LISTING: GREAT PLACE LOCATED IN HEART OF UPTOWN ( Read more... )

CARL: Ok, so it's going to be one of THOSE days. Well, I know what to do about that. [removes pants]

CARL: You think you're a real goddamn tough guy. You're the day, and I'm a flea on your back. ISN'T THAT IT!? [shakes fist, spitting with anger]

CARL: I could have lived during some other day. I didn't sign up for this, man.

TUESDAY: [stares blankly]

( Read more... )

Some people just don't know how to treat people.

I cannot wait to introduce the two silver tines of my family meat-fork. "And this is my uncle Toby."
"I'm not his uncle. I'm his cousin."
"See, he is modest. The fact is he's very precocious for his age. He will probably be a grandfather in a few years."

if you are having a sandwich for lunch, it is impossible to try and work through lunch ( Read more... )

Well well, Mr. Technology can't open a file... this is exactly what I am talking about (I was talking before I started typing this)... we keep building up this internet-based necropolis of human minds, and then power goes out and you have to say, "Sorry, children, we cannot learn today because I cannot produce stimulating graphics on my own." I am ( Read more... )

";;;"

Yes, oh indeed, quite, naturally, of course, hello.
It is ten already? Time is a sex offender, and I hold Time by the studded leash and crank up the dubstep to its highest, highest degree. Oh, be right back.

L. Ron Hubbins
Stephen King Jr.
Kurt Novvegut
Ernway Hemingist Borgnine
Gregory Heinz

I wish to extend to each of you, and to each of your families, my best wishes for a happy Easter ( Read more... )