(no subject)
Okay, so I wrote this story. But it's three pages on word so far. It's no where near complete. I would like some feed back.
James ran faster then he ever has before. “Tom!” he screamed, but there was no answer. Twisting and turning, the hallway wouldn’t seem to end. The thumping of his feet on the cold hard dirt echoed through the halls.
“I hear him!” one of the men cried out. “He’s over there!” The two men raced after him. “Where’s the other one?”
“I thought you had him!”
“I told you to get him before we left.”
“We’ll find him later. Let’s get this one for now.” The men ran down the narrow halls. In the dark halls James could hear the heavy breathing of the men close behind him.
“Tom!” he shouted out again. He didn’t care the men could hear him; they already knew where he was.
“Jim? I… I’m over here.” James heard the faint whisper and knew his friend was in trouble.
“Where are you?” James asked in fright.
“Do you see the torches on the wall?”
“Yes.”
“Pull one,” Tom whispered.
James reached for a torch. He grabbed one with a gold handle, much like the rest.
Pulling with all his mite, the torch wouldn’t give way. “Tom, are you sure this is what I have to do?” There was no answer. Grabbing the torch one last time, he tried to sit down to force all his weight against it. With a loud screech it finally gave way.
Tom was curled up in a corner soaking wet as if he had been hosed down. His clothes were torn and his skin was ripped open in various places on his arms and chest.
He looked up at James with his brown eyes turning red from crying of pain and fear. “You’re late,” Tom said trying to lighten things up. A small smile cracked over his face.
“I… I… We have to get out of here,” Jim was frightened. He had no idea his friend could look this bad. Lending a hand to Tom, they slowly crept down the hall. “Those guys were pretty close behind me when I found you,” some words were finally spared after walking for nearly half an hour. “I’m guessing they’re long gone be now.”
“I haven’t seen you in three days, Tom. I was worried. I’m terribly sorry I got you into this whole mess.”
“I wanted to come, remember? Well, we still have to find Kat. That’s why we came here in the first place.” Tom was always kind hearted.
They came to a fork in the road. Stopping, they wondered which way to go.
“Jim!” Kat screamed with a hoarse voice. She ran down the halls with long brown hair streaming behind her.
“Oh my God, Kat?” James had heard her. Tom grabbed James by the arm in pulled him over to the right side of the fork.
“Jim! Tom!” Kat was running towards them with her almost black eyes shimmering in the dense light from the torches. She was not wearing the same thing she had been three days ago. This time, when the boys saw her, she was wearing a long medieval dark red dress.
Someone was with her.
Kat awoke in a small dark room. Looking around, she saw tapestries hanging on the wall. Most of them had pictures of beautiful pale women dressed in large medieval gowns of reds and greens. She looked at herself. She too was in a gown.
Suddenly, the door opens with a slam on the wall. A large creature was standing in the doorway. He was tall, almost seven feet. Very large around, and was sort of discolored, like a brownish color. His horns sticking out of his temples were somewhat small, but still frightening. The creature approached her.
Not knowing what to do, she tried to scramble to her feet. She slipped in the soft dirt of the floor. Kat crawled over to a back corner. The creature walked slowly over to her and met her gaze. He had this sort of happiness in his eyes when he saw the fear in hers. He grabbed her arm firmly and pulled her to her feet. “Come with me,” he said with a scratchy deep voice.
Trying to struggle out of his much too strong grip, Kat was dragged down the long dark passage ways. She saw many creatures like the one pulling her. They all seemed to laugh as she screamed whenever his sharp claw-like nails dug into her arm. Sore and bleeding, she was finally released from his tight grip. She was thrown into a room with a single tree in the middle of it. The room was earthy. The walls were made of mud, much like the rest of this strange place she was in. Roots crept out from the walls.
Laying on the ground, gasping for air, the door flung open. A tall boy, not much older than she, walked into the room. He looked innocent, not like the others she had seen. His blood red hair flowed over his shoulders like a river. His gray cat eyes looked at her, studying her. Stepping towards her, he saw her flinch. “It’s okay. I mean you no harm.”
“C…Can I trust you?” she asked in a childish voice. She wondered if he was sent to get information out of her or to actually help her.
“What they are doing to you is wrong.” That was an understatement. “I want to help you.” The boy knelt down beside her. She could see his face clearly. His high cheek bones gave him a look as if he could never be figured out completely.
“Why?” Kat asked in a confused voice. Then she realized her voice sounded cracked and dry. She blushed as he gently brushed her cheek in a comforting way. He smiled at that.
“I hate this place as much as you do. I’m sure the Oric have done you much harm. You are a pretty girl and deserve much better.” He said smoothly. Seeing her blush once more, he smiled at her. “Give me your hand.”
“What is your name?” Kat asked as she slowly reached for his hand.
He paused for a moment, not knowing if she should tell her. “They call me Rye,” he said is a low voice as if he didn’t want her to hear. “What do they call you?”
“Kat,” she said with a smile. “You don’t look like anyone, or anything, I’ve seen. W…What are you?” she asked in a quivering voice, trying not to offend him.
He looked at her strangely. Rye did not know whether or not he should tell her. How was it that she did not know by now? She spent the last 2 days being tormented by them.
He looked at her now. His gaze didn’t move from hers. Studying her intently. “I am a vampire. Everyone here is either Kull or a vampire.”
“Kull?” she looked confused.
“Yes, Kull. They’re awful creatures the king decided to create a long time ago. They are strong, and you must be careful of them. Kull have no mercy. I’ll help you get out unnoticed, but I can’t guaranty that I can withstand Kull if we are sought.”
“So….So…You’re a vampire?”
He smiled, showing his fangs.
“Come to us, Tom.” He wanted to find the alluring voice. Tom ran as fast as he could. The halls twisted and turned. Soon, he could see a small light around one of the corners. He thought for sure that’s where the beautiful voice came from.
He rushed into the light. Tom could see three beautiful women bathing in the small swimming hole in the room. One was blonde; the other two had light brown hair. With big blue eyes shining, they were the most amazingly beautiful creatures he’d ever seen. He stumbled into the water as fast as he could, tripping over rocks and logs.
They started to sing to him:
Shut the door
Keep out the devil
Shut the door
Keep the devil in the night
Shut the door
Keep out the devil
Shut the door
Everything’s all right
Shut the door everything’s all right
Shut the door
Shut the door