Home is a lost concept now.

[sans_identity]

Listening to The Wall is certainly helpful. It's nice to have mood music as you slowly build one of your own

Comments

[kudzzuu]

It seems to me like you're now proposing that you do the very thing you are criticizing Cameron for considering doing.

[sans_identity]

I've always been able to stand on my own two feet, with or without Cameron. The difference between Cameron and I is that he has never been alone long enough to figure out how to do that. And even now, as he's attempting to "stand on his own two feet" he's looking for someone else to lean on, or at least, put his penis into.

I'm sick of standing up. I'm sick of being strong. I'm sick of it. It makes it easier for people like you to slap me in the face.

[scottydid]

I wish you both the best with this whole thing. I hope it begins to get solved in a healthier and more constructive way because what I see is nothing close to that. Everyone deserves some kind of happiness. I hope you start to act like you are on your own two feet also... You do seem to be proposing what you have been criticizing Cameron for, maybe you should think about that, you also have DONE things that you criticized Cameron and that is not the best start to this process. Sorry, but I am also tired of hearing these sexual comments about Cameron, that is between you two if anybody.

I honestly have no idea what to say to either one of you anymore, I must not understand the entirety of what is going on. I wish you both the best of luck, again.

Peace,
Scott

[sans_identity]

Wow Scott. Thanks for your amazing words of wisdom. I am fully entitled to do ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ANYTHING AT THIS POINT. I have not proposed to get better. I have proposed to make myself worse, and that is what I'm doing. Cameron is proposing to make himself better yet lo-and-behold he's doing the same shit as he's always been doing.

If you're tired of hearing about it, then don't say anything, or don't go on our livejournals. I'm going to say how I feel and what I think, and if you or anybody else doesn't like it, you can all go fuck yourselves. You or anybody else doesn't have to talk to me either. I'd be very happy to have another reason to hang myself.

Thank you SO MUCH.
-Megan

[kudzzuu]

Well obviously you're entitled to do anything, since you have autonomy and all that as a human being over the age of 18.. and I don't assume you're proposing to rob banks or whatever.. but what you pointed out about you deciding to make yourself worse, that's what I'm talking about. You're proposing to do what you are accusing Cameron of doing - that is, making himself worse. You just don't have the element of claiming that you're making yourself better, which I suppose makes a big difference to you. I don't think it's a good idea for either one of you to make yourselves worse, though, especially not deliberately, and I hope you decide against that. I feel like I've tried pretty hard to be there for you and be reasonably objective but also sympathetic, but I guess it didn't come off that way to you, so sorry it wasn't good enough. I kind of resent being accused of slapping you in the face, though, because I don't feel like I did anything of the sort.. But anyway.. like I said, I hope you decide against deliberately doing more

[kudzzuu]

Also, if you don't hate me as much as you're making it seem like you do, we could, y'know, hang out over break. I'm home till the 21st of January, except for a week in Mexico right after Christmas. Merry Christmas, also, and happy new year.

[scottydid]

It is good you recognize all that, I hope you find the courage and means to fix it all. Good luck with life and all it has to offer through it's obstacles. Take care of yourself and it is almost too bad you are ending things like this. I hope you begin to understand what everyone is trying to tell you, you do not need to be unhappy. Take care and and best of luck.

Peace,
Scott

[sans_identity]

I don't mean to end our friendship here, yet I will no longer trouble you with my problems, and the stupid shit that goes on inside my head. I will no longer attempt to gain your understanding. However, if you ever need me, or need to talk, I'm still here.

Sorry I seem so irrational and insane. I'm saying and doing and feeling a whole lot of confusing things right now, and I go one day feeling extremely constructive and happy, and the next in the lowest of the low. I'm sorry you caught me on probably the worst day I've gone through yet. I guess I just wished you had been a little bit kinder, more perceptive, and more empathetic. But hey, what I've learned from all this is that people never seem to follow through on what they claim to do for you. So, whatever. I guess it's just something else I'll have to accept.

Love,
Megan

[najy]

this is your journal, and you should feel free to rant.

I'm just popping by to let you know that I went through MANY similar emotions, and I took many out in my journal. I reserve no judgment for you.

I'm really sorry for it all.
Love is a mess.

[sans_identity]

Thanks for that Najva. I do feel judged from all sides. I have made the decision in this situation to say exactly what I feel, to make my emotions known. If people have problems with that then they clearly don't understand who I am, and what I believe in.

Love really is suicide.