help please.

[sapienm]

Im writing a story for the hell of it and i would like some feed back on what I've got so far

Comments

sweet

[jadedragon413]

hey dude

just wanted toi tell you a few things...

1) it is a great idea and is written well... i think
2) you used a lot of present tnese when past was needed... but i can
overlook that
3) i thought the fight scene flowed well but the rest was a little
choppy... but that might just be my opinion

well that might not have been the critizism you were looking for but there you go ;-)

Re: sweet

[sapienm]

thanks buddy!

hehe

[countfenring18]

only read the beginning; nice introduction; very steven king --esc just needs the usual revisions...
perhaps a few new ideas on the opening

i get back to you on the rest later

McClain

Re: hehe

[countfenring18]

tis very good story
now you know how i feel when i really get into one my drawings an such