Smutty Headcanon Meme (Parks/THG/CMM)
Ann/Leslie, requested by whatschutney (x)
Your life will change, Leslie promised her the day they went bra shopping. She’d recently gone with April’s boyfriends, and ever since then, she’d been trying to get Ann to go with her. Ann finally agreed, and that’s why she ended up topless in a dressing room with Leslie, who apparently thought one shopping date with those boys had prepared her to be a consultant. And apparently that was all she needed; Leslie brought her three bras that all fit perfectly, and helped her into them like she’d been doing this all her life. Let me, she said, and Leslie stuck her hand in Ann’s bra, adjusting her. Ann was shocked- not that Leslie had no boundaries, but because she’d felt a spark.
I’m just wondering, she asked Mark one day, as he curled up next to her,what it was like when you… and Leslie… He propped his head up on his hand and studied her in the pale dawn light. He rubbed his free hand on her arm, then dropped it down to her breasts, pawing at them carelessly. He shrugged, clearly certain it didn’t matter. But it did.
Ann knew she had to tell Leslie, and revolved to do so at April’s 21st birthday party. They drank, and danced, and Leslie kept mumbling about some jerk she worked with. Ann couldn’t focus on that, because she kept thinking about pressing Leslie against one of the pillars and kissing her senseless. They were drinking more beer when that jerk showed up…
Ben/Leslie (nerds), requested by Ballroompink (x)
They go to Comic Con together, because Jen, we already bought the tickets, and though she rolls her eyes at him she lets him take a vacation just a month into his job. They plan to get in line for entrance into the Firefly panel at 7am, but when Ben’s alarm goes off, Leslie’s gone, and in her place is a note that she’s already in line. When he finds her, just a dozen spots from the front of the line, he hands her breakfast, and they vow to wait the rest of it out together. Three hours later, she’s getting a little loopy, possibly from the giant bag of candy she brought with her, and she starts whispering dirty suggestions in his ear. He almost leaves the line for the one that starts with I’ve always wanted to be-
After the panel- one of the highlights of his existence, really- he tells her they can role-play whatever she wants that night. She tells him she wants to to be Mal and Inara. He grins, picturing himself decked out like Nathan Fillion, when she muses but where will we find you a skirt this late?
But her real pleasure comes when she meets Margaret Atwood. Atwood, according to twitter, was wandering around taking pictures with people in costume, and she was drawn to Leslie’s space cowboy outfit. You wrote The Handmaid’s Tale, she said, pumping hands with the author. She wrote The Handmaid’s Tale, Leslie breathed later, stilling Ben’s thrusting to tell him yet again.
Andy/Leslie, "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it," requested by judygrimes (x)
Andy totally looked up to Leslie, ok? She’d really brought him back from the edge: she’d gotten him a job, and he had a place to live, a kick-ass wife, and the best band in the entire world. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about it. The first time was even sort of innocent- the Parks lady kept hugging his girlfriend, and come on, he was a red-blooded man and threesome dreams are normal.
Then Leslie ended up in a sex scandal with Dexhart, and Andy daydreamed about her pulling her pants down on tv again, but when he’s there.
He told Ben to role-play like he’s her boss and they totally can’t do it and also she’s into spanking because he saw this porn movie staring that chick who sorta looks like Leslie and she was totally into spanking and two guys at once. He isn’t into dudes at all, but the video was awesome. Andy would volunteer to be one of those guys, in another world where he isn’t married, but it doesn’t seem worth bringing that part up to Ben, though. Ben was probably completely uptight- he really needed to get laid.
Chris/April, duh, requested by herbalsmoothie (x)
April was on top. Every time.
*
The one time Chris tried to get on top- he’d put his hand on her lower back, brought her down for a kiss, and flipped her over before their lips had even touched- she’d kicked him out, and ignored his calls for a week. They didn’t talk at work- it was just one of the many unstated rules they followed- so he had to adjust his runs to go past all the places she was likely to be.
He finally caught her outside the video-rental place, holding two horror movies and an action flick in her hands, and he startled her. She looked around frantically, pulled him into her car with her, and yelled at him in a furious whisper. He’d listened to all her concerns carefully, nodding along, but in the meantime, he was stroking her thigh gently, just barely hitting the edge of her skirt. They didn’t do anything else, and she kicked him out of the car, too, but three days later he got a text from her informing him she’d be over shortly.
*
The last night they slept together, she told him she and Andy were going to try to make it work. He told her he understood, and was happy for her, and he mostly meant it, too. When she came, she bit him on the shoulder, muffling the sounds she really hated making. After she dressed, she put her clothes back on and went for the doorway. Chris sighed, and resigned himself to finding his own clothes. A few moments later, she returned, touched his jaw and kissed his temple. Then she ran out of his room, never to return.
Katniss/Gale, requested by rebeccavis (x)
They sleep together for the first time in District two. He helps her strip the birds, and they talk about Peeta- really discuss him- for the first time since Gale rescued him. They kiss in the woods, and Gale accuses her of not having her heart in it. But she’s not drunk, no matter what he says, and she refuses to be numb, so she takes a deep breath, looks into his eyes, and grabs his face. The thing that strikes her later, when they are laying together and he’s stroking her hair, is that she never thought she’d lose her virginity to Gale in a foreign and strange forest. She’s mostly unsentimental about her first time, but it stings that it wasn’t in District Twelve.
*
The second time is after the war is over. She spends several months in bed, mostly, not bathing or eating or crying, just staring. She sees Haymitch occasionally, when he stumbles in, and Sae comes by regularly to make sure Katniss is at least laying in clean sheets. It’s twilight when she hears a knock at the door, and she ignores it. Then she hears the knob turning, and she knows that the almost-silent footfalls have to be Gale. It doesn’t matter that she knows he’s in District Two, atoning for his sins, she knows it’s him. He isn’t surprised when she isn’t surprised to see him standing in her doorway. They stare at each other.
He leaves, and when he returns he’s fried up some game and some mint tea. He props her up, and puts the tea under her nose. For once, mint makes her hungry, and soon, she’s eating bits of squirrel from his hands. He coaxes her to take a shower, carrying her into the bathroom and running the water. She stares at the water and is about to refuse when he dumps her in, still wearing her clothes. She bristles, but allows him to wash her hair. It’s the first time anyone has touched her since she returned, and it gets her blood flowing again.
He spends a week there, sleeping on her couch, cooking for her. They don’t talk much, but having someone there helps. She’s still mad, still blames him, but she needs him too. She wakes him up his last day in town, bow in hand, and nods towards the door, and he understands. They don’t shoot anything, but they do make love in her woods, and it almost feels like righting a wrong.
*
There is no third time. He leaves, Peeta returns, and Katniss spends the next decade catching glimpses of Gale on tv. She knows he got married to some blond bit of fluff, and that he’s moving up the ranks politically; that people think he might be elected President one day. She’s not surprised when he gets elected Mayor in District Two, but what does surprise her is when an invitation comes in the mail, printed on heavy card stock, addressed to Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, inviting them to the inauguration party. She’s prepared to ignore it, but Peeta checks the envelope and finds a note in it from Gale, assuring her that anyone who uses the term Mockingjay will be escorted out.
She goes, and almost immediately vows not to attend another party. It’s loud and noisy and crowded, and she lets Peeta deal with all the people who are curious what the star-crossed lovers- so rarely out of their own district- are up to.
She runs to an empty hallway, and breathes in the quiet. When she opens her eyes, Gale is there, grinning at her. He’s older, and she’s not sure why she’s surprised by that, why she knows she’s older but expected him to be nineteen forever. He sticks out his hand to her, and she thinks he just means to help her up, but when she stands he pulls her against him, and sways to the faint music from the ballroom. She relaxes against him, and for a moment, she thinks about what could have been. At the end of the song, he presses a kiss to her forehead, and then returns to his throng of admirers.
That night, when she gets in the shower, she thinks of Gale and how he brought her back to life all those years ago in her shower at home, and she smiles.
Main guy/bandmate in the Call Me Maybe music video, requested by leavingfingerprints (x)
The best part about living next to… Kelly? Kathy? Carly, her name was Carly, was her hot bandmate. He didn’t usually go for the shaggy hipster type, but this guy had great hair, and besides, who doesn’t dig a guy who can play an instrument?
The first time they hooked up, after a night at the bar, he learns why guitar players are so hot. It was the hands, which made the handjob in the bathroom ridiculously hot. He hadn’t gotten off so fast from one since he was a teenager, just thrilled to have someone else touching him, but this guy… he was amazing.
Ultimately, though, their undoing was that he just wasn’t a one-guy sort of dude. He’d gotten another handjob in that bar bathroom- they did this fairly regularly, and he’d be lying if he said half the appeal wasn’t that he really liked showing off- and he’d locked eyes with a muscle-bound meat-head, and before the night was over, he’d given away his number again…