JON WALKER - A FRAUD?
for the giggles and the lulz:
Me "oh jon. the way you broke my heart was so sexual."
Derreck: haha sadly i am actually laughing
Derreck: as that sounds very stupid but lovely at the same time
Derreck: its like supposed to be read all tragically
Me: AHAH
Me: if i'm ever really really writers' blockd, i'll use that line.
Derreck: and then Jon is like "BRENDON YOUR MONEYLESSNESS AND YOUR EFFORTLESS MAKES ME FEEL SEXUAL!"
Derreck: then there's an epic cry
Derreck: "WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!"
Me: "JON YOUR HEARTLESSNESS AND YOUR RECIPES FOR CITRUS MUFFINS MAKES MY PANTS HAPPY. OHHH WHYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!:
Me: there's gonna be so many epic verbal fights in this story.
Derreck: with them sounding angry but using words such as "DAMN YOU JON, MY HOTDOG IS BLAZING!"
Me: AHAHAHHAHAHA OH MY GOD I THINK I'D LOSE ALL OF MY SERIOUS READERS.
Derreck: "OMG BRENDON, put.... the f*#king muffin... DOWN" *strikes and pins down on the floor/brendon half choking on the muffin"
Me: "THAT RECIPE WAS A SECRET."
Me: *takes muffin out of brendon's mouth*
Me: YOU DON'T DESERVE THOSE.
Me: YOU SEXUAL WHORE.
Derreck: *brendon chews* "welll..... you know *chews* it just tastes like lemon, baking soda, a dash of cinnamon and a pinch of vanilla to me... oh yes and that sugary joy"
Derreck: "AND LETS NOT FORGET THE DAMN BUTTER" screams JON as he beats brendon over the hade with that butter with the indian ho on the front*
Me: *hits* "SIMPLE OR NOT. IT WAS STILL A SECRET. AND YOU LET IT OUT. NOW YOU HAVE TO LEAVE."
Me: *while jon is stradling brendon on the floor* "oh jon. you're so sexual."
Derreck: *pulls out hotdog wrapper* "Sorry Jon, this will just have to do"
Me: "but. but. that's dirty. you're dirty. this'll never do!"
Me: "you're right. RYAN'S A KINKY MOTHERF*^KER. I'LL CALL HIM INSTEAD."
Derreck: "WAIT WHAT NO... um...... all we need is this bun and your hotdog... WITHOUT a wrapper"
Me: "NO JON. THAT'S IT. I'M LEAVING. NO WONDER THOSE SLASH WRITERS MAKE ME HAVE SEX WITH RYAN MORE THAN THEY DO WITH YOU."
Derreck: *epic cry* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!
Me: "BECAUSE RYAN'S HOTTER THAN YOU."
Derreck: *holds out massive mustard container* "I got mustard" *pouty face*
Derreck: "and you know, mustard is the sexiest condiment in the world"
Derreck: "YOU CANT HIDE WHATS INSIDE"
Me: "ryan has a whole CONDIMENT SHELF. BEAT THAT."
Me: "ALL YOU HAVE IS YOUR MUSTARD AND HOTDOG WRAPPERS."
Me: "YOU CAN'T HIDE WHAT'S INSIDE....
Me: YOUR PANTS."
Derreck: "well i also have this" pulls out massive eclair super stuffed as brendon's eyes widen*
Me: "....an eclair?!"
Me: "no wonder spencer broke up with you. THAT WAS IN YOUR PANTS WASN'T IT?!"
Derreck: HE WAS A WOMAN ALL ALONG
Derreck: DAMNN
Derreck: *shakes fist* "DAMN YOU JON, SO THIS IS WHAT WAS UP MY ASS ON THOSE COLD NIGHTS?"
Me: "A FUCKING ECLAIR?!"
Me: "NO WONDER SPENCER'S A LESBIAN."
Derreck: *grabs eclair and squishes it* "MAY I ASK WHAT YOUR REAL NAME IS?!"
Me: "MY NAME'S JONATHAN JACOB WALKER AND SO WHAT IF MY PENIS IS A SCRUMPTIOUS ECLAIR?"
Derreck: "JON or should I say JOANNE" *pulls off mask* "OMG PUT IT BACK PUT IT BACK"
Me: "I'VE BEEN FUCKING A WOMAN?! FOR 2 YEARS?!"
Me: *cry* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Derreck: "THAT TOTALLY GOES AGAINST MY GAY POLICY MAN"
Derreck: "HAVE YOU NOT SEEN MY PIN?!" *points to button with daushhound on it saying "I love wieners"*
Me: "BUT YOU'RE *SO* HOT, BRENDON. I COULD NOT RESIST YOUR GHETTO BOO-TAY."
Derreck: "SO YOU STICK A FREAKIN PASTRY UP IT?!"
Me: "THIS WASN'T AN ISSUE BEFORE, MR MAN."
Derreck: "WAIT what are you saying?!"
Me: "i'm saying you didn't object to my pastry penis before. WHAT HAPPENED TO US??!?!"
Derreck: "... well it tasted so delicious I just thought your body system spewed out creme feeling... really it's anyone's mistake" *shrugs*
Me: "WELL YOURS TASTED LIKE SEA WATER. SO YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M MORE DELICIOUS THAN YOU. THAT'S WHY ALL THOSE 14 YEAR OLD GIRLS AT SLASHATTHEDISCO WANT TO LICK ME."
win. yes?