Jared felt Jensen press into his shoulder. He knew he received comfort from their touching. Worked both ways. Jensen spoke softly, muffled into Jared’s side. “Jeff think hospital fix Jensen. Lock up.”

Jared pulled back slightly and tilted Jensen’s chin up to face him. “He believes that doctors might be able to help you to lead a … fuller life. To be able to see yourself like we do … to see how beautiful you are.”

Jensen pulled away, face twisted. He rose in one fluid move. “Doctors make me sleep. Tame Beast. Not let fight.”

Jared watched Jensen pace. His eyes glowed gold and his steps were predatory, slow and calculating with cat-like grace. Jared didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to help. “When was this?”

Jensen looked at him, head tilting, deciding. Jared held his gaze. Jensen looked at his hands, counted off fingers, held up eight. “Think maybe … sleep much. Not sure.”

Eight years ago. This matched what Jeff had told him about Jensen being institutionalized in Detroit. Since that discovery Jared had done some research. He’d had to stop because it was too upsetting. There were various abuse citations against that psychiatric facility. It was shut down five years ago. No charges were ever brought up but there had been some civil suits. All settled out of court. A soul as gentle as Jensen’s caged in a place like that … Jared had stopped digging. He was afraid to know more.

But now he couldn’t hide from this anymore.

“What happened in Detroit, Jensen?”

Jensen’s eyes widened. “How Jared know?”

“Jeff told me. I know that you were in the municipal psychiatric hospital. I know that they let you leave as an out-patient after six months. And that you left town a few months after that.”

Jensen looked at him for a long time. He stood still before covering his jaw with his hand and shutting his eyes. Jared knew he was deciding how much to trust.

“Jensen. You don’t have to tell me anything. You don’t have to talk about anything that you don’t want to. It’s just that I … want to help. To understand. Your experience in Detroit, it doesn’t mean that a good doctor … a better place … “

Jensen tensed and let out a roar. The noise disturbed Sadie who popped up her head and let out a curious bark.

“NO! Cannot go back.” He raced toward the door. Jared leapt up to stop him. Grabbed his arm.

“Jensen, please. I won’t make you go anywhere.”

“Jeff … police … take me …. Cannot. Will die first. This time. Will succeed.”

Shaking he pulled Jensen up tight against him, fought his shudders. “I’d never let anyone take you against your will. Jensen … look at me … “

Wet green eyes pierced him. “Jared cannot fight police.”

“No. But you can. Jensen. If it’s true … what Jeff uncovered. If you are the sole Ackles heir. Jensen don’t you see what that means?”

Jensen slumped in his arms, losing some of his fight. “Beast not a prince.”

Jared tried not to laugh. “Actually, I think you are. I grew up in Texas. The Ackles empire is legendary. Everybody knows the story. Oil at first, but then your grandfather and father grew the business into rigging and renewable energy and a host of other industries.”

Jensen turned to look at him. “Father, mother -- Jeff said dead?”

“Yes. Thirteen years ago, assuming you are Jensen Ackles, your parents were killed in an automobile accident. I was just a kid but I remember hearing about that. It was huge news. You … were seventeen. I … I’m sorry.”

“Do not remember.”

“Jensen … the blonde haired woman you remembered? Well, that could be your mother. We can find a picture, see if it is.”

Jensen shook his head. Jared didn’t push. “Not me,” he said finally.

Jared pulled him closer. “Maybe. Wouldn’t be too hard to find out. Don’t you think we should?”

“Involve police. Lock up Beast.”

Jared kissed the top of Jensen’s head inhaling the strawberry scent. The other man kept his head buried and spoke his words into Jared’s neck. “Drugs make me sleep. Do not remember all. Try to move but straps on arms. On legs. Other man. Next bed. Say to me, we are in zoo. Lock up Beast in zoo. Scared. Remember crying. Try to hide but straps tight.”

Jensen pulled away now, began to pace as his words turned frantic.

“Time pass. Beast fight. Not want sleep so much. Not like pills. Feel sick. See things. They not like Beast. Say mean things. Spend day standing but not … asleep standing. At night go back. Man in room say, ‘Welcome back to cage, Beast.’”

Jared’s heart pounded. Something was so wrong. He wished he could say he was imagining things. That he’d watched too many bad Lifetime movies with Sandy. That this story wasn’t going where he dreaded it was.

“Did … the man in the room with you … hurt you Jensen?”

“No. Try to help. Tell them no. Tell leave Beast alone. He try. But they take me to empty room. Say ‘stay quiet.’ Think, ‘must fight.’ Say no. But so tired. Sleepy. Only want to sleep. Hard to stand. Not remember.”

He squeezed Jensen closer. “It’s okay. Whatever you tell me, whatever you remember … you’re safe now. I would never let anyone hurt you again like that.”

Although he was now standing still, Jared could feel Jensen trembling when he resumed talking.

“Wake up in strange room. Not alone. Man there. Not same. Not zoo man. This one … mean, smiling man, give me more pills. He laugh at Beast. Say go along and be fine. Be a good Beast. Take pills and be good.” Jensen’s voice hitched. “Tr-y to be good and he not hurt me.” Jensen shuddered and Jared felt moisture on his shoulder. “Mostly sleep. Sometimes wake up. Man … he … on me.”

Jared didn’t need to hear more. It hurt so much he thought he’d puke. He wrapped one hand around Jensen’s neck and held him tight. “I am so sorry” was so inadequate.

Bizarrely, Jensen tried to comfort Jared, as if he couldn’t stand causing Jared suffering. In spite of the fact that Jensen had been the one abused. “Jared. Do not cry. I am fine. Long time ago. Get out. Never let happen again. Stay away from police. Take care. Not sure what happen then. Too sleepy. But not happen again. Know this. No one touch … except you.”

Jared blanched. Oh god. He never should have. Jensen had been molested. And while Jared knew what they’d shared was different it still … he felt sick to his stomach again.

Jensen sensed the increase in his distress. He grasped Jared’s face between his hands, forcing Jared to look at him. “No. Jared, no. Jensen want Jared. Want touch. Kiss. Please … “ He leaned in and pressed their lips together gently. “Never think not want. Never. You are so good.”

“I’d rather die than hurt you,” Jared breathed into the other man’s mouth.

“I know.” Jensen kissed him again, slow and deep and loving. “Make happy.”

Jared smiled. “You make me happy, too.”

He sucked in air and tamped back the overwrought emotions floating between them. “Jensen. Don’t you want to know who you are?”

“What if I not a prince?” His eyes darkened. “What if Jeff right? No curse. Just sickness. They take me away. Drugs. Sleep all the time. Like death. Witch wins. Be Beast always.”

Jared looked deep into scared green eyes. “Whether or not you are one of the Ackles, you are still a prince. You’re my prince. Handsome and brave, who blew into my life to show me what … how it should be.”

Jensen looked at him slightly puzzled. Jared knew he was barely making sense, was spouting nonsense a five-year-old girl would be ashamed of. Could imagine what Jeff would say about all this whimsy. And he didn’t care. He had two things to do. Help Jensen find his past. And find himself a witch. Not necessarily in that order.



Misha peered over Jared’s shoulder and stared hard at the image on the monitor. “Holy shit. That’s … Jensen.”

It had taken three days for Jensen to agree to let Jared speak about this with Misha. “Yeah. I think so. I mean, he’s younger. But … “ Slowly, Jared was trying to get Jensen to accept this possibility about his past.

“That face. Hard to miss, Jay.”

Jared’s finger swept across the small image. “Yeah.”

Misha moved back around to the other side of the desk and sank into the old side chair. “Talk about your Cinderella story.”

Jared laughed. “More like the Prince and the Pauper. Only … well, there’s only one of him. I hope.”

“What’s Jensen saying about all this? Does he remember being Texas royalty?”

“No. He … won’t look at any photos. He doesn’t … keeps saying it’s not him. It’s like a part of him doesn’t want to know. Like he’s afraid.”

“Jeff still doesn’t know you’ve located Jensen?”

Jared swiped his hair, leg bouncing and knocking against the bottom of the too-small desk. “No. And I hate lying to him. He suspects something’s up. He’s too good a cop not to. More than that. He’s a friend.”

The bell rang indicating someone at the door. Misha stood to head to the front. “It’ll be okay.”

Jared nodded, also standing. “Gonna walk Elvis and Buddy.”

He’d just made it to the dog park and released their newest charges when Jensen approached him silently. Didn’t surprise him. Jensen had a way of just appearing. The ubiquitous hoodie jacket was in place. But he also wore a coat over it … one argument won by Jared. The coat was huge on Jensen because it was one of Jared’s old ones. Jensen refused to let Jared buy him a new one. Insisted that the work he put in at the shelter was volunteer and that Jared owed him nothing. Jared knew that Jensen felt a great deal of guilt still about Belle’s mother and the other cats that he hadn’t been able to save. The shelter work seemed to help assuage this somewhat.

But Jared had needed to tamp down his temper on several occasions since Jensen had reappeared. Including every evening when his spare bedroom sat empty. Jensen wouldn’t sleep there. Would just disappear into the night saying his usual I be fine.

Jared acknowledged Jensen silently and set about distributing the breakfast food he’d brought with him in his usual manner. There were a few regulars in this park. An older African-American man missing some teeth. The apples didn’t work for him. Jared had found some soft breakfast bars. They got soft and mushy with saliva and worked well for him. It was early and the man was just getting up.

“Tall Guy!”

“Hey Hank. How are you doing this morning?”

“Everythin’ hurts, but what else is new?”

Jared smiled weakly and handed the small paper sack to the man as he sat upright on the bench. Inside was a small container of orange juice, a take-out coffee, and two cereal bars. Hank immediately went for the coffee, using the warmth to fight the morning chill. His breath fogged in front of him as he inhaled a sip. Jensen had been a few steps back but now slowly came forward.

“Cold,” Jensen uttered almost as if he were questioning this.

Jared fingered his wool scarf and thought it certainly was cold. It was only early November and yet felt like winter was already upon them. He was about to take it off and wrap it around Jensen’s neck when Jensen reached inside his oversized coat and pulled out a plaid throw blanket. It was small but thick and while obviously used it looked clean. He handed the blanket to Hank.

Hank hesitated. “Don’t you need it? Cold these nights.”

Jensen shrugged. “Have new coat.”

“Well. Alright then.” Hank took the blanket and Jared quickly helped the older man wrap it around his shoulders. “Thanks,” Hank said just as Jensen started to walk away.

Jensen said nothing.

“Wait.” Jared stood quickly and tried to stop Jensen from leaving. He leaned in so they weren’t overhead. “Come over tonight. Don’t sleep outside. It’s too cold.”

Jensen tilted his hooded head to Jared’s ear. “Beast fine. Jared too good. I come help in shelter later.”

Jared mumbled, “You aren’t a beast” as Jensen disappeared back into the city’s grip.

He turned back and looked to see what the dogs were up to. They were frolicking together. Another smaller dog had joined them. Jared sighed and pulled out his own coffee cup from a second paper sack. Hank patted the bench next to him.

“That boy can take of himself.”

Jared looked into the Hank’s weathered face with surprise. “I … know that.” Jared wavered before proceeding. “How long have you known him?”

He didn’t know if the other man would answer. Usually any questions about Jensen were met with resistance. Jared didn’t know if this need to protect privacy stretched between all in the homeless community or was somehow unique to Jensen.

Hank’s deep voice broke the silence. “ ’Bout five years now. First saw the Beast over by the Chinatown Bridge. Well, heard him first. Someone was getting a tad too close and that just wasn’t happening. Like I said, can take care of himself. Boy likes to shrink into himself. But when he stretches out he’s almost as big as you. Scares most.” Hank chuckled. “Not me though.”

Jared startled at this, eyes opening wide. “He didn’t scare you? How come?”

Hank’s brown eyes softened. “Shouldn’t be so surprised. Doesn’t scare you neither.”

They both sipped their coffee. Hank broke into the first of the cereal bars, gumming it until it softened. Crumbs fell on the blanket and Jared resisted the urge to brush them off. He shuddered slightly as the wind picked up. He played again with his scarf mad at himself for forgetting to give it to Jensen before he disappeared. “You know, don’t you?” he asked the man next to him.

“Know what?” Hank got out between swallows.

“That he’s not a beast.”

Hank stiffened slightly. “Why you ask so many questions about that boy?”

Because he’s out here when I’m safe and warm in my bed. Because I miss him like a permanent ache. Because he’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. “ ’S nothing. I’m sorry. Just seen him around and wondered what his story was.”

Hank considered him for a long time. Jared knew he had to get back to the shelter. He’d been gone longer than he’d intended. His ass felt frozen to the bench. How could Hank have slept out here all night?

“Tall Guy. You’re all right. Take care of dogs and cats. The Beast though. He’s a whole other kind of animal.” Jared started to object but Hank kept going. “Yeah. I know. I know, okay. Got the face of an angel. But angels are warriors. Fierce when they need to be. Just don’t forget that.”

“I don’t. I’ve seen it.”

Neither said anything further as Hank finished up both bars and downed the orange juice. Jared stood and took the empty wrappers and containers to the nearby trash bin and then whistled for the dogs. After a few steps toward the exit Jared stopped and returned to Hank, touching his arm through the blanket. “Keep an eye on him?”

“Always do.”

With a final nod Jared walked Buddy and Elvis back to the shelter.



“Whatcha find out?”

“Hello to you, too, Jay.”

Jared frowned into the phone. “I’m sorry. Hi Jeff. I just … Did you reach Ackles, Inc.?”

“I did. Got transferred around six days till Sunday. Finally they put me through to their Legal Department. Was told a lot of wannabe heirs have popped up over the years but nobody has been legit.”

Jared’s frustration crested again. Jared had told Jeff that Jensen was back in touch, helping at the shelter. But Jeff also knew that Jensen was still resisting discovering his past and without Jensen’s cooperation, proving that he was the real Jensen Ackles would be impossible.

“I emailed the photos. They agree that there is ‘some resemblance.’”

“But they saw the photo? It’s him, man, anyone with eyes can see this.” Jared fought the urge to pummel something. “Now what?”

“Jared. Jensen has to want this. We can’t … if he wants his life back, we can get him an attorney to represent him. We need to prove his identity with a DNA test. Then the courts can reestablish his status.”

“Status?”

“As alive, Jared. I told you … right now … Jensen is dead.”

Jared hated whenever Jeff said that even though he knew what he meant. “Okay. I … okay.” He sighed. Jeff was doing his best for no other reason than he was a good man. “Thanks Jeff.”

“Yeah. Hey, weather folks are saying a storm’s coming. Better stock up. Pizza won’t be delivering.”

Jared chuckled. “Uh-oh. Can see the headline now. Man found starved in his apartment because delivery services were curtailed.”

“Last I looked you had beer and ketchup in your refrigerator.”

“I shopped since then.”

“Dog food’s for dogs, Jay.”

“Sadie will share in a pinch.”

“Ugh. On that note I really gotta go. Call me if you talk some sense into your prince.”

His prince? Jared wondered if Joel’s whimsy was rubbing off on all of them.



Jared filed away Jeff’s weather warning without too much thought. Weathermen rarely got things right. And even if it was really nippy it was still early November. Too early for snow.

Too bad nobody told Mother Nature.

Jared was the last to leave the shelter that evening. Alison left just after noon because she was working as a teaching assistant for a computer class at the university. It was cloudy when she left, the air cool and slightly damp, sky glowing pink. She yelled back to Jared and Misha as she pulled the door behind her, “Smells like snow.”

They had a medical emergency in the back that Alona was attending to and Jared barely heard Alison because his attention was on processing the paperwork for that. The shelter provided emergency treatment on occasion. Mostly Alona did spaying and neutering on a volunteer basis. Sometimes things got hairier. A little while ago someone brought in a dog that had been in a car accident. Not hit by a car - the little dog was in the car. Luckily, he only broke his leg and Alona just needed to splint it.

The dog’s shaken owner lived near the shelter. Barely had enough money for food let alone an emergency vet bill. Jared already had a reputation for never turning anyone away. He left Misha out front and went back to assist Alona.

Alona smiled shyly as the dog’s owner thanked her effusively. The little guy would be fine and running around like normal within a month. Jared packed up the medication and as many dog food samples he could gather and the woman disappeared just as the first flake fell. Jared never even noticed it.

By mid-afternoon Alona left. The snow was starting to stick. A thin layer painted the sidewalk. Misha manned the front but nobody came in. Jared was in the back office working on fundraising. This was a huge part of his job. Keeping their rag-tag shelter going took a surprisingly large amount of money. That meant grants and donations. It required a constant tapping of their meager donor base. Jared tried to be creative. Find new hooks, new ways to ask for the same thing. New ways to touch people’s hearts and wallets.

Misha called out to him. “Jay. I’m going. Starting to come down hard. Don’t stay too late, okay?”

Jared was updating their latest mailing list and cross checking it with a database he’d come across from a nonprofit trade organization that helped rank potential donors by frequency of giving.

“Yeah. I won’t.”

Jared really didn’t hear Misha.

Nearly three hours later his back felt like it had been set in cement. The noise he made standing up was barely human. He washed out his coffee cup and gave the animals a final check, changing water and leaving some treats. Sadie wagged her tale as she waited. He felt a tinge of regret for all the animals that couldn’t go home with him, but knew it was impossible to afford more than one dog at present. Every dime the shelter took in was plowed back into it. Jared drew a salary but it was just survival money. No luxuries (or multiple pets) allowed.

Coat and beanie on, he leashed Sadie before opening the door. Snow that had been piled against it plopped into the waiting room.

“Whoa! Sadie, when did this happen?”

Damn, he’d better shovel a little for the pedestrians before he left. Given how hard the flakes were falling it would be an exercise in futility, but Jared prided himself on the clinic’s reputation as a good neighbor on the shabby block. He wrapped Sadie’s leash around the doorknob and tried cracking his back as he walked to the back to get the old plastic shovel.

Jared really meant to only clear a footpath in front of the clinic, but since the next two storefronts were empty he kept going. It was a wet, heavy snow and the shovel was meant for someone a head shorter, so Jared felt like he was going to be permanently hunchbacked when he finally tucked the shovel back inside and pulled Sadie’s leash free.

Sadie barked once before jumping into the snow next to Jared’s crooked path, her belly leaving an oval indent. When Jared huffed a laugh at her prancing he felt his face crack with the cold. Pulling back the top of his glove, he touched the back of one hand to his cheek and the temperature difference stung. He’d bet his face was a brilliant shade of red. He felt a quick burning in his lungs as he sucked in a frigid breath.

Jared began the trudge to his apartment. The wet flakes struck his eyes in nasty little flicks and tangled in his lashes, then dripped onto his cheeks. Icy cold. He squinted against the pelting. A blizzard. And it wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet. He decided he really needed to pay more attention to the environmentalists’ alarms over climate change. Although global warming. Not so much today. He raised his collar and pulled Sadie’s leash when she squatted to pee, pressing herself near the side of a building.

“C’mon girl. Let’s get home.”

It wasn’t a long walk. He lived only a few blocks away. Took about three times longer than normal. He’d never been as happy to see the crumbling front stoop of his building. The old brownstone probably had been a very respectable home once, a very long time ago. Now it was divided into five apartments. He stopped inside the tiled front lobby entry and looked back at what he had just slogged through. All he could see was white. Like someone had erased the world.

His footprints and Sadie’s paw- and belly-prints were already vanishing. Sadie shook herself and flakes scattered all over the small front vestibule. Jared looked down at himself. He looked like the abominable snowman. Sadie whined at him plaintively and tugged toward the narrow stairs. “Yeah. I know. Wanna warm up on your blanket, eh?”

Jared stared out at the blankness one last time, the chill that seized his heart matching the cold of his limbs as he made his way slowly up the stairs, leaving a trail of melting snow.

He quickly stripped off his soaked clothes and donned a soft pair of sweats and a tee-shirt. Wind was slicing through the poorly fitting window frames, giving the apartment a chilly edge, so Jared pulled an old flannel shirt over the tee. Sadie followed him into the kitchen and he fed her before heating himself some canned soup. Even though it had been hours since he’d last eaten, every swallow felt like a chore. He gave up after his fourth spoonful, pushed it away, and walked to the window in the hopes of seeing that the weather had eased.

Not that he had a great view but his attic-level apartment was high enough to see over a few blocks. While the angled eaves of the roofline necessitated ducking his head to see the full sky, Jared had appreciated that he could get a view of more than another building’s brick wall. When he’d taken the apartment he found the feature charming. Only tonight there was no sky. Just a pale, featureless slate that shimmered as if caught in a river current. He nudged the window open and the freezing wind lashed his chest. It burned harsh and unforgiving through the fabric of his two shirts. He lowered his face and the bitter air stroked his cheek like the edge of a blade. He let his face burn for as long as he could stand it, then pulled back into the warmth of the room.

How many people had no warm place to retreat tonight?

And Jared felt guilty that he could only care about one of them being safe.

The slam as he clamped the window shut shook the small space. Jared’s eyes were tearing from the cold except it didn’t stop even when his face was warm again. This was just not acceptable. He couldn’t … wouldn’t live with this. He wanted to scream. To rage. To fucking roar. Instead, he walked silently into his bedroom to rummage for his boots. Sadie looked up curiously from the snug spot on her blanket in the corner. Jared read her thoughts.

“I know, girl. But he’s out there.”

He pulled his warmest parka out of the closet. Started to put it on, then decided to stuff it in a plastic bag instead, and put back on the sodden jacket he’d worn for the trek home from the clinic. He paused upon feeling its dampness and layered a hoodie underneath it. Sadie uttered a soft cry as she followed him toward the door. He leaned down to give her a quick squeeze. “I’m going to bring him home.”

The snow cut sideways, whipping mercilessly around him. He kept his eyes as small slits and pounded forward. The force of walking against the wind made Jared keep his head down, except for darting glances down each alley he passed. Jared had asked Jensen once if he’d ever stayed in a city shelter. He’d gotten a derisive look in return and the words not safe.

Jared knew his odds of finding Jensen in this mother of all storms was pretty slim. In fact, he had only one place to look. Hank’s words from the other day were the only clue he had, when Hank had said he’d first met Jensen under the Chinatown Bridge. During the weeks when Jared had been looking for Jensen he’d passed by that way. Wasn’t far from the shelter. He hadn’t ever seen Jensen, but found a few folks who’d set up temporary shelter within the wide eaves in the bridge’s underbelly who’d nodded in wary acknowledgment when Jared had asked if they’d seen Jensen around.

His hand clutching the bag with the parka was numb. He guessed he was harboring some idea of making Jensen put it on over the older jacket Jared had given him a couple weeks ago. As usual, Jensen had tried to refuse. But Jared had won that battle.

One, two cars crept cautiously down streets that normally pulsed with traffic. For all that this was a city of nearly a million people, right now it could have been the Apocalypse and Jared the last man surviving. But not for much longer.

He started shouting as soon as he detected the vague shape of the structure ahead of him. A faintly darker blot in the whited-out world. “Jensen!” His voice disappeared into the swirl. He could hardly sense his legs, had long ago stopped feeling his feet. Everything had passed beyond being merely cold to icy burn. The huge stone structure of the bridge’s under-path grew closer in his blurred vision. “Jensen!”

A speck of dark marked a nook within the massive concrete base. Close to the bridge the brutality of the wind abated a little, and Jared finally felt like he could catch his breath. Although the deep inhalation instantly set off a fit of coughing that caused him to double over. He’d been holding himself so rigidly against the whipping wind that the act of bending made his back muscles cramp. His thighs ached from their shroud of cold, wet denim. He was miserable.

He’d only been out for thirty, forty minutes…

A figure wrapped in a blanket peered out at him, Jared could read the hesitation to stay or flee. Too short to be Jensen. But maybe … Jared lurched his frozen body closer to the shape as non-threateningly as he could.

“Have you seen the Beast?” The person stared at him. “Please. I only want to help. Have you seen him?”

No response, as if Jared’s words had not been spoken.

Dammit. He passed the nook and worked his way deeper into the concrete and steel underbelly. More figures were huddled behind makeshift shelters dotting the drifts of snow. Tin corrugated sheets created lean-to walls which flanked the cement crevices. He’d seen these the last time he was here but hadn’t really paid attention. Tonight the shock of seeing these feeble defenses against the frigid air crawled under his skin like an army of ants.

“Jensen!” he shouted again.

“Tall Guy.”

Jared turned abruptly at the soft cry. “Sharon?” He’d met her before when looking for Jensen. She spent nicer days in the park. Usually she and Hank were near each other. Not quite friends. It was impossible to form true relationships under these circumstances. But he knew they looked out for one another.

“Where’s Hank?” Jared asked worriedly.

“Pine Street Shelter,” she answered, voice husky. Sharon was an alcoholic. Whisky had roughened her voice to sandpaper. Jared hoped she hadn’t been drinking now. Lowering her body temperature was the last thing she needed in this storm.

“How come you’re not there?”

“Tried. Couldn’t make it. Beast got me here. ‘S okay. Got some kerosene heaters. We’ll be fine.” She continued to eye him curiously. He pulled down his soaked hood.

“You’ve seen him? Where is he?”

“Findin’ others. Usual spots too open, too wet. I tol’ him to leave it. Folks stupid enough not to help themselves. Tol’ him to leave me, too.” This last was said defensively although Jared hadn’t said anything.

She turned abruptly and went back into her small shelter of tin. Jared saw another body huddled inside, wrapped in a blanket. Except … No. That wasn’t a blanket. The person was wrapped in a familiar coat. Jared’s heart pounded uncontrollably. He shoved through the makeshift doorway. “Where’d you get that?!”

Sharon stared at him, mouth dropping. Jared had never raised his voice around anyone before. “Tall Guy. Janet didn’t steal it. She don’ steal. Beast give it to her. Janet, tell him.”

A tiny, quivering voice rode the cold air. “He gave it to me. Said to take it. Didn’t steal it.”

Jared couldn’t speak. He could barely breathe. Jensen was out there without a coat. That was beyond dangerous. That meant he could … He turned back to the raging storm with impotent grief. He took a few steps out of the sheltering structure. Immediately the icy pelting stole his breath.

Which way should he go? Which way would Jensen be?

Jared stumbled away from the bridge, letting the gusts direct him in a jagged path. He had no idea of time, his brain was as frozen as his body. Every so often he would lift his head and call Jensen’s name against the snow, but no matter how loudly he tried to force his voice the blizzard swallowed the word.

He couldn’t move, something was against him … Oh. With detached numbness Jared realized he was sprawled full-length in a drift. He recoiled from the bite of the snow against his body, but as he pushed himself up snow seeped down the wrists of his gloves and up his sleeves. So cold it seared. Upright he took a step and tripped over the trash bag at his feet. Parka. For Jensen. Near impossible to pick up with fingers that he couldn’t feel when he moved them.

He had to get out of the wind for a moment. Go back to the bridge? He spun his body back in the direction he thought he’d come from.

One clear thought. This is madness.

Keep moving. Jared shuffled forward a few steps. Couldn’t even pick his feet up now.

A figure was slowly laboring toward him, head down against the punishing gusts. Jared tried stumbling toward it.

“Jensen!” he tried to yell, his heart hammering as the man looked up and stopped. “Jensen,” he let out again in a small huff, overwhelming relief locking him in place.

Jensen was buried beneath layers of snow. The hoodie covered his head, a scarf swathed his neck and face. He was wrapped in something, maybe a blanket. It, too, was dripping with melting snowflakes. Jared’s legs had stopped functioning. Frozen glass eyes stared at Jared like they were viewing a mirage, and a hand snaked out to grab the front of Jared coat. “What do you do?”

It took Jared a moment to catch up. Jensen was here. Standing. Not dead of hypothermia. Here. And pissed off.

“I was looking for you. Oh my god, Jen, I found you. Well you found me. Jesus … I’m too cold to think. Come home with me. Please.”

Jensen pulled the blanket in closer, put his hand back inside the covering. “Sharon said you look for me. Beast fine. Stay here.”

Jared was too numb to get mad. He just was not going to let Jensen stay here and freeze. “It’s a freakin’ blizzard. You can’t … I can’t … “ He lunged onto Jensen hard and damn if anything was going to make him let go.

Jensen stiffened in his grasp. Jared just held on tighter and knew he was shaking like a blender was turned on beneath his coat but he couldn’t help himself. “Pl-ease,” he stuttered too low to be heard. Jensen tried again to pull away. Jared leaned down, reaching inside Jensen’s scarf to touch Jensen’s face but stopping before his frosted gloves could chill the stubbled cheek “I won’t go home while you’re out here.”

Jensen heard that. Immediately he started shaking his head in disagreement. But Jared held firm. Jensen raised his voice, “Jared. No. You must go home.”

“Only if you come with me.”

The air flickered and Jared wondered how it could be lightning in a blizzard.

A car horn made both of them jump.

“Jared! You’re an idiot!” An SUV pulled up beside them. The door swung open. “Get in. Both of you. What are you, nuts?”

Without a doubt, Jared thought, as he heard Jeff’s voice. Relief flooded through him. He turned to Jensen. “He’ll take us to my apartment. Nowhere else.”

“You go with him. I can walk. Meet you there. Promise, Jared.”

Jared believed that Jensen would come. He didn’t think he’d break a promise. But. He’d promised once before not to leave Jared. And yet he’d run away. Not that any of this mattered. There was no way he was going into a warm car while Jensen stood freezing. “You know I can’t,” he said simply.

The horn blasted again. They stood staring at each other several moments. Jensen growled low in obvious frustration. “Jared too good,” he bit out suddenly before taking a step toward Jeff’s car. Jared tried to force his frozen face into a smile. He opened the back door for Jensen and waited until he was inside before shutting it behind him. He climbed into the seat next to Jeff, pulling his door shut against the horrible storm, the bag with the coat falling between his legs.

“About damn time,” Jeff grumbled with a quick eye in the rear view mirror at Jensen and a long sideways glance at Jared.

Go to Chapter 11
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