As We Approach 1 Year
I had never thought about how a baby gets fed. I knew there were two options, breastfeeding or formula feeding, but I was never exposed to either and knew nothing about them. My former neighbor, Christy, had a baby soon after we moved next door and Christy breastfed him. She was my first exposure to nursing (at 26 years old!) and she really opened my eyes. I was always struck by how peaceful her son seemed, how nursing gave him so much more than nutrition. Christy was a gentle parent and had endless patience for Eli. My time with her had a profound impact on my views on breastfeeding and because of Christy, I knew when I got pregnant I would be a breastfeeding mother.
When I did get pregnant 2 years later, I did all I could to learn about breastfeeding. I read books, talked to other mothers, met a lactation consultant and took a few classes. Despite all my “education” I still felt unsure about what I would actually need to do. I knew all the facts and figures but I was so nervous about what would happen when the time came to put it all to use. I recall being told that educating yourself is one of the best ways to ensure a successful nursing relationship and that the women who are dedicated to breastfeeding always make it work.
As my due date approached, I got more anxious about nursing. What if we had problems, what if I could not do it. My husband was always reassuring and that helped to calm my fears and Christy always reminded me that she was next door to help day or night. My due date came and went and soon I became nervous about inductions, failed inductions, epidurals and sleepy babies and the impact it would have on nursing. Luckily I went into labor on my own and had a wonderful labor and a natural delivery.
Kennedy was a sleepy baby and not that interested in nursing for the first 24 hours. It was hard in the hospital, especially overnight. The nurses were often forceful and rough and would make me feel very stressed. During the day, Kennedy nursed often and would latch on beautifully. I would never need to wake her to nurse and she would nurse for a long period before happily drifting off to sleep in my arms. The nights were a different story. Once nurse tried to give me a nipple shield and they often told me I needed to use sugar water to get Kennedy to latch, but her latch was never a problem, she was just sleepy.
Things changed when we got home. I was more comfortable and relaxed and I was much happier. Kennedy had plenty of wet and dirty diapers and was gaining weight well. I loved nursing her, and would often spend hours sitting with her in my lap where she had fallen asleep. She would often sigh happily while nursing and those little sighs always made me feel like I was doing something special with her.
Nights were still a bit tough, I would be so tired and falling asleep nursing. Finally one day (about a week after we came home, I tried nursing laying down. It changed my life. I was able to nurse without fully waking up and everyone was happier. We had been co-sleeping since day 1 but this took it to a whole new level. I did not need to "wake up" to nurse and I finally felt like I was resting. Even now, co-sleeping is what gets me to rest and proper sleep I need. I could not imagine my life different.
Things went well for a while. At her 3-month appointment, her weight gain begun to slow and our pediatrician began to show some concern. Kennedy was always very low on the growth charts but now she had fallen off. There was a lot of talk about testing her for various illnesses but I was reluctant and we refused. Kennedy was happy, meeting her milestones and having plenty of wet and dirty diapers. She was a little thin but she was very long and an active baby. She seemed perfectly healthy. I asked our pediatrician for some leeway, she agreed we could take a wait and see approach.
Reglan was suggested and I took it with terrible results. Within days of beginning it, I felt unable to care for my baby. I was exhausted, depressed and felt a lot of anger toward Kennedy whenever she needed me. After 3 weeks on it, I called our pediatrician crying because I was scared of hurting Kennedy. I never had any PPD symptoms of any kind so these thoughts and feelings really scared me. I stopped taking it and felt better within hours.
After getting off Reglan I did some research and spoke to my OB about getting domperidone. I took it for 2 months and even though my output was up, the difference in Kennedy’s weight gain was negligible. Slowly I weaned off of it and took to bed with Kennedy for a nursing vacation. We spent 2 days in bed doing nothing but nursing and cuddling. At her next appointment, her weight gain was a little more (finally) and I felt like we were on the right track. We continued to be seen weekly and then bi-weekly for 3 months until Kennedy was 6 months, when her pediatrician declared her to be a healthy, but small baby.
During this time, a lot of pressure was put on me to use formula and I resisted. I did not think that was the answer to our problems. I am very proud we were able to get through that period without formula and I am so grateful for a supportive pediatrician.
Since that time, Kennedy has been meeting all her milestones and is a happy and healthy baby, even if she has not (yet) gotten back on the growth charts.
Since then, it has been smooth sailing. Kennedy started solids at 6.5 months with much happiness. She loves food but food has not lessened her desire to nurse. She has shown signs of a dairy allergy and her and I are on a diary free diet but I don’t mind to much. It is a small sacrifice I am willing to make for her.
I have had thrush twice, and plugged ducts twice. Looking back, I feel like we have had a pretty easy time nursing, even with our weight gain issues.
As we approach Kennedy’s first birthday, I feel so lucky to have given her this gift for a year. I look forward to the next year and the year after that. I am happy to nurse my baby as long as she wants to nurse.
ETA (3/2/09): La Leche also helped me during my "low" point. I had been going to LLL since Kennedy was 6 days old and without them, my life would be lacking a lot. I think we would still be nursing without them but I have made friendships and relationships that are very important to me. LLL has been about so much more than breastfeeding for me.
Breastfeeding has taught me so much about mothering my child.I feel like i understand her in a way no one else can because of our nursing relationship.
When I did get pregnant 2 years later, I did all I could to learn about breastfeeding. I read books, talked to other mothers, met a lactation consultant and took a few classes. Despite all my “education” I still felt unsure about what I would actually need to do. I knew all the facts and figures but I was so nervous about what would happen when the time came to put it all to use. I recall being told that educating yourself is one of the best ways to ensure a successful nursing relationship and that the women who are dedicated to breastfeeding always make it work.
As my due date approached, I got more anxious about nursing. What if we had problems, what if I could not do it. My husband was always reassuring and that helped to calm my fears and Christy always reminded me that she was next door to help day or night. My due date came and went and soon I became nervous about inductions, failed inductions, epidurals and sleepy babies and the impact it would have on nursing. Luckily I went into labor on my own and had a wonderful labor and a natural delivery.
Kennedy was a sleepy baby and not that interested in nursing for the first 24 hours. It was hard in the hospital, especially overnight. The nurses were often forceful and rough and would make me feel very stressed. During the day, Kennedy nursed often and would latch on beautifully. I would never need to wake her to nurse and she would nurse for a long period before happily drifting off to sleep in my arms. The nights were a different story. Once nurse tried to give me a nipple shield and they often told me I needed to use sugar water to get Kennedy to latch, but her latch was never a problem, she was just sleepy.
Things changed when we got home. I was more comfortable and relaxed and I was much happier. Kennedy had plenty of wet and dirty diapers and was gaining weight well. I loved nursing her, and would often spend hours sitting with her in my lap where she had fallen asleep. She would often sigh happily while nursing and those little sighs always made me feel like I was doing something special with her.
Nights were still a bit tough, I would be so tired and falling asleep nursing. Finally one day (about a week after we came home, I tried nursing laying down. It changed my life. I was able to nurse without fully waking up and everyone was happier. We had been co-sleeping since day 1 but this took it to a whole new level. I did not need to "wake up" to nurse and I finally felt like I was resting. Even now, co-sleeping is what gets me to rest and proper sleep I need. I could not imagine my life different.
Things went well for a while. At her 3-month appointment, her weight gain begun to slow and our pediatrician began to show some concern. Kennedy was always very low on the growth charts but now she had fallen off. There was a lot of talk about testing her for various illnesses but I was reluctant and we refused. Kennedy was happy, meeting her milestones and having plenty of wet and dirty diapers. She was a little thin but she was very long and an active baby. She seemed perfectly healthy. I asked our pediatrician for some leeway, she agreed we could take a wait and see approach.
Reglan was suggested and I took it with terrible results. Within days of beginning it, I felt unable to care for my baby. I was exhausted, depressed and felt a lot of anger toward Kennedy whenever she needed me. After 3 weeks on it, I called our pediatrician crying because I was scared of hurting Kennedy. I never had any PPD symptoms of any kind so these thoughts and feelings really scared me. I stopped taking it and felt better within hours.
After getting off Reglan I did some research and spoke to my OB about getting domperidone. I took it for 2 months and even though my output was up, the difference in Kennedy’s weight gain was negligible. Slowly I weaned off of it and took to bed with Kennedy for a nursing vacation. We spent 2 days in bed doing nothing but nursing and cuddling. At her next appointment, her weight gain was a little more (finally) and I felt like we were on the right track. We continued to be seen weekly and then bi-weekly for 3 months until Kennedy was 6 months, when her pediatrician declared her to be a healthy, but small baby.
During this time, a lot of pressure was put on me to use formula and I resisted. I did not think that was the answer to our problems. I am very proud we were able to get through that period without formula and I am so grateful for a supportive pediatrician.
Since that time, Kennedy has been meeting all her milestones and is a happy and healthy baby, even if she has not (yet) gotten back on the growth charts.
Since then, it has been smooth sailing. Kennedy started solids at 6.5 months with much happiness. She loves food but food has not lessened her desire to nurse. She has shown signs of a dairy allergy and her and I are on a diary free diet but I don’t mind to much. It is a small sacrifice I am willing to make for her.
I have had thrush twice, and plugged ducts twice. Looking back, I feel like we have had a pretty easy time nursing, even with our weight gain issues.
As we approach Kennedy’s first birthday, I feel so lucky to have given her this gift for a year. I look forward to the next year and the year after that. I am happy to nurse my baby as long as she wants to nurse.
ETA (3/2/09): La Leche also helped me during my "low" point. I had been going to LLL since Kennedy was 6 days old and without them, my life would be lacking a lot. I think we would still be nursing without them but I have made friendships and relationships that are very important to me. LLL has been about so much more than breastfeeding for me.
Breastfeeding has taught me so much about mothering my child.I feel like i understand her in a way no one else can because of our nursing relationship.