like you've never been in a fight before, like you've never caused a scene
oh dear me...
today i am pretty ok. its a nice feeling. i know i'm not happy, but i am content just being.
Friday afternoon my mum and sister came to pick me up. I am really proud of Micha because she is starting to get things under control (i think) and is doing it on her own. i know its really hard to have to figure stuff out for yourself; to realize that its all up to you, but she is doing it. she has a strength in her little being that you can't always see, but its there and its taking over. anyhow. they came to get me, i went home and picked up Lloyd and then started to drive to VT. on my way i got pulled over for driving too fast through the "village" aka a general store and a gas station. ARRRRGGG. it didn't look like anything special. i was scared and didn't handle it as well as i could have... he asked if i knew why he had pulled me over and i didn't think i had been speeding, but i assumed that was the only thing it could have been, but i said no... oh well. what ever. i have to pay VT some amount of money which is enormously annoying, but my own damn fault. just annoying that while i was clearly speeding on the highway because i was late, with the intent of speeding, nothing happened and then when i get in trouble while i am driving on a basically empty road looking for a branch off so i can get to Middlebury and thus miss the one "reduce your speed" sign. i'm over it...
Seeing Clara was... indescribably amazing. i miss her so much and didn't realize till i saw her again. i knew i missed her, but not how much. we talked and danced and i met her bf and he is a sweet heart and her roommate is nice and i loved Midd all over again. i am reapplying. in someway it broke my heart that i still loved it so much... i wanted to go there so badly. its making me choke up thinking about it now, so i need to move on.
saturday i drove back. missed my own exit and drove into Boston... smart, i know. got to see my lovely Lily and then went to Talia's surprise party but was late because i hit traffic. dumb. but it was so fun and nice to get to talk to people i had always been aware of but never talked to because i was scared that they would not like me. I found someone who's brain is just as confused as my own, so i could follow her stories and she understood what i was trying to say. nice feeling. then watched a movie with Sophie and Ethan.
sunday Sophie and i drove to maine and went to the ocean and it was amazing and fun and calming and... can't really put words to the day. just immensely pleasant. then went to the l.l. bean in burlington b/c we didn't make it that far into ME. almost died laughing a couple of times... got a cool hat at a store that is going out of business... sad. i actually don't go there often, but i have gotten cons there before and a cool scarf and i am going to be sad when it is gone... then we went to get Ethan. and then we wanted dinner and got sidetracked and i don't think we ever ate... instead we went to diesel cafe and made Tad an AMAZING book for the plane trip to Japan. it took us so long. but its so cool. he was grumpy when we gave it to him, but we got over it. making it was too fun for that to ruin it. then we watched another movie and then went home.
today i took the car for a tire rotation all by myself. i actually got some reading done which is good because i am not doing any now... and then i drove back here... eww. Lloyd is here this week. he will probably just sit here though... idk
i need to decide if i want to go to the W/I shows this week. there is one Thursday night and one Saturday... i need to decided if i dare go on my own... decisions decisions...
life is going on and thats just how its gonna be.
today i am pretty ok. its a nice feeling. i know i'm not happy, but i am content just being.
Friday afternoon my mum and sister came to pick me up. I am really proud of Micha because she is starting to get things under control (i think) and is doing it on her own. i know its really hard to have to figure stuff out for yourself; to realize that its all up to you, but she is doing it. she has a strength in her little being that you can't always see, but its there and its taking over. anyhow. they came to get me, i went home and picked up Lloyd and then started to drive to VT. on my way i got pulled over for driving too fast through the "village" aka a general store and a gas station. ARRRRGGG. it didn't look like anything special. i was scared and didn't handle it as well as i could have... he asked if i knew why he had pulled me over and i didn't think i had been speeding, but i assumed that was the only thing it could have been, but i said no... oh well. what ever. i have to pay VT some amount of money which is enormously annoying, but my own damn fault. just annoying that while i was clearly speeding on the highway because i was late, with the intent of speeding, nothing happened and then when i get in trouble while i am driving on a basically empty road looking for a branch off so i can get to Middlebury and thus miss the one "reduce your speed" sign. i'm over it...
Seeing Clara was... indescribably amazing. i miss her so much and didn't realize till i saw her again. i knew i missed her, but not how much. we talked and danced and i met her bf and he is a sweet heart and her roommate is nice and i loved Midd all over again. i am reapplying. in someway it broke my heart that i still loved it so much... i wanted to go there so badly. its making me choke up thinking about it now, so i need to move on.
saturday i drove back. missed my own exit and drove into Boston... smart, i know. got to see my lovely Lily and then went to Talia's surprise party but was late because i hit traffic. dumb. but it was so fun and nice to get to talk to people i had always been aware of but never talked to because i was scared that they would not like me. I found someone who's brain is just as confused as my own, so i could follow her stories and she understood what i was trying to say. nice feeling. then watched a movie with Sophie and Ethan.
sunday Sophie and i drove to maine and went to the ocean and it was amazing and fun and calming and... can't really put words to the day. just immensely pleasant. then went to the l.l. bean in burlington b/c we didn't make it that far into ME. almost died laughing a couple of times... got a cool hat at a store that is going out of business... sad. i actually don't go there often, but i have gotten cons there before and a cool scarf and i am going to be sad when it is gone... then we went to get Ethan. and then we wanted dinner and got sidetracked and i don't think we ever ate... instead we went to diesel cafe and made Tad an AMAZING book for the plane trip to Japan. it took us so long. but its so cool. he was grumpy when we gave it to him, but we got over it. making it was too fun for that to ruin it. then we watched another movie and then went home.
today i took the car for a tire rotation all by myself. i actually got some reading done which is good because i am not doing any now... and then i drove back here... eww. Lloyd is here this week. he will probably just sit here though... idk
i need to decide if i want to go to the W/I shows this week. there is one Thursday night and one Saturday... i need to decided if i dare go on my own... decisions decisions...
life is going on and thats just how its gonna be.