Intimations of Mortality.

[sarcaustik]

Does anyone else get those moments of horrible clarity when you remember that you are headed inescapably towards death? I first became aware of my own mortality when I was about nine and spent unhealthy amounts of time dwelling on it*, but I think as one gets older one learns not to think about that sort of thing. Somehow, though, one of those

Comments

[stompyboots]

It's the just stopping that gets me. One day I won't have any more thoughts or experiences, and some time after that*, all knowledge of my existence will have vanished. Surely I'm too important to fade away!

* i.e., when all my friends and loved ones have passed on too

[sarcaustik]

I kind of like the idea that my name might live forever (not that I have done anything to earn that yet) but it's the stopping having thoughts and experiences that gets me too.

[stompyboots]

I am planning on making my name live forever, somehow. If world domination falls through, my back-up plan is to write some very worthy literature, so that school-children will curse my name until the end of the world. Either that or I can write something so ghastly, it goes down in history as the Worst Novel of All TimeTM.

[stompyboots]

I don't like my moments of clarity, because they show me up (to myself) for being shallow. Rather than thinking 'my death is inevitable', I think 'I've only got this one existence, and I'll never be 5'9" and slim, with an enviable metabolism'. I suppose I'm at least confident in the personality and brains of my existence, but I wish height and weight weren't such a preoccupation that they even creep into thoughts of death.

[sarcaustik]

I get that in the sense of thinking "I'll never be a popular teenager". The thought that this is the only chance we get to be ourselves and so many external factors influence who we are and what we become is immensely frustrating sometimes.

[stompyboots]

Another one that gets me is that I'll never be able to sing - I'm tone-deaf beyond belief, and it distresses me that I can't sing; I get such enjoyment from listening to music, but I can't sing along because it even sounds horrific to my ears.

It's such a pity no one surveys you in the womb to ask what you'd like. I'd sacrifice 10 IQ points to be able to sing, although I'd probably stick with the same body, as I wouldn't want to be stupid. 10 I can spare, but any more would be dangerous for my intellect.

[sarcaustik]

Heading dangerously close to the genetic modification and designer baby debate there! ;-)

[altacoustic]

Due to a few near misses in the past, and losing a couple of friends at early ages I have been aware of my mortality for a long time. I also don't fancy being old, incontinent, mad and smelly.

Have the philosophy of it's not how long you live, but how much you fit in. I may burn out a bit younger because of it, but at least I will have experienced as much as I can.

[sarcaustik]

I totally agree with all of that. Like I said to sheepthief, I think the most important thing is being happy, and mostly I am. I think we just have to make the most of the time we have, but however short or long that is, one day, if you believe as I do, my mind as I know it will just stop, and that is what scares me.

[sarcaustik]

That doesn't help though. I know that one day my car is going to break down and I won't be able to fix it and the thought of that happening in my own head is incomprehensible.

[gashinryu]

Speak for yourself. I plan on living forever. :-D

[sarcaustik]

That's cause you're a Rawk God! \m/

Seriously though I'd like to be able to convince myself that I'm going to live forever. Even if I didn't, I wouldn't waste moments of my life worrying about death.

[gashinryu]

You have Kitty. Your immortality is assured. :-)

[sarcaustik]

Actually that's very true. I remember hearing a quote on a radio play a couple of years ago which summed that up very well. "Our children are our future. They're where we go when we die."

Now I find myself wanting to be a grandmother, which is a very scary thought indeed! ;-)

[conphie]

*nods*

I feel exactly the same and it often terrifies me - it's strangely reassuring to see someone else write down these things as you're right - it *is* a bit of a taboo subject! I think I feel *slightly* differently now that I am a mother because I always said that if I died childless, I would die unhappy. Maybe now I know that I have experienced motherhood blah de blah, that it wouldn't be such a huge loss to go now. But then you get into the realm of leaving your child behind ... ugggh - the whole thing just makes me shudder at times because, like you said, it's just so inevitable and so *final*

[sarcaustik]

Yeah, the thought of not being there for Kitty is terrifying, but also the thought that there's nothing I can do to protect *her* from death, or even from these thoughts.

[conphie]

oh god, now there's a different angle on things too; I totally empathise on that!!!