I had a weekend of dizzying highs and depressing, frustrating lows at the Fetish Fair Flea market. In general, I had a great time, and it was good to see everybody that I did
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From someone who knows very little about the others involved and only knows as much as your post tells me about the events, it sounds as if she's saying these things to get attention / remain bitter. If it was truly such a horrid experience she would've avoided anything to do with BDSM once you where out of the picture and the "reality" of the matter hit her. Her claims could be for the greater purpose of the information ideally getting back to you in continued attempts to hurt you. Especially if she's heard that your current existence is one fairly happy one. In which case had you confronted her about it she would've "won" this little ploy. This isn't to say the complete opposite couldn't be true, but from your description she doesn't seem that fragile.
I need hardly tell you this, but girls don't make any sense.
It doesn't seem unreasonable to me that a girl could be traumatized by something, but encounter it somewhat differently later and not be traumatized by it, or even be interested by it.
It doesn't seem like that's what's going on here, though. This sounds rather more like secondhand news getting mangled ("Do you know what he did to her?!"), and other people's reactions going to a "victim"'s head ("You're right, he did abuse me...")-- or, for that matter, given that it was years later, I'd say it's entirely possible that she had crafted a revised memory of what actually happened in order to allow herself to feel better about it.
That sounds rightsallowsiseraryFebruary 2 2007, 20:40:10 UTC
The most likely thing is that she wasn't able to honestly perceive herself and probably still isn't, so any reactions she had at the time or now are just her attempt at making up theories to explain what is probably a very confused jumble of emotions within herself. If she acted cruelly and irrationally, and throws blame around like it's freebie fun day at the frisbee fair, well, you need more interaction with her like you need an asshole on your elbow. girls can be silly. She fucked with your feelings? well, first, are you giving her too much credit? If you aren't, and she did intentionally hurt you, giving any more attention to the situation just gives her power. She is cruel. Don't let yourself have any guilt. There was bad communication, and it was all you had to respond to at the time. Clearly she's not out there wishing you good things, so you don't need her in your life. She wasn't smart enough to understand herself, so how could she have understood you? she couldn't, so she was angry at a confused idea of you. Set aside her
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Re: That sounds rightsanguine_sageFebruary 2 2007, 21:45:19 UTC
You are absolutely right, of course. Seeing her again for the first time in a very long time combined with finding out that she had so deliberately and maliciously hurt both her best friend and me provoked a visceral and lingering reaction from me. I'll get over it.
Even if you deserve the guilt, it was earned by a you of a long time ago. Glean whatever lessons you need from it, then forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. Sometimes we hurt people. As long as you have learned what you needed to so you can make different mistakes next time, you don't deserve to be punished anymore. Unless you want more reasons to be hurt. But they're pretty easy to find. Why not switch it up every once oin a while. You are kind. believe it.
Wow. Dude, take some responsibility for your actions. Show some character. Everyone makes mistakes. You're compounding the problem by denying it. If you think this woman is faking her trauma to get to you... get over yourself. If you can't understand how she could be traumatized by an incident and still have an interest in some aspects of that incident... why would you understand? How can you expect to understand someone else's head when you haven't talked to her in years? Speculation is fine, but to base your actions on it is ridiculous. If you want peace on this matter, talk to the source. Stop listening to the rumor mill. If you can't accept what the source says, that's your issue. The incident happened, and it went badly. Someone got hurt. You won't grow by ignoring it, re-directing blame, or making excuses. You will grow by accepting your mistakes, and taking reasonable steps to make peace with the people you've hurt along the way.
Well, typically I wouldn't bother attempting to justify myself to somebody who doesn't even bother to leave their name, but on the off chance that your misconceptions are shared by anybody else, I'll take the time to tell you why you're wrong
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Comments 8
Keep on rockin'
~T
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It doesn't seem unreasonable to me that a girl could be traumatized by something, but encounter it somewhat differently later and not be traumatized by it, or even be interested by it.
It doesn't seem like that's what's going on here, though. This sounds rather more like secondhand news getting mangled ("Do you know what he did to her?!"), and other people's reactions going to a "victim"'s head ("You're right, he did abuse me...")-- or, for that matter, given that it was years later, I'd say it's entirely possible that she had crafted a revised memory of what actually happened in order to allow herself to feel better about it.
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But the guilt I do have, I deserve.
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