more B. A. van der Kolk

[santakiko]

"Ordinarily memories of particular events are remembered as stores that change over time and that do not evoke intense emotions and sensations. In contrast, in PTSD the past is relived with an immediate sensory and emotional intensity that makes victims feel as if the event were occurring all over again. The "Grant Study," a longitudinal study of

Comments

[that]

It sounds like confirmation of things you already know, but confirmation from a good source is a very good thing. I remember back when we were just beginning to correspond, you wrote, "The body, it all comes back to the body."

Over the years, I think your writing on your journey back to safety has become less obtuse. Although I love your literary gift, I think the increasing directness is healthy.

Zilla has some PTSD characteristics, as she'd tell you herself: excessive vigilance that distorted her perception, fear of intimacy. I loved her anyway and never expected her to be what she couldn't. I still don't blame her, though all my friends do. (It's natural for friends to take your side.) But I know her better than anyone and I could see that it hurt her more than anyone.

Which is a digression. You're nothing like her. She's probably more borderline, which you definitely are not, being a loyal friend and true, not the least bit fickle

[vozeatscake]

I'm forcing myself to take a more direct approach because I think it's giving me a perspective I wouldn't come to naturally. It's not my normal state of thinking/being/processing at all

[that]

"The facts are good." "...throw a little self-blame away." That's it in a nutshell. I had the same epiphany, learning about the physiology of depression. One counselor told me to think of it like diabetes; that helped.

I used to process my depression, before I knew it had a name, only through my creative work. One reason I resisted medical help was that I was afraid of losing that source. Now that seems so misguided. I feel like I'm freed up to write about other things.