I'm going to try my damndest to lay off the over analyzing, negative posts. Thing in my life are chaotic and upsetting, but I have a horrible tendency to fixate and dwell. I get myself into this crazy, manic, depressing spiral that only results in stomach aches, tears, and misery. Living stuck in that limbo isn't healthy for me, the people I love ( Read more... )

I think it is interesting that I have been coming back to LJ lately. There is this sense of familiarity and comfort that I have never felt with Facebook. I can be myself here. I've spent the evening perusing the last few years that I have been posting on here. There are a lot of truly wonderful, gorgeous, and loving memories. There are also some ( Read more... )

I've been extremely down for the last 3 weeks...barely able to deal, but luckily I have this amazing family to help get me through it. Seeing how worried they were about me, but also about Michael, and seeing my mom break down in her kitchen and cry over the fact that he and I are not together right now, was excruciating. However, these kids made ( Read more... )

It is interesting to me, thinking this evening, that I spent the last 4 years, feeling more loved than I ever have in my adult life, and yet, the last two weeks feeling more lonely and isolated than I think I could possibly feel...

I'll finally try to sleep...the alcohol thinning of my blood, a last gasp attempt at being numb...the moving furniture and the stink of cheap beer, the shallow laugh track and remote controlled fingers, all a feeble distraction from what has led up to this...the defining moment...the time I knew I should dread, but still convinced myself was ( Read more... )

by the way...I applied to go back to school today for American/Urban Studies with a potential focus on Urban planning/development...so, at least, something good happened today...even if it was shot down by everything else...

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I'm not sure how well I can put all of this into words. A lot of people think I'm crazy or immature because of my deep, borderline obsessiveness with the music that I love. From the thousands of cds I own, to the hundreds of bands that I have seen in concert, my words, my writing, my home, and frequently my mind are all a testament to a deep seeded ( Read more... )

A lot has changed since I was a regular on ole LJ. MJ and I finally got out of the small shithole town that we felt trapped in. Last November, we moved to Kansas City, MO. While it may not be the Pacific NW, as we had hoped, it's been a definite improvement. KC is actually a pretty cool city, though the people take some getting used to. We live in ( Read more... )

This is weird...I haven't been on here in 6 months. I hate that I've abandoned LJ for Facebook and Blogspot...

Maybe, I'll just start cross posting between here and and my Rough Trade Saint blog for old times sake...

This place holds a lot of memories for me...