365 Days of Love Rants
day 38 : shape of my heart
pg
shape of my heart || 1545wc
sequel to: day 34
It was a day before New Year, strolling down the streets with Jonghyun. The streets were heavy with people hustling and bustling, and Jonghyun’s fingers entwined with mine, afraid that I would disappear from his sight. I stared at our converging hand, his were two size larger than my small ones But not as comforting as the hands of Minho with the protruding veins, an echo plunges me back to the world of intricate puzzles involving high-level of thinking to solve it. I unknowingly squeezed Jonghyun’s hand as my old feelings rekindling for my old flame, and I was suppressing it from overflowing. I shook my head; I’m never going down the same road once again. So much for thinking, a walk will clear up those fogs.
“Baby, you’re ok?”Jonghyun asked concern; he was everything that Minho weren’t. Tender and warm. Jonghyun is always careful with his words and actions, knowing when I had a bad day and knows the way to comfort me, strumming his guitar and hums a lullaby to calm me down.
Minho was quite the opposite. He was passive, cold and constantly hiding in his shell when he was troubled. Those pent-up issues had accumulated one by one, stacking neatly deep in our heart, and one day it burst out - it was the end of our relationship. Somehow, I missed that coldness, those affectionate gestures when we were safe in our own sanctuary only the two of us cuddling on the couch.
And, since the day we had come back from vacation, my mind had slowly wandered back to him and the still hanging sentence that had made me perplexed and curious of its ending.
Jonghyun had slipped his hand around my waist and escorted me to a little café, when I was lost in my trance.
~
I rested my book on the crook of my nose, with reading glasses hanging low threatening to fall once the small bell had chimed. I tilted my head upwards, and the scene wasn’t something that I was looking forward to. The man I loved in the arms of another, even if I wanted to avert my gaze, my eyes wouldn’t let me or rather my heart that was in rapture of his presence couldn’t let go.
Since the day we had come back from the vacation, when I had surrendered and gave up on chasing him any further, I busied myself with books, works, basically everything that could take my mind away from him even just for a second. But when my head rested on my pillow, the scent of his shampoo was still lingering on the bed sheet, and I shouted hysterically calling out his name thinking he was still in the apartment. At night sleeping next to a space I came to realise that his name was etched and stamped on my heart ceaselessly.
They took a seat not far from mine, at the corner, fortunately, I could still view him. Somewhat, he wasn’t a curling a smile as if he was pondering with his palm supporting his chin as Jonghyun was checking his cell phone, and removing it seconds later only to placed a kiss on his cheek, and he was startled. They started conversing and I could witness a smile on his lips and I touched my lips as I followed suit. But, when their lips greeted each other that's when the huge brick of regret fell upon my back. It was mine before, but I let it slip away.
~
My eyes were drawn involuntarily to his contorted in concentration face; I could not keep my iris under control. I complied my heart’s desire, I looked, and had an acute pleasure in looking - a poignant pleasure; a pleasure like my parched throat had been swept off by a glass of ice cold water in a summer day.
Most true is it that “beauty is in the eye of the gazer.”His olive-coloured face, square, massive eyebrows, and deep eyes, strong and firm features - I hadn’t intended falling for him once again, but my renewed view on him, the slight change of his poise had made me rethink of it.
~
I could see the changes in Taemin, since that day, to be precise since that night where I had rudely interrupted. He was always deep in thought; I knew I had to give him up even if it aches to see him with another, or rather back with Minho. Don’t worry Minho, he’ll be back in your arms soon. Until then I’ll savour this moments; where he’s in my arms.
~
“Minho, how are you?”Jonghyun greeted happily with his arm tightly wounded around Taemin’s waist. Taemin’s eyes were facing downwards, not wanting to see Minho’s face.
“I’m fine, thank you.”Minho answered coldly stirring his mug of black coffee idle.
“There’s a party at Onew’s apartment, are you invited?”Minho nodded in affirmative.
“So, we shall meet tomorrow then.”Jonghyun patted his back
“ Bye.”Taemin muttered softly.
The couple departed and Minho slumped to his chair, acting wasn’t easy especially in front of the one who had inflicted this pain.
~
The party was uproar of teenage hormones and adrenaline, every inch of the apartment was cramped with Onew’s and Key’s acquaintance that he never saw before, and he wasn’t bothered to ask for their names. So, with much effort he slides off from the sweaty mess of the dance floor and headed to the balcony for a gush of fresh air with a glass of wine.
He sipped the wine, it was sweet, something that he hadn’t tasted for a long time. Sweet like Taemin’s lips. He shook of the image of them making out on the couch in the past, those were the times, where people dubbed as “honeymoon period” of the relationship, love was at its peak duelled with the passion of the coursing young blood. He surrendered to the saccharine liquid as it runs down his parched throat burning, he clutches the metal railing of the balcony, and one by one the tears fell down when the images of them flashes before him. He was a sardonic lament of the bleakness of an unrequited love. Inside, the music were pumping louder, people were cheering to let go of the past, but here he was clinging to it.
~
Jonghyun had his arm around Taemin, and the former strings his limb around Jonghyun’s graceful neck, nuzzling his nose there with eyes shut with their distance between each other removed. It was the slow dance; everybody was paired up and was enjoying the company of their date, melancholically dancing to the song.
“Tae, let’s end it here.”Jonghyun whispered seriously and Taemin retracted from his previous position. Taemin pulled away, the distance between them were added.
“What do you mean?”Taemin enquiries as slowly as possible, even though it was evident he was still in shock.
“We’re over.”The sentence came out harsher than it supposed to be.
“But why?”Taemin was stubborn; he wanted to know the reason.
“You don’t love me, you love Minho.”Jonghyun said keeping his face as calm and composed, scared that he’ll change his mind and Taemin in his embrace a little longer and never want to let him go.
Taemin was stunned and didn’t ask any further. Taemin took few steps back and ran to the balcony letting the news sink in. Jonghyun had read him and knew him better than he knows himself.
“Please be happy with him.”Jonghyun said when the younger had left, his tears were rimming at the side of his eyes, and he thanked the low light from exposing his current condition.
~
Minho looked back when he heard rushed footsteps, only to be met with a crying Taemin.
“Tae, what happened?”He asked uneasy, taking few steps forward when the younger didn’t repel away he moved closer, holding Taemin’s side. The younger clasped his arms around Minho’s waist and rested his tear-stricken face on Minho’s chest dampening his chest.
“I hate you!”Taemin’s shout was muffled by the shirt; Minho moved his fingers, ruffling Taemin’s hair softly.
“I love you, Tae.”Minho retorted back as his hands shifted to Taemin’s back in a comforting manner. Taemin held him tighter.
“I hate you because I’m in love with you.”Taemin paused, and Taemin’s words had brought tears to his eyes - indeed they are there now, shining and swimming; and a bead has slipped from his lash and fallen on Taemin’s hair.
“M-minho?” Taemin craned his neck, even in the lowlight, his usually pale face had been coloured with red and his eyes were swollen.
Minho had captured Taemin’s lips, caught the latter in surprise, in the midst of drunken voices of counting down to 12 o’clock.
3
2
1
The fireworks had erupted out of nowhere dissipating plethora of vibrant colours. Both of them pulled back, and their eyes were glistening with tears of joy, curving a smile to each other.
It was a new beginning for them, building their love on a stronger foundation than before.
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
- Shape of my Heart - Backstreet Boys
pg
shape of my heart || 1545wc
sequel to: day 34
It was a day before New Year, strolling down the streets with Jonghyun. The streets were heavy with people hustling and bustling, and Jonghyun’s fingers entwined with mine, afraid that I would disappear from his sight. I stared at our converging hand, his were two size larger than my small ones But not as comforting as the hands of Minho with the protruding veins, an echo plunges me back to the world of intricate puzzles involving high-level of thinking to solve it. I unknowingly squeezed Jonghyun’s hand as my old feelings rekindling for my old flame, and I was suppressing it from overflowing. I shook my head; I’m never going down the same road once again. So much for thinking, a walk will clear up those fogs.
“Baby, you’re ok?”Jonghyun asked concern; he was everything that Minho weren’t. Tender and warm. Jonghyun is always careful with his words and actions, knowing when I had a bad day and knows the way to comfort me, strumming his guitar and hums a lullaby to calm me down.
Minho was quite the opposite. He was passive, cold and constantly hiding in his shell when he was troubled. Those pent-up issues had accumulated one by one, stacking neatly deep in our heart, and one day it burst out - it was the end of our relationship. Somehow, I missed that coldness, those affectionate gestures when we were safe in our own sanctuary only the two of us cuddling on the couch.
And, since the day we had come back from vacation, my mind had slowly wandered back to him and the still hanging sentence that had made me perplexed and curious of its ending.
Jonghyun had slipped his hand around my waist and escorted me to a little café, when I was lost in my trance.
~
I rested my book on the crook of my nose, with reading glasses hanging low threatening to fall once the small bell had chimed. I tilted my head upwards, and the scene wasn’t something that I was looking forward to. The man I loved in the arms of another, even if I wanted to avert my gaze, my eyes wouldn’t let me or rather my heart that was in rapture of his presence couldn’t let go.
Since the day we had come back from the vacation, when I had surrendered and gave up on chasing him any further, I busied myself with books, works, basically everything that could take my mind away from him even just for a second. But when my head rested on my pillow, the scent of his shampoo was still lingering on the bed sheet, and I shouted hysterically calling out his name thinking he was still in the apartment. At night sleeping next to a space I came to realise that his name was etched and stamped on my heart ceaselessly.
They took a seat not far from mine, at the corner, fortunately, I could still view him. Somewhat, he wasn’t a curling a smile as if he was pondering with his palm supporting his chin as Jonghyun was checking his cell phone, and removing it seconds later only to placed a kiss on his cheek, and he was startled. They started conversing and I could witness a smile on his lips and I touched my lips as I followed suit. But, when their lips greeted each other that's when the huge brick of regret fell upon my back. It was mine before, but I let it slip away.
~
My eyes were drawn involuntarily to his contorted in concentration face; I could not keep my iris under control. I complied my heart’s desire, I looked, and had an acute pleasure in looking - a poignant pleasure; a pleasure like my parched throat had been swept off by a glass of ice cold water in a summer day.
Most true is it that “beauty is in the eye of the gazer.”His olive-coloured face, square, massive eyebrows, and deep eyes, strong and firm features - I hadn’t intended falling for him once again, but my renewed view on him, the slight change of his poise had made me rethink of it.
~
I could see the changes in Taemin, since that day, to be precise since that night where I had rudely interrupted. He was always deep in thought; I knew I had to give him up even if it aches to see him with another, or rather back with Minho. Don’t worry Minho, he’ll be back in your arms soon. Until then I’ll savour this moments; where he’s in my arms.
~
“Minho, how are you?”Jonghyun greeted happily with his arm tightly wounded around Taemin’s waist. Taemin’s eyes were facing downwards, not wanting to see Minho’s face.
“I’m fine, thank you.”Minho answered coldly stirring his mug of black coffee idle.
“There’s a party at Onew’s apartment, are you invited?”Minho nodded in affirmative.
“So, we shall meet tomorrow then.”Jonghyun patted his back
“ Bye.”Taemin muttered softly.
The couple departed and Minho slumped to his chair, acting wasn’t easy especially in front of the one who had inflicted this pain.
~
The party was uproar of teenage hormones and adrenaline, every inch of the apartment was cramped with Onew’s and Key’s acquaintance that he never saw before, and he wasn’t bothered to ask for their names. So, with much effort he slides off from the sweaty mess of the dance floor and headed to the balcony for a gush of fresh air with a glass of wine.
He sipped the wine, it was sweet, something that he hadn’t tasted for a long time. Sweet like Taemin’s lips. He shook of the image of them making out on the couch in the past, those were the times, where people dubbed as “honeymoon period” of the relationship, love was at its peak duelled with the passion of the coursing young blood. He surrendered to the saccharine liquid as it runs down his parched throat burning, he clutches the metal railing of the balcony, and one by one the tears fell down when the images of them flashes before him. He was a sardonic lament of the bleakness of an unrequited love. Inside, the music were pumping louder, people were cheering to let go of the past, but here he was clinging to it.
~
Jonghyun had his arm around Taemin, and the former strings his limb around Jonghyun’s graceful neck, nuzzling his nose there with eyes shut with their distance between each other removed. It was the slow dance; everybody was paired up and was enjoying the company of their date, melancholically dancing to the song.
“Tae, let’s end it here.”Jonghyun whispered seriously and Taemin retracted from his previous position. Taemin pulled away, the distance between them were added.
“What do you mean?”Taemin enquiries as slowly as possible, even though it was evident he was still in shock.
“We’re over.”The sentence came out harsher than it supposed to be.
“But why?”Taemin was stubborn; he wanted to know the reason.
“You don’t love me, you love Minho.”Jonghyun said keeping his face as calm and composed, scared that he’ll change his mind and Taemin in his embrace a little longer and never want to let him go.
Taemin was stunned and didn’t ask any further. Taemin took few steps back and ran to the balcony letting the news sink in. Jonghyun had read him and knew him better than he knows himself.
“Please be happy with him.”Jonghyun said when the younger had left, his tears were rimming at the side of his eyes, and he thanked the low light from exposing his current condition.
~
Minho looked back when he heard rushed footsteps, only to be met with a crying Taemin.
“Tae, what happened?”He asked uneasy, taking few steps forward when the younger didn’t repel away he moved closer, holding Taemin’s side. The younger clasped his arms around Minho’s waist and rested his tear-stricken face on Minho’s chest dampening his chest.
“I hate you!”Taemin’s shout was muffled by the shirt; Minho moved his fingers, ruffling Taemin’s hair softly.
“I love you, Tae.”Minho retorted back as his hands shifted to Taemin’s back in a comforting manner. Taemin held him tighter.
“I hate you because I’m in love with you.”Taemin paused, and Taemin’s words had brought tears to his eyes - indeed they are there now, shining and swimming; and a bead has slipped from his lash and fallen on Taemin’s hair.
“M-minho?” Taemin craned his neck, even in the lowlight, his usually pale face had been coloured with red and his eyes were swollen.
Minho had captured Taemin’s lips, caught the latter in surprise, in the midst of drunken voices of counting down to 12 o’clock.
3
2
1
The fireworks had erupted out of nowhere dissipating plethora of vibrant colours. Both of them pulled back, and their eyes were glistening with tears of joy, curving a smile to each other.
It was a new beginning for them, building their love on a stronger foundation than before.
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
- Shape of my Heart - Backstreet Boys