Revamp - Original Story - Opening Ficlet

[sasha_janre]

This is a test, a ficlet to see if I could get on a roll with the new style and direction I wanted to do after not knowing where I was going the first time. I have this problem of creating good starting points, but having a rough time closing it or putting in a middle to the plot. I want to change that and hopefully this is the start. Ficlet starts

Comments

[dazedpuckbunny]

I like this so far! Pretty imagery and nice action. Deep purple eyes ftw!

[sasha_janre]

<3 I love his eyes. XD

[claudine]

I liked it, cept that there was a bit of repetition going on with the sentence structure that can get a bit dry. Fewer commas would be good, too ^_~

[sasha_janre]

XD; I am terrible for that. I'll definitely try to work on that ... it happens when I try to be awesome descriptive and it ends up looking like an RP paragraph.

Thank you! <3

[bakayasha14]

I want to know what happens next! ^^

[sasha_janre]

I'm planning it out! ^^ Thanks for checking it out <3

[kalium_kx]

hnn..it's interesting..but something about your style of writing here..comes off too harry-potter-y..It's not the content but the style..

On the other hand, glad to see you back mixin' and ficcin'

[sasha_janre]

I've .... I haven't read Harry Potter since the third book came out and I haven't touched it since. What do you mean? You're pretty vague. o_O;

[kalium_kx]

>.>;;;

hmm...It's very discriptive....eh..*tilts head* maybe that's not it..I think it's a bit of the third-person perspective language..Don't get me wrong I do like the story..it makes me wanna know what happens next....but yeah

I think I'm still vague and I can't put my finger on it myself..but I can concretely say that this is differently from the style of your past fics

[sasha_janre]

Mm, that's the point, that it's different than what I normally write. It's supposed to be challenge. ^^

Re: :D

[sasha_janre]

REALLY? YAY! ^^