Gilgamesh Wulfenbach and the Men of Letters 17/18
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Chapter 17
The Return of the Storm King
Well, whatever may or may not have gone wrong (or right) with the map table, the treaty was signed, and there was no turning back. The announcement of Tarvek’s accession did forestall almost all of the revolts the map table had predicted, however, and instead the empire and the realms beyond were thrown into a frenzy of preparation for the coronation. Agatha found herself continually dragged away from more interesting constitutional law discussions with Kevin, Gil, and Tarvek to receive tributes from the towns now under her control and to give tours of the Home for Troubled Sparks to those who hadn’t seen it on the day of the baron’s funeral. She foisted the tours off on Van or Theo whenever possible, but there were times when a visiting dignitary looked worried that he might be locked up instead of shown through, and those she had to take around herself.
There was one dignitary she was overjoyed to see, though. Most of the Beetleburg delegation had been either cautiously skeptical of her or plainly worried that she’d retaliate for the way she’d been treated (stupid, damaged, there’s something wrong with her), but when the rest of the group went off with Van, she asked the TPU delegate to remain-and had to restrain herself until the others left before running to hug him.
“Dr. Glassvitch!” she cried, embracing her favorite former professor.
“Oh, Agatha!” he replied, laughing as he returned the hug. “Sweet lightning, how you’ve changed these last few months!”
“For the better, I hope.”
“Indeed so.” He backed away to arm’s length and beamed at her. “And I couldn’t be prouder. The Heterodyne. The Master never said-but I always knew there was something special about you, even though it seemed you’d never get the chance to let it out.”
“Turns out, that was due to my locket. My uncle had put a mechanism inside that suppressed my Spark.” She quirked a wry smile. “I guess getting mugged was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Mille tonneres. Why would he do that?”
“He was afraid of what would happen if the baron found me too soon. So was Dr. Beetle, although apparently he wanted to use me for his own ends.”
Dr. Glassvitch shook his head. “And Merlot expelled you simply for being an annoyance.”
Agatha grimaced. “And then he tried to kill me when I came to claim the castle. He shot Gil, too. The castle finally squashed him.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry it came to that. One could hardly call him a good man, but still... he was a colleague.”
Just then Kevin walked into the audience room, reading as he went. “Hey, Agatha-” He broke off as he looked up from the paper in his hands. “Oh, sorry, didn’t know you were with someone.”
“No, no, come in,” Agatha replied. “I wanted you two to meet anyway. Dr. Glassvitch, this is Kevin Tran, the political scholar I told you about. Kevin, Dr. Hugo Glassvitch.”
Dr. Glassvitch’s eyes lit up as he shook hands with Kevin. “Ah, the young man behind the new constitution! It’s a pleasure to meet you!”
“Standing on the shoulders of giants,” Kevin confessed with a wry smile.
“As do we all, in the sciences not least. Lady Heterodyne tells me you were forced to give up your education in America.”
Kevin nodded. “It’s kind of a long story, but the last two years, it seems like my mother and I have been running from one emergency situation into another. Even coming here was a major emergency. So yeah, I’m really looking forward to things calming down enough that I can go back to school.”
“I can imagine. And if you’re interested in attending TPU, you’d almost certainly qualify for the St. Thomas More Scholarship for Students of Politics; it’s one of the few full scholarships we offer that’s not reserved for impoverished sparks.”
“Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind. I don’t have any of my records with me, though.”
“Well, we can find ways around that, I believe. We don’t often see students whose records are inaccessible due to distance, but it’s not terribly unusual for a student’s records to be destroyed, either through no fault of his own or as collateral damage of a breakthrough. The university has a number of aptitude tests that you would take as part of the admissions process, and of course, having that constitution in your portfolio is a definite advantage.”
“It really isn’t all that original,” Kevin protested. “And we did have to revise it.”
Dr. Glassvitch shrugged. “But it’s practical-practical enough to be adopted in three kingdoms that had never dreamed of having any constitutional form of government even two months ago. That’s no mean feat, Mr. Tran, especially in Europa. Evil despots are the rule here, not the exception.”
Kevin glanced at Agatha. “I hope that’s about to change, sir.”
Dr. Glassvitch smiled. “Yes. So do I.”
With so much happening at once, it startled Agatha to look at a calendar one afternoon and discover that it was already mid-June. Adam and Lilith were out of the hospital at last. Tarvek, with the full might of the empire at his command, had whittled down the number of Lucrezia loyalists among the Knights of Jove to ten and had already begun plans for Europa-wide treatment of revenants and inoculation of the remaining populace against wasps. Castiel and Gadreel had been in and out, delivering messages and killing assassins when needed. Theo had officially taken over as head of the Home for Troubled Sparks, with Sleipnir as his assistant, and they and Agatha had been informally inducted into the Men of Letters. Sam and Charlie had been drafted to help Herr Dolokhov with the administrative preparations for the division of the empire and had to put the beacon engine project on hold, so Dean had built a special safe to store their computers and threatened the castle with grievous reprisal if anything happened to it. Wooster had been quietly recalled to England, but both Gil and Agatha had sent official requests to Queen Albia asking that he be named ambassador to the Heterodyne realm. And Gil, who’d been spending most of his time in Mechanicsburg when he could anyway, was now at Agatha’s side telling her it was time to pack up to go to Vienna.
“It’s a four-day flight in Castle Wulfenbach,” he explained. “And we need to get there a day or two early. Tarvek’s grandparents are taking care of most of the arrangements, but there are some we’ll need to help with, and he said he wants to introduce you around before the coronation.”
“Knowing Tarvek,” Violetta put in, “that’s as much to keep you alive as it is to make connections. I don’t like the idea, because this is our family we’re talking about and Tarvek’s the closest thing to a decent human being we’ve produced in at least a century. But it’s better than the alternative, and it’ll show everyone that I’m in your service at his order, which will go a long way toward keeping me alive, too.”
Gil nodded. “He is a spectacled cobra, but he’s still capable of being a better man than he was raised to be. I wish I’d realized that sooner.”
“Well, you realize it now,” said Agatha, “and I’m glad.” She kissed his cheek.
“Ahem,” said Violetta.
“Spoilsport,” groused the castle.
Agatha rolled her eyes. “Is there anything we need to bring?”
“Tarvek said they’re planning a grand processional entrance into the city,” Gil replied. “I’ve already talked with the Winchesters; they’re bringing Baby. Zeetha and I will ride with them. But since you’re the Heterodyne, you should probably bring something that’s associated with the Heterodyne Boys. Didn’t they have some kind of mechanical chariot?”
“In the stories, they did. Castle?”
“It’s in the carriage house, Mistress,” the castle replied. “Klaus had it returned when it was found some years ago.”
“Oh, lovely. Ask von Zinzer to give it a tune-up and get it ready to load, would you? Politely,” she added quickly.
The castle huffed. “You are Master Bill’s child. Very well.”
“Thank you.” Agatha returned her attention to Gil. “Are you sure you don’t want to ride with me, though? I mean, your father and mine were best friends.”
He took both her hands. “I know. But you’ll have Punch and Judy and the rest of the Mechanicsburg contingent. And I gave you a separate country for a reason. I’ll always be Prince of Skifander, I suppose, but for this, I’m going back to just plain Baron Wulfenbach. You deserve the chance to let the world see you standing on your own.”
Agatha bit her lip and nodded. “All right, then, if you’re sure.” She had a sneaking suspicion that there might be something else going on, since he didn’t normally go out of his way to deflect attention, but without a clearer idea of what it might be, she couldn’t argue against his reasoning. “The Men of Letters are officially associated with me, though.”
“Yes, but half of the membership is also American, ostensibly if not in fact, so between them and Zeetha, the focus is going to be on foreign rather than on Heterodyne.”
Her eyes narrowed. “So you’re going to be hiding in plain sight? That’s not like you.”
He shrugged. “It’s Tarvek’s big day, and I’ll be seen enough when I have to go up and formally return the Valois lands to him. For once, the Pax doesn’t depend on my being the center of attention. In fact, it depends more on my not being the center of attention. So I won’t be.”
She still suspected that wasn’t all, but there was even less to fault about that argument. “Well, just don’t try to use that invisibility lamp to try to sneak into town unannounced.”
“It’s not a lamp,” he returned, smiling at the comfort of the old argument. “Any particular reason why I shouldn’t?”
“Because then I’d have to have Zeetha ride with me as your father’s daughter, and I’m a little afraid of what she might do to embarrass me.”
He laughed and hugged her, and they got on with planning their respective packing lists. And once those were done, there was nothing to do but load everything and everyone onto Castle Wulfenbach and head for Vienna.
Once they were underway, however, Agatha was finally able to catch her breath and relax, which was a nice feeling. Zeetha wouldn’t let up on the training, of course, but there was nothing urgent that needed her attention; she felt more than confident leaving Mechanicsburg in Van’s capable hands. And that meant she could sit and talk with Adam and Lilith, with Zeetha, with Violetta, with Theo and Sleipnir, the Winchesters, Charlie, Kevin, the angels, Gil. She even spent one afternoon with Charlie Sparking out over a coronation present for Tarvek, the result of which was a pocket thinking engine that Charlie dubbed a life-signs detector, even though it could also be used to scan for more than biological energy signatures and as a control module for any number of remote-controlled weapons to eliminate any threats it detected. By the time they went to supper, Agatha felt she’d gained a sister and offered Charlie the position of Chief of Information Technology, which Charlie accepted with alacrity.
Tarvek caught up with them over Budapest, flushed with triumph over having succeeded in training the wasp eaters to distinguish between active revenants and cured ones. After that, he tended to monopolize both conversations and Agatha’s time, and she got the strange sense that Gil was letting him. She didn’t have time to wonder about it much, however, because a fair amount of Tarvek’s planning did genuinely involve her. Some of it was ceremonial, although a real problem had arisen with His Holiness of Avignon suddenly getting cold feet over whether to risk antagonizing Belfast, and thus the Corbettite Monks who ran Europa’s railways, over recognizing Tarvek.
“The Corbettites are neutral, and I want them to stay that way,” Tarvek explained. “That’s best for everyone. And truth be told, I’ve always rather liked the ones I’ve met. As independent as they are, however, they are officially under a vow of obedience to Belfast, so I understand Avignon’s hesitation-to a point. He’s still the only one with the authority to recognize a claim to the Throne of Lightning. And he’s already in Vienna, so I don’t know who’s gotten to him.”
“We’ll talk to him,” Dean promised.
Sam looked concerned. “Dean.”
“I said talk to him. Red fire. You think I can’t do diplomacy?”
“Well, since you got back from Purgatory-”
“I think,” Castiel interrupted, “that it might be wise for me to accompany you. Whatever hold has been placed on this man, it can hardly be of greater weight than the word of an angel.”
“Unless he’s been wasped,” Agatha noted. “You’d better take some revenant spray with you just in case.”
“And while they’re doing that,” Tarvek told her, “I’ll need you to come with me to Grandma’s chateau. As early as we’ll have to leave to get to St. Stephen’s precisely at sunrise, I’ve managed to talk her out of holding a ball the night before. But everyone insists on meeting you, and they won’t wait until the coronation’s over. I think they mostly want to be sure you’re not going to turn into Euphrosynia on me.”
She bristled. “They’ve got a lot of nerve, considering how many of them were perfectly happy for me to turn into my mother!”
He put a hand on her shoulder. “I know. But Agatha, these relatives are powerful in their own right. You need them on your side. I can’t guarantee that they’ll respect my authority where you’re concerned. Just... come for a few hours to make a good impression. Please.”
She grimaced. “Can I bring a death ray?”
“No, but you can bring Violetta.”
“I knew it,” Violetta grouched. Zeetha elbowed her.
Agatha sighed. Gil and Violetta had warned her this was coming, but they hadn’t foreseen the comparison to Euphrosynia. That rankled, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. “Oh, all right. I suppose I can be civil for a few hours.”
“Thank you,” Tarvek replied and kissed her cheek.
Gil couldn’t suppress a harrumph, which oddly made her feel better.
Castle Wulfenbach arrived outside Vienna too late the following evening for social calls to be polite, so it was the next day before the Winchesters and the angels went into town to persuade His Holiness not to back down and Agatha, Violetta, and Tarvek went to his grandmother’s palace. The building was impressive; the family... was overwhelming. At first they approached singly, starting with Princess Xerxsephina, who was all smiles and possibly genuine friendliness. But that lasted only until Agatha had met and spent half an hour conversing with Tarvek’s grandparents. Then people started showing up in droves, surrounding her in the halls, pushing her away from both Tarvek and Violetta and all talking at her at once. Not a few called her Euphrosynia. Not a few called her Lucrezia. Not a few called her only “Heterodyne.”
There were looks. There were leers. There were speculations about how soon she’d marry Tarvek and how many children they’d have-or whether she’d knife him in his sleep for taking a mistress or wasp him at the first opportunity. There were comments even less tactful than that. There were hands that pawed and pinched.
By the time Tarvek and Violetta caught up to her again, she had her back pressed against the door of a lab and was about to attempt to pick the lock without looking. It was a skill she hadn’t yet perfected, although Sam had given her a few lessons, but she was getting desperate.
“GET BACK!” Tarvek thundered, and everyone scuttled out of his way. “Blue fire, have you people learned nothing from the last thousand years? If you value your life, never back a Heterodyne into a corner!”
“I... wasn’t going to kill anyone,” Agatha said, not sure if it was true or not.
Violetta pushed her way to Agatha’s side. “Are you all right, my lady?”
“Now that I can breathe again.” Agatha was aware that she wasn’t exactly breathing well, but having more space did help.
“Get her out of here, Violetta,” Tarvek ordered. “And YOU!” he added to the relatives still lining the halls. “Keep back, and keep your hands and your opinions to yourselves. That goes for tomorrow, as well. Lady Heterodyne is our guest, and I daresay she is not impressed.”
Agatha decided to keep her own opinion to herself. “Thanks, Tarvek,” was all she said before letting Violetta hustle her through the nearest exit and onto the airship.
It took some doing to find Gil once they arrived back on Castle Wulfenbach, and she and Violetta split up to look more efficiently, but eventually someone directed Agatha to Dean’s lab. And there, much to her surprise, was Gil, sitting on Baby’s bonnet with his legs stretched out and his back against the windscreen, staring off into space. She heard faint music from somewhere.
Then the music turned up as a rough-voiced man sang, “Hello, Dolly! / This is Louis, Dolly! / It’s so nice to have you back where you belong!”
Gil startled a little and looked at her. “Oh! Agatha! I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”
“If I meet another Valois descendant before tomorrow, I may scream,” Agatha confessed. “What are you doing in Dean’s lab?”
“Oh, I... needed to have a conversation with Baby.”
Beep-beep, Baby confirmed.
“But I think we’re finished, so... walk with me?”
Agatha blinked. “Sure.”
“Golly gee, fellas, / Have a little faith in me, fellas...” sang Baby.
Gil glared back at the car but couldn’t quite suppress a smile. “Quiet, you.”
The music changed to some peppy instrumental with a lot of trumpets, and Agatha got the impression that if Baby had a face, she would be looking up and away and whistling in an attempt to look innocent. It reminded Agatha of Charlie somehow.
Gil chuckled and patted the bonnet as he got up. “Thanks, old girl.”
“Whenever you call me, I’ll be there,” Baby replied. “Whenever you want me, I’ll be there. / Whenever you need me, I’ll be there. / I’ll be around.”
He patted her again and smiled more broadly at Agatha as he walked to the door and offered her his arm. She took it and let him lead her away, trying not to read too much into the fact that Baby started playing some song about “walking my baby back home” as they left.
“So how are things on the ground?” he asked.
She groaned. “Too many people, and they kept crowding me. Tarvek finally had to intervene before I could build a death ray and start blasting.”
“Ooh. Sounds like you’d better tell me all about it.”
So she ranted, and he was right. That did help her feel better. So did having him there, listening and making sympathetic noises at all the right points. People seemed to be giving them a wide berth, but truth be told, she wasn’t really paying much attention to anything but being with Gil and letting off steam. It was... surprisingly comfortable, doing that.
“I can see why you had to escape,” he said as she finally wound down.
She sighed and hugged his arm more tightly. “I don’t know, Gil. It’s not the crowds as such. I get crowded in Mechanicsburg a lot. But it’s different somehow.”
“Sure. In Mechanicsburg, you’re the Heterodyne, and you’re loved.”
“That’s it. Yes, thank you. Here... I haven’t felt so hated since I left Beetleburg. All I could think was that I wanted to go home.”
“Yes,” he said quietly and slowed down. “Yes, I don’t blame you.”
She suddenly realized that they were walking down the corridor to the former student lodgings. “Gil?”
“You know what I realized today? Here I’ve been feeling sorry for the Winchesters for not having a home. But today it hit me... they’ve had more of a home than I have.”
She frowned. “I don’t follow you.”
“That’s why I went to talk to Baby. I gather she thinks I should have that conversation with Sam instead, but since he’s currently busy keeping Dean from threatening His Holiness....”
She clapped a hand over her mouth but couldn’t suppress an amused snort.
“Anyway, at least the Winchesters have had each other and Baby, even when she wasn’t self-aware enough to be able to communicate with them. This?” He stopped with a helpless gesture, looking around the empty hall. “This was never a home. This was a prison when I was a child. Everyone hated me. I was a nobody. Tarvek was nice to me, but then... then we got caught in the records vault, and Father told me who I was. Who Tarvek was. And he made me betray my best friend.”
“Oh, Gil. Was that what caused you to break through?”
He nodded. “Von Pinn found me passed out in a lab beside Zoing. But Father decided he had to hide my Spark, so nobody knew. Until Theo and Sleipnir came along... Zoing was the only friend I had. And then there was Paris, which... well, was Paris. Of course Father intercepted all the letters Theo and I sent each other, but at least I met Wooster there, and I had Bang most of the time, though she’s not the kind of friend I’d have chosen in other circumstances. Castle Wulfenbach, though....” He shook his head and looked around again. “Yes, I had Father when he wasn’t too busy running the empire or in one of his moods. But just living and working in the same place most of my life doesn’t make it home. And that’s all I’ve had here-a place to live, a place to work, and Wooster and Zoing and Bang for friends. Well, and the Jägers liked me, and Von Pinn cared about me in her own way. But I never belonged, even when everyone found out who I was and started being nice to me. And today I realized that being on an airship all this time, I’ve been just as rootless as the Winchesters have.”
“Why are you telling me this? Are you thinking of abandoning the castle?”
“No, I can’t, not entirely. Too many people live here, work here. Their lives and livelihoods depend on it. And there are people like Dr. Vapnoople who have nowhere else to go after what Father did to them. [1] I couldn’t justify scrapping the castle unless I manage to rebuild Wulfenbach somehow, and even then some of the more dangerous sparks would be easier to contain on an airship. So no, that’s not what I want. But after talking with Baby, I’ve realized what I do want.” He turned to face her fully and took both of her hands in his. “What I want, more than anything, is to make a home with you. Even Castle Heterodyne would be heaven if you were there. Please, Agatha... will you marry me?”
“Oh, Gil,” she breathed and hugged him without thinking. Then she added into his shoulder, “At least it’s better than your first proposal.”
He chuckled and rubbed her back gently.
“I want to say yes. I do. You know I love you. But I care about Tarvek, too, though I’m not sure I trust him completely even now. But if his court’s going to be as bad as his relatives, that wouldn’t be much of a home, either. I can’t stay in Vienna, and I don’t want to live in Paris. I want to go back to Mechanicsburg, and I could do that with you. But still... oh, I wish I knew my own mind. I’m sorry.”
“How about a conditional yes, then? If Tarvek hasn’t made you a better offer by the end of the week, say, then you’ll marry me. After all, I did propose first. Twice.”
She pulled her head back and looked at him through narrowed eyes. “What are you up to?”
“Me? Nothing!” He tried to look innocent and didn’t quite succeed.
She laughed and put her head back on his shoulder with the intent of trying to think. But her mind wasn’t processing rationally at the moment. All she could think about was Gil, warm and solid and grounding, his arms and his scent and his heartbeat promising love and loyalty. And he had actually asked her. Tarvek hadn’t, at least not yet, despite his declarations of love. She knew he wanted to marry her, but... no, he hadn’t actually asked.
“A conditional yes, then,” she said. “But I don’t want a ring yet, and we say nothing to Tarvek until after the coronation.”
Gil nodded. “Fair enough. Thank you.” Then he kissed her tenderly.
“For what it’s worth?” she said once she’d caught her breath. “I think you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, except maybe Zeetha.”
He smiled. “Thank you. It’s worth a lot.” Then he sighed. “C’mon. We should go before Violetta comes looking for us.”
She nodded and stepped back, then took his arm again and walked away with him. But she couldn’t help putting her head on his shoulder, and she was sure he didn’t mind.
After a few moments’ silence, however, she said, “You know, the Home for Troubled Sparks is coming along nicely. It might make Krosp happy if we move Dr. Vapnoople there.”
Gil chuckled and pressed his cheek against the top of her head. “I knew I loved you for a reason.”
His Holiness, it turned out, had been wasped and was being controlled by a nest of Geisterdamen that had been living in the sewers beneath the cathedral. Gadreel got him with the revenant spray and stood guard over him while Sam, Dean, and Cas, back in Team Free Will fighting form, took care of the Geisters. Fortunately, they’d learned in Sturmhalten that conventional ammo was enough-whatever the albino moon chicks actually were, they weren’t as tough to kill as most monsters the Winchesters had faced in their own world. The pope was so grateful and impressed that he agreed to go through with the coronation as planned. With that settled, all that remained was for Tarvek to have his conventional overnight prayer vigil while everyone else went to bed as early as possible so as to be up and at the parade route by oh-dark-thirty.
There was one thing still worrying Dean, however. And by the time he went to oversee Baby’s transfer to the transport ship taking them to the parade route, he’d realized he needed to address it. So he asked Sam to call the others over.
“Others?” Sam asked. “As in-”
“Our group, I mean the ones from our world.”
Sam nodded and did so. Gil and Zeetha were busy talking with Agatha as the ship took off, so this was probably the best chance they were going to get to have this conversation. Not that Dean liked having this kind of conversation, but he was going to keep worrying unless they had it.
As everyone whose presence he’d requested gathered around Baby in their court finery, Dean looked around to make sure no one else was paying attention-which might not preclude big ears, he knew, but still-and then sighed and sat down on the hood he’d washed and polished the night before. “So. We might not get another chance to talk this over. If everything goes according to plan today, though... it’s probably only gonna be another couple months before Agatha wants to go to Oz, see the Wizard. We can get back to our world from Oz, easy. Question is whether we want to, whether we should. I mean, obviously, we don’t all have to agree, but... yeah. So.”
Gadreel shook his head. “Our grace is tied to this world by the Dyne. We cannot leave.”
“He’s right, Dean,” said Cas. “But don’t feel you have to stay for that reason.”
Dean quirked a wry smile. “Dude, this ain’t like Purgatory.”
“Well, in a way, it is. We’re in exile, cut off from the Host we know. But at the same time, no one here wants to kill us-at least, no one who could actually do us harm. And I can no longer do worse damage to Heaven than I already have. Here we can help restore order, heal the land and the people.”
“And protect Agatha and her friends,” Gadreel added. “Even Zeetha, Violetta, and the Jägers can’t protect her against everything.”
“Yes, true.”
Dean nodded and looked at Kevin. “What about you? Gonna take that scholarship to TPU?”
“Actually, yeah,” Kevin replied. “I mean-” He paused, swallowed hard, and looked up a little. “Mom, if you’re reading this... you know I love you, and I miss you. But it sounds like you’ve found something important to do, and so have I. I’m not a spark, but I’ve got a good shot at a decent career in politics here. I like working with Agatha. And y’know... yeah, if I stay, somebody might try to kill me. But if I go back, somebody will kill me because I’m a prophet.”
Dean looked at Charlie next, and she answered, “Dude. Back home, I’m an unemployed hacker with an XBox and a LARP guild. Here? I’m a spark. And I work for Agatha Heterodyne. This place? Is seriously a dream come true. It’s better than Oz. The only thing I don’t have is a girlfriend, but honestly? I’ve got real friends. For the first time in, like, ever. And I’ve got you guys, who are the best big brothers I could ever wish for. I’m staying... and I kinda hope you’ll stay, too.”
He smiled at her and looked around at Baby. “You got an opinion, girl?”
“This one thing I will vow ya,” sang Micky Dolenz, “I’d rather die than live without ya.”
Dean patted the hood and turned to Sam. “Well?”
“The Men of Letters are our legacy, and so is hunting,” Sam noted. “But that legacy’s already been handed on in our world. I mean, how many times have we pulled that world off the ledge? Sooner or later, we’re not gonna be around to do that anymore. And by now... it sounds like ‘sooner’ came the day we got pulled into this world. I’m not sure how many years we’ve been gone at this point, but it ought to be long enough that the Women of Letters have convinced the rest of the hunting world that we’re not coming back. Plus, look at you, Dean. I haven’t seen you this relaxed and happy since before you went to Hell. We’ve got a good life here. There are things to hunt and people to save, but it’s not like the whole universe is conspiring against us, the way it was in our world. So let’s stay and build the Men of Letters here.”
Dean nodded slowly. “Gonna miss everybody we’re leavin’ Upstairs.”
“Well, hell, maybe Jody and Mrs. Tran can figure out a way to sneak ’em out of Heaven and ship ’em here. Or maybe Gil and Agatha can. Or maybe when the time comes, we can find a way to cross the gap ourselves. After all, we’re sparks, right?”
“And Winchesters,” Charlie added. “And when you work together? There’s nothing the Winchesters can’t do.”
At that, something deep down in Dean’s soul eased. He hadn’t fully wanted to admit it up to now, but he did like it here, now that he’d had some time to get used to things. It was a hell of a lot better than the television universe, where nothing was real even off the set. He’d have his family with him. He’d have time to build cars if he wanted. Chances he’d be solely responsible for saving the world yet again were slim. Chances of the playbook getting changed enough that he didn’t even know right from wrong anymore were even slimmer. And most importantly, Sam was happy here, too.
“Okay, then,” he said. “Let’s go crown us a Storm King.”
Beep-beep! Baby agreed, and Charlie hugged him.
Vienna had pulled out all the stops to welcome Tarvek, and Gil didn’t feel even remotely jealous that Tarvek was being greeted with such pomp and fanfare. There were far worse ways to lose an empire, after all. As it was, he was perfectly content to sit in his usual place in Baby’s back seat with his twin sister, Sam and Dean in the front seat and all the other Men of Letters except Wooster and Agatha on foot flanking the car. Sleipnir had opted for a dress for the first time since Gil had known her, but Charlie was wearing a riding skirt that was probably the closest thing to trousers she’d been able to convince a Mechanicsburg seamstress to make for her given the occasion. Both outfits were a black silk as glossy as Baby’s paint, and with their silver jewelry, they looked almost as uniform as did the men and angels in their white tie suits and Men of Letters badges. Even Zeetha had agreed to coordinate, although her outfit was mainly steel ‘armor’ and black chiffon draped here and there in a way that Mamma Gkika and Higgs probably approved of but Father almost certainly wouldn’t.
Speaking of Higgs, he was one of the few other Wulfenbach men Gil had brought and was marching between Baby and Agatha’s chariot. Gil couldn’t help wondering if that was intentional. But with any luck, his mysterious retainer’s loyalties wouldn’t be divided much longer. And given the way people were cheering for Agatha, Gil wasn’t sure anyone was paying much attention to Higgs.
The coronation itself went on for ages, although a decent chunk of time was eaten up by the procession into the cathedral. There were far more investitures and prayers and whatnot than at Sturmhalten, plus formal declarations of fealty from the Knights of Jove and the various principalities Gil was handing over to Tarvek, and Gil had to stand beside the Lightning Throne for all of those transfers of loyalty to give his official release for each one. His Holiness somehow contrived for all that to take the full eight hours from sunrise so that he could place the Lightning Crown on Tarvek’s head precisely when the sun was at its zenith. But that was the end, aside from the recessional, and then it was off to the Imperial Palace for banqueting and reception of embassies before the grand ball that was supposed to start right after dark. The feast was excellent, of course, and Gil didn’t know whether to be amused or insulted by the number of outlying principalities that asked to join Tarvek’s new empire. But as the afternoon wore on, Dean started fidgeting, and Gil understood why. He could hardly contain his own nerves anticipating the reveal of Wooster’s twist to Plan B. Unfortunately, since Tarvek had insisted on Gil and Agatha standing at his right hand the whole time, Gil couldn’t fidget.
Then at long last, the British ambassador was announced, and Gil’s heart sped up as the ambassador (who wasn’t Wooster) approached the throne, bowed, and conveyed “Her Undying Majesty’s compliments on your achievements in restoring the peace of Europa.”
When the ambassador didn’t continue, Tarvek frowned. “That’s curiously precise phrasing. Was there nothing more?”
“There is just one detail,” the ambassador went on. “Her Majesty wishes to inform you that her acknowledgment of your accession, as well as any possibility of alliance between our two empires, is conditional upon your agreeing to wed Her Royal Highness, Princess Urania.”
The room fell dead silent.
“I-you-she-what?!” Tarvek spluttered.
“You need not give your answer right away,” the ambassador stated. “Her Majesty is pleased to allow you until the end of next month to make your decision. Good evening.” He bowed and left.
Tarvek was still trying to form a coherent sentence. “What-but-what-” Then his eyes went wide, and he rounded on Gil. “YOU!”
“CHECKMATE!” Gil crowed and kissed Agatha soundly.
Next
[1] Dr. Dmitri Vapnoople, Krosp’s creator, was also responsible for the creation of some pretty fearsome constructs, such as an army of talking bears left in the care of Martellus von Blitzengaard-at least until Baron Wulfenbach captured him and rendered him harmless by using him as the subject of a brain coring experiment. “Dr. Dim” was last seen in GG canon working as a janitor on Castle Wulfenbach.
Chapter 17
The Return of the Storm King
Well, whatever may or may not have gone wrong (or right) with the map table, the treaty was signed, and there was no turning back. The announcement of Tarvek’s accession did forestall almost all of the revolts the map table had predicted, however, and instead the empire and the realms beyond were thrown into a frenzy of preparation for the coronation. Agatha found herself continually dragged away from more interesting constitutional law discussions with Kevin, Gil, and Tarvek to receive tributes from the towns now under her control and to give tours of the Home for Troubled Sparks to those who hadn’t seen it on the day of the baron’s funeral. She foisted the tours off on Van or Theo whenever possible, but there were times when a visiting dignitary looked worried that he might be locked up instead of shown through, and those she had to take around herself.
There was one dignitary she was overjoyed to see, though. Most of the Beetleburg delegation had been either cautiously skeptical of her or plainly worried that she’d retaliate for the way she’d been treated (stupid, damaged, there’s something wrong with her), but when the rest of the group went off with Van, she asked the TPU delegate to remain-and had to restrain herself until the others left before running to hug him.
“Dr. Glassvitch!” she cried, embracing her favorite former professor.
“Oh, Agatha!” he replied, laughing as he returned the hug. “Sweet lightning, how you’ve changed these last few months!”
“For the better, I hope.”
“Indeed so.” He backed away to arm’s length and beamed at her. “And I couldn’t be prouder. The Heterodyne. The Master never said-but I always knew there was something special about you, even though it seemed you’d never get the chance to let it out.”
“Turns out, that was due to my locket. My uncle had put a mechanism inside that suppressed my Spark.” She quirked a wry smile. “I guess getting mugged was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Mille tonneres. Why would he do that?”
“He was afraid of what would happen if the baron found me too soon. So was Dr. Beetle, although apparently he wanted to use me for his own ends.”
Dr. Glassvitch shook his head. “And Merlot expelled you simply for being an annoyance.”
Agatha grimaced. “And then he tried to kill me when I came to claim the castle. He shot Gil, too. The castle finally squashed him.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry it came to that. One could hardly call him a good man, but still... he was a colleague.”
Just then Kevin walked into the audience room, reading as he went. “Hey, Agatha-” He broke off as he looked up from the paper in his hands. “Oh, sorry, didn’t know you were with someone.”
“No, no, come in,” Agatha replied. “I wanted you two to meet anyway. Dr. Glassvitch, this is Kevin Tran, the political scholar I told you about. Kevin, Dr. Hugo Glassvitch.”
Dr. Glassvitch’s eyes lit up as he shook hands with Kevin. “Ah, the young man behind the new constitution! It’s a pleasure to meet you!”
“Standing on the shoulders of giants,” Kevin confessed with a wry smile.
“As do we all, in the sciences not least. Lady Heterodyne tells me you were forced to give up your education in America.”
Kevin nodded. “It’s kind of a long story, but the last two years, it seems like my mother and I have been running from one emergency situation into another. Even coming here was a major emergency. So yeah, I’m really looking forward to things calming down enough that I can go back to school.”
“I can imagine. And if you’re interested in attending TPU, you’d almost certainly qualify for the St. Thomas More Scholarship for Students of Politics; it’s one of the few full scholarships we offer that’s not reserved for impoverished sparks.”
“Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind. I don’t have any of my records with me, though.”
“Well, we can find ways around that, I believe. We don’t often see students whose records are inaccessible due to distance, but it’s not terribly unusual for a student’s records to be destroyed, either through no fault of his own or as collateral damage of a breakthrough. The university has a number of aptitude tests that you would take as part of the admissions process, and of course, having that constitution in your portfolio is a definite advantage.”
“It really isn’t all that original,” Kevin protested. “And we did have to revise it.”
Dr. Glassvitch shrugged. “But it’s practical-practical enough to be adopted in three kingdoms that had never dreamed of having any constitutional form of government even two months ago. That’s no mean feat, Mr. Tran, especially in Europa. Evil despots are the rule here, not the exception.”
Kevin glanced at Agatha. “I hope that’s about to change, sir.”
Dr. Glassvitch smiled. “Yes. So do I.”
With so much happening at once, it startled Agatha to look at a calendar one afternoon and discover that it was already mid-June. Adam and Lilith were out of the hospital at last. Tarvek, with the full might of the empire at his command, had whittled down the number of Lucrezia loyalists among the Knights of Jove to ten and had already begun plans for Europa-wide treatment of revenants and inoculation of the remaining populace against wasps. Castiel and Gadreel had been in and out, delivering messages and killing assassins when needed. Theo had officially taken over as head of the Home for Troubled Sparks, with Sleipnir as his assistant, and they and Agatha had been informally inducted into the Men of Letters. Sam and Charlie had been drafted to help Herr Dolokhov with the administrative preparations for the division of the empire and had to put the beacon engine project on hold, so Dean had built a special safe to store their computers and threatened the castle with grievous reprisal if anything happened to it. Wooster had been quietly recalled to England, but both Gil and Agatha had sent official requests to Queen Albia asking that he be named ambassador to the Heterodyne realm. And Gil, who’d been spending most of his time in Mechanicsburg when he could anyway, was now at Agatha’s side telling her it was time to pack up to go to Vienna.
“It’s a four-day flight in Castle Wulfenbach,” he explained. “And we need to get there a day or two early. Tarvek’s grandparents are taking care of most of the arrangements, but there are some we’ll need to help with, and he said he wants to introduce you around before the coronation.”
“Knowing Tarvek,” Violetta put in, “that’s as much to keep you alive as it is to make connections. I don’t like the idea, because this is our family we’re talking about and Tarvek’s the closest thing to a decent human being we’ve produced in at least a century. But it’s better than the alternative, and it’ll show everyone that I’m in your service at his order, which will go a long way toward keeping me alive, too.”
Gil nodded. “He is a spectacled cobra, but he’s still capable of being a better man than he was raised to be. I wish I’d realized that sooner.”
“Well, you realize it now,” said Agatha, “and I’m glad.” She kissed his cheek.
“Ahem,” said Violetta.
“Spoilsport,” groused the castle.
Agatha rolled her eyes. “Is there anything we need to bring?”
“Tarvek said they’re planning a grand processional entrance into the city,” Gil replied. “I’ve already talked with the Winchesters; they’re bringing Baby. Zeetha and I will ride with them. But since you’re the Heterodyne, you should probably bring something that’s associated with the Heterodyne Boys. Didn’t they have some kind of mechanical chariot?”
“In the stories, they did. Castle?”
“It’s in the carriage house, Mistress,” the castle replied. “Klaus had it returned when it was found some years ago.”
“Oh, lovely. Ask von Zinzer to give it a tune-up and get it ready to load, would you? Politely,” she added quickly.
The castle huffed. “You are Master Bill’s child. Very well.”
“Thank you.” Agatha returned her attention to Gil. “Are you sure you don’t want to ride with me, though? I mean, your father and mine were best friends.”
He took both her hands. “I know. But you’ll have Punch and Judy and the rest of the Mechanicsburg contingent. And I gave you a separate country for a reason. I’ll always be Prince of Skifander, I suppose, but for this, I’m going back to just plain Baron Wulfenbach. You deserve the chance to let the world see you standing on your own.”
Agatha bit her lip and nodded. “All right, then, if you’re sure.” She had a sneaking suspicion that there might be something else going on, since he didn’t normally go out of his way to deflect attention, but without a clearer idea of what it might be, she couldn’t argue against his reasoning. “The Men of Letters are officially associated with me, though.”
“Yes, but half of the membership is also American, ostensibly if not in fact, so between them and Zeetha, the focus is going to be on foreign rather than on Heterodyne.”
Her eyes narrowed. “So you’re going to be hiding in plain sight? That’s not like you.”
He shrugged. “It’s Tarvek’s big day, and I’ll be seen enough when I have to go up and formally return the Valois lands to him. For once, the Pax doesn’t depend on my being the center of attention. In fact, it depends more on my not being the center of attention. So I won’t be.”
She still suspected that wasn’t all, but there was even less to fault about that argument. “Well, just don’t try to use that invisibility lamp to try to sneak into town unannounced.”
“It’s not a lamp,” he returned, smiling at the comfort of the old argument. “Any particular reason why I shouldn’t?”
“Because then I’d have to have Zeetha ride with me as your father’s daughter, and I’m a little afraid of what she might do to embarrass me.”
He laughed and hugged her, and they got on with planning their respective packing lists. And once those were done, there was nothing to do but load everything and everyone onto Castle Wulfenbach and head for Vienna.
Once they were underway, however, Agatha was finally able to catch her breath and relax, which was a nice feeling. Zeetha wouldn’t let up on the training, of course, but there was nothing urgent that needed her attention; she felt more than confident leaving Mechanicsburg in Van’s capable hands. And that meant she could sit and talk with Adam and Lilith, with Zeetha, with Violetta, with Theo and Sleipnir, the Winchesters, Charlie, Kevin, the angels, Gil. She even spent one afternoon with Charlie Sparking out over a coronation present for Tarvek, the result of which was a pocket thinking engine that Charlie dubbed a life-signs detector, even though it could also be used to scan for more than biological energy signatures and as a control module for any number of remote-controlled weapons to eliminate any threats it detected. By the time they went to supper, Agatha felt she’d gained a sister and offered Charlie the position of Chief of Information Technology, which Charlie accepted with alacrity.
Tarvek caught up with them over Budapest, flushed with triumph over having succeeded in training the wasp eaters to distinguish between active revenants and cured ones. After that, he tended to monopolize both conversations and Agatha’s time, and she got the strange sense that Gil was letting him. She didn’t have time to wonder about it much, however, because a fair amount of Tarvek’s planning did genuinely involve her. Some of it was ceremonial, although a real problem had arisen with His Holiness of Avignon suddenly getting cold feet over whether to risk antagonizing Belfast, and thus the Corbettite Monks who ran Europa’s railways, over recognizing Tarvek.
“The Corbettites are neutral, and I want them to stay that way,” Tarvek explained. “That’s best for everyone. And truth be told, I’ve always rather liked the ones I’ve met. As independent as they are, however, they are officially under a vow of obedience to Belfast, so I understand Avignon’s hesitation-to a point. He’s still the only one with the authority to recognize a claim to the Throne of Lightning. And he’s already in Vienna, so I don’t know who’s gotten to him.”
“We’ll talk to him,” Dean promised.
Sam looked concerned. “Dean.”
“I said talk to him. Red fire. You think I can’t do diplomacy?”
“Well, since you got back from Purgatory-”
“I think,” Castiel interrupted, “that it might be wise for me to accompany you. Whatever hold has been placed on this man, it can hardly be of greater weight than the word of an angel.”
“Unless he’s been wasped,” Agatha noted. “You’d better take some revenant spray with you just in case.”
“And while they’re doing that,” Tarvek told her, “I’ll need you to come with me to Grandma’s chateau. As early as we’ll have to leave to get to St. Stephen’s precisely at sunrise, I’ve managed to talk her out of holding a ball the night before. But everyone insists on meeting you, and they won’t wait until the coronation’s over. I think they mostly want to be sure you’re not going to turn into Euphrosynia on me.”
She bristled. “They’ve got a lot of nerve, considering how many of them were perfectly happy for me to turn into my mother!”
He put a hand on her shoulder. “I know. But Agatha, these relatives are powerful in their own right. You need them on your side. I can’t guarantee that they’ll respect my authority where you’re concerned. Just... come for a few hours to make a good impression. Please.”
She grimaced. “Can I bring a death ray?”
“No, but you can bring Violetta.”
“I knew it,” Violetta grouched. Zeetha elbowed her.
Agatha sighed. Gil and Violetta had warned her this was coming, but they hadn’t foreseen the comparison to Euphrosynia. That rankled, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. “Oh, all right. I suppose I can be civil for a few hours.”
“Thank you,” Tarvek replied and kissed her cheek.
Gil couldn’t suppress a harrumph, which oddly made her feel better.
Castle Wulfenbach arrived outside Vienna too late the following evening for social calls to be polite, so it was the next day before the Winchesters and the angels went into town to persuade His Holiness not to back down and Agatha, Violetta, and Tarvek went to his grandmother’s palace. The building was impressive; the family... was overwhelming. At first they approached singly, starting with Princess Xerxsephina, who was all smiles and possibly genuine friendliness. But that lasted only until Agatha had met and spent half an hour conversing with Tarvek’s grandparents. Then people started showing up in droves, surrounding her in the halls, pushing her away from both Tarvek and Violetta and all talking at her at once. Not a few called her Euphrosynia. Not a few called her Lucrezia. Not a few called her only “Heterodyne.”
There were looks. There were leers. There were speculations about how soon she’d marry Tarvek and how many children they’d have-or whether she’d knife him in his sleep for taking a mistress or wasp him at the first opportunity. There were comments even less tactful than that. There were hands that pawed and pinched.
By the time Tarvek and Violetta caught up to her again, she had her back pressed against the door of a lab and was about to attempt to pick the lock without looking. It was a skill she hadn’t yet perfected, although Sam had given her a few lessons, but she was getting desperate.
“GET BACK!” Tarvek thundered, and everyone scuttled out of his way. “Blue fire, have you people learned nothing from the last thousand years? If you value your life, never back a Heterodyne into a corner!”
“I... wasn’t going to kill anyone,” Agatha said, not sure if it was true or not.
Violetta pushed her way to Agatha’s side. “Are you all right, my lady?”
“Now that I can breathe again.” Agatha was aware that she wasn’t exactly breathing well, but having more space did help.
“Get her out of here, Violetta,” Tarvek ordered. “And YOU!” he added to the relatives still lining the halls. “Keep back, and keep your hands and your opinions to yourselves. That goes for tomorrow, as well. Lady Heterodyne is our guest, and I daresay she is not impressed.”
Agatha decided to keep her own opinion to herself. “Thanks, Tarvek,” was all she said before letting Violetta hustle her through the nearest exit and onto the airship.
It took some doing to find Gil once they arrived back on Castle Wulfenbach, and she and Violetta split up to look more efficiently, but eventually someone directed Agatha to Dean’s lab. And there, much to her surprise, was Gil, sitting on Baby’s bonnet with his legs stretched out and his back against the windscreen, staring off into space. She heard faint music from somewhere.
Then the music turned up as a rough-voiced man sang, “Hello, Dolly! / This is Louis, Dolly! / It’s so nice to have you back where you belong!”
Gil startled a little and looked at her. “Oh! Agatha! I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”
“If I meet another Valois descendant before tomorrow, I may scream,” Agatha confessed. “What are you doing in Dean’s lab?”
“Oh, I... needed to have a conversation with Baby.”
Beep-beep, Baby confirmed.
“But I think we’re finished, so... walk with me?”
Agatha blinked. “Sure.”
“Golly gee, fellas, / Have a little faith in me, fellas...” sang Baby.
Gil glared back at the car but couldn’t quite suppress a smile. “Quiet, you.”
The music changed to some peppy instrumental with a lot of trumpets, and Agatha got the impression that if Baby had a face, she would be looking up and away and whistling in an attempt to look innocent. It reminded Agatha of Charlie somehow.
Gil chuckled and patted the bonnet as he got up. “Thanks, old girl.”
“Whenever you call me, I’ll be there,” Baby replied. “Whenever you want me, I’ll be there. / Whenever you need me, I’ll be there. / I’ll be around.”
He patted her again and smiled more broadly at Agatha as he walked to the door and offered her his arm. She took it and let him lead her away, trying not to read too much into the fact that Baby started playing some song about “walking my baby back home” as they left.
“So how are things on the ground?” he asked.
She groaned. “Too many people, and they kept crowding me. Tarvek finally had to intervene before I could build a death ray and start blasting.”
“Ooh. Sounds like you’d better tell me all about it.”
So she ranted, and he was right. That did help her feel better. So did having him there, listening and making sympathetic noises at all the right points. People seemed to be giving them a wide berth, but truth be told, she wasn’t really paying much attention to anything but being with Gil and letting off steam. It was... surprisingly comfortable, doing that.
“I can see why you had to escape,” he said as she finally wound down.
She sighed and hugged his arm more tightly. “I don’t know, Gil. It’s not the crowds as such. I get crowded in Mechanicsburg a lot. But it’s different somehow.”
“Sure. In Mechanicsburg, you’re the Heterodyne, and you’re loved.”
“That’s it. Yes, thank you. Here... I haven’t felt so hated since I left Beetleburg. All I could think was that I wanted to go home.”
“Yes,” he said quietly and slowed down. “Yes, I don’t blame you.”
She suddenly realized that they were walking down the corridor to the former student lodgings. “Gil?”
“You know what I realized today? Here I’ve been feeling sorry for the Winchesters for not having a home. But today it hit me... they’ve had more of a home than I have.”
She frowned. “I don’t follow you.”
“That’s why I went to talk to Baby. I gather she thinks I should have that conversation with Sam instead, but since he’s currently busy keeping Dean from threatening His Holiness....”
She clapped a hand over her mouth but couldn’t suppress an amused snort.
“Anyway, at least the Winchesters have had each other and Baby, even when she wasn’t self-aware enough to be able to communicate with them. This?” He stopped with a helpless gesture, looking around the empty hall. “This was never a home. This was a prison when I was a child. Everyone hated me. I was a nobody. Tarvek was nice to me, but then... then we got caught in the records vault, and Father told me who I was. Who Tarvek was. And he made me betray my best friend.”
“Oh, Gil. Was that what caused you to break through?”
He nodded. “Von Pinn found me passed out in a lab beside Zoing. But Father decided he had to hide my Spark, so nobody knew. Until Theo and Sleipnir came along... Zoing was the only friend I had. And then there was Paris, which... well, was Paris. Of course Father intercepted all the letters Theo and I sent each other, but at least I met Wooster there, and I had Bang most of the time, though she’s not the kind of friend I’d have chosen in other circumstances. Castle Wulfenbach, though....” He shook his head and looked around again. “Yes, I had Father when he wasn’t too busy running the empire or in one of his moods. But just living and working in the same place most of my life doesn’t make it home. And that’s all I’ve had here-a place to live, a place to work, and Wooster and Zoing and Bang for friends. Well, and the Jägers liked me, and Von Pinn cared about me in her own way. But I never belonged, even when everyone found out who I was and started being nice to me. And today I realized that being on an airship all this time, I’ve been just as rootless as the Winchesters have.”
“Why are you telling me this? Are you thinking of abandoning the castle?”
“No, I can’t, not entirely. Too many people live here, work here. Their lives and livelihoods depend on it. And there are people like Dr. Vapnoople who have nowhere else to go after what Father did to them. [1] I couldn’t justify scrapping the castle unless I manage to rebuild Wulfenbach somehow, and even then some of the more dangerous sparks would be easier to contain on an airship. So no, that’s not what I want. But after talking with Baby, I’ve realized what I do want.” He turned to face her fully and took both of her hands in his. “What I want, more than anything, is to make a home with you. Even Castle Heterodyne would be heaven if you were there. Please, Agatha... will you marry me?”
“Oh, Gil,” she breathed and hugged him without thinking. Then she added into his shoulder, “At least it’s better than your first proposal.”
He chuckled and rubbed her back gently.
“I want to say yes. I do. You know I love you. But I care about Tarvek, too, though I’m not sure I trust him completely even now. But if his court’s going to be as bad as his relatives, that wouldn’t be much of a home, either. I can’t stay in Vienna, and I don’t want to live in Paris. I want to go back to Mechanicsburg, and I could do that with you. But still... oh, I wish I knew my own mind. I’m sorry.”
“How about a conditional yes, then? If Tarvek hasn’t made you a better offer by the end of the week, say, then you’ll marry me. After all, I did propose first. Twice.”
She pulled her head back and looked at him through narrowed eyes. “What are you up to?”
“Me? Nothing!” He tried to look innocent and didn’t quite succeed.
She laughed and put her head back on his shoulder with the intent of trying to think. But her mind wasn’t processing rationally at the moment. All she could think about was Gil, warm and solid and grounding, his arms and his scent and his heartbeat promising love and loyalty. And he had actually asked her. Tarvek hadn’t, at least not yet, despite his declarations of love. She knew he wanted to marry her, but... no, he hadn’t actually asked.
“A conditional yes, then,” she said. “But I don’t want a ring yet, and we say nothing to Tarvek until after the coronation.”
Gil nodded. “Fair enough. Thank you.” Then he kissed her tenderly.
“For what it’s worth?” she said once she’d caught her breath. “I think you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, except maybe Zeetha.”
He smiled. “Thank you. It’s worth a lot.” Then he sighed. “C’mon. We should go before Violetta comes looking for us.”
She nodded and stepped back, then took his arm again and walked away with him. But she couldn’t help putting her head on his shoulder, and she was sure he didn’t mind.
After a few moments’ silence, however, she said, “You know, the Home for Troubled Sparks is coming along nicely. It might make Krosp happy if we move Dr. Vapnoople there.”
Gil chuckled and pressed his cheek against the top of her head. “I knew I loved you for a reason.”
His Holiness, it turned out, had been wasped and was being controlled by a nest of Geisterdamen that had been living in the sewers beneath the cathedral. Gadreel got him with the revenant spray and stood guard over him while Sam, Dean, and Cas, back in Team Free Will fighting form, took care of the Geisters. Fortunately, they’d learned in Sturmhalten that conventional ammo was enough-whatever the albino moon chicks actually were, they weren’t as tough to kill as most monsters the Winchesters had faced in their own world. The pope was so grateful and impressed that he agreed to go through with the coronation as planned. With that settled, all that remained was for Tarvek to have his conventional overnight prayer vigil while everyone else went to bed as early as possible so as to be up and at the parade route by oh-dark-thirty.
There was one thing still worrying Dean, however. And by the time he went to oversee Baby’s transfer to the transport ship taking them to the parade route, he’d realized he needed to address it. So he asked Sam to call the others over.
“Others?” Sam asked. “As in-”
“Our group, I mean the ones from our world.”
Sam nodded and did so. Gil and Zeetha were busy talking with Agatha as the ship took off, so this was probably the best chance they were going to get to have this conversation. Not that Dean liked having this kind of conversation, but he was going to keep worrying unless they had it.
As everyone whose presence he’d requested gathered around Baby in their court finery, Dean looked around to make sure no one else was paying attention-which might not preclude big ears, he knew, but still-and then sighed and sat down on the hood he’d washed and polished the night before. “So. We might not get another chance to talk this over. If everything goes according to plan today, though... it’s probably only gonna be another couple months before Agatha wants to go to Oz, see the Wizard. We can get back to our world from Oz, easy. Question is whether we want to, whether we should. I mean, obviously, we don’t all have to agree, but... yeah. So.”
Gadreel shook his head. “Our grace is tied to this world by the Dyne. We cannot leave.”
“He’s right, Dean,” said Cas. “But don’t feel you have to stay for that reason.”
Dean quirked a wry smile. “Dude, this ain’t like Purgatory.”
“Well, in a way, it is. We’re in exile, cut off from the Host we know. But at the same time, no one here wants to kill us-at least, no one who could actually do us harm. And I can no longer do worse damage to Heaven than I already have. Here we can help restore order, heal the land and the people.”
“And protect Agatha and her friends,” Gadreel added. “Even Zeetha, Violetta, and the Jägers can’t protect her against everything.”
“Yes, true.”
Dean nodded and looked at Kevin. “What about you? Gonna take that scholarship to TPU?”
“Actually, yeah,” Kevin replied. “I mean-” He paused, swallowed hard, and looked up a little. “Mom, if you’re reading this... you know I love you, and I miss you. But it sounds like you’ve found something important to do, and so have I. I’m not a spark, but I’ve got a good shot at a decent career in politics here. I like working with Agatha. And y’know... yeah, if I stay, somebody might try to kill me. But if I go back, somebody will kill me because I’m a prophet.”
Dean looked at Charlie next, and she answered, “Dude. Back home, I’m an unemployed hacker with an XBox and a LARP guild. Here? I’m a spark. And I work for Agatha Heterodyne. This place? Is seriously a dream come true. It’s better than Oz. The only thing I don’t have is a girlfriend, but honestly? I’ve got real friends. For the first time in, like, ever. And I’ve got you guys, who are the best big brothers I could ever wish for. I’m staying... and I kinda hope you’ll stay, too.”
He smiled at her and looked around at Baby. “You got an opinion, girl?”
“This one thing I will vow ya,” sang Micky Dolenz, “I’d rather die than live without ya.”
Dean patted the hood and turned to Sam. “Well?”
“The Men of Letters are our legacy, and so is hunting,” Sam noted. “But that legacy’s already been handed on in our world. I mean, how many times have we pulled that world off the ledge? Sooner or later, we’re not gonna be around to do that anymore. And by now... it sounds like ‘sooner’ came the day we got pulled into this world. I’m not sure how many years we’ve been gone at this point, but it ought to be long enough that the Women of Letters have convinced the rest of the hunting world that we’re not coming back. Plus, look at you, Dean. I haven’t seen you this relaxed and happy since before you went to Hell. We’ve got a good life here. There are things to hunt and people to save, but it’s not like the whole universe is conspiring against us, the way it was in our world. So let’s stay and build the Men of Letters here.”
Dean nodded slowly. “Gonna miss everybody we’re leavin’ Upstairs.”
“Well, hell, maybe Jody and Mrs. Tran can figure out a way to sneak ’em out of Heaven and ship ’em here. Or maybe Gil and Agatha can. Or maybe when the time comes, we can find a way to cross the gap ourselves. After all, we’re sparks, right?”
“And Winchesters,” Charlie added. “And when you work together? There’s nothing the Winchesters can’t do.”
At that, something deep down in Dean’s soul eased. He hadn’t fully wanted to admit it up to now, but he did like it here, now that he’d had some time to get used to things. It was a hell of a lot better than the television universe, where nothing was real even off the set. He’d have his family with him. He’d have time to build cars if he wanted. Chances he’d be solely responsible for saving the world yet again were slim. Chances of the playbook getting changed enough that he didn’t even know right from wrong anymore were even slimmer. And most importantly, Sam was happy here, too.
“Okay, then,” he said. “Let’s go crown us a Storm King.”
Beep-beep! Baby agreed, and Charlie hugged him.
Vienna had pulled out all the stops to welcome Tarvek, and Gil didn’t feel even remotely jealous that Tarvek was being greeted with such pomp and fanfare. There were far worse ways to lose an empire, after all. As it was, he was perfectly content to sit in his usual place in Baby’s back seat with his twin sister, Sam and Dean in the front seat and all the other Men of Letters except Wooster and Agatha on foot flanking the car. Sleipnir had opted for a dress for the first time since Gil had known her, but Charlie was wearing a riding skirt that was probably the closest thing to trousers she’d been able to convince a Mechanicsburg seamstress to make for her given the occasion. Both outfits were a black silk as glossy as Baby’s paint, and with their silver jewelry, they looked almost as uniform as did the men and angels in their white tie suits and Men of Letters badges. Even Zeetha had agreed to coordinate, although her outfit was mainly steel ‘armor’ and black chiffon draped here and there in a way that Mamma Gkika and Higgs probably approved of but Father almost certainly wouldn’t.
Speaking of Higgs, he was one of the few other Wulfenbach men Gil had brought and was marching between Baby and Agatha’s chariot. Gil couldn’t help wondering if that was intentional. But with any luck, his mysterious retainer’s loyalties wouldn’t be divided much longer. And given the way people were cheering for Agatha, Gil wasn’t sure anyone was paying much attention to Higgs.
The coronation itself went on for ages, although a decent chunk of time was eaten up by the procession into the cathedral. There were far more investitures and prayers and whatnot than at Sturmhalten, plus formal declarations of fealty from the Knights of Jove and the various principalities Gil was handing over to Tarvek, and Gil had to stand beside the Lightning Throne for all of those transfers of loyalty to give his official release for each one. His Holiness somehow contrived for all that to take the full eight hours from sunrise so that he could place the Lightning Crown on Tarvek’s head precisely when the sun was at its zenith. But that was the end, aside from the recessional, and then it was off to the Imperial Palace for banqueting and reception of embassies before the grand ball that was supposed to start right after dark. The feast was excellent, of course, and Gil didn’t know whether to be amused or insulted by the number of outlying principalities that asked to join Tarvek’s new empire. But as the afternoon wore on, Dean started fidgeting, and Gil understood why. He could hardly contain his own nerves anticipating the reveal of Wooster’s twist to Plan B. Unfortunately, since Tarvek had insisted on Gil and Agatha standing at his right hand the whole time, Gil couldn’t fidget.
Then at long last, the British ambassador was announced, and Gil’s heart sped up as the ambassador (who wasn’t Wooster) approached the throne, bowed, and conveyed “Her Undying Majesty’s compliments on your achievements in restoring the peace of Europa.”
When the ambassador didn’t continue, Tarvek frowned. “That’s curiously precise phrasing. Was there nothing more?”
“There is just one detail,” the ambassador went on. “Her Majesty wishes to inform you that her acknowledgment of your accession, as well as any possibility of alliance between our two empires, is conditional upon your agreeing to wed Her Royal Highness, Princess Urania.”
The room fell dead silent.
“I-you-she-what?!” Tarvek spluttered.
“You need not give your answer right away,” the ambassador stated. “Her Majesty is pleased to allow you until the end of next month to make your decision. Good evening.” He bowed and left.
Tarvek was still trying to form a coherent sentence. “What-but-what-” Then his eyes went wide, and he rounded on Gil. “YOU!”
“CHECKMATE!” Gil crowed and kissed Agatha soundly.
Next
[1] Dr. Dmitri Vapnoople, Krosp’s creator, was also responsible for the creation of some pretty fearsome constructs, such as an army of talking bears left in the care of Martellus von Blitzengaard-at least until Baron Wulfenbach captured him and rendered him harmless by using him as the subject of a brain coring experiment. “Dr. Dim” was last seen in GG canon working as a janitor on Castle Wulfenbach.