Dear self.

[satrugha]

I've felt this overwhelming sense of anxiety for about a week and a half now. I thought a new job and a fresh start would make everything better but the anxiety always finds a way back.

Now I have a rather long-standing history with mr. anxiety, but for the past few years, it has been better. Until I started that damn retail job with Fry's. I swear I'm messed up because of that.

So the anxiety comes from said list:

1. Money: I constantly fear I'll run out of money again.
2. Food: Directly related to money. During my time at Fry's, I was so scraped for cash, I sacrificed food to pay the bills.
3. Pain: It's not exactly a secret I suffer from chronic pain, but after standing so much at Fry's, my knee's been really screwed up and I hope it's not permanent
4. Getting laid off: This is a constant worry after the surprise layoff at Namco years ago. God it was brutal and it still hurts.
5. Insomnia: caused by all of the above.
6. Not being good enough: This is mostly art and programming related. I try not to compare myself to other people, but it's a bad habit. But then I see people +fav or reblog my art and I feel good again.

So what to do about this crap? Well.

1. Money: this won't be a concern soon enough. My bank account is still recovering from the horrifying pathetic pay and once I pay off my credit card, this won't be a problem.
2. Food: even if I spend $20/day on food, I still will have money left over. Math, honey. Math.
3. Pain: this one's a toughy. I am in pain all the time, but if I reduce the stress, it's usually bearable.
4. Getting laid off: Well that's probably not happening in this place, given the piss poor job some of my coworkers do. My predecessor was a dumbass and a jackass and he was here 5 years.
5. Insomnia: this fixes itself when I'm not paranoid and stressed
6. Not being good enough: This is a constant problem I've dealt with all my life, stems from being bullied all throughout grade school. I just need to remember my art is different than everyone else's and is still good, and that I'm a good programmer

In conclusion. Mind? Please shut up.

Super amazing cross-post magic! http://satrugha.dreamwidth.org/10140.html