get it together
sweet jesus, i am so goddamn sick. i am convinced i must have the avian flu virus or aids or something else catastrophic like.. the stomach flu to be feeling like this. to think that a week ago i could run for almost an hour at 6mph. now, i am sore when i walk up stairs, i have a chronic headache, my stomach is my worst enemy, i've nearly fainted several times, and i've been feeling so dizzy that i haven't been able to walk properly. this has been going on for... two whole days. okay, so it's not like it's been even half a week, and i haven't even puked (though i desperately want to, i need some relief you fuckers) but i feel absolutely shitty and, hypochondriac that i am, this is my nightmare from hell.
since i don't even update more than once a month these days, wait three, and if i still haven't come back, then i am probably just ignoring you. just kidding- i'm still trying to write more, but it's really, really hard when you've been debilitated by a mystery illness that's cruelly sabotaging your internet social life (?). ignore me, i am a little delirious at the moment.
i saw the lestat musical on the twentieth. what timing! the weekend right before it closed. i can't say i discovered what was so fucking atrocious about it, i had a really great time albeit i was a tad distracted by my personal situation- being there with my jerk-off of a travel partner father, and not having eaten for a ridiculous number of hours, i developed an excruciating headache during intermission. even my plans to subsist on three crackers during act i were not sufficient, and that itself was a trying task. i guess he assumed they were adamant about the "no food and drinks" rule, ignoring the junk food around us and the woman in front of me who, when you kept glancing down, was continuously changing the type of candy bag she was eating from. i slyly and masterfully asked my father to remove the crackers from his backpack; he did so, with the backpack cramped under his legs as to shield it from the theatre workers' prying eyes. i thought it would be okay, but then i saw him glance up in trepidation and he whispered,
"there's a policeman!"
"dad, i don't think i'm going to get arrested for eating a fucking cracker," i hissed.
and so i nibbled on the crackers silently, and rediscovered two advils in my purse that were probably about five years old, but i wasn't complaining if they still worked. before act ii, i decided to go to the bathroom so after practically bodyslamming the entire left aisle i was sitting in to get through, i searched for the line. i was waiting and waiting and my headache was very severe and the drugs hadn't kicked in yet. it was the kind of headache that feels as though you've been stabbed by half a dozen butcher knives by several sadists who proceed to twist them around in circles while you are on the brink of agony. i was disoriented from the pain, and that is the only way i can explain what went through my mind next.
i was looking toward my left at the second line they had for another women's bathroom. note that it didn't cross my mind how odd it was to have two women's bathrooms right next to each other. i was contemplating which line was shorter, and then i wondered how i could get into the second line. it was at that moment that i realized i was looking into a mirror.
....
oh yeah, the whole wall was a mirror, and i nearly fucking walked into it so i could get into "the other line." oh my god.
after this little episode, i looked to my right where i knew there were actually real people and that it wasn't a mirror, and i noticed this girl and a little boy. you know how you can tell when someone is noticing you, or just watching you out of the corner of their eye? that's what she was doing to me. i was so paranoid for a second that i called her awful names online and she tracked down my LJ and decided to throw down with me- (and believe me, i'm not above drop kicking some bitch in the face so i can relieve myself and scurry back into a theatre and make it on time)- like some online to real life horror of a twist a la west side story. she really looked like she wanted to come over and say something, but she didn't- i have no idea who she was! maybe she just really had to pee and was going to hurl me into the mirror to take my place in line. i just received these really creepy vibes from her. but then again i was kind of fucked in the head from lack of food and the extensive amount of travelling i'd endured, so who knows.
i don't want to get into what it was like to see part of my father's family after about six or so years of not driving down to see them. in short, it was a grand fucking nightmare. probably the most awkward experience of my life so far- but seeing the show and new york city more than made up for it. the only other negative was when we were by times square and i was approached by an extremely deranged individual. it's a given that everywhere there are people accosting pedestrians and trying to solicit just about anything- i had on my skilled, disinterested face, but one person broke through the facade. she stepped right in my path and looked straight into my eyes, and said crisply, "here you are, have a nice day," as she put a card into my hand and stepped off. i continued to walk and looked down.
it was a scientology invitation for dianetics testing. i almost fell over right there. now i feel as though tom cruise's minions are watching my every move. i am so fucked.
i haven't really pissed and moaned about personal family shit for a while. i went through a phase of being paranoid about who reads this, but i guess i don't care too much since i haven't done anything about it, and nothing i've said is that surprising. one hilarious piece of news is that my sister is pregnant (okay, that's a little depressing) and we all thought she was going to jail for a year- she WAS supposed to, until she got pregnant, and the people in charge didn't want to have to deal with her methadone requirements (she's an ex heroin addict.) so instead, they are putting an ankle bracelet on her and she'll be under house arrest for six months! like martha fucking stewart! i laughed in contempt when i heard; that is going to suck so hard, but i generally don't give a flying fuck as long as i'm not living with her.
as for school, it's still all fucked up and i can't change it. i have to attend a transfer orientation on the 28th even though i'm not a transfer student, and only then can i register for classes. by then i am sure that everything i want will be filled up and i'll have to spend the semester doing equine handling classes with animal care majors or something. such bullshit.
since i don't even update more than once a month these days, wait three, and if i still haven't come back, then i am probably just ignoring you. just kidding- i'm still trying to write more, but it's really, really hard when you've been debilitated by a mystery illness that's cruelly sabotaging your internet social life (?). ignore me, i am a little delirious at the moment.
i saw the lestat musical on the twentieth. what timing! the weekend right before it closed. i can't say i discovered what was so fucking atrocious about it, i had a really great time albeit i was a tad distracted by my personal situation- being there with my jerk-off of a travel partner father, and not having eaten for a ridiculous number of hours, i developed an excruciating headache during intermission. even my plans to subsist on three crackers during act i were not sufficient, and that itself was a trying task. i guess he assumed they were adamant about the "no food and drinks" rule, ignoring the junk food around us and the woman in front of me who, when you kept glancing down, was continuously changing the type of candy bag she was eating from. i slyly and masterfully asked my father to remove the crackers from his backpack; he did so, with the backpack cramped under his legs as to shield it from the theatre workers' prying eyes. i thought it would be okay, but then i saw him glance up in trepidation and he whispered,
"there's a policeman!"
"dad, i don't think i'm going to get arrested for eating a fucking cracker," i hissed.
and so i nibbled on the crackers silently, and rediscovered two advils in my purse that were probably about five years old, but i wasn't complaining if they still worked. before act ii, i decided to go to the bathroom so after practically bodyslamming the entire left aisle i was sitting in to get through, i searched for the line. i was waiting and waiting and my headache was very severe and the drugs hadn't kicked in yet. it was the kind of headache that feels as though you've been stabbed by half a dozen butcher knives by several sadists who proceed to twist them around in circles while you are on the brink of agony. i was disoriented from the pain, and that is the only way i can explain what went through my mind next.
i was looking toward my left at the second line they had for another women's bathroom. note that it didn't cross my mind how odd it was to have two women's bathrooms right next to each other. i was contemplating which line was shorter, and then i wondered how i could get into the second line. it was at that moment that i realized i was looking into a mirror.
....
oh yeah, the whole wall was a mirror, and i nearly fucking walked into it so i could get into "the other line." oh my god.
after this little episode, i looked to my right where i knew there were actually real people and that it wasn't a mirror, and i noticed this girl and a little boy. you know how you can tell when someone is noticing you, or just watching you out of the corner of their eye? that's what she was doing to me. i was so paranoid for a second that i called her awful names online and she tracked down my LJ and decided to throw down with me- (and believe me, i'm not above drop kicking some bitch in the face so i can relieve myself and scurry back into a theatre and make it on time)- like some online to real life horror of a twist a la west side story. she really looked like she wanted to come over and say something, but she didn't- i have no idea who she was! maybe she just really had to pee and was going to hurl me into the mirror to take my place in line. i just received these really creepy vibes from her. but then again i was kind of fucked in the head from lack of food and the extensive amount of travelling i'd endured, so who knows.
i don't want to get into what it was like to see part of my father's family after about six or so years of not driving down to see them. in short, it was a grand fucking nightmare. probably the most awkward experience of my life so far- but seeing the show and new york city more than made up for it. the only other negative was when we were by times square and i was approached by an extremely deranged individual. it's a given that everywhere there are people accosting pedestrians and trying to solicit just about anything- i had on my skilled, disinterested face, but one person broke through the facade. she stepped right in my path and looked straight into my eyes, and said crisply, "here you are, have a nice day," as she put a card into my hand and stepped off. i continued to walk and looked down.
it was a scientology invitation for dianetics testing. i almost fell over right there. now i feel as though tom cruise's minions are watching my every move. i am so fucked.
i haven't really pissed and moaned about personal family shit for a while. i went through a phase of being paranoid about who reads this, but i guess i don't care too much since i haven't done anything about it, and nothing i've said is that surprising. one hilarious piece of news is that my sister is pregnant (okay, that's a little depressing) and we all thought she was going to jail for a year- she WAS supposed to, until she got pregnant, and the people in charge didn't want to have to deal with her methadone requirements (she's an ex heroin addict.) so instead, they are putting an ankle bracelet on her and she'll be under house arrest for six months! like martha fucking stewart! i laughed in contempt when i heard; that is going to suck so hard, but i generally don't give a flying fuck as long as i'm not living with her.
as for school, it's still all fucked up and i can't change it. i have to attend a transfer orientation on the 28th even though i'm not a transfer student, and only then can i register for classes. by then i am sure that everything i want will be filled up and i'll have to spend the semester doing equine handling classes with animal care majors or something. such bullshit.