(no subject)
More rambling...
While everything I wrote about in my last entry holds completely true, I'm sitting here right now feeling like a complete jackass. I've spent the last 10 minutes crying for no reason. Okay, I take that back. There's a reason, albeit an odd one. I'm not going having a nervous breakdown or losing my shit and just crying.
I've always been a sensitive, emotional guy that wears his heart on his sleeve. By no means am I mister poet's shirts and a lute, but I've always been in touch with my emotions. While I don't think that is a bad thing, in the past I've let them control my actions and have definitely gone a bit overboard with them. As I stated in my last post, I've really gotten a good balance going in the last few weeks, between my heart and my head. I've not let emotion get the best of me. I haven't been choking things back or bottling it up. I've just been able to know that I can cope.
I'm not sure if it is the aforementioned loneliness affecting me a little bit, or what. The only, in person, human contact that I have had in 2 weeks has been 2 job interviews, cashiers at stores, and a ten minute conversation with my landlord in the parking lot. I'm sure that's considered unhealthy by many, but most of the time, I am okay with it. It gets old, but it certainly isn't anything that brings me to tears.
Tonight, I was watching a documentary on Eddie Izzard and responding to some emails. I received some from a guy that is relatively new to my Facebook who had commented on some of my music posts. He sent me a message saying that not only was I "the cutest guy ever", but that I had great taste in music, and that if we weren't 11 hours apart, he'd ask me out in a heartbeat. In most instances, no matter how unlikely it was to happen, this would be flattering and a good thing. He's very cute, also has great taste in music and I was definitely complimented. For some reason, however, I started crying. Not big crazy heaving sobs or anything, but definite tears running into my goatee.
Of course, I don't think that the conversation was really the cause. I sit here thinking about it and I feel like a complete tool. At this moment, I don't want sex, a kiss, or even cuddling. I would kill for nothing more than a hug right now. Not even in a romantic manner. Just someone that cares about me putting their arms around me and rubbing my back. While I don't think there is anything fundamentally weird or wrong about that, I feel a bit goofy and silly about it. A 37 year old man sitting in his living room, wet eyed, and wanting to be embraced...
Oddly, typing this out helped. lol
While everything I wrote about in my last entry holds completely true, I'm sitting here right now feeling like a complete jackass. I've spent the last 10 minutes crying for no reason. Okay, I take that back. There's a reason, albeit an odd one. I'm not going having a nervous breakdown or losing my shit and just crying.
I've always been a sensitive, emotional guy that wears his heart on his sleeve. By no means am I mister poet's shirts and a lute, but I've always been in touch with my emotions. While I don't think that is a bad thing, in the past I've let them control my actions and have definitely gone a bit overboard with them. As I stated in my last post, I've really gotten a good balance going in the last few weeks, between my heart and my head. I've not let emotion get the best of me. I haven't been choking things back or bottling it up. I've just been able to know that I can cope.
I'm not sure if it is the aforementioned loneliness affecting me a little bit, or what. The only, in person, human contact that I have had in 2 weeks has been 2 job interviews, cashiers at stores, and a ten minute conversation with my landlord in the parking lot. I'm sure that's considered unhealthy by many, but most of the time, I am okay with it. It gets old, but it certainly isn't anything that brings me to tears.
Tonight, I was watching a documentary on Eddie Izzard and responding to some emails. I received some from a guy that is relatively new to my Facebook who had commented on some of my music posts. He sent me a message saying that not only was I "the cutest guy ever", but that I had great taste in music, and that if we weren't 11 hours apart, he'd ask me out in a heartbeat. In most instances, no matter how unlikely it was to happen, this would be flattering and a good thing. He's very cute, also has great taste in music and I was definitely complimented. For some reason, however, I started crying. Not big crazy heaving sobs or anything, but definite tears running into my goatee.
Of course, I don't think that the conversation was really the cause. I sit here thinking about it and I feel like a complete tool. At this moment, I don't want sex, a kiss, or even cuddling. I would kill for nothing more than a hug right now. Not even in a romantic manner. Just someone that cares about me putting their arms around me and rubbing my back. While I don't think there is anything fundamentally weird or wrong about that, I feel a bit goofy and silly about it. A 37 year old man sitting in his living room, wet eyed, and wanting to be embraced...
Oddly, typing this out helped. lol