and i'll always be just so inviting
pairing: JB/Jr.
Genre: i have no idea. (Confessions, college!au, best friends, slight jealousy)
warning: swearing, no smut. unbeta-ed, may not correlate with the prompt, i have no idea how soccer works.
This is my first fic published after 6 years, so please bear with me.
Title taken from Paramore's That's What You Get.
Dedicated to mainly to the prompt anon (and to the fandom authors who saved me from boring days, especially gotchick who revived my love for JJP with her return.)
prompt: have you ever decided to someone because they loved you first?
Summary: in which the entire universe seems hellbent on making Jaebum fall for his best friend. But maybe he already has, but he needs more than a push in the right direction to make him realize it.
Jaebum wakes up a little disoriented, with a faint taste of what he can only describe as death with a side of garbage lingering on his tongue. He squints through a pounding headache at the sunlight coming in bright burning beams through the gaps of the window blinds. What snaps him out of his momentary lull in thought, though, is a warm weight against his chest.
Jinyoung.
***
"Hyung. Jaebum hyung. I have to tell you something." Jinyoung was touchy on most days, but he was positively clingy now that he had alcohol pumping through his system. He was chest-to-chest with Jaebum and mumbling into the older boy's ear, breath hot and moist on his sweaty neck. As per usual, he humors Jinyoung.
"What is it?"
"Later."
***
Jinyoung slowly blinks awake and Jaebum continues to stare despite himself. Jinyoung gives him a lazy smile that reminds him of a cat (notably his beloved Nora) that he can't help but return.
How has he never noticed the crinkles at the corners of Jinyoung's eyes with those grins he graces him daily?
Jinyoung lays his head on Jaebum's chest, humming contentedly, while he waits for the younger boy to gasp in horrible realization and flee from the room.
That moment never comes and Jaebum releases a breath he isn't aware of holding, closing his eyes once more as he tries to swallow down the lump in his throat and thinks that maybe, just maybe, things won't be so bad this way.
***
When Jaebum awakens for the second time that day, the sun is high up in the sky and the spot next to him is devoid of human presence.
He feels an odd hollow sensation in his chest as he stares at his empty bed for no apparent reason. Jaebum chalks it up to his hangover and haphazardly tumbles out of bed, nearly knocking out his front teeth against the floor in the process.
The noise brings Nora to his side and she presses her paw on his nostrils in comfort.
"Thanks, jagi." A soft snort at the door makes him glance up. Jinyoung is leaning against the frame, just observing him.
"Are you just gonna laugh at me or are you gonna help me up?" Jaebum huffs in mock indignation at his best friend.
"I'm thinking about it." Jinyoung doesn't move, except to pick at something under his fingernails.
"God, why am I friends with you. You're the worst." Jaebum flops on his back and stares at the ceiling, still a little groggy to stand up properly. Jinyoung laughs again.
"It's Jinyoung, not God. And it's Jackson whose actually the worst." Jinyoung's face comes into view and wow, he's beautiful, Jaebum thinks. The damn sunlight filtering into his room is making Jinyoung look...ethereal.
Wait. What. Since when did his vocabulary expand to describe Jinyoung like that?
"Hyung! You want a hand or not?" Jaebum comes back to the present. Jinyoung is waving his arm in his face, Jaebum feels his face burn as he takes the proffered hand.
"You had me worried for a second there, hyung. You looked like you were in pain." Jinyoung says as he helps Jaebum dust himself off. "You sure you're okay?"
"Positive."
Positively not, he thinks as his heart threatens to break his ribcage when Jinyoung beams at him brightly and turns away to leave for the communal kitchen.
***
"Hyung!"
"Hyung hyung hyung hyu-"
Jaebum's what dies on his tongue just when he turns around and finds Jinyoung and Mark bent over something on Mark's smartphone. Jaebum resumes his trek back to the dorms as inconspicuously as he can, the muscles in his throat working over the lump threatening to choke him.
***
"Shit." Jaebum mutters after he throws back the soju shot Mark poured out for him, savoring the familiar burn as it goes down even with the five others prior. He hates crowded places. He hates noise. Why was he even at this frat party again?
"Hyung!"
Jinyoung's voice ringing through the pulsating bass reminds him why. The wildly colored lights does not help stave off the approaching dizziness the alcohol is bound to deliver sooner or later.
He prefers later.
"What's up, Jin?" Mark asks, since Jaebum is too inebriated to respond quickly enough (though that seems to be the eldest's fault, being a little trigger-happy with hustling the drinks.)
"I meant Jaebum, Mark hyung." Jinyoung grimaces at Mark apologetically, and Jaebum's a bit out of it to notice Mark's conspiratorial grin at his direction. Mark elbows his side to get his attention.
Jinyoung doesn't say anything but he has his expectant face on. He hates disappointing Jinyoung.
"Let's dance, Jinyoung." Jaebum grabs his arm and drags his best friend to the makeshift dance floor. If only he looked back, he would have seen Mark giving Jinyoung two thumbs-up.
***
Jaebum's class lets out early today and he has just finished a paper due for next week last night, so he figures he could go watch the soccer team practice this afternoon.
A game is at half-time between shirts and double shirts (no skins, guys. The weather is still too chilly for that, sorry.) by the time Jaebum takes a seat at the bleachers. Choi Minho, as co-captain, leads the shirts while Mark, the other co-captain, leads the double shirts.
Jaebum is impressed by Choi Youngjae, the freshman he had been saddled to mentor since he lives on the same floor as Jinyoung and him.Youngjae's footwork is clean and practiced, showing great potential to remain on the team after Minho graduates. He realizes he was too hasty to judge the boy based on his inability to remain upright on his feet the first time they met and their subsequent meetings after that.
One could imagine his utter confusion when Youngjae arrived one night and informed him that he made the team. Jinyoung didn't bother to enlighten him.
He notices the fastest player in Mark's team. He lifts up his DSLR and starts filming Jinyoung's neat saves and passes. He zooms in and out trying to capture the sheer brilliance of the power and control Jinyoung wields out in the field. The sun starts to set as Jinyoung scores the winning goal and he throws his arms up in victory.
Jaebum is sure the freaking universe must be out to get him because Jinyoung is dappled in the golden sunlight and looks him straight in eye.
(Through the lens, if we're being technical about it. But yeah.)
Jaebum nearly drops the camera in shock, but his near-blunder is covered up when the rest of Jinyoung's team swarms him in celebration (also effectively ruining any romantic connotations of their eye contact could have incurred.)
Youngjae is staring adoringly up at Jinyoung with cries of hyung hyung hyung by the time Jaebum is striding up to them. Jinyoung is staring back with the same fondness then ruffles Youngjae's raven black hair as he has him in an armlock. Jaebum feels his heart sinking at the scene before him but he braves the last few steps to stand at Jinyoung's side.
Jinyoung turns to give him one of his blinding smiles, all teeth and crinkled eyes, when Jaebum squeezes his right shoulder. Jaebum thinks he might have to get that lump in his throat checked out at the university clinic.
***
It's the night before the soccer team's final match against the rival school and Jinyoung is too restless to sleep.
"Hyung."
Jaebum is in that blissful little space between subconsciousness and sleep, he bites back the groan he's wont to do when his precious sleep is disturbed, but he rolls over with a grunt then lifts his blanket up in consent. Jinyoung slithers in with all the grace of a newborn buck and hums his gratitude into the crook of Jaebum's neck once he's settled in.
"Hyung, I'm scared." Jinyoung whispers as if there's someone else in the bed with them who might hear.
Right outside down the hall, what vaguely sounds like chaos thunder from the two high school prospects, Kunpimook and Yugyeom. Peniel tells them to shut the fuck up, i'm trying to sleep.
"I don't get what for, Jin. You were pretty good the last time I watched you play." Jaebum senses rather than sees Jinyoung's mouth curve into a small smile in what little light creeps in his room (and also because everybody and their mother knows how shit Jaebum's vision is without his glasses, the dark isn't helping at all.)
"Just warm up properly and don't get too cocky out in the field." Jinyoung punches his shoulder playfully before settling back against Jaebum's chest. Eventually, his breaths even out and he's asleep before Jaebum knows it.
Jaebum sighs wearily as he is left awake with the things he should keep pushed back with his innermost thoughts at the back of his mind. But it doesn't really matter because the scent of Jinyoung mixed with his shampoo and the steady pattern of his breathing lulls him to sleep as well.
***
The prospects wreck havoc on game day (on their side of the bleachers only, fortunately), front-lining as Jinyoung's personal cheering squad, putting the actual cheerleaders to shame with face paint and high-pitched yowling. Jaebum should be irritated as hell with all the extra noise they're making, but seeing Jinyoung breaking into pleased grins in between plays has him feeling grateful for the two troublemakers. He might have to put in a good word in if they were planning to apply.
Note to self: treat those crazy kids for ice cream if the team wins.
Jinyoung kicks the ball with enough force and grace to have it sailing out of the opponents' reach and straight into the goal. Kunpimook erupts into a war cry that abruptly ends with his voice cracking. If he's embarrassed, no one can tell from his continued fervor in cheering Jinyoung on.
Jinyoung couldn't resist smiling like his face is going to crack as he high-fives Jaebum on the way back to position.
Note to self: treat those crazy kids for ice cream if the team wins. after the game.
Mark and Youngjae volley the ball between them, skillfully dodging the other team's attempts to mess up their play. Someone eventually parries them, luckily Minseok claims the ball before anyone has a chance to steal it.
Minseok is one of their strongest players and he does his best to get closer to the goal, but also gets hindered.
"Hyung, I'm open!"
Minseok sends the ball shooting out towards Jinyoung, who receives it deftly before taking off toward the goal. The opposing team had been focused on cutting off Mark and Youngjae earlier, leaving Jinyoung free rein of the rest of the field, with only the goalie as his remaining obstacle.
This is it.
A body comes crashing out of nowhere into Jinyoung, knocking the air out of his lungs as he falls to the grass.
Jaebum can only watch helplessly as Minseok and Minho pull Jinyoung up. Behind him, he can hear Kunpimook yelling that was a foul, you babo! you hear? A foooouuu- before Yugyeom wisely puts his hand over the former's mouth. Jaebum is too far away from the players, but with his camera he can make out Jinyoung's mouth forming i can still play, i want my free kick.
Finger at the ready on the button, he takes in Jinyoung's look of determination and Jaebum decides right then and there that he would give this--whatever this is, with Jinyoung everything he's got.
Because Jinyoung is his best friend.
Because Jinyoung has been there for him since the day they met.
Because Jinyoung loves with no conditions and expectations.
Because Jinyoung could have his pick of any of the guys (and girls) on campus, but he willingly chose Jaebum.
Jaebum, who is taciturn and moody, tending to ignore everyone else's advice and carves his own path. Jaebum, who tends to lash out at everyone then shut them out when he's frustrated. Jaebum, who is flawed and weak, and can't express his emotions in ways other than erratic bursts of anger.
But it doesn't matter, because Jinyoung knows these things about him by heart and he can make up for those flaws, the same way Jaebum compensates for his disorderly and impulsive nature in return.
Maybe Jaebum just wants to be better for Jinyoung.
Jinyoung made his choice a week ago, and now Jaebum makes his.
Because Jinyoung deserves everything he asks for and more.
(and Jaebum is more than willing to do anything to give it.)
***
"God, Jin. Why'd you have to get so fucking wasted?" Jaebum mutters as they arrive at the dorms with the younger boy on his back. Being a little taller than Jaebum, he is by no means light.
"Dutch courage, Jae."
Startled by Jinyoung's reply, Jaebum stumbles on the last step, his hand scrambling quickly for the railing the only thing preventing them from rolling down three flights of stairs.
Willing his heart to slow down after their brush with death as they trudge to Jinyoung's door, only to find it locked when Jaebum tries the knob. Jinyoung is uncooperative as hell when Jaebum asks for the key.
Jaebum is also drunk and too tired to be patting down Jinyoung for the damn keys, so he kicks his own door open and lays the younger down on his own bed instead. Jinyoung practically lives in Jaebum's room anyway.
He doesn't bother to change into the sweatpants he usually wears to bed, settles for just shucking off his jacket and shirt then removes Jinyoung's sweater so he doesn't overheat in his sleep.
"Jaebum," Jinyoung's hand wraps around his wrist, he opens his mouth to continue, yet falters to find his words.
"What is it, Jirongie?" Jaebum feels indulgent tonight, he moves closer so he can hear better. "You can tell me."
The bedside lamp casts shadows on Jinyoung's face, Jaebum watches as he licks his lips. His eyes are clear, not at all glassy even though he had more than his fill of liquor earlier.
"I love you, Jaebum."
Jaebum is stunned by Jinyoung's confession but he has a peculiar sensation in his stomach that he had been expecting this. The way he's been a permanent fixture in Jinyoung's life since high school and how proximity builds familiarity and the like, it's really no surprise Jinyoung harbors more than platonic affection for him.
He had always felt like this was bound to happen sooner or later, either one or both of them falling for the other or each other. Just like in the movies.
Jaebum doesn't think he's prepared for this. He always thought he'd be the one eventually seeing Jinyoung in a romantic light. That he would be the one baring his heart's secrets to Jinyoung and be at the mercy of his answer or rejection.
Maybe the alcohol has left him so numb that the apprehension clawing up his spine doesn't feel as sharp as it should be. Or Jinyoung's confession jarred him too much and his body has gone into shock trying to process it. He's just really confused right now.
Either way, Jaebum doesn't want to hurt Jinyoung. He loves him, but not in that way.
(Yet.)
"Jin, I-" Jinyoung presses a finger to his lips to quiet him.
"You don't have to return my feelings, Jaebum." He lets go of Jaebum's wrist but doesn't drop his gaze on his face as he burrows deeper into the bedclothes. "I just wanted to let you know that I love you. I have for a very long time."
Jinyoung closes his eyes and almost immediately slips into delicious slumber. Jaebum envies him that while he is left awake to ponder the repercussions of tonight's events.
He clicks off the light and lets sleep claim him as well.
***
Jinyoung closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before releasing it noisily. The score is 1-0 and with no time left on the clock, his team would win regardless if he makes the goal or not. But Park Jinyoung doesn't do things half-assed and he's got a competitive streak rivaling Jackson's, he knows that as soon as he asked for his free kick he was intent on seeing it through.
He knows everyone's eyes are on him, especially Jaebum's and the last thing he wants is for his best friend to hide his disappointment from him if he doesn't do well. Jinyoung doesn't want you did your best consolation-slash-pity peptalk bullshit after this game. He wants good job! i knew you could do it! i'm proud of yous from Jaebum.
(Maybe a kiss on the lips too. That would be a nice proverbial cherry on top to end this perfect day.)
Get your shit together, Park! Jinyoung berates himself and lines his foot behind the ball. He backs up then breaks into a quick stride before striking, pouring all of what is left of his strength in that kick. A million desperate prayers to all the holy beings Jinyoung knows are sent into the stratosphere as everything goes into slow motion.
The cheers that threaten to envelop Jinyoung are deafening when the ball hits net and the goalie jumps up but strikes empty air.
The team swarms him before Minho and Mark lift him upon their shoulders. Jinyoung fistpumps wildly as they parade him around, the height disparity between the co-captains will make his butt ache later but he doesn't mind.
He's still buzzing from his victory high when he's dumped back on solid ground. The next thing he knows, Jaebum's got him in a tight embrace and i'm proud of you, jirongie tumbles from his mouth.
Jinyoung feels like he's about to explode in to tiny little Jinyoungs and run amok screaming in happiness because everything is playing out like it's destiny.
***
Jinyoung's earlier elation turns sour at the scene playing out before his eyes.
A few feet away from him, Lee Miso (senior, pretty and petite, major in Dance, minor in English, 160cm to Jinyoung's 179) is leaning on the wall opposite Jaebum, who has a drink in hand and grinning like Christmas has come early this year.
"What is she doing here?" Jinyoung asks, he's not jealous or anything petty like that. Because he got over that, right? Right? His envy must be that ill-concealed because Mark eyes him knowingly over the rim of his Solo cup.
"Down, boy." Jackson warns him, but there's mirth in his eyes. Jinyoung turns his head so fast in order to narrow his eyes threateningly at him, he probably got whiplash. "Youngjae probably invited her, since she's his English TA and practically babies him."
"Why that littl-"
He chokes on his incoming rant when Miso reaches out and pats Jaebum's cheek with a tinkling laugh so contrasting to Jinyoung's booming one. It takes the combined efforts of Mark and Jackson to keep him from making his way over to Miso and ripping off her corset top.
"Jaebum won't be happy if you do something to his ex, Jin. They're still pretty close, you know." Mark reminds him, tipping the last of his beer in his mouth.
(He also needs to stop comparing himself to Miso.)
Jinyoung eventually walks over to where Jaebum and Miso are still conversing after calming down and promising not to hurt the older girl.
"Hey, Jinyoung! You were fire on the field today, congratulations!" Miso grins widely at him, leaving Jinyoung a little guilty for wanting to attack her. Miso is a genuinely nice girl, only crime she committed was to date Jaebum for a few months (but it's as good as any reason for Jinyoung to loathe her.)
"Hi, Miso noona." Jinyoung remembers his manners in time, though his cheerfulness is obviously forced, judging by the way Jaebum raises his eyebrow at him and Miso's tilted head.
"I'm getting another drink, you guys want anything?" Jaebum drains his cup, then glances at them expectantly.
"Just soda. What about you, Jinyoung?"
"Thanks, but I'm good, hyung." Jinyoung answers mechanically, pointedly ignoring Miso. Jaebum nods and leaves with a be right back.
As soon as Jaebum is out of earshot, Jinyoung realizes it was a mistake to let Jaebum go and abandon him with his former squeeze. Miso is looking at him predatorily and Jinyoung feels absolutely cornered. He wants to turn around and flee tail between his legs but he doesn't know how to explain his behavior to Jaebum if ever he'll ask.
"Long time, no see, Jin. How are you?" Jinyoung lets out an inward sigh of relief, he had been fully expecting Miso to go in for the kill. Jinyoung chooses not to grace her with an answer and just shrugs noncommittally. Miso doesn't take offense at the brush off, Jinyoung bitterly notes. It would have been so much easier to hate Miso if she was the bitch he badly wishes her to be.
"Don't take this the wrong way but...some friendly advice?" Miso leans closer to Jinyoung so he can hear her properly. "Get over it." Jinyoung is taken aback by Miso's statement, he's about to open his mouth and ask her who the hell does she think she is, the little sl-
"The past is in the past, Jin. Jaebum and I are over...but that doesn't mean we can't talk to each other or hang out. I mean, we're friends and I honestly miss him, but just not in that way, you know?"
Jinyoung just keeps quiet, he has a feeling Miso isn't done yet.
"Noona. Here, I got you Sprite since you're allergic to cola."
Jinyoung's circle of friends have always had this uncanny knack for arriving at inopportune moments--Jaebum is no exception. Miso takes the soda can, murmuring her thanks while Jinyoung continues feigning disinterest. Something cold and wet brushes against Jinyoung's skin so he glances down and finds a water bottle being pressed into his hand.
Jinyoung finds himself meeting Jaebum's warm smile. Miso looks on with avid interest before pushing off the wall and tells them she's looking some other form of entertainment.
"Go get 'im, tiger." She mockingly dusts her knuckle on Jinyoung's jaw and runs off, presumably to tease Youngjae and the prospects (who the team decided were one of the factors that led to their victory, thus extending their visit to one more night.)
***
"I need air. Wanna go to the roof with me?" Jaebum asks Jinyoung as a formality, but they both know Jinyoung would always end up where Jaebum is even if he doesn't say anything.
Jinyoung nods in agreement and they make their way up outside.
The slight breeze that greets them is a welcome relief from the humid heat of the indoors. They both settle themselves beside the vent, a precaution in case the breeze kicks up. Windburn is a bitch to deal with when there's more serious shit to think about.
It's silent for a moment before Jaebum speaks.
"Did you mean it?"
"Did I mean what?" Jinyoung asks back, Jaebum is usually straightforward during conversations, he was supposed to be the vague one in their group.
"What you said last week, the frat party?"
"Hyung, you're going to have be more specific than that. I said a lot of things during that party."
Jaebum's getting irritated now. Was Jinyoung going to pretend he never said anything? He chances a glance at Jinyoung, who now looks so genuinely confused that Jaebum thinks of the possibility of alcohol-induced amnesia.
"Not during, after. I carried you home but your room was locked so I let you crash in mine? Do you really not remember?" Jinyoung wasn't really interested in playing this game, but with Jaebum dropping only clues of when, where, how and no what, it was now fueling his curiousity.
"I woke up in your bed, but I don't recall what happened."
Jaebum is usually patient with Jinyoung but he's slightly drunk and Jinyoung's uncertainty and unwillingness to speak his mind during the only time Jaebum was counting on him to does nothing to ameliorate his rising frustration.
(But then again revealing your feelings to your best friend can only go in two ways: they either reciprocate your feelings or your friendship ends forever. Anybody would be scared shitless.)
So Jaebum should feel like crap when Jinyoung trembles from fear rather than the cold after he snaps and yells you fucking confessed to me, that's what!
When Jinyoung stiffens as Jaebum takes his hand, instantly Jaebum feels even worse.
"I'm sorry, Jin. I didn't bring you up here to yell at you."
"It's okay, hyung. You have every right to be angry at me." Jinyoung hugs his knees, trying to comfort himself. He looks almost pathetic, Jaebum wants to kick himself now.
"I'm not mad at you, Jin. I'm mad at myself. Sorry for losing my temper with you. I'll be better." Jinyoung still won't make eye contact with him, so he takes a deep breath, an action they have in common when they're about to do something nerve-wracking.
Grow a pair, Im. It's now or never.
Jaebum tips Jinyoung's chin up and presses a feathery kiss on his lips.
"Wha- hyung?" Jinyoung tenses immediately at his touch, hands coming up to push him away, but faltering.
"Shhh, Jirongie. Thank you for being my best friend, for loving me." Jaebum tells him between kisses on his jaw, his neck, his collarbones. Jinyoung stops his half-hearted resistance, sliding his arms around Jaebum's neck, slowly melting under the older boy's persistence.
"I had all week to think about it, about...you." Jaebum cards his fingers through Jinyoung's hair, making sure he will hear every word. "And I decided, I love you too. Maybe not as much as you love me, but I'll get there. I promise."
"Decided? Is love a choice?" Jinyoung asks, eyes glassy from unshed tears when Jaebum directs his gaze back at him. He cups his hand at Jinyoung's nape and leans down to capture his lips once more before answering the question.
"Of course it is. Attraction maybe automatic, Jin, but the effort we put in things we do for people who mean the most to us just to see them happy is conscious. Isn't that what love is?" Jinyoung searches for something, anything in Jaebum's face that would betray his words, but he finds only sincerity and quiet reassurance in his eyes.
Jinyoung doesn't answer but the steady pressure he places on Jaebum's mouth as he finally gets to kiss him back says yes, that's exactly what love is.
***
Epilogue:
"Yes! Fuck-ing finally!" Jackson whoops and claps Jaebum on back as soon as the latter and Jinyoung return to the party, hands entwined with each other. It had gotten too cold on the roof and cuddling can only do so much when you don't have jacket on. "I was getting tired of you guys pussyfooting around. Where's Mark? He owes me 20 bucks!"
Youngjae grins at them and tips his drink up in congratulations then points at the couple grinding on each other at the edge of the crowd. Jaebum has his contacts on so he has no difficulty in making out Mark's hand creeping under Miso's top and Miso's hands in both of Mark's back pockets.
"Whoo, Mark! Get it!" Jackson shouts even though the music is too loud and they're too far away to hear.
^_^
A/N: oh dear God, this took 3 weeks to finish. I hope you like it, anon. The genres for fanfic has evolved so much in the past 6 years that i have no idea what's going on anymore. This piece was my escape from med school all the while, it's also the only fanfic i have ever finished. The ending nearly became angsty but i wanted to keep it lighthearted and natural, so i scrapped that alternate ending (but i might write a remix.)
Anyway, sorry for ranting, i'm just so overwhelmed from the feeling of having completed something. //bows and lays on the floor to cry.
Genre: i have no idea. (Confessions, college!au, best friends, slight jealousy)
warning: swearing, no smut. unbeta-ed, may not correlate with the prompt, i have no idea how soccer works.
This is my first fic published after 6 years, so please bear with me.
Title taken from Paramore's That's What You Get.
Dedicated to mainly to the prompt anon (and to the fandom authors who saved me from boring days, especially gotchick who revived my love for JJP with her return.)
prompt: have you ever decided to someone because they loved you first?
Summary: in which the entire universe seems hellbent on making Jaebum fall for his best friend. But maybe he already has, but he needs more than a push in the right direction to make him realize it.
Jaebum wakes up a little disoriented, with a faint taste of what he can only describe as death with a side of garbage lingering on his tongue. He squints through a pounding headache at the sunlight coming in bright burning beams through the gaps of the window blinds. What snaps him out of his momentary lull in thought, though, is a warm weight against his chest.
Jinyoung.
***
"Hyung. Jaebum hyung. I have to tell you something." Jinyoung was touchy on most days, but he was positively clingy now that he had alcohol pumping through his system. He was chest-to-chest with Jaebum and mumbling into the older boy's ear, breath hot and moist on his sweaty neck. As per usual, he humors Jinyoung.
"What is it?"
"Later."
***
Jinyoung slowly blinks awake and Jaebum continues to stare despite himself. Jinyoung gives him a lazy smile that reminds him of a cat (notably his beloved Nora) that he can't help but return.
How has he never noticed the crinkles at the corners of Jinyoung's eyes with those grins he graces him daily?
Jinyoung lays his head on Jaebum's chest, humming contentedly, while he waits for the younger boy to gasp in horrible realization and flee from the room.
That moment never comes and Jaebum releases a breath he isn't aware of holding, closing his eyes once more as he tries to swallow down the lump in his throat and thinks that maybe, just maybe, things won't be so bad this way.
***
When Jaebum awakens for the second time that day, the sun is high up in the sky and the spot next to him is devoid of human presence.
He feels an odd hollow sensation in his chest as he stares at his empty bed for no apparent reason. Jaebum chalks it up to his hangover and haphazardly tumbles out of bed, nearly knocking out his front teeth against the floor in the process.
The noise brings Nora to his side and she presses her paw on his nostrils in comfort.
"Thanks, jagi." A soft snort at the door makes him glance up. Jinyoung is leaning against the frame, just observing him.
"Are you just gonna laugh at me or are you gonna help me up?" Jaebum huffs in mock indignation at his best friend.
"I'm thinking about it." Jinyoung doesn't move, except to pick at something under his fingernails.
"God, why am I friends with you. You're the worst." Jaebum flops on his back and stares at the ceiling, still a little groggy to stand up properly. Jinyoung laughs again.
"It's Jinyoung, not God. And it's Jackson whose actually the worst." Jinyoung's face comes into view and wow, he's beautiful, Jaebum thinks. The damn sunlight filtering into his room is making Jinyoung look...ethereal.
Wait. What. Since when did his vocabulary expand to describe Jinyoung like that?
"Hyung! You want a hand or not?" Jaebum comes back to the present. Jinyoung is waving his arm in his face, Jaebum feels his face burn as he takes the proffered hand.
"You had me worried for a second there, hyung. You looked like you were in pain." Jinyoung says as he helps Jaebum dust himself off. "You sure you're okay?"
"Positive."
Positively not, he thinks as his heart threatens to break his ribcage when Jinyoung beams at him brightly and turns away to leave for the communal kitchen.
***
"Hyung!"
"Hyung hyung hyung hyu-"
Jaebum's what dies on his tongue just when he turns around and finds Jinyoung and Mark bent over something on Mark's smartphone. Jaebum resumes his trek back to the dorms as inconspicuously as he can, the muscles in his throat working over the lump threatening to choke him.
***
"Shit." Jaebum mutters after he throws back the soju shot Mark poured out for him, savoring the familiar burn as it goes down even with the five others prior. He hates crowded places. He hates noise. Why was he even at this frat party again?
"Hyung!"
Jinyoung's voice ringing through the pulsating bass reminds him why. The wildly colored lights does not help stave off the approaching dizziness the alcohol is bound to deliver sooner or later.
He prefers later.
"What's up, Jin?" Mark asks, since Jaebum is too inebriated to respond quickly enough (though that seems to be the eldest's fault, being a little trigger-happy with hustling the drinks.)
"I meant Jaebum, Mark hyung." Jinyoung grimaces at Mark apologetically, and Jaebum's a bit out of it to notice Mark's conspiratorial grin at his direction. Mark elbows his side to get his attention.
Jinyoung doesn't say anything but he has his expectant face on. He hates disappointing Jinyoung.
"Let's dance, Jinyoung." Jaebum grabs his arm and drags his best friend to the makeshift dance floor. If only he looked back, he would have seen Mark giving Jinyoung two thumbs-up.
***
Jaebum's class lets out early today and he has just finished a paper due for next week last night, so he figures he could go watch the soccer team practice this afternoon.
A game is at half-time between shirts and double shirts (no skins, guys. The weather is still too chilly for that, sorry.) by the time Jaebum takes a seat at the bleachers. Choi Minho, as co-captain, leads the shirts while Mark, the other co-captain, leads the double shirts.
Jaebum is impressed by Choi Youngjae, the freshman he had been saddled to mentor since he lives on the same floor as Jinyoung and him.Youngjae's footwork is clean and practiced, showing great potential to remain on the team after Minho graduates. He realizes he was too hasty to judge the boy based on his inability to remain upright on his feet the first time they met and their subsequent meetings after that.
One could imagine his utter confusion when Youngjae arrived one night and informed him that he made the team. Jinyoung didn't bother to enlighten him.
He notices the fastest player in Mark's team. He lifts up his DSLR and starts filming Jinyoung's neat saves and passes. He zooms in and out trying to capture the sheer brilliance of the power and control Jinyoung wields out in the field. The sun starts to set as Jinyoung scores the winning goal and he throws his arms up in victory.
Jaebum is sure the freaking universe must be out to get him because Jinyoung is dappled in the golden sunlight and looks him straight in eye.
(Through the lens, if we're being technical about it. But yeah.)
Jaebum nearly drops the camera in shock, but his near-blunder is covered up when the rest of Jinyoung's team swarms him in celebration (also effectively ruining any romantic connotations of their eye contact could have incurred.)
Youngjae is staring adoringly up at Jinyoung with cries of hyung hyung hyung by the time Jaebum is striding up to them. Jinyoung is staring back with the same fondness then ruffles Youngjae's raven black hair as he has him in an armlock. Jaebum feels his heart sinking at the scene before him but he braves the last few steps to stand at Jinyoung's side.
Jinyoung turns to give him one of his blinding smiles, all teeth and crinkled eyes, when Jaebum squeezes his right shoulder. Jaebum thinks he might have to get that lump in his throat checked out at the university clinic.
***
It's the night before the soccer team's final match against the rival school and Jinyoung is too restless to sleep.
"Hyung."
Jaebum is in that blissful little space between subconsciousness and sleep, he bites back the groan he's wont to do when his precious sleep is disturbed, but he rolls over with a grunt then lifts his blanket up in consent. Jinyoung slithers in with all the grace of a newborn buck and hums his gratitude into the crook of Jaebum's neck once he's settled in.
"Hyung, I'm scared." Jinyoung whispers as if there's someone else in the bed with them who might hear.
Right outside down the hall, what vaguely sounds like chaos thunder from the two high school prospects, Kunpimook and Yugyeom. Peniel tells them to shut the fuck up, i'm trying to sleep.
"I don't get what for, Jin. You were pretty good the last time I watched you play." Jaebum senses rather than sees Jinyoung's mouth curve into a small smile in what little light creeps in his room (and also because everybody and their mother knows how shit Jaebum's vision is without his glasses, the dark isn't helping at all.)
"Just warm up properly and don't get too cocky out in the field." Jinyoung punches his shoulder playfully before settling back against Jaebum's chest. Eventually, his breaths even out and he's asleep before Jaebum knows it.
Jaebum sighs wearily as he is left awake with the things he should keep pushed back with his innermost thoughts at the back of his mind. But it doesn't really matter because the scent of Jinyoung mixed with his shampoo and the steady pattern of his breathing lulls him to sleep as well.
***
The prospects wreck havoc on game day (on their side of the bleachers only, fortunately), front-lining as Jinyoung's personal cheering squad, putting the actual cheerleaders to shame with face paint and high-pitched yowling. Jaebum should be irritated as hell with all the extra noise they're making, but seeing Jinyoung breaking into pleased grins in between plays has him feeling grateful for the two troublemakers. He might have to put in a good word in if they were planning to apply.
Note to self: treat those crazy kids for ice cream if the team wins.
Jinyoung kicks the ball with enough force and grace to have it sailing out of the opponents' reach and straight into the goal. Kunpimook erupts into a war cry that abruptly ends with his voice cracking. If he's embarrassed, no one can tell from his continued fervor in cheering Jinyoung on.
Jinyoung couldn't resist smiling like his face is going to crack as he high-fives Jaebum on the way back to position.
Note to self: treat those crazy kids for ice cream if the team wins. after the game.
Mark and Youngjae volley the ball between them, skillfully dodging the other team's attempts to mess up their play. Someone eventually parries them, luckily Minseok claims the ball before anyone has a chance to steal it.
Minseok is one of their strongest players and he does his best to get closer to the goal, but also gets hindered.
"Hyung, I'm open!"
Minseok sends the ball shooting out towards Jinyoung, who receives it deftly before taking off toward the goal. The opposing team had been focused on cutting off Mark and Youngjae earlier, leaving Jinyoung free rein of the rest of the field, with only the goalie as his remaining obstacle.
This is it.
A body comes crashing out of nowhere into Jinyoung, knocking the air out of his lungs as he falls to the grass.
Jaebum can only watch helplessly as Minseok and Minho pull Jinyoung up. Behind him, he can hear Kunpimook yelling that was a foul, you babo! you hear? A foooouuu- before Yugyeom wisely puts his hand over the former's mouth. Jaebum is too far away from the players, but with his camera he can make out Jinyoung's mouth forming i can still play, i want my free kick.
Finger at the ready on the button, he takes in Jinyoung's look of determination and Jaebum decides right then and there that he would give this--whatever this is, with Jinyoung everything he's got.
Because Jinyoung is his best friend.
Because Jinyoung has been there for him since the day they met.
Because Jinyoung loves with no conditions and expectations.
Because Jinyoung could have his pick of any of the guys (and girls) on campus, but he willingly chose Jaebum.
Jaebum, who is taciturn and moody, tending to ignore everyone else's advice and carves his own path. Jaebum, who tends to lash out at everyone then shut them out when he's frustrated. Jaebum, who is flawed and weak, and can't express his emotions in ways other than erratic bursts of anger.
But it doesn't matter, because Jinyoung knows these things about him by heart and he can make up for those flaws, the same way Jaebum compensates for his disorderly and impulsive nature in return.
Maybe Jaebum just wants to be better for Jinyoung.
Jinyoung made his choice a week ago, and now Jaebum makes his.
Because Jinyoung deserves everything he asks for and more.
(and Jaebum is more than willing to do anything to give it.)
***
"God, Jin. Why'd you have to get so fucking wasted?" Jaebum mutters as they arrive at the dorms with the younger boy on his back. Being a little taller than Jaebum, he is by no means light.
"Dutch courage, Jae."
Startled by Jinyoung's reply, Jaebum stumbles on the last step, his hand scrambling quickly for the railing the only thing preventing them from rolling down three flights of stairs.
Willing his heart to slow down after their brush with death as they trudge to Jinyoung's door, only to find it locked when Jaebum tries the knob. Jinyoung is uncooperative as hell when Jaebum asks for the key.
Jaebum is also drunk and too tired to be patting down Jinyoung for the damn keys, so he kicks his own door open and lays the younger down on his own bed instead. Jinyoung practically lives in Jaebum's room anyway.
He doesn't bother to change into the sweatpants he usually wears to bed, settles for just shucking off his jacket and shirt then removes Jinyoung's sweater so he doesn't overheat in his sleep.
"Jaebum," Jinyoung's hand wraps around his wrist, he opens his mouth to continue, yet falters to find his words.
"What is it, Jirongie?" Jaebum feels indulgent tonight, he moves closer so he can hear better. "You can tell me."
The bedside lamp casts shadows on Jinyoung's face, Jaebum watches as he licks his lips. His eyes are clear, not at all glassy even though he had more than his fill of liquor earlier.
"I love you, Jaebum."
Jaebum is stunned by Jinyoung's confession but he has a peculiar sensation in his stomach that he had been expecting this. The way he's been a permanent fixture in Jinyoung's life since high school and how proximity builds familiarity and the like, it's really no surprise Jinyoung harbors more than platonic affection for him.
He had always felt like this was bound to happen sooner or later, either one or both of them falling for the other or each other. Just like in the movies.
Jaebum doesn't think he's prepared for this. He always thought he'd be the one eventually seeing Jinyoung in a romantic light. That he would be the one baring his heart's secrets to Jinyoung and be at the mercy of his answer or rejection.
Maybe the alcohol has left him so numb that the apprehension clawing up his spine doesn't feel as sharp as it should be. Or Jinyoung's confession jarred him too much and his body has gone into shock trying to process it. He's just really confused right now.
Either way, Jaebum doesn't want to hurt Jinyoung. He loves him, but not in that way.
(Yet.)
"Jin, I-" Jinyoung presses a finger to his lips to quiet him.
"You don't have to return my feelings, Jaebum." He lets go of Jaebum's wrist but doesn't drop his gaze on his face as he burrows deeper into the bedclothes. "I just wanted to let you know that I love you. I have for a very long time."
Jinyoung closes his eyes and almost immediately slips into delicious slumber. Jaebum envies him that while he is left awake to ponder the repercussions of tonight's events.
He clicks off the light and lets sleep claim him as well.
***
Jinyoung closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before releasing it noisily. The score is 1-0 and with no time left on the clock, his team would win regardless if he makes the goal or not. But Park Jinyoung doesn't do things half-assed and he's got a competitive streak rivaling Jackson's, he knows that as soon as he asked for his free kick he was intent on seeing it through.
He knows everyone's eyes are on him, especially Jaebum's and the last thing he wants is for his best friend to hide his disappointment from him if he doesn't do well. Jinyoung doesn't want you did your best consolation-slash-pity peptalk bullshit after this game. He wants good job! i knew you could do it! i'm proud of yous from Jaebum.
(Maybe a kiss on the lips too. That would be a nice proverbial cherry on top to end this perfect day.)
Get your shit together, Park! Jinyoung berates himself and lines his foot behind the ball. He backs up then breaks into a quick stride before striking, pouring all of what is left of his strength in that kick. A million desperate prayers to all the holy beings Jinyoung knows are sent into the stratosphere as everything goes into slow motion.
The cheers that threaten to envelop Jinyoung are deafening when the ball hits net and the goalie jumps up but strikes empty air.
The team swarms him before Minho and Mark lift him upon their shoulders. Jinyoung fistpumps wildly as they parade him around, the height disparity between the co-captains will make his butt ache later but he doesn't mind.
He's still buzzing from his victory high when he's dumped back on solid ground. The next thing he knows, Jaebum's got him in a tight embrace and i'm proud of you, jirongie tumbles from his mouth.
Jinyoung feels like he's about to explode in to tiny little Jinyoungs and run amok screaming in happiness because everything is playing out like it's destiny.
***
Jinyoung's earlier elation turns sour at the scene playing out before his eyes.
A few feet away from him, Lee Miso (senior, pretty and petite, major in Dance, minor in English, 160cm to Jinyoung's 179) is leaning on the wall opposite Jaebum, who has a drink in hand and grinning like Christmas has come early this year.
"What is she doing here?" Jinyoung asks, he's not jealous or anything petty like that. Because he got over that, right? Right? His envy must be that ill-concealed because Mark eyes him knowingly over the rim of his Solo cup.
"Down, boy." Jackson warns him, but there's mirth in his eyes. Jinyoung turns his head so fast in order to narrow his eyes threateningly at him, he probably got whiplash. "Youngjae probably invited her, since she's his English TA and practically babies him."
"Why that littl-"
He chokes on his incoming rant when Miso reaches out and pats Jaebum's cheek with a tinkling laugh so contrasting to Jinyoung's booming one. It takes the combined efforts of Mark and Jackson to keep him from making his way over to Miso and ripping off her corset top.
"Jaebum won't be happy if you do something to his ex, Jin. They're still pretty close, you know." Mark reminds him, tipping the last of his beer in his mouth.
(He also needs to stop comparing himself to Miso.)
Jinyoung eventually walks over to where Jaebum and Miso are still conversing after calming down and promising not to hurt the older girl.
"Hey, Jinyoung! You were fire on the field today, congratulations!" Miso grins widely at him, leaving Jinyoung a little guilty for wanting to attack her. Miso is a genuinely nice girl, only crime she committed was to date Jaebum for a few months (but it's as good as any reason for Jinyoung to loathe her.)
"Hi, Miso noona." Jinyoung remembers his manners in time, though his cheerfulness is obviously forced, judging by the way Jaebum raises his eyebrow at him and Miso's tilted head.
"I'm getting another drink, you guys want anything?" Jaebum drains his cup, then glances at them expectantly.
"Just soda. What about you, Jinyoung?"
"Thanks, but I'm good, hyung." Jinyoung answers mechanically, pointedly ignoring Miso. Jaebum nods and leaves with a be right back.
As soon as Jaebum is out of earshot, Jinyoung realizes it was a mistake to let Jaebum go and abandon him with his former squeeze. Miso is looking at him predatorily and Jinyoung feels absolutely cornered. He wants to turn around and flee tail between his legs but he doesn't know how to explain his behavior to Jaebum if ever he'll ask.
"Long time, no see, Jin. How are you?" Jinyoung lets out an inward sigh of relief, he had been fully expecting Miso to go in for the kill. Jinyoung chooses not to grace her with an answer and just shrugs noncommittally. Miso doesn't take offense at the brush off, Jinyoung bitterly notes. It would have been so much easier to hate Miso if she was the bitch he badly wishes her to be.
"Don't take this the wrong way but...some friendly advice?" Miso leans closer to Jinyoung so he can hear her properly. "Get over it." Jinyoung is taken aback by Miso's statement, he's about to open his mouth and ask her who the hell does she think she is, the little sl-
"The past is in the past, Jin. Jaebum and I are over...but that doesn't mean we can't talk to each other or hang out. I mean, we're friends and I honestly miss him, but just not in that way, you know?"
Jinyoung just keeps quiet, he has a feeling Miso isn't done yet.
"Noona. Here, I got you Sprite since you're allergic to cola."
Jinyoung's circle of friends have always had this uncanny knack for arriving at inopportune moments--Jaebum is no exception. Miso takes the soda can, murmuring her thanks while Jinyoung continues feigning disinterest. Something cold and wet brushes against Jinyoung's skin so he glances down and finds a water bottle being pressed into his hand.
Jinyoung finds himself meeting Jaebum's warm smile. Miso looks on with avid interest before pushing off the wall and tells them she's looking some other form of entertainment.
"Go get 'im, tiger." She mockingly dusts her knuckle on Jinyoung's jaw and runs off, presumably to tease Youngjae and the prospects (who the team decided were one of the factors that led to their victory, thus extending their visit to one more night.)
***
"I need air. Wanna go to the roof with me?" Jaebum asks Jinyoung as a formality, but they both know Jinyoung would always end up where Jaebum is even if he doesn't say anything.
Jinyoung nods in agreement and they make their way up outside.
The slight breeze that greets them is a welcome relief from the humid heat of the indoors. They both settle themselves beside the vent, a precaution in case the breeze kicks up. Windburn is a bitch to deal with when there's more serious shit to think about.
It's silent for a moment before Jaebum speaks.
"Did you mean it?"
"Did I mean what?" Jinyoung asks back, Jaebum is usually straightforward during conversations, he was supposed to be the vague one in their group.
"What you said last week, the frat party?"
"Hyung, you're going to have be more specific than that. I said a lot of things during that party."
Jaebum's getting irritated now. Was Jinyoung going to pretend he never said anything? He chances a glance at Jinyoung, who now looks so genuinely confused that Jaebum thinks of the possibility of alcohol-induced amnesia.
"Not during, after. I carried you home but your room was locked so I let you crash in mine? Do you really not remember?" Jinyoung wasn't really interested in playing this game, but with Jaebum dropping only clues of when, where, how and no what, it was now fueling his curiousity.
"I woke up in your bed, but I don't recall what happened."
Jaebum is usually patient with Jinyoung but he's slightly drunk and Jinyoung's uncertainty and unwillingness to speak his mind during the only time Jaebum was counting on him to does nothing to ameliorate his rising frustration.
(But then again revealing your feelings to your best friend can only go in two ways: they either reciprocate your feelings or your friendship ends forever. Anybody would be scared shitless.)
So Jaebum should feel like crap when Jinyoung trembles from fear rather than the cold after he snaps and yells you fucking confessed to me, that's what!
When Jinyoung stiffens as Jaebum takes his hand, instantly Jaebum feels even worse.
"I'm sorry, Jin. I didn't bring you up here to yell at you."
"It's okay, hyung. You have every right to be angry at me." Jinyoung hugs his knees, trying to comfort himself. He looks almost pathetic, Jaebum wants to kick himself now.
"I'm not mad at you, Jin. I'm mad at myself. Sorry for losing my temper with you. I'll be better." Jinyoung still won't make eye contact with him, so he takes a deep breath, an action they have in common when they're about to do something nerve-wracking.
Grow a pair, Im. It's now or never.
Jaebum tips Jinyoung's chin up and presses a feathery kiss on his lips.
"Wha- hyung?" Jinyoung tenses immediately at his touch, hands coming up to push him away, but faltering.
"Shhh, Jirongie. Thank you for being my best friend, for loving me." Jaebum tells him between kisses on his jaw, his neck, his collarbones. Jinyoung stops his half-hearted resistance, sliding his arms around Jaebum's neck, slowly melting under the older boy's persistence.
"I had all week to think about it, about...you." Jaebum cards his fingers through Jinyoung's hair, making sure he will hear every word. "And I decided, I love you too. Maybe not as much as you love me, but I'll get there. I promise."
"Decided? Is love a choice?" Jinyoung asks, eyes glassy from unshed tears when Jaebum directs his gaze back at him. He cups his hand at Jinyoung's nape and leans down to capture his lips once more before answering the question.
"Of course it is. Attraction maybe automatic, Jin, but the effort we put in things we do for people who mean the most to us just to see them happy is conscious. Isn't that what love is?" Jinyoung searches for something, anything in Jaebum's face that would betray his words, but he finds only sincerity and quiet reassurance in his eyes.
Jinyoung doesn't answer but the steady pressure he places on Jaebum's mouth as he finally gets to kiss him back says yes, that's exactly what love is.
***
Epilogue:
"Yes! Fuck-ing finally!" Jackson whoops and claps Jaebum on back as soon as the latter and Jinyoung return to the party, hands entwined with each other. It had gotten too cold on the roof and cuddling can only do so much when you don't have jacket on. "I was getting tired of you guys pussyfooting around. Where's Mark? He owes me 20 bucks!"
Youngjae grins at them and tips his drink up in congratulations then points at the couple grinding on each other at the edge of the crowd. Jaebum has his contacts on so he has no difficulty in making out Mark's hand creeping under Miso's top and Miso's hands in both of Mark's back pockets.
"Whoo, Mark! Get it!" Jackson shouts even though the music is too loud and they're too far away to hear.
^_^
A/N: oh dear God, this took 3 weeks to finish. I hope you like it, anon. The genres for fanfic has evolved so much in the past 6 years that i have no idea what's going on anymore. This piece was my escape from med school all the while, it's also the only fanfic i have ever finished. The ending nearly became angsty but i wanted to keep it lighthearted and natural, so i scrapped that alternate ending (but i might write a remix.)
Anyway, sorry for ranting, i'm just so overwhelmed from the feeling of having completed something. //bows and lays on the floor to cry.