(no subject)
-additional/the original ending-
Few days later I’m still in the hospital Nino had brought me to after he had found me. After I had woken up for the second time Nino, who had been there the whole time, told me everything that had happened. How he had seen Jun somewhere with someone, how he had gotten a bad feeling, how he had come to check up on me and how he had found me from the floor lying in the middle of my own vomit looking dead.
When he was telling me all that I felt so shameful of myself that I can probably never put it into words. I have always despised people who can’t stand up for themselves, who just go with the flow but here I am. Doing the exact same thing. And I even dragged others into my own mess.
How pathetic.
Maybe I’m better than those others though, I try to convince myself. At least I’m now trying to solve everything and that’s why I’m standing on the balcony of my hospital room waiting for you to arrive. During these few days I have been thinking our relationship, thinking about what I want, thinking about everything. And now I feel like I have found the solution.
At least that’s what I said to Nino when I asked him to call you and tell I wanted to talk.
“Sho?” an unsure voice calls for me from behind. I don’t turn to look at you, just continue staring into nothingness partly because on some level I’m afraid that looking at you will make me change the decision I’ve made.
“Sho, are you okay? Nino said you wanted to talk.”
“I’m fine, but it certainly isn’t thanks to you.”
“Sho, I’m sorry…”
“No, look. I don’t want your apologies. They’re not going to change anything that happened. All I wanted to say is that I’ll be released in few days. And when that happens… I want my house to be empty when I arrive. I don’t want to see you or your stuff there.”
A heavy silence surrounds us.
“But… If you seriously want to, not because you want to make me happy or because you feel obligated or anything else like that, but because you want it... I am willing to give you a second chance. I'm not going to be your toy anymore, I won’t submit into being something you can toss aside when you feel like it and if something like this happens again that’s it. No more chances, the ultimate end.”
“Sho…”
“So what do you say? Do you want to start over with me?”
“Are you serious?”
“Do you seriously think I’d be joking about something like this?”
“Well no… Of course I want a second chance. I want to try again and not screw this time. Not just because I’d want to make you happy but because I want to make you happy and be happy myself.”
Strong arms encircle themselves around me and I sigh deeply.
“Thank you, Sho.” You whisper to my ear voice quivering.
“Don’t thank me now, nothing’s certain yet.”
That’s true, nothing’s certain yet. I have no idea if this is the right decision to make but I want to try. I still love him after all.
Time will show us what we become and we need to work hard so everything will turn out okay.
I smile and place a hand to your arm.
We’re going to be alright.
This is my line. ♫