Merlin 3x10 'Queen of Hearts' Pictorial Recap
The Facebook recapper has pissed me off one too many times. I now shun her stupid biased recaps. I'm doing my own, non-Facebook style.
The screencaps are by potthead. The original artwork is by felix_aeternus.
Merlin 3x10: Queen of Hearts
*cue heavenly choir music*
GWEN: Sweet. This is almost as good as last night. What uuuuuuuuuup! Wait, I guess I should be paying attention.
MORGANA: I've gotta stop eating mutton burgers before going to bed. I always get these crazy dreams.
MORGAUSE: They're not dreams! They're prophecies!
MORGANA: Srsly?
MORGAUSE: You must CRUSH whatever's going on between Arthur and Gwen. Like an insect under your well-heeled boot!
MORGANA: I thought it might come to this. That's why I planned ahead and wore my I'mSoEvil! outfit.
ARTHUR: I like the way you pour water. Water rules. Did you say something, Father?
UTHER: What is the MATTER with you? We got enemies everywhere, son!
MORGANA: You like Gwen and Gwen likes you. You should ask her out.
ARTHUR: Really? Gwen likes me? What'd she say? Does she like me, or does she like me, like me?
MORGANA: I think you've a big enough head without me getting into it.
ARTHUR: Fair enough.
GWEN: Arthur wants to go on a date with me?
MERLIN: Yeah. Why do you act like it's not a great idea?
GWEN: Maybe because if we get caught he'll get a slap on the wrist and I'll be beheaded?
MERLIN: Are you just not that into him or what?
MERLIN: You look fiiiiiiiine, girl. If it doesn't work out with Arthur, for either of us, wanna get together?
ARTHUR: Mirror, mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in all the land?
GWEN: Hi.
ARTHUR: Fire bad. Girl pretty.
ARTHUR: Sometimes I wanna be a farmer. I know I've never done a day of work in my life, and this entire picnic of sumptuous and bountiful food was prepared by House-Elves, but I really think I could do it.
GWEN: Um, okay. Sometimes we are so adorable it is almost like we are a cartoon.
ARTHUR: Watch out, a wasp!!!!!!! *slays*
GWEN: What a good pretext for me to start kissing you.
ARTHUR: Isn't it?
*CENSORED*
UTHER: Morgana, did you lead me here under false pretenses? I don't see any half-naked midg-- ARTHUR!
UTHER: LOL! Son, I know all about wanting to tap the help. But you can't do it again, mmmkay?
ARTHUR: But Daddy, I LOVE her.
UTHER: OK, now she's banished. I hope you're happy.
ARTHUR: This is all your fault!
MERLIN: How is this possibly my fault?
ARTHUR: You don't know how to keep secrets!
MERLIN: How dare you...! Avada Ke--
ARTHUR: What?
MERLIN: Nothing.
MORGANA: This is like, so terrible omg. What're you gonna do???
ARTHUR: I'm gonna blow this popsicle stand with Gwen.
MORGANA: Really?
ARTHUR: Then later we're gonna come back and RULE this place, because our love is so legen -- wait for it -- dary.
MORGANA: Oh.
GWEN: It's amazing how much there is to do when you've lived in a place your whole life and then get banished and only have three days to take care of everything. How do all those other people do it?
MORGANA: Isn't it WEIRD how Arthur, who's never said anything to ME about liking Gwen, is suddenly SO ENCHANTED by her? It's almost like he's been put under a SPELL.
UTHER: Sorry, I'm not following. What are you trying to say?
MORGANA: Arthur's been enchanted by Gwen.
UTHER: I had guards go through my son's things and they found this poultice! What do you have to say for yourself?
GWEN: WTF is that?
UTHER: A likely story!
GAIUS: I don't think it was Gwen's fault--
UTHER: STFU old man! You know I can't be reasoned with when I get like this!
ARTHUR: The hell is going on here?
UTHER: You've been enchanted. I'm just going to kill the woman you think you love and it'll be all good.
ARTHUR: What? No! We'll go away! I'll give up the throne to Camelot and be a farmer.
UTHER: Now I know you're high. Go to your chambers. Guards!
GWEN: Arthur! If you let them put me in the dungeons again that's many a night you'll be spending on the royal couch!
ARTHUR: Guards! Could you do a bro a favor and slacken your hold for a sec so I can run over there and give Guinevere an epic slow-mo kiss and tell her I'll always love her in case it's the last time I ever see her?
GUARDS: OK.
ARTHUR: I can't watch her die.
MERLIN: I understand.
ARTHUR: Is there another room I could hang out in, maybe, that doesn't actually overlook the courtyard? That would be better.
MERLIN: I have an idea. Don't worry, it'll totally work.
MERLIN: BAM! I'm a badass!
ARTHUR: You're a bit old for me. God, I am so sick of finding men sneaking into my chambers!
ARTHUR: Did someone order a BAMF?
MERLIN: Screw you, I'M the BAMF! Eeep!
ARTHUR: Now that we've found the real culprit, you have to let Gwen go.
UTHER: Oh, FINE. But I gotta know. Old dude, why you such a hater?
MERLIN: Cuz you suck.
ARTHUR: Watch it.
MERLIN: And YOU. You're arrogant and a brat and ... and you're really mean to your servants!
ARTHUR: Wha? Heyyyy... Do I know you?
MERLIN: No.
MORGANA: It's strange... You would think I'd be more curious about this weird old guy since I'm the one who planted the poultice.
MERLIN: Dude, you gotta get me outta here.
GAIUS: I guess there might be another way. Keep them busy as long as you can.
MERLIN: How???
GAIUS: How the fuck should I know?
MERLIN: I need to stall you as long as possible so Gaius can get me the potion to de-age me.
ARTHUR: Well it's not going to work.
MERLIN: OK.
MERLIN: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!!! Goddammit, why isn't this stupid potion working? Freaking magic, so unreliable! Maybe Uther was right, maybe-- I feel funny.
MERLIN: If I keep my lips puckered like this, maybe he'll get the hint.
MORGANA: Let's hug and pretend like we're still friends even though I keep trying to destroy you.
GWEN: OK.
ARTHUR: Despite the fact that a mysterious sorcerer claimed to have enchanted us both into being in love, and then disappeared, and I used that as the reason to get you out of the dungeons, we both know it wasn't really an enchantment, amirite?
GWEN: Rite. Let's almost kiss.
ARTHUR: 'kay.
MERLIN: WhyTF did Arthur think I was at a tavern the whole day, the day Gwen was supposed to be PUT TO DEATH?
GAIUS: Iono.
The screencaps are by potthead. The original artwork is by felix_aeternus.
Merlin 3x10: Queen of Hearts
*cue heavenly choir music*
GWEN: Sweet. This is almost as good as last night. What uuuuuuuuuup! Wait, I guess I should be paying attention.
MORGANA: I've gotta stop eating mutton burgers before going to bed. I always get these crazy dreams.
MORGAUSE: They're not dreams! They're prophecies!
MORGANA: Srsly?
MORGAUSE: You must CRUSH whatever's going on between Arthur and Gwen. Like an insect under your well-heeled boot!
MORGANA: I thought it might come to this. That's why I planned ahead and wore my I'mSoEvil! outfit.
ARTHUR: I like the way you pour water. Water rules. Did you say something, Father?
UTHER: What is the MATTER with you? We got enemies everywhere, son!
MORGANA: You like Gwen and Gwen likes you. You should ask her out.
ARTHUR: Really? Gwen likes me? What'd she say? Does she like me, or does she like me, like me?
MORGANA: I think you've a big enough head without me getting into it.
ARTHUR: Fair enough.
GWEN: Arthur wants to go on a date with me?
MERLIN: Yeah. Why do you act like it's not a great idea?
GWEN: Maybe because if we get caught he'll get a slap on the wrist and I'll be beheaded?
MERLIN: Are you just not that into him or what?
MERLIN: You look fiiiiiiiine, girl. If it doesn't work out with Arthur, for either of us, wanna get together?
ARTHUR: Mirror, mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in all the land?
GWEN: Hi.
ARTHUR: Fire bad. Girl pretty.
ARTHUR: Sometimes I wanna be a farmer. I know I've never done a day of work in my life, and this entire picnic of sumptuous and bountiful food was prepared by House-Elves, but I really think I could do it.
GWEN: Um, okay. Sometimes we are so adorable it is almost like we are a cartoon.
ARTHUR: Watch out, a wasp!!!!!!! *slays*
GWEN: What a good pretext for me to start kissing you.
ARTHUR: Isn't it?
*CENSORED*
UTHER: Morgana, did you lead me here under false pretenses? I don't see any half-naked midg-- ARTHUR!
UTHER: LOL! Son, I know all about wanting to tap the help. But you can't do it again, mmmkay?
ARTHUR: But Daddy, I LOVE her.
UTHER: OK, now she's banished. I hope you're happy.
ARTHUR: This is all your fault!
MERLIN: How is this possibly my fault?
ARTHUR: You don't know how to keep secrets!
MERLIN: How dare you...! Avada Ke--
ARTHUR: What?
MERLIN: Nothing.
MORGANA: This is like, so terrible omg. What're you gonna do???
ARTHUR: I'm gonna blow this popsicle stand with Gwen.
MORGANA: Really?
ARTHUR: Then later we're gonna come back and RULE this place, because our love is so legen -- wait for it -- dary.
MORGANA: Oh.
GWEN: It's amazing how much there is to do when you've lived in a place your whole life and then get banished and only have three days to take care of everything. How do all those other people do it?
MORGANA: Isn't it WEIRD how Arthur, who's never said anything to ME about liking Gwen, is suddenly SO ENCHANTED by her? It's almost like he's been put under a SPELL.
UTHER: Sorry, I'm not following. What are you trying to say?
MORGANA: Arthur's been enchanted by Gwen.
UTHER: I had guards go through my son's things and they found this poultice! What do you have to say for yourself?
GWEN: WTF is that?
UTHER: A likely story!
GAIUS: I don't think it was Gwen's fault--
UTHER: STFU old man! You know I can't be reasoned with when I get like this!
ARTHUR: The hell is going on here?
UTHER: You've been enchanted. I'm just going to kill the woman you think you love and it'll be all good.
ARTHUR: What? No! We'll go away! I'll give up the throne to Camelot and be a farmer.
UTHER: Now I know you're high. Go to your chambers. Guards!
GWEN: Arthur! If you let them put me in the dungeons again that's many a night you'll be spending on the royal couch!
ARTHUR: Guards! Could you do a bro a favor and slacken your hold for a sec so I can run over there and give Guinevere an epic slow-mo kiss and tell her I'll always love her in case it's the last time I ever see her?
GUARDS: OK.
ARTHUR: I can't watch her die.
MERLIN: I understand.
ARTHUR: Is there another room I could hang out in, maybe, that doesn't actually overlook the courtyard? That would be better.
MERLIN: I have an idea. Don't worry, it'll totally work.
MERLIN: BAM! I'm a badass!
ARTHUR: You're a bit old for me. God, I am so sick of finding men sneaking into my chambers!
ARTHUR: Did someone order a BAMF?
MERLIN: Screw you, I'M the BAMF! Eeep!
ARTHUR: Now that we've found the real culprit, you have to let Gwen go.
UTHER: Oh, FINE. But I gotta know. Old dude, why you such a hater?
MERLIN: Cuz you suck.
ARTHUR: Watch it.
MERLIN: And YOU. You're arrogant and a brat and ... and you're really mean to your servants!
ARTHUR: Wha? Heyyyy... Do I know you?
MERLIN: No.
MORGANA: It's strange... You would think I'd be more curious about this weird old guy since I'm the one who planted the poultice.
MERLIN: Dude, you gotta get me outta here.
GAIUS: I guess there might be another way. Keep them busy as long as you can.
MERLIN: How???
GAIUS: How the fuck should I know?
MERLIN: I need to stall you as long as possible so Gaius can get me the potion to de-age me.
ARTHUR: Well it's not going to work.
MERLIN: OK.
MERLIN: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!!! Goddammit, why isn't this stupid potion working? Freaking magic, so unreliable! Maybe Uther was right, maybe-- I feel funny.
MERLIN: If I keep my lips puckered like this, maybe he'll get the hint.
MORGANA: Let's hug and pretend like we're still friends even though I keep trying to destroy you.
GWEN: OK.
ARTHUR: Despite the fact that a mysterious sorcerer claimed to have enchanted us both into being in love, and then disappeared, and I used that as the reason to get you out of the dungeons, we both know it wasn't really an enchantment, amirite?
GWEN: Rite. Let's almost kiss.
ARTHUR: 'kay.
MERLIN: WhyTF did Arthur think I was at a tavern the whole day, the day Gwen was supposed to be PUT TO DEATH?
GAIUS: Iono.