Reframing rape

[sapience]

Yesterday, I came across an interesting post entitled Thoughts on Men and Rape.  In it, the author expresses his anger and bafflement at how rape is considered a women's issue, as if men have nothing to do with it, and that in his experience, when men discuss rape at all, it is in the context of being worried about being falsely accused of rape.

Comments

[burgundy]

Cognitive dissonance and the fundamental attribution error! This post makes me very happy.

A while ago, an LJ-friend was discussing rape prevention, and he took the position that the only real work that can be done is in teaching women self-defense rather than teaching men not to be rapists, because the guys who rape are, essentially, such sub-human animals that there's nothing you can do to fix them or stop them from doing it. Which is great for avoiding all the thorny issues of how gender and sex and power and aggression are handled in our society, but not so great for preventing rape.

[sapience]

Knowing that I have friends who know what cognitive dissonance and the fundamental error are (and who are happy to see them discussed) makes me positively giddy. :)

That discussion must have been immensely frustrating. I posted a snippet of this entry in a thread elsewhere, and encountered a disconcerting example* of some views that are, as you put it, not so great for preventing rape. I think that in order to make headway, we need to be able to discuss this issue with a great deal of subtlety, but that the strong emotional reactions it can spark make it especially challenging.

* PSA: Link is for illustrative purposes only. Clicking may lead to head explosion. Sticking one's hand in the crazy not recommended.

[alsoname]

Ugh, I couldn't even get through all those comments.

Now, I might be a little spacey, because I'm working right now and have been going back and forth between work and reading that thread.

One thing that bothered me was the guy's constant use of the word "normal." I would wager that rape is, sadly, so prevalent, that it IS normal. But just because I say it's "normal" doesn't mean I'm saying it's "acceptable." I'm not sure whether or not he is conflating normalcy with acceptability. Does he really think that rape is not common, or does he mean "acceptable" when he says "normal"?

But mostly it was his incredibly strong reaction to the suggestion that males should be made aware of their capability to rape. I think he is taking it as a personal attack when it wasn't. If I were crazy enough to dive into that thread, I might respond to him like this:I know that YOU'RE a fine upstanding paragon of the good, sensitive guy. [Flattery might get you everywhere.] But all those SICK FUCKS also think of themselves as nice and normal. So isn't it

[sapience]

His over-the-top response surprised me, too. In a follow-up post asking if readers knew anyone who had been falsely accused of rape, he responded that he knew several people who had been falsely accused, so perhaps that's why he reacted so strongly.

Things have calmed down significantly in that thread now, especially since it's become obvious that much of his reaction boiled down to semantic objections. However, given the way he has approached rebuttals, I can easily imagine how he would misconstrue even your attempts to use his own words.

Here are a few of my thoughts from another thread:However, his position still seems to be that he "knows" what constitutes rape, or assault, or sexual harassment, or any of the other terms, and that anyone who doesn't agree with him (whether on not he has even explicitly articulated his definitions) is wrong, end of discussion. I am disturbed by the idea that any one person's individual judgment should be the final determination, particularly when: that person is arguing based upon their "gut"

[alsoname]

This was a fantastic post. I'm not sure I have anything interesting to say in response at this point, but I at least wanted to acknowledge its awesomeness.

[sapience]

Thanks. I sincerely appreciate it. You know, knowing that you and burgundy are always interested in and enthusiastic about these kinds of serious discussions is a major part of why I keep coming back to LJ. I'm lucky to have such friends.

Blaming others

[ijournaler]

'...we tend to place blame for our actions on the situation, or on the other people involved(e.g. "I was drunk!" translates to "It wasn't me that did it; it was the alcohol...")'

A good example of how illogically we attribute blame. Food and drink make us overindulge; cash or jewellery lying around make us steal; the design of a car makes us drive too fast; a good programme makes us stay up too late - we're all such lovely people.

Re: Blaming others

[sapience]

Your comment brings to mind a certain reaction that I have come across several times. There is a certain amount of hostility in the United States toward atheists. This prejudice sometimes takes the form of claiming that atheists have no morality. As if religion is a necessary precondition of ethical behavior! Were I a Christian, I would take offense at the notion that the only reason I chose not to harm others was because of the Bible, or because the Ten Commandments were prominently displayed in public buildings, or because I was afraid of Hell or of God's wrath.

Re: Blaming others

[ijournaler]

The reasons we behave well or badly are complex but societies only function smoothly when the majority of citizens respect one another. Some elements may be bullied or threatened into behaving well for fear of the consequences but no religion or political faction can keep everyone subjugated in such a way.

[alsoname]

http://jezebel.com/388169/college-senior-is-sexually-assaulted-while-group-of-dudes-cheer

[sapience]

This is just...*sigh*.

I brought this whole issue up with my social psych professor, and she said that where we're at now is most likely just part of the growth curve, and isn't surprising when you consider that not that long ago, coerced sex of the non-stranger variety wasn't considered rape at all. I'm going to cling to optimism and choose to believe that as long as there are people like us who are sharing our thoughts with others, that there will be an overall positive cultural trend.

[alsoname]

That's true. We're in a much better place now than we were even 10 years ago.