365 Days of Love Rants
day 27: umbrella
pg
umbrella || 991wc
When I stared at the figure next to me, he seemed that he is in his own inner mind war just like the weather outside; dark clouds shielding the clear sky away from view resulting in the sky out bursting pent-up emotions in what human beings called as tears. The sky out there isn’t far off from the substance of this figure and I should admit I should be included in the list as well.
The torrential rain outside the apartment seems like it will never ceases, and I remember that certain day that my memory personally had a special slot build for it. I met him in front of a grocery shop, few hours before sundown, he was hugging his knee in comfort, and his teeth were chattering in cold, his petite body vibrated with the chilliness. I was walking to the grocery shop with an umbrella protecting me and a PVC raincoat covering my body. Perhaps, it was written by the stars or planned by a power beyond human control had decided our convergences. I remembered the restlessness of my feelings that day, when I was in the shop, my eyes constantly peeks at him thinking perhaps he is waiting for someone to pick him up. And, when my shopping was done, he was still there still the same condition I left him at the start. I offered him to share my umbrella and from that day, our story begins.
~
The story continues as he resides at my apartment having a cheerful banter avoiding the topic relating to his past. All we ever talked about was present and what he desired in the future. He was a perfect companion; he was as if my “wife”, taking care of my financial state and households-related things. It was a perfect life to say the least, I teased him countless time saying that he is my “wife” and he laughed it off hysterically commenting that I should get a real wife one day and should not depend on him.
Life goes on, and the routine continued without fail. But, something changed within him two weeks before; he was lack in life and was a cheerless grate. Our usual banter had subsided to formal greetings. Being an acute man, I concluded that perhaps he was missing his past life and would love to go back where he belong. I was selfish to never asked him why, because deep down a new feeling had blossomed, me being an amateur hadn’t know how to respond and ignored those feeling just like a flower it started to rot without being provided with its nutrients.
My selfishness also killed me; both of us were stubborn, not wanting to be the one who thinks of a resolution. Things got worse, I was away almost all the time and we don’t even see each other’s face anymore, you can call it as a “marriage at the verge of divorce”.
And today, when I went back home, he was no longer there and he left all the belongings I had provided him with. Without a note or any goodbyes muttered between us. I was furious and all I did during that period was slumping myself on the couch and covering my face with my palm ashamed of my act. And when the pitter patter of the raindrops turns louder, there was an ignition, a sudden burst of hope and adrenaline because I was reminded by the day we first met, how both of us had come together, he showed me love and I still yet to find what could I offer him with.
I grabbed the same umbrella I used that day, my instincts kick in, there was this thread telling me that perhaps he wasn’t that far, it was a very peculiar sort of thing. I ran as fast as I could and when I arrived at the place we met, he was there slumped at the same corner in the same attire but his eyes were glistening with tears, his vision had been clouded by the dark clouds. And I did the same thing I did that day, covering him with the umbrella.
~
The rain had quietened down, and the fragments of light appear and the figure next to me stirred from his sleep with his eyes galled in red. I mustered up a smile.
“I’m sorry.”He muttered voice croaky.
“It’s fine.” My fingers played along the tresses of his hair that seems had to grown longer.
“I want to restart.”He said, with determination evident in his slightly higher toned voice.
“But,I need to know the past first.”I retorted.
His past recollection had taken the whole afternoon to be unravelled. To summarise it minus the emotions involved, he ran away from his family and his boyfriend because he couldn’t stand his family’s high expectation and his boyfriend’s abusiveness. The past two weeks, his boyfriend reappeared to the scene and he lives in constant depression and not wanting to burden me with his problems. Once again, I should also be partially being blamed.
“You know maybe you should just go home.”I suggested, it was a relevant thing to do, his parents miss him and he should be with them.
“No, I’ll never go back there.”He left the statement ambiguous and I gazed at him wondering what other turmoil storming in his mind.
“The reason I’m staying is I found love.”He glanced at me, and the rotten feeling that had resided in my heart was slowly growing to a tiny little bud of hope.
I pulled him close by his waist, resting his head on my chest.
“Don’t worry I found love as well.”
You are the umbrella above my head
The cold rain falling above my shoulders in night
The world is in two pieces without you next to me
You can’t be without me
Forever in the rain
- Epik High ft. Younha - Umbrella
pg
umbrella || 991wc
When I stared at the figure next to me, he seemed that he is in his own inner mind war just like the weather outside; dark clouds shielding the clear sky away from view resulting in the sky out bursting pent-up emotions in what human beings called as tears. The sky out there isn’t far off from the substance of this figure and I should admit I should be included in the list as well.
The torrential rain outside the apartment seems like it will never ceases, and I remember that certain day that my memory personally had a special slot build for it. I met him in front of a grocery shop, few hours before sundown, he was hugging his knee in comfort, and his teeth were chattering in cold, his petite body vibrated with the chilliness. I was walking to the grocery shop with an umbrella protecting me and a PVC raincoat covering my body. Perhaps, it was written by the stars or planned by a power beyond human control had decided our convergences. I remembered the restlessness of my feelings that day, when I was in the shop, my eyes constantly peeks at him thinking perhaps he is waiting for someone to pick him up. And, when my shopping was done, he was still there still the same condition I left him at the start. I offered him to share my umbrella and from that day, our story begins.
~
The story continues as he resides at my apartment having a cheerful banter avoiding the topic relating to his past. All we ever talked about was present and what he desired in the future. He was a perfect companion; he was as if my “wife”, taking care of my financial state and households-related things. It was a perfect life to say the least, I teased him countless time saying that he is my “wife” and he laughed it off hysterically commenting that I should get a real wife one day and should not depend on him.
Life goes on, and the routine continued without fail. But, something changed within him two weeks before; he was lack in life and was a cheerless grate. Our usual banter had subsided to formal greetings. Being an acute man, I concluded that perhaps he was missing his past life and would love to go back where he belong. I was selfish to never asked him why, because deep down a new feeling had blossomed, me being an amateur hadn’t know how to respond and ignored those feeling just like a flower it started to rot without being provided with its nutrients.
My selfishness also killed me; both of us were stubborn, not wanting to be the one who thinks of a resolution. Things got worse, I was away almost all the time and we don’t even see each other’s face anymore, you can call it as a “marriage at the verge of divorce”.
And today, when I went back home, he was no longer there and he left all the belongings I had provided him with. Without a note or any goodbyes muttered between us. I was furious and all I did during that period was slumping myself on the couch and covering my face with my palm ashamed of my act. And when the pitter patter of the raindrops turns louder, there was an ignition, a sudden burst of hope and adrenaline because I was reminded by the day we first met, how both of us had come together, he showed me love and I still yet to find what could I offer him with.
I grabbed the same umbrella I used that day, my instincts kick in, there was this thread telling me that perhaps he wasn’t that far, it was a very peculiar sort of thing. I ran as fast as I could and when I arrived at the place we met, he was there slumped at the same corner in the same attire but his eyes were glistening with tears, his vision had been clouded by the dark clouds. And I did the same thing I did that day, covering him with the umbrella.
~
The rain had quietened down, and the fragments of light appear and the figure next to me stirred from his sleep with his eyes galled in red. I mustered up a smile.
“I’m sorry.”He muttered voice croaky.
“It’s fine.” My fingers played along the tresses of his hair that seems had to grown longer.
“I want to restart.”He said, with determination evident in his slightly higher toned voice.
“But,I need to know the past first.”I retorted.
His past recollection had taken the whole afternoon to be unravelled. To summarise it minus the emotions involved, he ran away from his family and his boyfriend because he couldn’t stand his family’s high expectation and his boyfriend’s abusiveness. The past two weeks, his boyfriend reappeared to the scene and he lives in constant depression and not wanting to burden me with his problems. Once again, I should also be partially being blamed.
“You know maybe you should just go home.”I suggested, it was a relevant thing to do, his parents miss him and he should be with them.
“No, I’ll never go back there.”He left the statement ambiguous and I gazed at him wondering what other turmoil storming in his mind.
“The reason I’m staying is I found love.”He glanced at me, and the rotten feeling that had resided in my heart was slowly growing to a tiny little bud of hope.
I pulled him close by his waist, resting his head on my chest.
“Don’t worry I found love as well.”
You are the umbrella above my head
The cold rain falling above my shoulders in night
The world is in two pieces without you next to me
You can’t be without me
Forever in the rain
- Epik High ft. Younha - Umbrella