Sweet Relief, Severe Sorrow; Kihae
Title: Sweet Relief, Severe Sorrow
Pairing: Kibum/ Donghae
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own Super Junior.
Warning : It's not a korean drama without death.
Author's Note:
Short story written for Ren.
You're amazing and I hope you enjoy the story!
Happy Birthday.
-gives you tissue- Trust me you're gonna need it.
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"Nan deoisang dangsin-eul salanghaji anh-ayo. I don't love you anymore."
That was last night.
My world collapsed. My heart stopped. My eyes full of tears. My breathing off pace.
Your back was turned to me as I stood there uttering your name in complete distraught.
"Kibum..."
I continued.
"Kibum....."
And again.
"Kibum-Ah..."
And again.
"Kibum!..."
Your face was turned, never looking back at me once.
Your beautiful bright brown shinning eyes gleaming warmth and compassion.
The sweet heart-warming smile that I cherished so.
I couldn't see It right now.
Had I done something wrong?
What did I do to deserve this?
My eyes were moist as those tears of mine streamed down my cheeks unable to grasp any words.
I felt a sharp jolting pain in my chest.
Putting my hand over it, that was where you were.
My heart.
Full of pain and anguish I couldn't stand there alone anymore.
I needed your warm embrace, your strong arms around my waist right now.
While your gentle and calming voice telling me it was just a lie.
To wipe away each of my tears and kiss the pain the pain away.
Even though my ears have heard you say it loud and clear, my heart cannot believe this.
"Kibum..!"
I ran towards you, and flung my arms around you while my tears soaked the back of your jacket.
With my head smeared against your back as I cried.
With the little streagth left in me, I mustered it and spoke with huffs and puffs between my speech.
"It's a lie-right?...You..still love-me..right?..."
You stood there still as ever with your head facing down.
Your back was still coldly turned to me.
And you didn't say anything ,you didn't answer me, my pleads, my cries.
"Please Kibum...answer me.."
I continued.
"Answer me..."
And again.
"Answer me!..."
My strength wore out and I sunk slowly from your back down to your legs.
I sat on the floor of your room, my hands around your legs with little force to hold you back.
I couldn't speak anymore, or breathe properly through all my huffing and sobbing.
My hands dropped to the ground as I gasped for air continuing to sob still.
The tears I cried for you, did they mean anything to you now?
Suddenly you moved and went out the door leaving me alone sitting on the floor.
The door shut behind you leaving me by myself to contort to my own feelings.
I leaned my figure forward and allowed all my emotions to pour out.
Moving my heavy lifeless body up I trudged to my bed and collapsed on it looking at the blank ceiling of my bedroom.
Wiping the drops of water that continued to roll down my face I sniffled sharply.
My sleeves were soaked in the tears I cried for you
And eventually my lungs gave out and I drifted into slumber with teary eyes and a broken heart.
But the day after was a new day, and I didn't give up.
I sat up from my bed feeling a chilly air against my face hearing the sound of raindrops hitting against the glass of my windows.
Slowly I rise and place my fingertips against the cool glass looking at the world outside drenched in water falling gently from the gray sky.
I whispered your name with my voice hoarse from the night before.
"Kibum..."
And slowly as the sky was pouring so did I find myself doing the same.
I wiped away my tears with the same sleeve I had worn yesterday night and slowly reached into my pocket for my cell phone.
The screen lit up brightly with the picture of both of us side by side with smilling.
Your beautiful brown eyes were radiating ever so brightly with the trademark smile on your lips.
A drop of liquid splattered on the screen as I went through my contacts for your name.
Inbox
New Message
Selected Contact Bumie
"Kibum, I'm sorry... Whatever I have done I'm willing to accept it and fix my mistake.
Please, we need to talk. Meet me at our favorite coffee shop today at 6pm."
From: XXX-XXX-XX Donghae
To: XXX-XXX-XXX Bumie
Autosaved 8:05
Sent 8:05am
I flipped my screen closed and took a deep breath.
The world was still turning, and I had to realize that even without you it would still turn.
But my world had revolved around you so much...
Even if the world would still spin, it would never spin the same way without you.
Even though mybody was still here my mind was far off in thoughts about you.
About the wonderful times we've shared together.
I almost felt that if you didn't love me anymore that I'd still love you.
Yesterday was the end of your love for me maybe, but today my love still lives on for you.
I layed down on my bed again looking at the blank ceiling in the midst of my thoughts.
My hand raised itself up, imagining your gorgeous smilling face looking down at me.
Slowly my fingers reached up towards the image of your face but vanished with a single touch.
It was just the mirage of you, but it seemed so real.
I couldn't eat nor sleeep without the thought of by my side.
All I could do was think.
Replaying the good and bad times we shared together as friends and as more...
As time flew by slower than it ever has, and I'd find myself emotional again.
Long hours,long minutes, even the longest seconds was when I was alone in the depth of thought.
I'd find myself flipping my phone open every few minutes unable to bear it any longer.
Finally I flipped it open again for the hundreth time looking at the old photo of us to find it was just about time to leave.
Sitting up I flung on a cotton scarf around my neck and exiting out the door of my room.
I couldn't wait any longer.
I just couldn't.
My legs ran to the fullest of their extent towards the place where we used to sit together and chat smilling and laughing full of joy.
Each memory was like a video clip from youtube.
When it happens it's saved, uploaded and can be acessed later.
But when things like break-ups happen over time they will be erased
Sometimes when they're gone it's just impossible to watch them over.
They just vanish into thin air and only shall fragments linger behind.
My feet wouldn't stop running at full speed, nor would my heart halt beating any faster and the world around me didnt matter anymore as all I had on my mind was you.
All I wanted was to get to the place where we used to sit and relax in a small roomy cafe full of happy smilling faces including yours and mine as I came closer to that place.
When I had finally stopped running I was out of breathe with only a few minutes to spare and my clothes slightly damp from the strange humid foggy weather.
I was panting tiredly as I walked up to the entrance of the cafe, pushing it open and eyeing all the people in the structure only looking for you.
I didn't see you.
You weren't there.
I sat myself down at a table near the end of the cafe smelling the sweet aroma of ground coffee beans and sugar mixed with cream.
And yet again I flipped my phone open to check the current time.
5:58pm.
Only two minutes remained, and I felt so much anxiety inside myself, it was building up as my fingers tapped the surface of the wooden table looking at every person walking by the windows of the cafe showing dissapointment by each figure that wasn't you.
I sighed as a minute had passed, and soon enough another and another and so on.
Flipping my phone open again the clock read, 6:09pm.
My gaze dropped a bit, about to give up hope.
My eyes looked outside the glass windows slightly fogged by the humid weather outside eyeing a similiar figure wearing a black heavy trenchcoat.
"Is that...Bumie-ah?"
The trench-coated-man pushed the door of the cafe open with little force, and stepped in slowly as my eyes widened in disbelief and relief at the same time.
The figure stepped into the cafe slowly, taking a deep breathe.
It wasn't you.
And to my surprise I found myself sitting in my seat still as ever for serval more hours, hoping you would arrive still.
8:26pm, only 4 minutes until closing time.
I had dranken 5 cups of the milk coffee you had purchased everytime you came to the cafe with me, I knew that by now it was hopeless and that I was just waiting for a miracle to happen.
Drinking so much in the past few hours I was a bit dazed from the strong coffee, and I sat up stretching for the last few seconds before I was kicked out of the cafe.
You never showed up afterall.
I sent you texts like that every week, and soon it became every month, and eventually every 3 months.
Sooner and sooner, with less hope and less hope, I gave up after all those tears I cried for you, all those nights I stayed up, all those days I sat alone waiting for the miracle of you coming by and saying it was just a lie.
There's a new tomorrow to everyday today, I had to think of it like that...
I had to convince my heart with the thoughts that had formed in my mind.
Though those two days had been the most painful for me, like a video it was eraced slowly overtime, and all that lingered were small memories and fragments here and there about you.
Little did I know, today was going to be the acual most painful day for me.
It started off like any other day after out break-up after a year and a half.
I got up, got ready to meet the rest of the members in the studio today and slipped on warm clothes for today was a chilly day.
Walking outside of my dorm I could see steam arise when I breathed, and I rubbed my mittins together trying to collect a bit of warmth for my frozen hands.
I went by the mail box to collect the mail asI did normally every morning looking at each leter and card. I scanned past 3 spam mails about credit card offers until my eyes studdenly opened wide in utter amazement.
This letter was diffrent, it had your name on it.
Disregarding all the leters I opened yours first, ripping the flap of it off and taking out the sheet of paper. I read the document in my head,
"Dear Donghae,
Remember that day when we had broken up not all the long ago?
I would like to tell you the truth here. I always had a reason of doing things including this,
It wasn't that I had stopped loving you, it was beacuse if you are reading the letter now, I have already passed away. I have not told any of the other members, but have just insisted it was for my pursuit in my acting career. I wanted you to forget my slowly, or else ethe pain would be much too great right now for you, maybe it still is dispite my efforts? I just wanted to apologize and thank you for the wonderful times we've spent together, you ment to much to me Hae. I'm sorry to have put you through so much trouble. Even in my death may I just say, Saranghae."
You had loved me all along?
I felt the flood of tears come to my eyes again, just as it had that day when we had broken up, except it was a slightly diffrent feeling. I felt a mix of extreme relief and servere sorrow cloud my eyes. And I let them flow, water dropping slightly on the document as I used my warm mittens to wipe away my tears. As I cried again, my breathe cause steam in the cold weather and my eyes were red, streaming of tears. My back against the wall, slidding down to the floor and my head heavy, but my heart just slightly lighter now, I cried.
You loved me all along....
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Saranghate: Comments, thoughts, please do tell me. : D