(no subject)

[sanoken]

Title: Marigold
Pairing: Grimmjow/Izuru
Warnings: AU timeline based shortly after the current manga storyline- spoilers for everything that has happened and some things that haven't!
Rating: M
Half-credit to yashy



The crate in the corner probably had bedclothes and spare pillows in it.

That was Izuru’s guess. During his short time in the Fourth Company, he had placed his own fair share of orders for new sheets and unpacked just as many boxes. Being as those sheets were used for hospital beds, they usually ended up stained in blood and other various bodily fluids, and there was only so much a washing could do.

So before he left, they could make up something for Grimmjow to sleep in. It might not be the most comfortable, but it would probably be much better than what he’d had in the cell.

There was a strange clarity to his thoughts, even as a hot puff of air against his throat set every nerve on edge. Izuru closed his eyes for a moment, taking a long breath to steady himself.

“Grimmjow,” he said, laying his hands on his shoulders.

There was a distinct pause, but Grimmjow lifted his head, meeting his eyes.

Izuru hesitated for a moment, then lifted a hand, tracing the tips of his fingers over the bone plating on Grimmjow’s jaw. He took in a quick breath, and Izuru almost stopped- but he was only watching his hand curiously.

“I really need to go,” he tried, watching his face. “It’ll be morning soon.”

“You can wait a few more minutes,” he said, turning his face to ghost his mouth over Izuru’s waiting fingertips. “Right?”

He took a moment to shiver, then pushed up a little on his elbows, trying to sit up. “Not really,” he said patiently. “They’ll know you’re gone in just a few hours. If I’m not back, then-”

“Then you’ll be suspect,” Grimmjow finished. “Right?”

Izuru just nodded. There was a building feeling of unease in the back of his mind, and he couldn’t quite pin down where it was coming from. There was no accusation in Grimmjow’s eyes- in fact, he was pulling back, giving Izuru room to get up.

He got to his feet, then went over to the crate. The lid was already half off, so all he had to do was push it. There were sheets inside, just like he had suspected. Izuru started pulling them out, setting them down on the floor next to him.

“What’re you doing?” Grimmjow’s voice came from much closer than he had expected- he was standing right behind him.

“These are spare bedclothes,” Izuru said, managing to keep a calm in his voice that was fast deserting him. “There’s no reason you should have to sleep on the floor.”

“Oh.” Grimmjow moved over to the quickly-growing pile of sheets, leaning down to inspect them. “That’s good, I guess.”

He reached the bottom of the crate and pulled out a few small pillows. Good enough. Putting them aside, Izuru turned to the sheets and started straightening them out. Every move he made, Grimmjow followed- sometimes directly behind him- and it made the process much longer than it would have been otherwise. Their hips bumped. Sometimes he leaned down over his shoulder to see, and Izuru ended up elbowing him in the stomach. On at least one occasion, someone stepped on someone’s foot.

It felt like it took forever, but finally Izuru took a step back- nearly tripping over Grimmjow in the process- and felt like what he was looking at was a suitable bed. At least for now.

“So that’s for me?”

Izuru nodded, unable to squelch a little bit of pride for his work. “It’s not fancy, but hopefully it’ll be better than the cot you had.”

Grimmjow nodded, taking a few steps around the bundle of sheets. A moment of silence passed, then he looked up at him again, hands resting in the slits of his hakama. “You should go,” he said seriously. “Don’t put your neck on the line for me.”

Izuru wasn’t sure why he hesitated. But he just knelt down, fixing the fold of some of the blankets.

“I mean it.” Grimmjow stepped up next to him, and for the first time Izuru noticed he was barefoot. “You did enough. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I know that.” Izuru picked himself up, then busied himself with brushing invisible dust off the front of his hakama.

“Then why haven’t you gone yet?”

He stared down at the makeshift bed. There were no more blankets to fix, and his hakama were clean. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to look up.

“I can’t… just leave you here,” he said finally, voice halting.

“What? There something wrong with this place?” Grimmjow spread his hands, taking an exaggerated look around. “The Soul Society police gonna bust down the door the second you walk out?”

“No!” Izuru protested, lifting his head before he thought. “It’s not that, it’s just-”

A hand caught his chin, and Grimmjow had tugged him a few steps over the floor before Izuru had managed to finish the sentence. “Then there’s no reason for you t’ feel like you gotta stay,” he said sharply, eyes on his. “I’m fine. I don’t need no babysitter, especially one who’s putting his head on the chopping block to be here.”

“Maybe you don’t need me,” Izuru said, becoming more and more aware of that sinking feeling- it was something he knew, something he could almost grasp. “But I- I need to be here. I need to know that you’re okay, that-” And there he struggled, biting the inside of his cheek, losing his words.

“That what?” Grimmjow pressed, thumb on his chin, forehead touching his.

“I…” Izuru swallowed. His throat was dry. Something in his chest hurt.

“You need something.” His eyes were hard, but his voice was low, cloaking him in something almost understanding. Almost gentle. “Tell me what it is.”

“All I know is it has something to do with you,” he said, and all it took was the words passing his lips for him to realize that it was the truth.

Grimmjow just looked at him for a moment, and then Izuru felt his hand on the small of his back, pulling him closer. He caught himself on his shoulders just as Grimmjow leaned down, tightening his grip on his waist.

“It had better,” he growled.

Izuru only had the time to catch his breath before Grimmjow crushed his mouth to his, kissing him fiercely. He didn’t resist- in fact, he found himself pressing up against his chest, arms sliding loosely around his shoulders. Grimmjow held him tightly around the waist, teeth dragging a little against his lip, nipping and tugging at the delicate skin until he wrung a tiny sound out of him.

“Grimmjow,” he said against his mouth, feeling his breath hitch in his throat. “We should- we should talk about this.”

“I’m done talkin’,” he said, hand firm on his back, eyes heavy and dark. “Words ain’t gonna cut it for what I wanna say.”

Izuru took a deep breath, flattening his hands momentarily against Grimmjow’s back. It didn’t take a genius to see what he meant, or where this was going. His heart was in his throat. There were shivers going down his spine.

It wasn’t such a big thing. People did it every day. Just because the last time he had done it had been with someone who had nearly destroyed him, that didn’t mean anything about this time.

He couldn’t let Captain Ichimaru’s memory overshadow the rest of his life.

“This is a bad idea,” he said softly, searching his eyes.

“You can still stop me,” Grimmjow said, and his face was serious, even solemn.

Izuru lifted a hand and laid it against his cheek, fingers tracing idly over the hard edge of his jaw. Grimmjow just watched him, holding him tightly to his chest, shoulders rising and falling visibly with each breath.

He could stop him. It was his choice.

He pulled a little at Grimmjow’s shoulders and pushed up, catching his mouth firmly. Grimmjow let out a little sigh, wrapping one arm around his waist and pulling him flush to his chest. Izuru had just started to relax again when he leaned abruptly to the side, free arm snaking under his knees and lifting him clean off the ground.

Izuru couldn’t suppress a moment of unreasonable pride when he felt how comfortable the makeshift bed was under his back. He’d certainly slept in a lot worse. Grimmjow flopped down next to him, and for a moment they both looked at the ceiling, quiet.

He took a deep breath.

He hadn’t even exhaled all the way before Grimmjow moved over him, a hand on either side of his head, straddling his thighs. Izuru reached up almost automatically, placing a hand on either shoulder, meeting his eyes.

“You still sure?” Grimmjow leaned down, bumping his nose into his cheek.

Izuru closed his eyes for a moment, a shiver running down his spine, letting the last few reservations hold on a moment more before pushing them aside.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I’m sure.”

For the second time he could remember, Grimmjow smiled. It was genuine, almost hesitant- like he wasn’t quite sure how. It was endearing in its own way, and Izuru couldn’t help but smile back. In turn, he couldn’t really help reaching up to pull him down, touching a soft kiss to his mouth.

Grimmjow’s eyes searched his for a moment, and then he kissed him back- firm, even hard, a soft breath huffing against his mouth. He slid his arms around his shoulders, just hanging on loosely. Grimmjow was braced on his knees and his elbows, but the reality was that his full weight was only scant centimeters away. His body heat was prickling along Izuru’s skin, curling over his nerves and pulling out tiny shudders.

He was so close, but they were barely touching at all.

Grimmjow nipped sharply at his lip, drawing out a gasp, and then his mouth was heavy over his jaw, one hand flattening on his shoulder. Izuru found his fingers working restlessly over his shoulders, his heart beating so hard it ached. A long kiss settled over the heartbeat in his throat, and he took in a deep breath, trying to settle himself.

“You weren’t scared before,” Grimmjow said against his throat, fingers plucking at the sleeves of his haori. “Why are you now?”

“I’m not scared,” he said softly, eyes focusing somewhere on the ceiling. “I’m nervous.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” Grimmjow pulled the haori open, tugging it up out of his hakama in one swift jerk.

Izuru shook his head a little, shrugging his shoulders to let it slide off. “No. I don’t think so.”

He just grunted in reply, evidently more interested in the skin he had bared. Izuru watched his face, more than aware of how his chest was moving, up and down- it made it obvious just how unsteady each breath was becoming. Grimmjow laid a hand on his side, eyes flicking up to meet his, and then teeth closed sharply on an exposed nipple.

It was a sudden jolt of pain, and Izuru jumped, unable to hold back a tiny yelp. Grimmjow looked up at him again, but made no move to pull away. Instead, he opened his jaw a little until it was just the ends of his teeth worrying against the tender skin, little huffs of breath sending prickles down his spine. Grimmjow kept eye contact, then quirked an eyebrow and flicked the tip of his tongue between his teeth. He shuddered, closing his eyes for a moment.

“You like that,” Grimmjow whispered, pulling back, his lips curling in a tiny smile.

Izuru swallowed, taking a moment to let the shivers calm before opening his eyes. “I, um,” he managed, looking down at him. “…Yeah.”

He grinned, widely enough that the bone over his jaw twitched, then ducked his head and bit suddenly at the other nipple before taking it in his teeth and sucking hard. Izuru gasped, fingers digging into Grimmjow’s shoulder, eyes squeezing shut for a moment- that only encouraged him, and he didn’t pull away until he was out of breath.

There was a fluttering in his stomach, and it was making it hard to breathe.

He went to sit up, but Grimmjow caught him halfway, sliding an arm around his waist and kissing him hard. Izuru flattened his hand on his back, unable to swallow a low sigh, then wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him up against him before he let himself hesitate.

Grimmjow caught his breath against his mouth, shifting a little against him. Izuru pulled back a little, looking over his face. He was just a little flushed, jaw hanging as he breathed. He laid his hands on his cheeks, smoothing his thumbs lightly over the skin- smoother than he would have expected. Grimmjow snapped a little at his fingers, almost teasing.

“Hey,” Izuru protested weakly.

Grimmjow just laughed. It was a rough, throaty sound, and Izuru found himself leaning closer, almost without thinking. “Relax, I’m not gonna hurt ya,” he said, eyes crinkling just a little at the edges.

“I’m not afraid of you,” he said, a little surprised at the strength in his own voice. “I know you won’t.”

Grimmjow looked pleased, then pulled back, hands laying lightly on his sides. “You should lay down,” he suggested. There was a little tenseness in his jaw, almost as though he were expecting a negative reaction.

He laid a hand on his cheek for a moment, looking over his face. Grimmjow leaned a little into his hand. For a moment, he wanted to ask why he was uncertain, where the sudden hesitation was coming from in someone that filled with so much bravado- but instead he just nodded, easing down onto his back.

There would be time enough for that later.

Grimmjow relaxed a little when he moved, and the hands on his sides went immediately to the knot of his hakama. Izuru watched him work at it, swallowing back the lump that was forming in his throat. His fingers made quick work of the white belt, casting the two ends aside carelessly in favor of pulling down the pants themselves.

Izuru was aware that his ears were turning red. It wasn’t as though there were anything particularly interesting to look at on the ceiling, but that was where he focused his eyes. Grimmjow’s hands fell to his hips, and he shivered at the touch, the cool air just intensifying the tremor.

“You cold?” Izuru could feel Grimmjow’s eyes on him. He kept his gaze fixed resolutely on the ceiling.

“I’m okay,” he managed, lips twitching in a tiny, sheepish smile. “It’s just- a little cold in here, that’s all.”

“Oh.” Grimmjow’s hands flattened on his hips, then moved down his thighs, the palms rubbing lightly over the skin, as though trying to warm him. His thumbs dragged to the insides of his thighs, and Izuru’s hips jerked suddenly- it was just a startle reaction, but he could just feel Grimmjow grinning, and the flush on his cheeks was extending down his neck. Teeth snapped lightly at his hipbone, and he shuddered, heels shifting against the floor in an attempt to hold still.

“You’re getting hard,” Grimmjow said, and Izuru bit down hard on the inside of his cheek when he folded one hand between his legs and stroked his fingertips lightly against the sides of the shaft. “That’s good.”

“Mmph,” Izuru replied, not allowing himself to open his mouth while those fingers worked almost curiously over the swelling skin. Every time Grimmjow moved his hand, his hips jumped, prickles dancing over the skin. With every stroke of his fingertips, his grip was growing more and more secure, until Grimmjow had just taken Izuru into his hand and was working him with full, rough strokes.

Izuru lifted a hand, grabbing onto Grimmjow’s bicep. It felt like it had been forever. Grimmjow pushed up onto his knees, leaning over him, moving unavoidably into his field of vision, and Izuru was almost able to glance aside before he took hold of his chin with his free hand.

“What’s wrong?” Grimmjow’s eyes were a little heavy, searching his. “No good?”

“N-no, it’s-” Izuru caught his breath hard, lifting his other hand and grabbing onto his shoulders. He couldn’t manage any more than that- not when their eyes were locked, when Grimmjow could see every twitch in his cheek and tense of his jaw and watch every tiny gasp for air.

“It’s okay?” Grimmjow prodded. He was still stroking his fingers over him, every few moments squeezing a little.

“…Yeah,” he said, a little surprised at how his voice cracked. His legs were shaking, something tightening in his stomach. “It’s-” What he had meant to say, whatever nonsense it was, strangled in his throat and came out as a whimpering sigh. He couldn’t take much more of this.

Grimmjow kissed him lightly, even softly, but his hand was working over him relentlessly, barely giving him a moment to breathe. Izuru held tightly to his shoulders, every muscle in his legs starting to tense, breath coming in huffing gasps against his mouth. Izuru’s lips formed the shape of Grimmjow’s name, unable to put more sound to it than a stuttering moan.

He was going to come. He was going to come. He was going to-

A moment later- one desperate, soul-burning moment later- Izuru slumped back, eyes half-closed, gulping in air like he had been drowning. His hands ached a little, and he uncurled his fingers from Grimmjow’s shoulders, smoothing his palms down his back in apology for the marks he was certain he’d left on him.

“That was good?” Grimmjow grinned at him, looking pleased. Izuru managed a nod and a smile, leaving his hands on his back. That was apparently answer enough, and Grimmjow leaned down to kiss him again, more firmly this time. Izuru squeezed his shoulders a little, letting his eyes fall closed.

He was aware that Grimmjow’s free hand was fumbling at the knot of his own belt, but it was easier to just focus on the hot mouth on his, the muscles tensing and flexing under his hands. It wasn’t like the thought bothered him- in fact, when the edge of the belt fell open over his thigh, he shivered, breath catching in his throat. He couldn’t look. He was afraid to look. But he wanted to look.

“I’m takin’ these off,” Grimmjow said against his mouth. Izuru nodded a little, daring to open his eyes halfway, letting them track down over his chest, to his hip, to-

“You like what you see?”

Izuru flushed, catching his breath. “Um.” He could feel Grimmjow smile just a little against his cheek. Izuru flattened his hands against his back, trying to pull him down a little more. He met resistance and looked up, puzzled.

Grimmjow’s eyes met his, steady, searching. “Tell me how to do this,” he said firmly.

For a moment, he just looked at him, uncomprehending. “You…”

“What?” He looked impatient.

“You’ve done this before,” Izuru prodded. It wasn’t exactly a question, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t expect an answer.

Maybe he was imagining it, but Grimmjow’s cheeks darkened, if only slightly. “I- well, yeah!” he blustered, face tensing a little into a scowl. “I- I just- well- not like this, that’s all.”

For a moment, he considered asking for clarification. But Grimmjow was frowning more and more by the second, and instead he just moved a hand to touch his cheek, stroking his fingertips over the bone plate, soothing. “Okay. Just- just do what you want, Grimmjow. That’s all you need to know.”

Grimmjow shook his head stubbornly. “No. I do it wrong and I’m gonna hurt you.”

“Grimmjow-”

“No,” he said again, brow creasing, eyes flashing. “I ain’t gonna do this t’ hurt you, I’m not- I’m not him.”

Izuru left his hand on his cheek, stroking the skin lightly, suddenly acutely aware of the tiny amount of uncertainty in Grimmjow’s eyes. Who the nebulous ‘him’ was, there was no need to ask- while each of them would have given a different name, the differences were negligible to none.

“I trust you,” he said instead. “I’m not ‘him’, either.”

Grimmjow touched his forehead to his briefly, lingering a moment. “Yeah, I know.”

When he pulled him closer this time, Grimmjow didn’t resist. Izuru wrapped his arms around his back, squeezing him briefly, then pulled his feet up a little over the sheets, bending his knees and pressing the inside of his thighs lightly to his hips. It was okay- it wasn’t as if he didn’t know how to do this. Just because he hadn’t been anywhere near being the lead in a long time didn’t mean he had forgotten how.

Grimmjow braced over him, eyes heavy, the heat of his skin radiating against his. “It’s okay?” he prodded. “Just like this?”

“It’s okay,” he said softly, shifting a little on the makeshift bed and pulling his legs up as much as he could without making it too uncomfortable. “Just… take your time, okay?”

Grimmjow laughed a little, a hand smoothing down his thigh. “I… yeah. Yeah, I know.” For a moment he just pressed down against him, skin to skin, and Izuru could feel his heart beating- almost as fast as his own. He looked uncertain. He was hesitating. Izuru opened his mouth to repeat his reassurance, then paused.

Just like turning on a light, his face had relaxed and his eyes had hardened in resolve. Grimmjow lifted the hand from his thigh, taking two fingers between his teeth and sucking at them swiftly before pulling them back out. The hand moved back down his leg, fingertips leaving wet trails over the skin, then stopped at the inside of his thigh.

Grimmjow hesitated. Izuru just kept his eyes on his face, smiling just a little, encouraging.

He pushed one finger inside of him in one rough, swift jerk- it stung, but it was over quickly. Izuru let out a long breath through his teeth, forcing himself to relax bit by bit.

“Okay?” Grimmjow prodded. His voice was tight.

Izuru just nodded a little, breathing shallowly. “I’m used to it hurting,” he said without thinking. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not gonna hurt,” Grimmjow muttered, but he pushed in the second finger just as quickly as the first. Izuru jerked, digging his fingers a little into his shoulder, shifting his hips until the stinging eased. Grimmjow’s eyes were locked on his face, and he took in one slow breath before moving his fingers a little, the tips curling inside him.

Izuru watched his face, concentrating on breathing steadily. It wasn’t really working, and when Grimmjow twisted his wrist and forced his fingers open a little, he couldn’t swallow past the knot in his throat. His hips were starting to jerk a little with each movement of Grimmjow’s fingers, and he could see the tiny smile growing on his face.

Then Grimmjow pulled his hand back, and he sagged just a little, feeling empty and anxious and so many things he didn’t have words for. He didn’t look away from him, and for a moment Grimmjow just fumbled for something to hold onto, and then he shifted and pushed and he was inside him.

Izuru took in a sharp, hitching breath, squeezing his eyes shut. It was okay. He could handle this. There were times before that had been so much worse- now, Grimmjow was braced over him, holding stock-still, not budging. Giving him time to relax. Izuru shifted against him, and Grimmjow caught his breath hard against his ear. He waited a moment more, letting out a heavy breath and smoothing a hand over his shoulder, then whispered a barely audible “I’m okay” into his cheek.

Grimmjow moved a little to see his face, breathing hard. Izuru nodded just a little, not letting go of his shoulders. He nodded back, then closed his eyes halfway, bracing a hand on the bed next to him.

Then he started to move- jerky, unsteady, at a slightly uncomfortable angle- but his eyes were screwed shut and he was breathing in sharp gasps, the muscles tensed in his shoulders. Izuru held onto his shoulders, tugging him down against his chest and pulling his knees up as high as he could manage. For a moment, Grimmjow just shifted a little, brow creased, and he waited, keeping his breathing slow.

Grimmjow pulled back a little, then thrust back into him slowly, almost experimentally. Izuru let out a sigh, a shudder sweeping down his back. “There,” he whispered. “You’ve got it.” Grimmjow nodded sharply, then kept moving, hands flattening against the mattress. It took a few tries for him to catch his rhythm, but when he did, it was fast and hard. Almost desperate. And he was breathing in huffing gasps, leaning down to brush his cheek on Izuru’s, yanking sharply at the folded sheets under him.

“Shit,” he said, starting to lose his rhythm, jerking into deeper, harder. “Oh, shit-”

His breath was knotting in his chest. Izuru didn’t let go of his shoulders, trying to keep his eyes on his face- trying to concentrate at all, and losing control thread by thread. He could feel himself pushing back against him, legs tensing, and he moved his hands down Grimmjow’s shoulders to grab onto his biceps. The muscles were hard under his hands, and he could feel the hot puffs of air against his cheek getting faster, irregular.

One hand pulled away from Grimmjow’s bicep, working between their stomachs- Izuru stroked himself hard in a blind attempt to ease the throbbing ache, and Grimmjow ducked his head to catch his mouth in a crushing kiss. He had left any semblance of control behind and was just pounding into him, a throaty growl vibrating against Izuru’s mouth.

It only took a few quick pulls of his hand before Izuru was dissolving into jerks and shakes, his legs tensing and squeezing desperately against Grimmjow’s sides. Grimmjow barely seemed to notice, panting hot against his cheek with his last few frenzied thrusts before he came, letting out a strangled groan inches from his ear.

Izuru didn’t open his eyes for a moment, his chest heaving, his heart beating in his throat. He could feel Grimmjow’s arm trembling under his hand, and he squeezed it a little.

“Are you okay?” Grimmjow’s voice was rough, still hitching from lack of air.

“Yeah.” Izuru forced his eyes open, at least halfway, and managed a little bit of an encouraging smile. “I’m fine.”

Grimmjow just looked at him for a moment, then he smiled back- a tired twitch of the lips, more than anything else, but it was something- and leaned down to brush a light kiss over his mouth before pulling back, flopping down heavily onto his back beside him.

Again, they both stared at the ceiling. Izuru was more than aware that it was going to take him a few minutes to even think of words, and so he just let himself breathe, relaxing already-sore muscles and trying to slow his heart down.

“At least stay until I’m asleep, all right?”

Izuru turned his head a little to the side. Grimmjow was looking at him, eyes heavy.

“Of course,” he said, smiling a little more than before.

“Then get yourself outta here and think up your alibi.” Grimmjow stretched, then favored him with a little bit of a grin before curling up easily in the sheets. “Who else is gonna feed me?”

“Right,” he agreed, not knowing what else to say.

It took minutes- or less- for Grimmjow’s breathing to fall into a shallow, regular pattern. For all Izuru could tell, he was sleeping comfortably. On some level, that comforted him.

It felt like hours before he was able to get up, gather his clothes and get them back on. Grimmjow continued to sleep, face relaxed, sheets wound around his legs. Izuru knelt down briefly, adjusting the sheets around him, and let his eyes linger for a moment on his face. Then the reiatsu suppressor around his neck.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he said softly.

Grimmjow snored, and he smiled.