Bobblehead Dwight's New Year's Eve
Bobblehead Dwight escorted some friends and me around town on New Year's Eve. This is a photographic account of his travels, with commentary.
This was a very large horse. My grandfather, Dwight Schrute, had the largest horse in the county. Twenty-two hands high. People will tell you you can't get a horse that large. Those people are incorrect. The secret is beet supplements.
I found the carrots acceptable, although they are far inferior to beets.
This is not amusing. If I wanted to, I could kill you with those chopsticks using a technique I learned from my sensei.
In an attempt to assimilate me into their feminine culture, the women wrapped me in this metallic pink scarf. It did not work. I am all male, believe me. I tested myself with the Gaydar wand afterward, and, thankfully, I remain unaffected by the wardrobe aberration.
Despite its gargantuan size, this drink was no match for me. I've trained my bladder so well I can easily drink twice my weight.
The owner of this vehicle would not allow me to drive it, despite the fact that Schrutes have been driving - and building - buggies for centuries.
I wish you hadn't released this photo. I will make sure it is henceforth stricken from county records. I have contacts at the Lackawanna County Sheriff's Department.
I don't recall this incident. I'm certain this picture has been tampered with. The only Schrute ever to live out of a shopping cart was my uncle, Gerhard Schrute, who fell on hard times after the beetle infestation of '64. Even then, he first performed a substantial retrofit on the cart; it had a full bathroom and kitchenette.
Some baked goods revived my constitution nicely after the women I was with attempted to intoxicate me.
I was led to believe this was the actual Princess Unicorn, but on closer inspection, I found her to be a fraud.
Someone put me in a basket against my will. I know for a fact I could garner much more than $2.00.
This gentleman was kind enough to read aloud from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Morocco is a beautiful and magical place. A place I've been unjustly banned from until 2011.
This sign would have been much more effective had it been printed on Dunder Mifflin paper. Also, I've never cared for that font.
I was told this chocolate martini was quite delicious. Unfortunately, I could not reach the straw.
Why I was placed among all these bottles of alcohol, I don't know. At least my idiot captors managed to remove me before I was made into a mixed drink.
End of Dwight's travelogue
While out on the town, we also helped some local businesses (and parking garages, and the YMCA, and various yards) with their New Year's resolutions:
This was a very large horse. My grandfather, Dwight Schrute, had the largest horse in the county. Twenty-two hands high. People will tell you you can't get a horse that large. Those people are incorrect. The secret is beet supplements.
I found the carrots acceptable, although they are far inferior to beets.
This is not amusing. If I wanted to, I could kill you with those chopsticks using a technique I learned from my sensei.
In an attempt to assimilate me into their feminine culture, the women wrapped me in this metallic pink scarf. It did not work. I am all male, believe me. I tested myself with the Gaydar wand afterward, and, thankfully, I remain unaffected by the wardrobe aberration.
Despite its gargantuan size, this drink was no match for me. I've trained my bladder so well I can easily drink twice my weight.
The owner of this vehicle would not allow me to drive it, despite the fact that Schrutes have been driving - and building - buggies for centuries.
I wish you hadn't released this photo. I will make sure it is henceforth stricken from county records. I have contacts at the Lackawanna County Sheriff's Department.
I don't recall this incident. I'm certain this picture has been tampered with. The only Schrute ever to live out of a shopping cart was my uncle, Gerhard Schrute, who fell on hard times after the beetle infestation of '64. Even then, he first performed a substantial retrofit on the cart; it had a full bathroom and kitchenette.
Some baked goods revived my constitution nicely after the women I was with attempted to intoxicate me.
I was led to believe this was the actual Princess Unicorn, but on closer inspection, I found her to be a fraud.
Someone put me in a basket against my will. I know for a fact I could garner much more than $2.00.
This gentleman was kind enough to read aloud from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Morocco is a beautiful and magical place. A place I've been unjustly banned from until 2011.
This sign would have been much more effective had it been printed on Dunder Mifflin paper. Also, I've never cared for that font.
I was told this chocolate martini was quite delicious. Unfortunately, I could not reach the straw.
Why I was placed among all these bottles of alcohol, I don't know. At least my idiot captors managed to remove me before I was made into a mixed drink.
End of Dwight's travelogue
While out on the town, we also helped some local businesses (and parking garages, and the YMCA, and various yards) with their New Year's resolutions: