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[saraid]

what do you do when your best friend's husband is diagnosed with probably terminal cancer? she's quitting her job to stay home with him and take care of their grandchild so her husband can spend as much time as possible with the baby (her husband's retired). if anyone has any practical ideas, i need to hear them. i'm not good at this stuff.

Comments

[pfyre]

There is no itemized list of things you can do for your friend and husband.

Best things are to offer an ear and shoulder for her to vent and/or cry on. AND to do practical things - offer to run errands, fix a few meals or two to drop off so that your friend won't have to cook for a day or so. Most of all don't forget that it may take more time than anticipated for events to work themselves to the logical conclusion. So in a week, a month, two months - still offer to run errands, still bring food, offer the sympathetic ear and shoulder.

Other possibilities is to come over and do chores for a day - laundry, clean the bathroom, or kitchen, run the vaccuum, sweep the front step - one or more of the above or whatever else needs to be done.

Hope this might be of help. *hugs*

[saraid]

yes, thank you I'll just have to do as much as she'll let me.

[saraid]

yeah, okay, are you just f*ckin with me or what? my best friend's husband has cancer, this has nothing to do with snape, and you're crazier than i am. and that's saying something.

being helpful

[anonymous]

I can't help with what to say. Consider taking 1 chore off her shoulders. Ask her how she does her laundry,then do it her way every time you go there. Practical help is better than words.

Re: being helpful

[saraid]

i've had a lot of good advice on this, and mainly from friends and other kind people on lj and the net. i need to thank all of them. we've settled into she lets me cook dinner for them once a month - it was once a week while he recovered from surgery - and i'm trying to be a better friend and call more often, etc. and since they've chosen a very non-traditional-medicine route to deal with this, i especially don't ask questions, because i really don't want them to feel i'm somehow being critical. i'm not. i totally understand why they're doing it the way they're doing it, and, knowing my friend, it's really the only way they could.

as time passes i'll offer to help more, but i would really rather they didn't need it for another twenty years or so.

thank you, for the practical, kind advice :)