i am in love with bloc party
i had a horrible past two weeks and it's just eradicated all my motivation for school. i skipped two classes last week and i have barely gotten started on homework. i have a four page memoir due tomorrow in english that i have not given any thought to. i've been trying not to think about it because that class has turned into a nightmare- i thought that being in creative nonfiction would be interesting and helpful, but it's turned into dysfunctional therapy. i almost had to wing it out of the room on wednesday when a topic on memoir plotlines disintegrated into a confessional about childhood traumas. everybody's horror stories about brothers with brain tumors and neglectful parents and abuse were pulsating down on me and i kept thinking of my mother's issues and wanted to die. this one girl even plunged into a story about how she lived in maine for some time but she hardly remembers any of it, but she does recall an incident where she was sitting in a car and her mother outside threw a rock at the window and broke it. and then she went on to regale us with details about the child services people who threatened to take her away from her parents. i almost wanted to say, "hey, i have a similar story" except hers sounded awfully like she was raped and blocked it out and everyone was kind of confused as to why she was telling us this heavy shit. she looked completely detached when she was talking, almost like she was dissociating. it was just fucked up and i'm worried the whole semester will be like it. should i start arriving there equipped to hand out leftover prozac? "i come prepared."
also i love history and i love learning about it, but i almost can't stand the three hour class we have every week. i'd almost rather drink turpentine than escort myself against my will to class and suffer there for hours. i keep fantasizing about dropping out of history and english but i don't even know if it's possible at this stage. but when i think about the repercussions this could possibly inflict upon my gpa, i remain stoic. plus what would i do with all the free time, do extra credit logic problems? oh, (i know i'm all over the place in this entry) is anyone else being as harrassed by mr. nobel as i am? he keeps sending me letters congratulating me on my acceptance to the high school honor society. i have the urge to call up one of his associates, and in an extremely offended tone, yell at them that i only attended high school for a semester, so why the hell must you mock me, you cruel sons of bitches? or should i play along, in case this is actually a real honor, so i can commandeer the certificate and psuedo-membership they're promising me?
and as for the cherry to top off this glorious fucking sundae, i waited too long to get a permit for UNH so now i will have to pay the meter every day. i did the math and if i don't drop any classes, it's going to be about a hundred dollars cumulatively. i'm so oblivious that i didn't even think about the fact that my permit only covers me for a single semester and was disillusioned when on thursday i received my first parking ticket ever. it was astoundingly cheap at 10 dollars. i called up my mother immediately while she was at work and cried, "hey mom, guess what? i just lost my virginity. my parking ticket virginity." she nearly had a stroke, so i hastily hung up and did the same thing to my stepfather. luckily his boss was close to him and his embarrassment was sky high but forced into repression. i'm sadistic. i felt like playing the joke on my dad, but didn't because he's a wreck about his sister and he's becoming an ambien junkie because he cannot sleep anymore. he's not really a junkie but i wouldn't even blink twice if he turned into one. it seems like the road most people travel at some point in various forms.
right now school is more of a burden than an asset, and i feel like asking, now what is the point? i'm trying to figure out why i should care when i totally do not. apathy is a bitch. i hope it goes away.
anyone who has seen the movie "seven" has got to watch this trailer. i also just stumbled upon this one and it sounds hysterically funny although i've not one clue as to what is being said, and that only makes it funnier.
also i love history and i love learning about it, but i almost can't stand the three hour class we have every week. i'd almost rather drink turpentine than escort myself against my will to class and suffer there for hours. i keep fantasizing about dropping out of history and english but i don't even know if it's possible at this stage. but when i think about the repercussions this could possibly inflict upon my gpa, i remain stoic. plus what would i do with all the free time, do extra credit logic problems? oh, (i know i'm all over the place in this entry) is anyone else being as harrassed by mr. nobel as i am? he keeps sending me letters congratulating me on my acceptance to the high school honor society. i have the urge to call up one of his associates, and in an extremely offended tone, yell at them that i only attended high school for a semester, so why the hell must you mock me, you cruel sons of bitches? or should i play along, in case this is actually a real honor, so i can commandeer the certificate and psuedo-membership they're promising me?
and as for the cherry to top off this glorious fucking sundae, i waited too long to get a permit for UNH so now i will have to pay the meter every day. i did the math and if i don't drop any classes, it's going to be about a hundred dollars cumulatively. i'm so oblivious that i didn't even think about the fact that my permit only covers me for a single semester and was disillusioned when on thursday i received my first parking ticket ever. it was astoundingly cheap at 10 dollars. i called up my mother immediately while she was at work and cried, "hey mom, guess what? i just lost my virginity. my parking ticket virginity." she nearly had a stroke, so i hastily hung up and did the same thing to my stepfather. luckily his boss was close to him and his embarrassment was sky high but forced into repression. i'm sadistic. i felt like playing the joke on my dad, but didn't because he's a wreck about his sister and he's becoming an ambien junkie because he cannot sleep anymore. he's not really a junkie but i wouldn't even blink twice if he turned into one. it seems like the road most people travel at some point in various forms.
right now school is more of a burden than an asset, and i feel like asking, now what is the point? i'm trying to figure out why i should care when i totally do not. apathy is a bitch. i hope it goes away.
anyone who has seen the movie "seven" has got to watch this trailer. i also just stumbled upon this one and it sounds hysterically funny although i've not one clue as to what is being said, and that only makes it funnier.