Weekly Fic: La Belle Dame Sans Merci
First fic in hopefully a series of fics to get me writing and thinking again. The idea came to me on the bus this afternoon and it didn't take me that long to write and type out. Since I haven't written humour for such a long time, I thought I might give it a shot.
TITLE: La Belle Dame Sans Merci
RATING: G, General
CHARACTERS: Sarah Jane, the Doctor
SPOILERS Planet of the Spiders, Robot
WORD COUNT: 600
DISCLAIMER: The Doctor and other characters belong to the BBC
NOTES: Sarah Jane's musings on the Doctor's regeneration. Probably will only make sense if you've see the episodes in question. =)
***
~ Have been waiting for the Doctor for MONTHS. Brigadier seems convinced he’d gone and gotten himself insensibly drunk at either a wine tasting convention or an 18th century party in France. I was quite shocked, and not a little disturbed, when I visited his office last Friday and caught him looking wistfully out the window and muttering about French girls and wasted opportunities.
~ I myself wonder if his lateness in returning from Metabelis 3 might be because he’d changed his mind about the crystal and decided to sell it to Swarovski to pay off the debts to the UK government and the UNIT he’d accrued at UNIT for the past decade. I’m told that there is a room in the bowels of Westminster that is dedicated entirely to recording the money he owes as a result of various property damages, equipment expenses, food expenses, clothing expenses… and the list goes on.
~ Oh dear. The Doctor is quite dead. I think I’ll go into the staff toilets and cry now. The horrid old abbot was so cruel, taking about regeneration and all that nonsense! Though it pains me to speak ill of the dead, I wonder what indiscretions the Doctor had committed in life to warrant penitence at a monastery.
~ Hurrah! That arrogant, infuriating man Time Lord is still alive. If I wasn’t so busy charming the Brigadier into getting a ticket to Think Thank, I will kill him again for making me waste a whole box of tissues and half a bottle of makeup remover.
~ The new Doctor looks like Rasputin with a bird’s nest perched upon his head. I won’t be surprised if he started twittering soon. Must remember to enquire at the office where the nearest psychiatric hospital is.
~ While on that topic, I might have to check myself in if Harry doesn’t stop patronising me.
~ Also note to self: NEVER ever let the doctor hold or attend another dress up party ever again. I don’t think he’ll be able to afford the medical bills of all attendees on top of having to pay off the national debt. Must let Harry and the Brigadier in on the conspiracy.
~ This Doctor’s an even bigger sissy than the previous one. I would not have been surprised if he’d decided to just sit on the grass and make dandelion chains, leaving the all too competent UNIT to save mankind from its biggest threat since the last biggest threat.
~ Sighs. It seems I have just obtained myself another suitor. I don’t know whom I prefer: a giant robot who makes King Kong look quite handsome, or Mike Yates. Maybe I’ll just be a belle dame sans merci and let them fight it out to the death. A girl’s got to have her fun after all.
~ Forget it. It seems this Doctor’s more willing to break a girl’s heart than the previous one. The poor robot simply didn’t have a chance against a bucket full of soap that supposedly contained viruses in it. He just doesn’t play fair, does he?
~ Sulk. Pouts.
~ Damn that rascal! He knows just what to bribe me with. Next time he suggests “one more trip” I am going to hold my ground and plead a romantic attraction. That’ll scare him off.
~ Sod it. Harry’s coming as well! This is going to be utterly unbearable! When we will be trying to run from suicidal Daleks or giant insects, those two egos will be taking pot shots at each other. Men!