(no subject)
I keep looking at websites for universities, at their visual arts programs. And part of me thinks it would be interesting and exciting to study. But part of me also feels like I'm a big fat fake, not an artist, and as such I wouldn't be able to deal with studying art in university.
I don't know. I've been assuming I'd do art since probably grade 9, maybe even earlier. (I mean, my earliest assumption when I was little was that I'd be a singer, but I kinda gave up on that after I actually tried singing in front of people.) But I'm not sure how much of that is because I want to do it, or I can do it, and how much is just because I've been complimented enough to assume I should do it. I've gotten awards for art, including highest mark every year so far. People have told me that I'm really good at it. I was even nominated for "Next Van Gogh" when I was an (I thought) unknown grade nine.
But does that mean anything really? I can draw pretty pictures, sure, but that doesn't make me an artist. Some people are able to just...create. And it is sometimes beautiful, and sometimes not, but it means something. I don't know if anything I make means anything. I can sometimes think up symbolism, but if I'm thinking about what it means, does that still make me an artist? Shouldn't I be able to just put my emotions on paper and canvas without thinking? I've always wondered about the creative process with other people. Do people think about the messages they put in their work, or does it just happen to be meaningful?
I don't even do that much art when I'm not taking the class. Some people sketch every day, while I tend to only sketch if I have an assignment. For the universities I've looked at so far, you need to submit a portfolio to apply for the visual arts program. I don't know if I have anything I'd really want to submit; I've got four paintings at the moment, all of which I did for assignments (one for my history class, but since it was just a copy of a photo, it's not really that important), my two folders (which are just drawings of things I like), and two actual sketchbooks (which pretty much only have my assigned weekly sketches), and then various little doodles, but they're mostly just cartoons. I do have a year to keep drawing and painting and stuff, but still.
I do love art though. Is that worth anything?