FIC: Serendipity-Hold the Cliché (1/?)
Title: Serendipity-Hold the Cliché
Author: Tessisamess & Sparklpocalypse
Pairing: Kurtofsky
Side Pairings: Finchel
Minor Pairings: Tike, Blaine/OMC
Rating: NC17 (overall)
Genres: Slice-of-life, romance, future!fic, college!fic, angst
Spoilers: Canon up to 3x14
Warnings: Don't highlight unless you want spoilers! Character death (not Kurt or Dave), homophobia, and a serious lack of spontaneous singing.
Word Count: 3,482 // ~80,000 (total wordcount when posting finishes)
Summary: Sometimes you find love in someone new; sometimes you find it hiding in plain sight. Kurt and Dave have been friends since their senior year of high school, but when they unexpectedly run into each other at a Halloween party everything changes.
AN: Wow, long time, no fic, eh? This one's... eeeehn, about the length of two books, give or take a few thousand words, and we'll be posting once a week so we don't bombard anyone. Enjoy! Thank you goes to raving_liberal for doing our proofreading.
xo
Tess & Magz
ONE
A Goblin King and a Repoman Walk Into a Bar...
"Kurt, come on, you have to go."
Kurt ignored that statement and continued to file down the hangnail on his left index finger. He'd managed to make it through a little over three years of college without attending a single frat party, which in and of itself wasn't all that impressive, given that NYADA had no Greek system. He'd seen Animal House. He had no intention of debasing himself to that degree. And, given that he attended school in a city with over a hundred colleges and universities, he felt that he was allowed to be a little proud of himself.
Or ashamed, if Anna had anything to say about it. "It's just one night, and then you can get back to your script. Maybe you'll even get some ideas," she wheedled.
Kurt sighed and leaned away from his computer. "Anna, I'm in the middle of an extremely crucial scene here. Michael is about to find out that he's been living a lie his entire life without even knowing it, and-what is that?"
"It's a costume party," Anna said. She grinned and held out the fluffy wig and lacy cravat she'd produced from behind her back. "And you said you'd always wanted to dress up like this, so..."
"I'll go," Kurt blurted. He'd have to call his dad's office later to apologize in advance for any potential tangles with the paparazzi. He'd been doing so well lately...
*
The party was packed. There were the obvious social placements, like the girls in bathing suits and animal ears, and the guys in costumes that were clearly thrown together five minutes before the party. There were the people who lived for Halloween, in costumes that looked like they'd cost a fortune to get so well-made and, of course, there were the scattered groups of friends in "cleverly" matching costumes. Then there was everyone else, a little harder to pinpoint where they stood in the big mix of things. It was a party, though, and they were (mostly) all older college kids, so having fun was more important than sticking to cliques.
Kurt had found a relatively empty corner where he could nurse a ginger ale in peace. He'd had to fight off a horde of Stormtroopers in miniskirts to claim it, but this corner was his. He'd talked with his dad, and they'd agreed that despite the fact that he'd been 21 for several months, and he was usually exceedingly careful with alcohol, it was better not to risk public intoxication, especially with the chance that his camera-wielding shadows were lurking about. A guy Kurt recognized from the NYADA makeup department waved a convincingly dessicated zombie hand at Kurt and raised his beer cup in acknowledgement, and Kurt saluted him with his ginger ale in return. He wondered where Anna had gotten off to...
"Looking for someone to kidnap?" a man in a mask asked as he leaned against the wall next to Kurt. He was covered from neck to toe in shiny, black material, the full, slightly squared mask obscuring his identity. He had an unopened can of Pepsi in one gloved hand.
Kurt's mouth quirked in a half smile and he gestured out at the crowd of students. "I'm torn between the bikini-clad Darth Vader and Tinky-Winky. There's a distinct lack of babies at this party, you know. It makes the decision more difficult." He caught sight of the insignia on the man's left sleeve and added, "Just in case you're here on official business, you should know that the most invasive surgical procedure I've ever had was to remove my wisdom teeth."
The other man chuckled. "Oh well. Lucky you, then," he joked, reaching up to pull the mask off. Dave ran the back of his glove over his forehead, making the front of his damp hair stick up. "Man, I did not think this costume through," he grinned. "Didn't think I'd see you here."
"I came at the last minute," Kurt replied. "Luckily, one of my friends planned ahead and made me this." He gestured at his costume, and grinned up at Dave. "I'm going to hug you," he warned, and gave Dave a second to run away, not that he thought Dave would. Then he grabbed Dave and embraced him, briefly and tightly, and chuckled softly at the squeakiness of Dave's lab coat. "How was your game?" He stepped back, straightening his cravat.
Dave, of course, had made no attempt to pull away, let alone run from the hug. "Not bad. Could've been better, but definitely could've been worse." He shrugged, tucking his headgear under his arm. "How've you been?"
"Good, I've been good. I'm writing a play." Kurt huffed a laugh. "That sounds so pretentious. It's an assignment for one of my classes, but I've really gotten into it." He took another sip of his ginger ale, then asked, "How are your grad school applications coming? Do you have your list narrowed down?"
Dave snickered. "You're such a douche," he joked, then nodded. "Actually, yeah. NYU's looking like where I wanna be," he admitted with a slight, soft smile. It was a smile they both knew was, in a way, reserved for Kurt.
"Really?" Kurt asked. When Dave nodded in confirmation, he grinned. "That's great! But you should probably tell me now if you don't like the theater so I'll stop myself from drawing up a list of all the shows I'm going to make you see when you move up here."
"If I can drag you to hockey games we'll call it even, okay?" Dave replied, tone amused.
"I've done my research," Kurt said. "Hockey is the one with the sticks and the knives attached to your feet, right? Or is that lacrosse..." he joked. It'd been months since he'd last seen Dave, and he was somewhat amazed at how easily they were talking-as though it'd been a few days since their last conversation in person, instead.
"If I didn't know better I'd think you actually liked sports," Dave laughed. "Not drinking?" he asked, nodding toward Kurt's cup.
Kurt shook his head. "I promised my dad. The last time I drank at a public party, I wound up on a dozen gossip blogs with a drink in my hand and someone else's spilled on my pants. I've been very discreet about my alcohol consumption since then." He sighed. "Not that I drink much, anyway. What about you?"
"Well, I'm not famous or anything," Dave teased, "but I don't really drink. Just a thing, y'know?" he answered, without really... answering.
"My dad doesn't either," Kurt replied with a nod, understanding. "I sort of hate being likened to a gay Paris Hilton. I always wanted fame on my own terms, not because some fundamentalists decided to pay the paparazzi to follow the gay son of a congressman... though it does help me get into the more exclusive boutiques in the city. The last one I went to gave me these boots."
"Free shit for unwarranted fame. It's a tough life, I'll give you that." Dave grinned. "You're such a twat; you know you'll be famous for something you actually do one day, so you won't be getting any pity from me, dude."
"It's nice to be able to get the whole whinge out for a change, though." Kurt laughed. "Anna just clamps her hand over my mouth until she thinks I'm done pouting."
"Good to know I can get away with that," Dave teased. "Anna's the one that lives with you, right?"
"And steals my clothes, and eats my food, and makes me go to parties," Kurt replied. "I should probably warn you that she's become desensitized to me licking her palm when she covers my mouth with it."
"I live with football players," Dave drawled. "I'm pretty sure I've been exposed to much worse."
Kurt remembered the... smell that used to emanate from Finn's room in Lima and shuddered. "My condolences."
"Thanks. Usually people just laugh. I don't think they get how disgusting it gets. Like, really rank, dude." Dave opened his mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by a half-naked girl who was either a mouse with slightly pointed ears, or a cat with rounded ears.
"Hey," she purred, a little drunkenly, as she wound an arm around Dave's. She glanced at Kurt as if actually seeing him for the first time, then let go of his arm. "Oh," she said flatly. "Nevermind, then. My mistake." She rolled her eyes as she walked away, leaving it unclear as to whether she'd had a problem with it or if she'd just been disappointed. Dave just shrugged, laughing under his breath. The encounter obviously hadn't bothered him at all when, just a few years earlier, god only knew what sort of mental hysterics it probably would have put him through.
"You know, for some reason they never hit on me," Kurt said lightly, his eyes bright.
"Of course they don't. Girls don't like dating guys who dress better than they do," Dave explained, fighting a grin.
"This only took an hour to put on," Kurt replied. "I imagine it took her nearly that long to make her chest do... that." He made a vague gesture and nodded at the girl.
"You're just jealous that she can prance around dressed like a slutty forestland creature without the pap on her ass and you can't," Dave pointed out.
"I could, too," Kurt countered with a smirk, "just not outside my apartment with the blinds drawn."
"What I'm gathering from this is that you have a collection of bikinis and animal ear headbands."
"Well, no," Kurt admitted. "The tops never fit right, but I do have one or two pairs of indecently tiny shorts that are left over from when we did Cabaret."
He seemed like he really did try not to, but the look on Dave's face changed for a good half a second, mind clearly building a mental image of that. "Speaking of indecent clothes," Dave laughed, almost literally shaking it off, "Is that a sock down your pants or what, because seriously-you're gonna poke something."
Kurt glanced down at his groin and laughed, then turned toward the wall and reached into his pants. A moment later he turned back around and presented, "Junk In My Trunk. It's left over from Cabaret, too. I wanted to be true to the character tonight." He held it up for Dave's inspection, trying not to burst out laughing at the look on his face.
"That has to be either the saddest or coolest product on the market; I can't decide which," Dave snickered, pushing Kurt's hand away. "Okay, okay. Put your monster back in its cave," he teased. "Do you wanna go outside?"
Kurt made another turn toward the wall to tuck the enhancer back in his pants, then returned his attention to Dave and nodded. "Better make it quick, though. I can see another woodland creature headed this way."
Laughing, Dave took Kurt loosely by the arm so he wouldn't lose him as they stepped back into the throng to make their way out to the front stoop, which was equally packed. "This is gonna take some getting used to once I'm out here," Dave admitted.
"I love it," Kurt gushed. "I can't imagine ever living anywhere else." The city had a pulse like no other place he'd ever been, and Kurt loved being part of it. "Granted I fully intend to be living in a fabulous penthouse by the time I'm thirty, instead of the two bedroom refrigerator box I live in now, but I don't ever want to move out of New York."
Dave nodded slightly. "Well, I didn't say I didn't like it. It's just... different. I think I'll like it once I'm out here. Hope I will, anyway." He unfastened his coat, setting his mask down so he could shrug out of it. "Shit, that's so much better," Dave muttered, slinging the coat over his arm before grabbing the mask.
"Well, I have an absurdly comfortable couch you can crash on, if you want to do the tourist thing. That might help you get used to it... the tourism, not the couch," Kurt amended. "Here, let me take one of those. All I've got is my Junk." He grinned.
Laughing, Dave handed the mask over, which was a little heavier than it looked. "That sounds a hell of a lot better than listening to Bryce baby talk at his 'snuggle bunny' all night, I won't even lie," he admitted, rolling his eyes. He stepped down onto the sidewalk, glancing back at Kurt. "You wanna take a walk?"
"He calls someone 'snuggle bunny' and they don't plot ways to murder him in his sleep?" Kurt asked.
He gestured subtly down the block. "There's a park a few streets down, or we could walk a little further and head to the Promenade."
"You're the local; I'll leave it up to you." They stepped away from the stairs just in time because, the second they were out of the way, Ronald McDonald stumbled down to the sidewalk to puke.
"In these boots, I choose the park," Kurt said. He pulled his phone from a hidden pocket in his corset and sent Anna a quick text letting her know he was leaving. The reply she sent a moment later caused him to blush and stuff the phone back into his pocket. "Maybe if you're feeling up to it tomorrow morning, we can go to the Promenade instead of getting coffee."
"Yeah, maybe," Dave agreed, automatically stepping to the outside of the sidewalk. It was something he'd always done. He'd had to explain himself to Kurt their senior year, telling him his dad had always said to stay on the outside when you're walking with someone (and there he had obviously omitted the 'a lady' bit) because of traffic and the inevitable, if not very high, risk of an accident.
Kurt tucked the mask under his arm as they started to walk in the direction of the park. "So how are things with... Nate?" he asked, hoping that was the name of the guy Dave had mentioned going out with a few times, the last time they'd chatted online.
"W- oh." Dave shrugged slightly. "I imagine things are fine. Haven't really talked to him much lately," he admitted.
"Didn't work out, huh?" Kurt asked sympathetically. At least Nate probably hadn't moved to France after the second date, unlike the last guy Kurt had been asked out by.
Making a noncommital noise, Dave shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants. "Y'know how you meet someone, and they're totally hot, and you think you want them, but then things get going, and you're just like 'Wow, I was so wrong on that mark'...? Yeah."
Kurt nodded. "Did I ever tell you about William? Gorgeous dancer my sophomore year at NYADA. I dated him for two months before I realized we weren't going anywhere."
"You might've told me about him. Did he have a cat?" Dave asked, brows knitting together slightly.
"It tried to smother me with its fur every time I came over," Kurt recalled with a shudder. "And nearly killed me on the stairs a few times."
"What a shit," Dave laughed. "Are you sure you're not just overreacting, though?"
"On nights when I slept there, it routinely woke me up by lying down on my face," Kurt replied. "And whenever William left the door open wide enough, it'd sneak out while I was saying goodbye and trip me on the top step."
"Okay, so maybe it was trying to kill you," Dave conceded with a quiet snort. "I ever tell you about the WoW date?"
"As in a date within the game, or..."
"God, no. Okay, I didn't tell you. Jesus..." Dave laughed. "I swear, this guy spent the entire date talking about his night elf avatar and the drama going on in his guild. Almost twenty minutes just about the inventory of his guild bank, seriously."
Kurt laughed quietly. "He didn't get out much, did he?" he asked.
"I don't think he wanted to, honestly. But I can now tell you more about WoW than you'd ever wanna know-and I've never even played the fucking game."
"Finn played for about a week, the summer after we graduated from McKinley." Kurt could still remember how he'd smelled after a week's worth of campaigns and no showers. "I'm not sure what Rachel did to make him stop playing, but it was very convincing. He hasn't touched it since."
Dave chuckled, shaking his head. "You know what the sad thing is, though?" he asked, glancing over at Kurt. "That wasn't even the worst date I've had."
"I had one who, I found out the next day, was an undercover reporter for TMZ," Kurt offered. The blogging community'd had a field day with the tidbits he'd told that charlatan.
"Wow, seriously? Okay, you totally beat cock bruises, dude." Dave barked a laugh.
Kurt winced audibly. "How do you bruise-no, you know what? Don't tell me. I don't want to know." He handed Dave back his mask abruptly. "Speaking of TMZ, you should probably put that back on if you don't want your face to be splashed all over the internet as my 'latest love interest'. There's a paparazzo in that car." He gestured subtly at a fairly nondescript sedan, which had the driver's side window rolled down just far enough for a camera lens to protrude from it.
"Do you want me to? Because, honestly, I couldn't care less what some stupid blog says about me," Dave replied, looking down at the mask, then at Kurt.
At Dave’s words, a wave of pride washed over Kurt and he smiled broadly, happy for his friend to have come so far. "Well, in that case..." He took the mask back from Dave and waved at the sedan, and the camera flashed a few times. "Evening Johnny. Get anything good tonight?"
Johnny rolled the window further down and replied, "Ehh, couple Kardashians. Man am I glad to see you, though. Mind giving me a pose tonight, Kurt? Child support payment's due soon and the blogs will pay way more for your costume than Khloe's."
"Sure, Johnny." Kurt glanced at Dave. "You want in?"
"Sure, okay," Dave said with a slight laugh.
"Let's stand over here," Kurt said, pulling Dave along by the wrist as Johnny got out of the car to find a good angle. "Under the streetlight. Very dramatic lighting." He let go of Dave and grinned, and the camera flashed again. "Alright, Johnny. Want one in character?"
"Whatever you want," Johnny replied.
Dave slipped his jacket on, cheeks flushing a little. He moved jerkily, then aborted whatever it was he was trying to do before laughing quietly at himself, reaching out to take Kurt by the waist as he took his mask from the other man, pulling it half on with one hand.
Kurt stepped in a bit closer to Dave and, with a murmured, "This'll give them something to talk about," draped an arm around him, narrowing his eyes in Johnny's direction as he tried to channel Jareth. The camera flashed. "They usually don't get me touching anyone. Half the news media will be announcing our engagement by morning." He grinned up at Dave's slightly startled expression and Johnny snapped another photo. "Any video tonight, Johnny? Christmas is coming up."
"My dad's just gonna love this," Dave drawled under his breath, grinning. "Poor guy."
"Tell me a little bit about your friend and I won't need any video for the rest of the year," Johnny called, the lens flashing a few times in quick succession.
"That's up to my friend," Kurt replied. "If he'd rather remain anonymous, I won't say anything on record. No offense."
"None taken," Johnny assured him.
"Dave," he said, holding out a hand to the photographer. "I'm just... an old friend from high school."
Johnny stepped forward and took Dave's hand, shaking it firmly. "Good to meet ya," he said. "Off the record, it's much better to meet ya than the last one of Kurt's high school friends I met."
Kurt shook his head and sighed, remembering Puck's behavior when he realized they were being tailed. "Have I told you lately how sorry I am about that? I told him he's not allowed to visit me again until he realizes he's not my bodyguard, and you guys don't pose a mortal threat."
"Puck?" Dave asked, eyebrow arching. He pulled his mask back off the top of his head, sticking it under his arm.
"He has a weirdly displaced sense of honor," Kurt muttered. "Do you have enough, Johnny?"
"Think so." He turned off the camera and tucked it away in its bag. "Where you boys headed? Can I give you a lift?"
"We were going to walk down to the park-"
"On Halloween? You nuts? That's asking for a mugging." Johnny popped the trunk and put the camera bag inside, then closed it firmly. "Let me drive you home."
Kurt sighed. "Sometimes I think you're more overprotective than my dad." He took a step toward Johnny's car, then looked up at Dave. "Want to come? I'll introduce you to my absurdly comfortable couch."
"Love to." Dave readily agreed.
Author: Tessisamess & Sparklpocalypse
Pairing: Kurtofsky
Side Pairings: Finchel
Minor Pairings: Tike, Blaine/OMC
Rating: NC17 (overall)
Genres: Slice-of-life, romance, future!fic, college!fic, angst
Spoilers: Canon up to 3x14
Warnings: Don't highlight unless you want spoilers! Character death (not Kurt or Dave), homophobia, and a serious lack of spontaneous singing.
Word Count: 3,482 // ~80,000 (total wordcount when posting finishes)
Summary: Sometimes you find love in someone new; sometimes you find it hiding in plain sight. Kurt and Dave have been friends since their senior year of high school, but when they unexpectedly run into each other at a Halloween party everything changes.
AN: Wow, long time, no fic, eh? This one's... eeeehn, about the length of two books, give or take a few thousand words, and we'll be posting once a week so we don't bombard anyone. Enjoy! Thank you goes to raving_liberal for doing our proofreading.
xo
Tess & Magz
ONE
A Goblin King and a Repoman Walk Into a Bar...
"Kurt, come on, you have to go."
Kurt ignored that statement and continued to file down the hangnail on his left index finger. He'd managed to make it through a little over three years of college without attending a single frat party, which in and of itself wasn't all that impressive, given that NYADA had no Greek system. He'd seen Animal House. He had no intention of debasing himself to that degree. And, given that he attended school in a city with over a hundred colleges and universities, he felt that he was allowed to be a little proud of himself.
Or ashamed, if Anna had anything to say about it. "It's just one night, and then you can get back to your script. Maybe you'll even get some ideas," she wheedled.
Kurt sighed and leaned away from his computer. "Anna, I'm in the middle of an extremely crucial scene here. Michael is about to find out that he's been living a lie his entire life without even knowing it, and-what is that?"
"It's a costume party," Anna said. She grinned and held out the fluffy wig and lacy cravat she'd produced from behind her back. "And you said you'd always wanted to dress up like this, so..."
"I'll go," Kurt blurted. He'd have to call his dad's office later to apologize in advance for any potential tangles with the paparazzi. He'd been doing so well lately...
*
The party was packed. There were the obvious social placements, like the girls in bathing suits and animal ears, and the guys in costumes that were clearly thrown together five minutes before the party. There were the people who lived for Halloween, in costumes that looked like they'd cost a fortune to get so well-made and, of course, there were the scattered groups of friends in "cleverly" matching costumes. Then there was everyone else, a little harder to pinpoint where they stood in the big mix of things. It was a party, though, and they were (mostly) all older college kids, so having fun was more important than sticking to cliques.
Kurt had found a relatively empty corner where he could nurse a ginger ale in peace. He'd had to fight off a horde of Stormtroopers in miniskirts to claim it, but this corner was his. He'd talked with his dad, and they'd agreed that despite the fact that he'd been 21 for several months, and he was usually exceedingly careful with alcohol, it was better not to risk public intoxication, especially with the chance that his camera-wielding shadows were lurking about. A guy Kurt recognized from the NYADA makeup department waved a convincingly dessicated zombie hand at Kurt and raised his beer cup in acknowledgement, and Kurt saluted him with his ginger ale in return. He wondered where Anna had gotten off to...
"Looking for someone to kidnap?" a man in a mask asked as he leaned against the wall next to Kurt. He was covered from neck to toe in shiny, black material, the full, slightly squared mask obscuring his identity. He had an unopened can of Pepsi in one gloved hand.
Kurt's mouth quirked in a half smile and he gestured out at the crowd of students. "I'm torn between the bikini-clad Darth Vader and Tinky-Winky. There's a distinct lack of babies at this party, you know. It makes the decision more difficult." He caught sight of the insignia on the man's left sleeve and added, "Just in case you're here on official business, you should know that the most invasive surgical procedure I've ever had was to remove my wisdom teeth."
The other man chuckled. "Oh well. Lucky you, then," he joked, reaching up to pull the mask off. Dave ran the back of his glove over his forehead, making the front of his damp hair stick up. "Man, I did not think this costume through," he grinned. "Didn't think I'd see you here."
"I came at the last minute," Kurt replied. "Luckily, one of my friends planned ahead and made me this." He gestured at his costume, and grinned up at Dave. "I'm going to hug you," he warned, and gave Dave a second to run away, not that he thought Dave would. Then he grabbed Dave and embraced him, briefly and tightly, and chuckled softly at the squeakiness of Dave's lab coat. "How was your game?" He stepped back, straightening his cravat.
Dave, of course, had made no attempt to pull away, let alone run from the hug. "Not bad. Could've been better, but definitely could've been worse." He shrugged, tucking his headgear under his arm. "How've you been?"
"Good, I've been good. I'm writing a play." Kurt huffed a laugh. "That sounds so pretentious. It's an assignment for one of my classes, but I've really gotten into it." He took another sip of his ginger ale, then asked, "How are your grad school applications coming? Do you have your list narrowed down?"
Dave snickered. "You're such a douche," he joked, then nodded. "Actually, yeah. NYU's looking like where I wanna be," he admitted with a slight, soft smile. It was a smile they both knew was, in a way, reserved for Kurt.
"Really?" Kurt asked. When Dave nodded in confirmation, he grinned. "That's great! But you should probably tell me now if you don't like the theater so I'll stop myself from drawing up a list of all the shows I'm going to make you see when you move up here."
"If I can drag you to hockey games we'll call it even, okay?" Dave replied, tone amused.
"I've done my research," Kurt said. "Hockey is the one with the sticks and the knives attached to your feet, right? Or is that lacrosse..." he joked. It'd been months since he'd last seen Dave, and he was somewhat amazed at how easily they were talking-as though it'd been a few days since their last conversation in person, instead.
"If I didn't know better I'd think you actually liked sports," Dave laughed. "Not drinking?" he asked, nodding toward Kurt's cup.
Kurt shook his head. "I promised my dad. The last time I drank at a public party, I wound up on a dozen gossip blogs with a drink in my hand and someone else's spilled on my pants. I've been very discreet about my alcohol consumption since then." He sighed. "Not that I drink much, anyway. What about you?"
"Well, I'm not famous or anything," Dave teased, "but I don't really drink. Just a thing, y'know?" he answered, without really... answering.
"My dad doesn't either," Kurt replied with a nod, understanding. "I sort of hate being likened to a gay Paris Hilton. I always wanted fame on my own terms, not because some fundamentalists decided to pay the paparazzi to follow the gay son of a congressman... though it does help me get into the more exclusive boutiques in the city. The last one I went to gave me these boots."
"Free shit for unwarranted fame. It's a tough life, I'll give you that." Dave grinned. "You're such a twat; you know you'll be famous for something you actually do one day, so you won't be getting any pity from me, dude."
"It's nice to be able to get the whole whinge out for a change, though." Kurt laughed. "Anna just clamps her hand over my mouth until she thinks I'm done pouting."
"Good to know I can get away with that," Dave teased. "Anna's the one that lives with you, right?"
"And steals my clothes, and eats my food, and makes me go to parties," Kurt replied. "I should probably warn you that she's become desensitized to me licking her palm when she covers my mouth with it."
"I live with football players," Dave drawled. "I'm pretty sure I've been exposed to much worse."
Kurt remembered the... smell that used to emanate from Finn's room in Lima and shuddered. "My condolences."
"Thanks. Usually people just laugh. I don't think they get how disgusting it gets. Like, really rank, dude." Dave opened his mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by a half-naked girl who was either a mouse with slightly pointed ears, or a cat with rounded ears.
"Hey," she purred, a little drunkenly, as she wound an arm around Dave's. She glanced at Kurt as if actually seeing him for the first time, then let go of his arm. "Oh," she said flatly. "Nevermind, then. My mistake." She rolled her eyes as she walked away, leaving it unclear as to whether she'd had a problem with it or if she'd just been disappointed. Dave just shrugged, laughing under his breath. The encounter obviously hadn't bothered him at all when, just a few years earlier, god only knew what sort of mental hysterics it probably would have put him through.
"You know, for some reason they never hit on me," Kurt said lightly, his eyes bright.
"Of course they don't. Girls don't like dating guys who dress better than they do," Dave explained, fighting a grin.
"This only took an hour to put on," Kurt replied. "I imagine it took her nearly that long to make her chest do... that." He made a vague gesture and nodded at the girl.
"You're just jealous that she can prance around dressed like a slutty forestland creature without the pap on her ass and you can't," Dave pointed out.
"I could, too," Kurt countered with a smirk, "just not outside my apartment with the blinds drawn."
"What I'm gathering from this is that you have a collection of bikinis and animal ear headbands."
"Well, no," Kurt admitted. "The tops never fit right, but I do have one or two pairs of indecently tiny shorts that are left over from when we did Cabaret."
He seemed like he really did try not to, but the look on Dave's face changed for a good half a second, mind clearly building a mental image of that. "Speaking of indecent clothes," Dave laughed, almost literally shaking it off, "Is that a sock down your pants or what, because seriously-you're gonna poke something."
Kurt glanced down at his groin and laughed, then turned toward the wall and reached into his pants. A moment later he turned back around and presented, "Junk In My Trunk. It's left over from Cabaret, too. I wanted to be true to the character tonight." He held it up for Dave's inspection, trying not to burst out laughing at the look on his face.
"That has to be either the saddest or coolest product on the market; I can't decide which," Dave snickered, pushing Kurt's hand away. "Okay, okay. Put your monster back in its cave," he teased. "Do you wanna go outside?"
Kurt made another turn toward the wall to tuck the enhancer back in his pants, then returned his attention to Dave and nodded. "Better make it quick, though. I can see another woodland creature headed this way."
Laughing, Dave took Kurt loosely by the arm so he wouldn't lose him as they stepped back into the throng to make their way out to the front stoop, which was equally packed. "This is gonna take some getting used to once I'm out here," Dave admitted.
"I love it," Kurt gushed. "I can't imagine ever living anywhere else." The city had a pulse like no other place he'd ever been, and Kurt loved being part of it. "Granted I fully intend to be living in a fabulous penthouse by the time I'm thirty, instead of the two bedroom refrigerator box I live in now, but I don't ever want to move out of New York."
Dave nodded slightly. "Well, I didn't say I didn't like it. It's just... different. I think I'll like it once I'm out here. Hope I will, anyway." He unfastened his coat, setting his mask down so he could shrug out of it. "Shit, that's so much better," Dave muttered, slinging the coat over his arm before grabbing the mask.
"Well, I have an absurdly comfortable couch you can crash on, if you want to do the tourist thing. That might help you get used to it... the tourism, not the couch," Kurt amended. "Here, let me take one of those. All I've got is my Junk." He grinned.
Laughing, Dave handed the mask over, which was a little heavier than it looked. "That sounds a hell of a lot better than listening to Bryce baby talk at his 'snuggle bunny' all night, I won't even lie," he admitted, rolling his eyes. He stepped down onto the sidewalk, glancing back at Kurt. "You wanna take a walk?"
"He calls someone 'snuggle bunny' and they don't plot ways to murder him in his sleep?" Kurt asked.
He gestured subtly down the block. "There's a park a few streets down, or we could walk a little further and head to the Promenade."
"You're the local; I'll leave it up to you." They stepped away from the stairs just in time because, the second they were out of the way, Ronald McDonald stumbled down to the sidewalk to puke.
"In these boots, I choose the park," Kurt said. He pulled his phone from a hidden pocket in his corset and sent Anna a quick text letting her know he was leaving. The reply she sent a moment later caused him to blush and stuff the phone back into his pocket. "Maybe if you're feeling up to it tomorrow morning, we can go to the Promenade instead of getting coffee."
"Yeah, maybe," Dave agreed, automatically stepping to the outside of the sidewalk. It was something he'd always done. He'd had to explain himself to Kurt their senior year, telling him his dad had always said to stay on the outside when you're walking with someone (and there he had obviously omitted the 'a lady' bit) because of traffic and the inevitable, if not very high, risk of an accident.
Kurt tucked the mask under his arm as they started to walk in the direction of the park. "So how are things with... Nate?" he asked, hoping that was the name of the guy Dave had mentioned going out with a few times, the last time they'd chatted online.
"W- oh." Dave shrugged slightly. "I imagine things are fine. Haven't really talked to him much lately," he admitted.
"Didn't work out, huh?" Kurt asked sympathetically. At least Nate probably hadn't moved to France after the second date, unlike the last guy Kurt had been asked out by.
Making a noncommital noise, Dave shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants. "Y'know how you meet someone, and they're totally hot, and you think you want them, but then things get going, and you're just like 'Wow, I was so wrong on that mark'...? Yeah."
Kurt nodded. "Did I ever tell you about William? Gorgeous dancer my sophomore year at NYADA. I dated him for two months before I realized we weren't going anywhere."
"You might've told me about him. Did he have a cat?" Dave asked, brows knitting together slightly.
"It tried to smother me with its fur every time I came over," Kurt recalled with a shudder. "And nearly killed me on the stairs a few times."
"What a shit," Dave laughed. "Are you sure you're not just overreacting, though?"
"On nights when I slept there, it routinely woke me up by lying down on my face," Kurt replied. "And whenever William left the door open wide enough, it'd sneak out while I was saying goodbye and trip me on the top step."
"Okay, so maybe it was trying to kill you," Dave conceded with a quiet snort. "I ever tell you about the WoW date?"
"As in a date within the game, or..."
"God, no. Okay, I didn't tell you. Jesus..." Dave laughed. "I swear, this guy spent the entire date talking about his night elf avatar and the drama going on in his guild. Almost twenty minutes just about the inventory of his guild bank, seriously."
Kurt laughed quietly. "He didn't get out much, did he?" he asked.
"I don't think he wanted to, honestly. But I can now tell you more about WoW than you'd ever wanna know-and I've never even played the fucking game."
"Finn played for about a week, the summer after we graduated from McKinley." Kurt could still remember how he'd smelled after a week's worth of campaigns and no showers. "I'm not sure what Rachel did to make him stop playing, but it was very convincing. He hasn't touched it since."
Dave chuckled, shaking his head. "You know what the sad thing is, though?" he asked, glancing over at Kurt. "That wasn't even the worst date I've had."
"I had one who, I found out the next day, was an undercover reporter for TMZ," Kurt offered. The blogging community'd had a field day with the tidbits he'd told that charlatan.
"Wow, seriously? Okay, you totally beat cock bruises, dude." Dave barked a laugh.
Kurt winced audibly. "How do you bruise-no, you know what? Don't tell me. I don't want to know." He handed Dave back his mask abruptly. "Speaking of TMZ, you should probably put that back on if you don't want your face to be splashed all over the internet as my 'latest love interest'. There's a paparazzo in that car." He gestured subtly at a fairly nondescript sedan, which had the driver's side window rolled down just far enough for a camera lens to protrude from it.
"Do you want me to? Because, honestly, I couldn't care less what some stupid blog says about me," Dave replied, looking down at the mask, then at Kurt.
At Dave’s words, a wave of pride washed over Kurt and he smiled broadly, happy for his friend to have come so far. "Well, in that case..." He took the mask back from Dave and waved at the sedan, and the camera flashed a few times. "Evening Johnny. Get anything good tonight?"
Johnny rolled the window further down and replied, "Ehh, couple Kardashians. Man am I glad to see you, though. Mind giving me a pose tonight, Kurt? Child support payment's due soon and the blogs will pay way more for your costume than Khloe's."
"Sure, Johnny." Kurt glanced at Dave. "You want in?"
"Sure, okay," Dave said with a slight laugh.
"Let's stand over here," Kurt said, pulling Dave along by the wrist as Johnny got out of the car to find a good angle. "Under the streetlight. Very dramatic lighting." He let go of Dave and grinned, and the camera flashed again. "Alright, Johnny. Want one in character?"
"Whatever you want," Johnny replied.
Dave slipped his jacket on, cheeks flushing a little. He moved jerkily, then aborted whatever it was he was trying to do before laughing quietly at himself, reaching out to take Kurt by the waist as he took his mask from the other man, pulling it half on with one hand.
Kurt stepped in a bit closer to Dave and, with a murmured, "This'll give them something to talk about," draped an arm around him, narrowing his eyes in Johnny's direction as he tried to channel Jareth. The camera flashed. "They usually don't get me touching anyone. Half the news media will be announcing our engagement by morning." He grinned up at Dave's slightly startled expression and Johnny snapped another photo. "Any video tonight, Johnny? Christmas is coming up."
"My dad's just gonna love this," Dave drawled under his breath, grinning. "Poor guy."
"Tell me a little bit about your friend and I won't need any video for the rest of the year," Johnny called, the lens flashing a few times in quick succession.
"That's up to my friend," Kurt replied. "If he'd rather remain anonymous, I won't say anything on record. No offense."
"None taken," Johnny assured him.
"Dave," he said, holding out a hand to the photographer. "I'm just... an old friend from high school."
Johnny stepped forward and took Dave's hand, shaking it firmly. "Good to meet ya," he said. "Off the record, it's much better to meet ya than the last one of Kurt's high school friends I met."
Kurt shook his head and sighed, remembering Puck's behavior when he realized they were being tailed. "Have I told you lately how sorry I am about that? I told him he's not allowed to visit me again until he realizes he's not my bodyguard, and you guys don't pose a mortal threat."
"Puck?" Dave asked, eyebrow arching. He pulled his mask back off the top of his head, sticking it under his arm.
"He has a weirdly displaced sense of honor," Kurt muttered. "Do you have enough, Johnny?"
"Think so." He turned off the camera and tucked it away in its bag. "Where you boys headed? Can I give you a lift?"
"We were going to walk down to the park-"
"On Halloween? You nuts? That's asking for a mugging." Johnny popped the trunk and put the camera bag inside, then closed it firmly. "Let me drive you home."
Kurt sighed. "Sometimes I think you're more overprotective than my dad." He took a step toward Johnny's car, then looked up at Dave. "Want to come? I'll introduce you to my absurdly comfortable couch."
"Love to." Dave readily agreed.