it's so awful to be sick and not have your mother by your side.  i could barely sleep last night so i went to health services at 830 this morning.  at that same time i learned that my car could use 1600 dollars worth of replacements.  but with my parents in france my dad would prefer none of those replacements to happen because he doesn't trust the ( Read more... )

the back right of my throat and ear hurt so bad when i swallow that i can't.  very rarely at the most.  i am miserable.  i can barely open my mouth wide enough to talk.  i need something to stop me from feeling it. and i need it now.

i don't want to over react to something that might not even happen.  but i learned tonight that all that i myself can truly keep constant is myself.  it's the only relationship i can truly control.  me and myself.

my neck hurts?
my abs hurt?
my head hurts from possibly hitting it saturday night?
my head hurts from getting hit with a water bottle on sunday.
my shoulder hurts from a karate chop on sunday.
my ankle hurts from playing sports on sunday.

hopefully i'll make a speedy recovery.  
but if the shoulder continues to be his target of choice then i'm gonna have ( Read more... )

st. patrick's day was ( Read more... )

even though i know the feelings were never mutual, everytime i see him i fall into the mental trap of feeling like shit because there is the small bit of hope in the back of my mind that maybe, just maybe the feelings will one day be mutual.  and then i start to think of why i still feel this strongly: i barely talk to him anymore.  i guess what i ( Read more... )

i guess there really is nothing i can do other than improve myself to the point of truly being happy with myself.  i'm not going to sit around and wait but i'm not going to go out hunting either.  in due time, i presume.

i have not had a drink since friday night, and even then it was only one.  i didn't start this week off saying i wasn't going to drink, it just sorta happened, and it makes me proud.  this proves that i don't need alcohol to function, which is a relief.  i will however celebrate the beginning of spring break with probably some drinks tomorrow night ( Read more... )

i've been pretty bored lately.  the only time i'm not bored is when it's beautiful outside and i'm driving around or walking around or hanging out at the boat.  maybe i'll like my house once i get it all cleaned up.  i'm not doing anything special for spring break, might go home for a couple days but other than that i'm not doing much of anything ( Read more... )

damnit.  that's two now.  tomo in january and nelson in february.  i hate 2007.  this summer is going to have to be amazing to make up for the shit that has occurred this winter.  but there comes a point where you feel sad and then tell yourself to get over it, because in the end you have yourself to worry about.