A dozen miles of water
Consider this an exchange across sub-populations of the fandom! There are brilliant writers in every language and so I thought I'd share a piece of it. (Over the years, I've been fortunate enough to pick up some non-English languages. Not wholly, but sufficient for me to dare to venture out.)
......
The weights tied to your ankles; Jinki/Taemin, Jinki/Jonghyun; PG
note: I'm just the interpreter; loosely translated from an excerpt taken from Antonia's work, with generous permission to do as I see fit in English. I kinda ventured back into my own writing style but she's nice enough to still approve. Thank you, love <3
I remember we were in Spain.
The City of Counts. Beautiful Barcelona.
Kibum-hyung had a fashion show that he wanted to get to, so I took you to the beach.
It wasn’t far from our hotel.
The tide was going out; plenty of sunshine, white stars - like sprinkles on a cupcake - lazily winking among the waves.
You loved it so much, transfixed by the very sight of that wide, wide expanse.
And me, I stood a few yards behind you, shielding my eyes with my hand.
I was breathing you in, breathing in the scent of this reprieve.
Lost in thought, and in wonder too.
But when I looked back at where you should have been, you weren’t there.
I panicked.
Like a madman I half-ran half-threw myself toward that spot where you’d been standing - where are you? where are you? - and before I knew it I was in past knee-deep.
I'd been ready to dive straight into the sea when I finally caught sight of something: a smudge of copper out of the corner of my eyes, your hair. And then the heartbeat that hadn’t come ever since I’d lost sight of you lurched against my ribcage. Fighting the heaviness of the water, I waded over to your side. And I watched you. The waves were breaking themselves against your face and yet it was as if you couldn’t feel. Couldn’t feel them. Anything, anything at all.
You were stretched out, lying there, almost entirely submerged, and yet you looked absolutely serene.
So for a moment, I was calm too.
For a moment, I thought: actually, if the both of us just left like this, the world would still go on. Everything would be just fine…right?
But then I squatted down next to you anyway.
And I fished you out of the water, cradling you to my chest.
Hyung…
Your eyes were still closed but you gripped my hand in return, knitting our fingers together.
Hey.
And everything went out of focus.
Hey, don’t cry. Tae, come on, it’s okay.
It felt so strange, hearing those words of comfort from your mouth. Even though I'd heard them before.
Don’t be scared.
…I just wanted to try it, you know?
The seawater was bitter on my tongue, astringent.
I just wanted to see what would happen, in that moment when the water washes over my face, who would I think of.
It burned itself into my gums, my lips, my flesh.
But it’s okay, really.
It’s okay.
In the end it wasn’t all him.
I brushed the water from your cheeks as best as I could manage with my wet hands, but I had nothing in my power to help the tears that poured down my face.
Sometimes-
Sometimes I would think-
Lee Jinki, only if you weren’t Onew.
How much better you could have had it.
.
......
The weights tied to your ankles; Jinki/Taemin, Jinki/Jonghyun; PG
note: I'm just the interpreter; loosely translated from an excerpt taken from Antonia's work, with generous permission to do as I see fit in English. I kinda ventured back into my own writing style but she's nice enough to still approve. Thank you, love <3
I remember we were in Spain.
The City of Counts. Beautiful Barcelona.
Kibum-hyung had a fashion show that he wanted to get to, so I took you to the beach.
It wasn’t far from our hotel.
The tide was going out; plenty of sunshine, white stars - like sprinkles on a cupcake - lazily winking among the waves.
You loved it so much, transfixed by the very sight of that wide, wide expanse.
And me, I stood a few yards behind you, shielding my eyes with my hand.
I was breathing you in, breathing in the scent of this reprieve.
Lost in thought, and in wonder too.
But when I looked back at where you should have been, you weren’t there.
I panicked.
Like a madman I half-ran half-threw myself toward that spot where you’d been standing - where are you? where are you? - and before I knew it I was in past knee-deep.
I'd been ready to dive straight into the sea when I finally caught sight of something: a smudge of copper out of the corner of my eyes, your hair. And then the heartbeat that hadn’t come ever since I’d lost sight of you lurched against my ribcage. Fighting the heaviness of the water, I waded over to your side. And I watched you. The waves were breaking themselves against your face and yet it was as if you couldn’t feel. Couldn’t feel them. Anything, anything at all.
You were stretched out, lying there, almost entirely submerged, and yet you looked absolutely serene.
So for a moment, I was calm too.
For a moment, I thought: actually, if the both of us just left like this, the world would still go on. Everything would be just fine…right?
But then I squatted down next to you anyway.
And I fished you out of the water, cradling you to my chest.
Hyung…
Your eyes were still closed but you gripped my hand in return, knitting our fingers together.
Hey.
And everything went out of focus.
Hey, don’t cry. Tae, come on, it’s okay.
It felt so strange, hearing those words of comfort from your mouth. Even though I'd heard them before.
Don’t be scared.
…I just wanted to try it, you know?
The seawater was bitter on my tongue, astringent.
I just wanted to see what would happen, in that moment when the water washes over my face, who would I think of.
It burned itself into my gums, my lips, my flesh.
But it’s okay, really.
It’s okay.
In the end it wasn’t all him.
I brushed the water from your cheeks as best as I could manage with my wet hands, but I had nothing in my power to help the tears that poured down my face.
Sometimes-
Sometimes I would think-
Lee Jinki, only if you weren’t Onew.
How much better you could have had it.
.