(no subject)
Well, I've been sorta talking to Leigh again. It's just stressing me out. I took a hot bath for atleast an hour. She was supposed to call so I had my cell close by, but she never calls if she says she will. I made her promise to call at this exact time, but she also never keeps any of her promises. So the time passes, I find myself saddened by this. I want to fall asleep underwater. But, I snap myself out of it, I'm sick of being depressed. (Here comes the part which might be considered gross) I get out, and my feet are pruny and have that thick layer of dead skin which drives me nuts. So I take a sharp knife and scrape them. After a little while, I find that there's a fair amount of blood appearing on my hands and feet. Somehow I sliced them up pretty badly, but didn't feel a thing. I thought it very strange, so I cut right above the nail on my middle finger to see if it would hurt. Pain has always been easy to tolerate, and even enjoyable at times, but I don't like not being able to feel. I don't know if this is due to my being used to the pain in my head, or if it's causing neurological problems. I kinda got the results from my MRI. I called them, and then the assistant called me back and said he couldnt find it. Then, realizing he had the wrong file, he looked and said,"Oh. Uhhh. OH. I'm..gonna...have to call you back.." So when he finally does, he says, "Yeah, um, the doctor is going to have you see a neurologist immediatly." So whatever that means. I have an appointment for the 23rd. I've been trying to leave my contacts out. Things are much less wavy and disorienting when I can't see. So anyway, After I put a few band-aids on my feet and finger, I go walk the dog with my mother. I wear her flip-flops because I'm too lazy to find socks. So were almost home again, and they start to stick to my feet, and I look at them and there's blood everywhere. I had been leaving a trail behind me. My mom bandaged them up for me. I still don't feel anything.