Hey kids!
Want a glimpse into the not-so-secret world of pregnancy?
the list of pregnancy
-My boobies are leaking. I mean, I have to wash my sheets today because I have dried booby spots on my side of the bed. I find this both gross and incredibly cool.
-My belly button is disappearing. This isn't news, but the way I feel about it has me shocked. I am actually saddened. I like my belly button. Do not leave me, linty friend.
-I already have stretch marks. They are at the very front of my belly, beneath my disappearing button, and they worry me. I don't mind having them, but I'm only at the halfway point and staring down months of rapid expansion.
-Speaking of boobies - they are ridiculous. The size is comical, but I was not prepared at how the color would change so drastically. I mean, I look Tahitian. At this point, I would not be able to pick my boobies out in a line up. Not even with my eyes closed.
-I pee. A lot. And not in the toilet. I have marked every seat in my house. I think my dog is personally affronted at the new animalistic way I have taken to proving all of the furniture is MINE. This is the stupidest part: when I pee, I can twist and turn and lean forward and back and make sure I get out every drop. Then when I am reaching for TP I can cough, and pee will come out. WTF? Is there a pregnancy cough reserve? Was this designed by mother nature to weed out the sick preggos?
Let the wolves follow the trail of her urine back to her cave, where they will dispose of the sickly harlot.
-When they say prenatal vitamins make your hair grow really fast - they mean all of it. All of it.
-I won't even begin to discuss the poo poo problems. We all know how I love poop stories, and I don't have an hour to explain the exciting world of pregnant bowel weirdness.
-My baby is drinking her amniotic fluid. Then peeing in it. Then drinking it. This is like one girl one cup. She is also collecting her first poop (called meconium), which she will hold onto until delivery day. So, you know, I can't really complain if I get constipated. This chick is in it for the long haul.
That's all of the gross TMI stuff I can think of right now. Thanks for playing. Your consolation prize will be mailed shortly.
the list of pregnancy
-My boobies are leaking. I mean, I have to wash my sheets today because I have dried booby spots on my side of the bed. I find this both gross and incredibly cool.
-My belly button is disappearing. This isn't news, but the way I feel about it has me shocked. I am actually saddened. I like my belly button. Do not leave me, linty friend.
-I already have stretch marks. They are at the very front of my belly, beneath my disappearing button, and they worry me. I don't mind having them, but I'm only at the halfway point and staring down months of rapid expansion.
-Speaking of boobies - they are ridiculous. The size is comical, but I was not prepared at how the color would change so drastically. I mean, I look Tahitian. At this point, I would not be able to pick my boobies out in a line up. Not even with my eyes closed.
-I pee. A lot. And not in the toilet. I have marked every seat in my house. I think my dog is personally affronted at the new animalistic way I have taken to proving all of the furniture is MINE. This is the stupidest part: when I pee, I can twist and turn and lean forward and back and make sure I get out every drop. Then when I am reaching for TP I can cough, and pee will come out. WTF? Is there a pregnancy cough reserve? Was this designed by mother nature to weed out the sick preggos?
Let the wolves follow the trail of her urine back to her cave, where they will dispose of the sickly harlot.
-When they say prenatal vitamins make your hair grow really fast - they mean all of it. All of it.
-I won't even begin to discuss the poo poo problems. We all know how I love poop stories, and I don't have an hour to explain the exciting world of pregnant bowel weirdness.
-My baby is drinking her amniotic fluid. Then peeing in it. Then drinking it. This is like one girl one cup. She is also collecting her first poop (called meconium), which she will hold onto until delivery day. So, you know, I can't really complain if I get constipated. This chick is in it for the long haul.
That's all of the gross TMI stuff I can think of right now. Thanks for playing. Your consolation prize will be mailed shortly.