no one else but you
no one else but you
jaejoong ♥ yunho
RL | pure angst | 1, 100+
summary: a letter from jaejoong to yunho.
a/n: something i wrote in a daze of feelings and incoherent words. and do not take this as truth, even if it feels like one at times.
--
Even if I know that the days
When you were by my side making my world shine
Won't come back again,
No matter what will happen,
No matter how far I'm lost,
I never ever want to forget,
That my heart has chosen to love you.
- Stand By You, Tohoshinki
You - Jeong Yunho;
It doesn't matter what happens in the future, my past will always have you in it. Even if times can be turned and the past can be present; I will choose you and no one else but you. Life wasn't perfect when it was you and I, but they were the most beautiful moments I would ever have and for that I would always be grateful for having you. I had you and it was enough.
Sometimes I dreamed about what if and what will. And I dreamed about doing things differently, choosing something else and taking the other road. I found myself wishing I had stayed with you. Believing in the same thing you do. Looking at the world from your eyes and wanting it to always stay the same. But I don't. I will never do. We were different then, and we are still now. Nothing has changed. Not you, not I, not us.
And that may have been the problem - the heart of the matter. We just don't match.
I don't regard this as a regret, but at times it feels so damn close it scares me. It makes me sad to think I was wrong, you were wrong, we were not right. We are always right, you have to believe this. I believe this. Even when it is obvious we are not. Not here and not now anyway.
The world spins too fast for you and I, but too slow for us together. You have lots of people looking up at you, and I have thousands, possibly millions looking down at me. When I smile, you cry. When you laugh, I bleed into my sorrow. My yes will always be your no, and my eyes will only see black and white while yours see colors; red, blue, green. Silver. Gold.
The world is better and more forgiving in your mind. While I see ugly deceptions and painful troubles, you see strong promises and loyal faith. I let go so I could reach the shore and find safe ground, and you swim against the currents so you could stay where you are.
You are hot to my cold hands, and I shiver from your warmth. When you breathed against my lips, I lost my breath. We felt the most alive when we were almost dead. You broke my heart when you're supposed to cherish it. I stomped on yours when I should have held it gently. We want and need but we fight not to want and not to need. I believe but I don't. You don't but you believe.
Aren't we just two people living in ironies and paradoxes? This is why we don't fit, but it is also the very reason we do.
I love you. I really do. So much. Then and now, there is no one else for me but you. You who are not right for me and I who are wrong for you. Even star-crossed lovers couldn't be more tragic than we are, baby. We are like two suns that live only when the other dies. You and I exist but we can never exist together. God, what depressing existence indeed.
I want you to always be happy and smile and laugh, but I want you to cry all the time from missing me. I want you to never feel pain, but I want you to always remember how badly you had hurt me. I want you to live your life to the fullest, but I hope that there will always be something amiss from it.
I wish you would wish the same things for me as I had wished for you.
Am I cruel or kind? Or perhaps I am just plain crazy. See? Someone as stable and as grounded as you shouldn't be able to wreck a person's mind like this. This is beyond insane.
I will love another, definitely. Life doesn't stop just because my heart is with you. I will learn to live without you. I have to, and it's not like I have any other choice, do I? No, of course not. And you will love other people too - because that's just who you are, what you're destined for. There will always be someone for you, anyone will do but me.
But your heart, it will be mine. The kisses will be mine. The laughs and the tears are mine. The secrets, the dreams, the days and the nights will be mine. All the memories of those things I mentioned - they will always, always be mine.
I had you once and that should be enough. It has to be enough. Please.
It is just too tiring to wait for everyone to understand what we saw in each other, why we fell into one another. It was hard enough to wait for the both of us to understand it, and till this day, I don't think either of us really understood what happened. But we don't need understanding to feel love, do we? Not then, and especially not now. We are meant to be, just not in the way we want to.
Maybe if I had not been me and you had not been you, we could be together. But honestly, I wouldn't want you any other way. It's who you are that I fell in love with, that I'm in love with. The man who sees things the way I don't, the man who turned his back on me so he wouldn't turn his back on the world. The man who sacrificed love so I would be loved. I love this man who are the weakest where he is the strongest, I love you. While there are others who would give their all to love me, I only want you who will give nothing up for me. Because I know I'm like that too.
A daring challenge is what we are to each other. Isn't that what makes the world go around? And one day, when I see you with your wife, two daughters and a son, I want you to smile at me and my own little family. I will be happy and you will be happy, and we will live life as we are told to. If you have regrets, then shove it down your guts and don't ever tell me because I know I will have them etched deep in my bones. I can already feel it poisons my heart.
Even if eternity fades to one day to one hour to one second to one moment and the apocalypse is calling its hoot in our ears, I will always choose you to love. At the end of time and at the end of life, I will see you and hear you and need you and love you. But I can't be with you. Because my true love is you and no one else but you.
I - Kim Jaejoong
--
jaejoong ♥ yunho
RL | pure angst | 1, 100+
summary: a letter from jaejoong to yunho.
a/n: something i wrote in a daze of feelings and incoherent words. and do not take this as truth, even if it feels like one at times.
--
Even if I know that the days
When you were by my side making my world shine
Won't come back again,
No matter what will happen,
No matter how far I'm lost,
I never ever want to forget,
That my heart has chosen to love you.
- Stand By You, Tohoshinki
You - Jeong Yunho;
It doesn't matter what happens in the future, my past will always have you in it. Even if times can be turned and the past can be present; I will choose you and no one else but you. Life wasn't perfect when it was you and I, but they were the most beautiful moments I would ever have and for that I would always be grateful for having you. I had you and it was enough.
Sometimes I dreamed about what if and what will. And I dreamed about doing things differently, choosing something else and taking the other road. I found myself wishing I had stayed with you. Believing in the same thing you do. Looking at the world from your eyes and wanting it to always stay the same. But I don't. I will never do. We were different then, and we are still now. Nothing has changed. Not you, not I, not us.
And that may have been the problem - the heart of the matter. We just don't match.
I don't regard this as a regret, but at times it feels so damn close it scares me. It makes me sad to think I was wrong, you were wrong, we were not right. We are always right, you have to believe this. I believe this. Even when it is obvious we are not. Not here and not now anyway.
The world spins too fast for you and I, but too slow for us together. You have lots of people looking up at you, and I have thousands, possibly millions looking down at me. When I smile, you cry. When you laugh, I bleed into my sorrow. My yes will always be your no, and my eyes will only see black and white while yours see colors; red, blue, green. Silver. Gold.
The world is better and more forgiving in your mind. While I see ugly deceptions and painful troubles, you see strong promises and loyal faith. I let go so I could reach the shore and find safe ground, and you swim against the currents so you could stay where you are.
You are hot to my cold hands, and I shiver from your warmth. When you breathed against my lips, I lost my breath. We felt the most alive when we were almost dead. You broke my heart when you're supposed to cherish it. I stomped on yours when I should have held it gently. We want and need but we fight not to want and not to need. I believe but I don't. You don't but you believe.
Aren't we just two people living in ironies and paradoxes? This is why we don't fit, but it is also the very reason we do.
I love you. I really do. So much. Then and now, there is no one else for me but you. You who are not right for me and I who are wrong for you. Even star-crossed lovers couldn't be more tragic than we are, baby. We are like two suns that live only when the other dies. You and I exist but we can never exist together. God, what depressing existence indeed.
I want you to always be happy and smile and laugh, but I want you to cry all the time from missing me. I want you to never feel pain, but I want you to always remember how badly you had hurt me. I want you to live your life to the fullest, but I hope that there will always be something amiss from it.
I wish you would wish the same things for me as I had wished for you.
Am I cruel or kind? Or perhaps I am just plain crazy. See? Someone as stable and as grounded as you shouldn't be able to wreck a person's mind like this. This is beyond insane.
I will love another, definitely. Life doesn't stop just because my heart is with you. I will learn to live without you. I have to, and it's not like I have any other choice, do I? No, of course not. And you will love other people too - because that's just who you are, what you're destined for. There will always be someone for you, anyone will do but me.
But your heart, it will be mine. The kisses will be mine. The laughs and the tears are mine. The secrets, the dreams, the days and the nights will be mine. All the memories of those things I mentioned - they will always, always be mine.
I had you once and that should be enough. It has to be enough. Please.
It is just too tiring to wait for everyone to understand what we saw in each other, why we fell into one another. It was hard enough to wait for the both of us to understand it, and till this day, I don't think either of us really understood what happened. But we don't need understanding to feel love, do we? Not then, and especially not now. We are meant to be, just not in the way we want to.
Maybe if I had not been me and you had not been you, we could be together. But honestly, I wouldn't want you any other way. It's who you are that I fell in love with, that I'm in love with. The man who sees things the way I don't, the man who turned his back on me so he wouldn't turn his back on the world. The man who sacrificed love so I would be loved. I love this man who are the weakest where he is the strongest, I love you. While there are others who would give their all to love me, I only want you who will give nothing up for me. Because I know I'm like that too.
A daring challenge is what we are to each other. Isn't that what makes the world go around? And one day, when I see you with your wife, two daughters and a son, I want you to smile at me and my own little family. I will be happy and you will be happy, and we will live life as we are told to. If you have regrets, then shove it down your guts and don't ever tell me because I know I will have them etched deep in my bones. I can already feel it poisons my heart.
Even if eternity fades to one day to one hour to one second to one moment and the apocalypse is calling its hoot in our ears, I will always choose you to love. At the end of time and at the end of life, I will see you and hear you and need you and love you. But I can't be with you. Because my true love is you and no one else but you.
I - Kim Jaejoong
--