(no subject)
Title: The Hiccups
Authors: twilight_rain and drkhearted
Rating: PG-13 for language :P
Notes: Comments are most appreciated, dudes.
"Hic!" Frank felt pains in his chest from the enormous hiccup. This one had been most annoyed, as it had been so big that it actually woke him up out of a somewhat deep sleep. "Hic!" Frank burrowed into his pillow, realizing that today probably wasn't going to be a good day. "Hic! Fucking hiccups."
He went about his morning routine, with frequent hiccupping throughout it. They made him burn his throat by hiccupping while trying to drink hot coffee, they made him hit his head in the shower, and they, perhaps worst of all, had woken up Teresa.
Speaking of Teresa, she had been woken up by said hiccups. Since she didn’t have to be anywhere anytime soon, she ambled into the kitchen wearing pajamas and a bathrobe. She poured herself some coffee, before ambling over to the sofa.
“Hic,” Frank said.
“Drunkard,” she replied.
Frank's eyes shot an evil, yet somewhat playful glare towards Teresa. However, since he hiccupped in the middle of it, it just made him look silly. Teresa snorted. Frank huffed. And then hiccupped.
"ARGG - HIC! FUCK!" Frank stomped off. "I am leaving for - HIC - work. I shall see you a little lat - HIC. Oh you know what I mean" and with that, he slammed the door behind him.
~~~~~A FEW DAYS LATER~~~~~
Teresa awoke to the sounds of Frank getting ready for work. It wouldn’t normally distract her, but lately his hiccups had been seriously echoing off of the walls of the apartment, and it was all she could do not to go insane. Not happy about being woken, yet again, she stalked out to the coffee and planted herself on the sofa.
"Hic!" Frank, looking absolutely miserable, passed by with a cup of coffee. The bags under his eyes were showing that he hadn't gotten sleep in a while. "Hic! GOD DAMNIT!"
Teresa glared at him over the top of her mug. “Have you tried drinking some water or something like that? I mean, seriously…”
"Teresa. I've tried - HIC - everything. I even tried to get - HIC - Satan himself to help me. HIC! He just laughed." Frank fell to his knees. "I cannot - HIC - take it anymore!"
Teresa felt a bit concerned. Hiccups weren’t supposed to last very long, only a few hours, not a couple of days. “Well…maybe they’ll go away if you just, I don’t know, lower the stress level at work or something like that.”
"Today I had to cancel my - HIC - appointments because of them. HIC! We were getting complaints. They made me - HIC - leave early." Frank said, sprawling out on the floor. "HIC! I haven't slept in days..." Frank was almost in tears from the frustration.
Teresa twitched. She probably wasn’t as annoyed at the hiccups as Frank was, but her level of tolerance for them was reaching its peak. “Why don’t you, er, go out and take a walk or something. Exercise is usually supposed to get rid of them as well…” She prayed he would follow her advice so she would have maybe a half an hour of quiet so that she herself could sleep.
Frank was just desperate enough to try it. "HIC! Okay. You're right. HIC! Lemme go for a walk or something. Some fresh - HIC! - air would do me good" Frank stumbled to his feet, and made his way to the door, and hiccupped all the way down the stairwell. The neighbors yelled in the background.
Teresa sighed a sigh of relief, before stretching out on the relatively comfortable sofa for a few moments of well-needed shuteye.
~~~~~A WHILE LATER~~~~~
Frank came back from the bar, still hiccupping. He put his stuff in the usual place and took off his shoes. "HIC!" They had almost become routine now. They were still extremely annoying, yet since Frank has had them for three weeks now, he just gave up on trying to get rid of them. Frank walked into the living room to see if Teresa was around.
Teresa waited under the sofa until the room was really quiet for a few moments-until Frank had given up looking to see if she was around-before she hit the power button on the TV with the volume up full blast. This was sure to work; it was foolproof, surprising, and totally unpredictable.
Startled by the sound, Frank flipped over the chair and rolled several feet away, hitting the wall. He spilt his vodka all over the place.
Hitting the power button, Teresa waited a few minutes in the silence, trying to see if her plan had worked, waiting, waiting, until…?
“HIC.”
“AAARG!!” she screamed, pulling herself out from underneath the couch. “WHAT ARE YOU!?” she fumed, glaring at him, before storming off into her room and slamming the door behind her. Maybe the box of knives she’d precariously placed on the top of the refrigerator would work better…
~~~~~AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE AN ETERNITY BUT MAY OR MAY NOT BE A FEW WEEKS~~~~~
Frank was sitting on the couch, trying to unwind with a bottle of Lucifer's Extra-Hard Lemonade. "Hic!" He was lazily flipping through channels on the television. "Hic!" he took another sip, knowing he wouldn't be disturbed by another hiccup for another three seconds or so. HIC! The phone rang, but he was far too tired to care. It’d been over a month since he had gotten any decent sleep due to the hiccups.
“ANSWER THE GODDAMN PHONE!!” came Teresa’s understanding voice from her bedroom, where she’d holed herself up under a pile of pillows and blankets in hopes that it would somehow muffle the noise of the hiccups-it was becoming almost like Chinese water torture, and she’d had just about as much as she could take.
Frank grumbled and hiccupped at the same time. He lethargically searched for the phone without looking, finally getting his hands on it and picked up. "Hel - HIC - lo?"
“Hey Frank, it’s Maize! I, uh, just thought that I’d see if you were feeling any better today, having not been into the bar for a while and all…”
"Do I sound - HIC - like I am better?" Frank snapped.
“Well, uh…not really, I guess. …hey, listen, I was just wondering what kind of insurance we had on the bar and all.”
Frank squeezed the bottle tighter. "HIC! And why do you want do know - HIC - about that?!"
“Well, you know, in case some accident or fire happens. You, haha, you never, HAHA!! Oh man. You can never - HAHA! - tell when you’ve upset a few - HAHAHA! - demons until it’s too late, you know? HAHAHAHAHA!!”
The bottle shattered. Frank dropped the phone, and ran straight for the door.
~~~~~A FEW MINUTES LATER~~~~~
Frank kicked open the door, spraying the foam from the fire extinguisher everywhere. When it finally ran out, he looked to see several disgruntled customers, and but no signs of fire. Frank bowed apologetically to the customers he’d sprayed and ran up to Maize behind the bar. He grabbed her, almost shaking her. "WHERE IS THE FIRE?!"
“AHAHAHAHAHA!! You - AHAHAHA!! - Your face - AHAHAHAHAHA!!” she said, unable to control herself.
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!? YOU ALMOST HAVE ME A HEART ATTACK! WHY DON'T YOU THINK BEFORE YOU -" It was just then that it dawned on Frank. "They're gone. Gone. No more hiccups. THEY'RE GONE!! YES!! AHHAA!!" Frank squeezed Maize in a big bear hug. "GONE! FINALLY!"
Maize continued laughing for a moment, before calming down. “Hey, don’t thank me. It was all Teresa’s idea,” she said. “Although it was certainly my pleasure to act it out - you have no idea how funny that just was.”
Frank stopped jumping for joy. He hugged Maize again, before saying, "I ... really need to sleep. Like right now." Frank trudged into the storage room. "Call Teresa and tell her she is awesome beyond words." And with that, frank fell, with a thud, onto floor.
Authors: twilight_rain and drkhearted
Rating: PG-13 for language :P
Notes: Comments are most appreciated, dudes.
"Hic!" Frank felt pains in his chest from the enormous hiccup. This one had been most annoyed, as it had been so big that it actually woke him up out of a somewhat deep sleep. "Hic!" Frank burrowed into his pillow, realizing that today probably wasn't going to be a good day. "Hic! Fucking hiccups."
He went about his morning routine, with frequent hiccupping throughout it. They made him burn his throat by hiccupping while trying to drink hot coffee, they made him hit his head in the shower, and they, perhaps worst of all, had woken up Teresa.
Speaking of Teresa, she had been woken up by said hiccups. Since she didn’t have to be anywhere anytime soon, she ambled into the kitchen wearing pajamas and a bathrobe. She poured herself some coffee, before ambling over to the sofa.
“Hic,” Frank said.
“Drunkard,” she replied.
Frank's eyes shot an evil, yet somewhat playful glare towards Teresa. However, since he hiccupped in the middle of it, it just made him look silly. Teresa snorted. Frank huffed. And then hiccupped.
"ARGG - HIC! FUCK!" Frank stomped off. "I am leaving for - HIC - work. I shall see you a little lat - HIC. Oh you know what I mean" and with that, he slammed the door behind him.
~~~~~A FEW DAYS LATER~~~~~
Teresa awoke to the sounds of Frank getting ready for work. It wouldn’t normally distract her, but lately his hiccups had been seriously echoing off of the walls of the apartment, and it was all she could do not to go insane. Not happy about being woken, yet again, she stalked out to the coffee and planted herself on the sofa.
"Hic!" Frank, looking absolutely miserable, passed by with a cup of coffee. The bags under his eyes were showing that he hadn't gotten sleep in a while. "Hic! GOD DAMNIT!"
Teresa glared at him over the top of her mug. “Have you tried drinking some water or something like that? I mean, seriously…”
"Teresa. I've tried - HIC - everything. I even tried to get - HIC - Satan himself to help me. HIC! He just laughed." Frank fell to his knees. "I cannot - HIC - take it anymore!"
Teresa felt a bit concerned. Hiccups weren’t supposed to last very long, only a few hours, not a couple of days. “Well…maybe they’ll go away if you just, I don’t know, lower the stress level at work or something like that.”
"Today I had to cancel my - HIC - appointments because of them. HIC! We were getting complaints. They made me - HIC - leave early." Frank said, sprawling out on the floor. "HIC! I haven't slept in days..." Frank was almost in tears from the frustration.
Teresa twitched. She probably wasn’t as annoyed at the hiccups as Frank was, but her level of tolerance for them was reaching its peak. “Why don’t you, er, go out and take a walk or something. Exercise is usually supposed to get rid of them as well…” She prayed he would follow her advice so she would have maybe a half an hour of quiet so that she herself could sleep.
Frank was just desperate enough to try it. "HIC! Okay. You're right. HIC! Lemme go for a walk or something. Some fresh - HIC! - air would do me good" Frank stumbled to his feet, and made his way to the door, and hiccupped all the way down the stairwell. The neighbors yelled in the background.
Teresa sighed a sigh of relief, before stretching out on the relatively comfortable sofa for a few moments of well-needed shuteye.
~~~~~A WHILE LATER~~~~~
Frank came back from the bar, still hiccupping. He put his stuff in the usual place and took off his shoes. "HIC!" They had almost become routine now. They were still extremely annoying, yet since Frank has had them for three weeks now, he just gave up on trying to get rid of them. Frank walked into the living room to see if Teresa was around.
Teresa waited under the sofa until the room was really quiet for a few moments-until Frank had given up looking to see if she was around-before she hit the power button on the TV with the volume up full blast. This was sure to work; it was foolproof, surprising, and totally unpredictable.
Startled by the sound, Frank flipped over the chair and rolled several feet away, hitting the wall. He spilt his vodka all over the place.
Hitting the power button, Teresa waited a few minutes in the silence, trying to see if her plan had worked, waiting, waiting, until…?
“HIC.”
“AAARG!!” she screamed, pulling herself out from underneath the couch. “WHAT ARE YOU!?” she fumed, glaring at him, before storming off into her room and slamming the door behind her. Maybe the box of knives she’d precariously placed on the top of the refrigerator would work better…
~~~~~AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE AN ETERNITY BUT MAY OR MAY NOT BE A FEW WEEKS~~~~~
Frank was sitting on the couch, trying to unwind with a bottle of Lucifer's Extra-Hard Lemonade. "Hic!" He was lazily flipping through channels on the television. "Hic!" he took another sip, knowing he wouldn't be disturbed by another hiccup for another three seconds or so. HIC! The phone rang, but he was far too tired to care. It’d been over a month since he had gotten any decent sleep due to the hiccups.
“ANSWER THE GODDAMN PHONE!!” came Teresa’s understanding voice from her bedroom, where she’d holed herself up under a pile of pillows and blankets in hopes that it would somehow muffle the noise of the hiccups-it was becoming almost like Chinese water torture, and she’d had just about as much as she could take.
Frank grumbled and hiccupped at the same time. He lethargically searched for the phone without looking, finally getting his hands on it and picked up. "Hel - HIC - lo?"
“Hey Frank, it’s Maize! I, uh, just thought that I’d see if you were feeling any better today, having not been into the bar for a while and all…”
"Do I sound - HIC - like I am better?" Frank snapped.
“Well, uh…not really, I guess. …hey, listen, I was just wondering what kind of insurance we had on the bar and all.”
Frank squeezed the bottle tighter. "HIC! And why do you want do know - HIC - about that?!"
“Well, you know, in case some accident or fire happens. You, haha, you never, HAHA!! Oh man. You can never - HAHA! - tell when you’ve upset a few - HAHAHA! - demons until it’s too late, you know? HAHAHAHAHA!!”
The bottle shattered. Frank dropped the phone, and ran straight for the door.
~~~~~A FEW MINUTES LATER~~~~~
Frank kicked open the door, spraying the foam from the fire extinguisher everywhere. When it finally ran out, he looked to see several disgruntled customers, and but no signs of fire. Frank bowed apologetically to the customers he’d sprayed and ran up to Maize behind the bar. He grabbed her, almost shaking her. "WHERE IS THE FIRE?!"
“AHAHAHAHAHA!! You - AHAHAHA!! - Your face - AHAHAHAHAHA!!” she said, unable to control herself.
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!? YOU ALMOST HAVE ME A HEART ATTACK! WHY DON'T YOU THINK BEFORE YOU -" It was just then that it dawned on Frank. "They're gone. Gone. No more hiccups. THEY'RE GONE!! YES!! AHHAA!!" Frank squeezed Maize in a big bear hug. "GONE! FINALLY!"
Maize continued laughing for a moment, before calming down. “Hey, don’t thank me. It was all Teresa’s idea,” she said. “Although it was certainly my pleasure to act it out - you have no idea how funny that just was.”
Frank stopped jumping for joy. He hugged Maize again, before saying, "I ... really need to sleep. Like right now." Frank trudged into the storage room. "Call Teresa and tell her she is awesome beyond words." And with that, frank fell, with a thud, onto floor.