Entre l'Amour et la Mort, Chapter 24, part 2

[sav8801]

"It's a brilliant idea, actually." Carson said as we sat over drinks, after I'd expressed doubts introducing sexual education courses tailored to specific species would be the first step in helping living vampires break free. "Think about it. What's the first contact a master typically has with a youngling? Initiating them to their bloodlust, right?" He questioned me, and I nodded. "Never mind that in ninety-nine percent of the cases, the kid's young enough to make it statutory rape. Bloodlust is something big, scary, animalistic sometimes, no offence, Mel," he addressed his girlfriend a quick apologetic smile, "but it's overwhelming, and the master helps them make sense of it, even if it's twisted sense. It's what first defines their relationship; the master has all the answers, and there's no reason to go look elsewhere. It's brainwashing, really."

"It's the basis of their power, how masters set themselves up as protectors in the eyes of a new generation. After that, it's easy to make everyone else who's just like them out as potential threats." Melissa continued. "If we take away that first contact, we can weaken the hold they'll exert."

"Not to mention we stop systematic pedophilia, too." Carson muttered.

"But aren't young vampires unstable when they begin exploring their cravings?" I asked. Heidi's story was pretty fresh in my mind; even if only one in a hundred vampire teenager shared her hunger, well, we could have a serious body count on our hands. "I love the idea of stopping that, don't get me wrong, but those aren't exactly kitten learning to hunt mice. Vamps are dangerous when they lose control. Ivy did with me once or twice, and... well, it wasn't pretty. It took a lot of dumb luck and a blast of magic or three to get me out of those encounters alive."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but Ivy's a basket case." Melissa declared with easy familiarity and a small, fond smile that took the sting out of her words. "When it comes to blood. And it's not her fault. Case in point, she's the way she is because she got hurt and twisted by her master. If it wasn't for him, I'd bet my first life she would have grown into a much healthier woman. We're dangerous, I'll give you that, but not much more than a witch or a were. If you give us a chance to mature and find our balance on our own, or with a little help from someone without ulterior motives, I know we won't have any problem integrating into the rest of society."

"Just how well do you know Ivy?" I asked. I know, what Melissa had just said was important, but my mind had gotten stuck on the fond way she'd mentioned my lover.

"She's a friend. A long time friend. A few of us were born at roughly the same time, me, Ivy, Kisten Felps, a few others. We grew up together, me and her, although Kist was always closer to her than I was." Melissa answered evasively, and added when it was clear I wasn't convinced, "We... we had a summer fling too, when we were younger. Nothing really serious, just a couple of months when she got back from California. I think Ivy's got a sweet spot for blonds, actually." She nervously ran a hand through her voluminous blond curls, so much tamer than my messy flaming mane. "She was aggressive about her sexuality back then, and I... I wanted to annoy my mother, so you know, we... experimented together. It was fun, but it was clear from the start fun was all it was about. We fizzled out long before she met you." She reassured me, but I was still torn between relief there was nothing left between them but friendship and knowing there was another remarkable woman in Ivy's life. Oh, and also shallow chagrin I might not be my lover's type. Call me insecure, but that's not something that's easy to hear when you're surrounded by genetically superior sexual predators idolised the whole world around.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa... Hold up there. You like girls too?" Carson asked like this was the revelation of the decade, which it shouldn't be, considering the much higher than usual instances of bisexuality in vampires. "You never told me that."

"No, I never told you that." Melissa shot back, her voice decidedly more growly all of a sudden. "I never told you, because I knew exactly where your mind would wander to if you knew. For the record, it's not going to happen."

Oh, right... I thought, feeling silly. That's where his mind went. Straight into the gutter.

"Wha- I didn't say anything! I didn't even think about..." Melissa addressed him a scathing leer, and the big man instantly dropped what he was about to say in his defence and raised his arms in a gesture of placation. So soon after losing her brother, it made sense the blond vamp's territorial instincts would be overly protective of anyone and anything she considered hers. "Okay, okay, in the interest of preserving peace, I will apologise for my weakness. I'm sorry, I'm a guy with a pulse, and I had a stray thought. There, happy?"

"Men..." Melissa simply groaned in disgust, and I sympathetically patted Carson's shoulder, hastily enough to hopefully avoid triggering his girlfriend's territorial instincts.

Diner was announced a little after that, and Seth's mom ushered us and the rest of the guests over to the dining room where I spent a fair chunk of the evening with the two of them. Most of the diner party was comprised of Mrs Tamwood's followers with few of them having sympathies for Ivy, so I had Melissa and Carson pretty much to myself.

"Just about everyone in here will want to avoid me like the plague." She told me when I asked her if she wanted to go sit with someone else. "Most of them have sworn allegiance to Mrs Tamwood. Their political views are much more conservative than mine, and that doesn't go away just because there's a truce on."

"I figured there were more reasons than just a family feud for Ivy and her mom to go to war with each other." I observed while we took a seat at one end of the enormous massive wood table set to accommodate the guests.

"There are. A few of them at least. Mostly, it's the old struggle between tradition and progress... sorry, I mean change." She corrected herself, but not before Carson caught it and snickered.

"Your bias is showing, Hon." He murmured in her ear before taking his seat.

"I'm not biased." She argued nearly petulantly. "I can understand the allure of sticking with the old ways. We've climbed to the top of the food chain following them, after all." Melissa declared, not quite sounding entitled to her perceived notion of vampires' place in society, but quite obviously convinced that they were. "But it's not moving forward. Never mind the abuse and the cruelty, the world's changing around us while we're too busy vying for control and power to change with it. Look at what the other species are doing. Weres are organising their packs into one coherent whole. Witches and warlocks regulate the uses of magic..."

"You mean assholes regulate the use of magic. When it suits their agendas." Carson interjected. "And it's not bias when it's the truth, so don't argue with me."

"I know. I know." Melissa said more quietly, a bit of steam blowing out of her tone. "Okay, scratch that. They still teach magic at universities, emit licenses. Witches show signs of progress, of forward thinking. Even humans are slowly learning to accept us. Look at the latest statistics, and you'll see the number of hate crimes committed by humans against Inderlanders is in free fall, while purchases of magical goods by them are skyrocketing. The whole world is moving forward, I'd like to think to a nicer place, but vampires aren't going along with it. We're still stuck in the shadows, even though Inderlanders made the choice to step out into the light forty years ago. Why? Because masters rule from the shadows, and we all have to be their perfect little puppets, and let them dictate every aspect of our lives."

"And Ivy wants to improve that." I said.

"It's in her platform, if you will, and I'm inclined to believe her. She certainly fought the system while she was alive. Plus, she has you as a prospective scion. It's a good sign she'd chose someone headstrong with morals and convictions. It means she wants someone to keep her in line. Otherwise, she'd just pick the most powerful and violent vampire she could find to use as an enforcer."

I groaned inwardly when she said that last bit, because goddamn, was there just ONE vampire in here not pinning their hopes on me, but I decided not to correct her. She had enough on her plate already without me casting doubt on the woman she'd thrown her lot in with.

"I would have thought you'd be opposed to both Ivy and her mother. You don't sound like you want to play this game at all." I observed.

"I don't." Melissa sighed in reply. "Until we can get the ball rolling and things begin to change for the better though, I'm still stuck on the inside looking out. Ivy definitely sounds like the better alternative in the meantime. It sure wouldn't hurt to have some sort of official backing too; otherwise I might have an unfortunate accident before-"

"Not going to happen." Carson cut her off categorically.

"Carson..." Melissa turned her attention to her lover. The big man wasn't exactly agitated, but it was immediately clear he didn't consider letting anything happen to his girl a possibility. Maybe I'd been wrong about the bulk of muscle he had on. Maybe it had nothing to do with insecurity at all. It could be he simply wanted this last resort if his magic failed him and he had to fend off a supernaturally strong attacker.

"No. I'm sure Ivy's a nice gal and all, but I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."

"I know." Melissa appeased him with a soft caress over his muscular forearm. To my surprise, a twinge of pleasure came from my vamp scar, one that Carson also felt if the way his eyes fluttered a bit was any indication. The tricky vampire wasn't playing fair to calm her beau down; she was putting out soothing pheromones, and he was sure feeling them. Figures the two of them would be sharing blood too. Other than Melissa, I was probably the only one in the room who didn't donate on a regular basis. "I know, but we can still use the political capital of having her on our side."

"So long as we're clear this is just politicking." Carson replied evenly. "No girlfriend of mine is going to suck up to anyone just so she doesn't get capped. It's my job to watch your back, not any master vamp's." Melissa smiled and kissed him, first on the cheek, then lower, starting with a brush of her lips against his throat before she delicately grazed with her dainty little fangs.

"As long as it's my back you're watching, and no one else's, I'm happy to give you the job." She winked and sultrily teased him, her pupils dilating a little.

Diner was a quiet and fairly painless affair, Carson and I taking turns keeping Melissa distracted from her grief, him by teasing and comforting her, myself by drilling her some more for information about her projects and plans. It ended up being a very informational night for me, as the blond vampire was more than happy to draw the broad strokes of vampire politics at a national level, and how she planned to change them. I enjoyed my time spent with them, but by the time most of the guests left around three, and they began to get on their way, I was also feeling a little depressed as well. Somehow, this evening had gone from me innocently attending to the mourning of a friend in need to getting neck deep in vampire politics and balking about getting involved every step of the way. Everything was a little clearer now, what Heidi and Reed fought and bled for, as well as what Melissa tolled to accomplish, but I still shuddered to think about giving in to what they hoped of me; that I could be like Mr Randal was, a closely bonded scion who would keep Ivy together and decent through the years, acting like a buffer between her tattered humanity and her monstrous underlying nature. I just didn't have it in me to pay such a steep personal cost, no matter what Mr Randal thought. I couldn't sacrifice my independence like that, not even for her.

By the time I kissed both of my new friends goodbye and offered them my sincere wishes for the future, I was the only person left in the Tamwood-Randal manor who didn't reside in the place, but although I was weary, I didn't follow Carson and Melissa out. I hadn't seen Erica for a long while, and although I wasn't really worried, I wanted to see her again before I left. Last I checked, she was still staying with me after all. If she planned to come back to the church, I wanted to be the one to give her a ride.

"You guys can go." I told Heidi and Reed before I headed back inside to look for my young vampire friend. "I'll leave in just a little while, promised." Reed didn't argue with me one bit, his hand plunging in his suit pocket to pull out his phone before I was even done talking. Unlike him though, Heidi gave me a long considering look, and I had to give her a reassuring smile before she agreed to follow her boyfriend to the street where he awaited the cab he'd dialed up. Turning around back the way I came, however, I was surprised to see a dark figure standing in the shadow of the foyer, clearly a woman if the lithe silhouette and long, lanky limbs were any indication. Upon closer examination, I found that she also had a familiar colouring; a pale complexion, black hair and slightly feline green eyes...

"It's you, isn't it?" I took a chance and asked the mystery woman, who tipped her head briefly forward, a few bangs not contained by her ponytail partially blocking her face from view. When she looked back up, Angel's obscuration charm lifted, and her piercing green eyes regained their budding familiarity, as did the sharp panes of her angular face and the smooth length of her artfully vamp-scarred neck. Seriously, after two centuries of feeding on her, Nathalie could probably turn her stoic Scion into a puddle just by letting her eyes linger a second too long on her jugular. I only had one really sensitive scar, and already it was hard saying no when a vampire decided to push my buttons.

"I wonder, has someone ever given you an answer other than yes to this question?" Angel tilted her head and asked. My, my, we've got a comedian in the house... I thought with a roll of my eyes at her reply.

"Ha, ha. And I was wondering if I'd see you again tonight. Looks like Ivy left most of her people behind to look out for me. Don't I feel special..."

"You underestimate the numbers that answer to Ivy if you truly believe Ms Andrews, Mr Connor and myself constitute most of her people." Coming from anyone else, that would have sounded sardonic, but I had my doubts Angel even knew the meaning of the word. "You are very dear to her, but leaving a few good elements behind to ensure your safety has hardly put a dent in her resources. She's still quite secure, I assure you."

"I'll bet." And you just answered my next question. How nice of you. "So she's really the one you serve now?" I stated more than asked, her previous declaration confirming my suspicions. Angel was loaning her considerable skills to Ivy's campaign to take over Cincinnati, and I had a pretty good idea why.

"For now, and as long as I feel she has need of me, yes."

"Hmph, thought so." I said, not quite liking the way she had phrased that last reply. "You're here as another bribe from Nathalie, aren't you?"

"Nathalie feels she has wronged you and Ivy enough to warrant lending my services as reparations." The rogue guardian replied neutrally, and my inner bitch leaned forward expectantly, hoping for any sign I was really getting under her skin. She was disappointed. The elf was cool as a cucumber, completely aloof.

"Mercy-killing Ivy and jumpstarting her powers weren't enough? Nathalie felt she had to lend her her girl-toy too?" I kept needling her, just in case my disregard for her and her mistress wasn't so blatantly obvious as to be visible from outer space.

"I understand I mustn't be your favourite person, Rachel. If I were in your shoes, I suspect I would be none too fond of anyone with ties to Nathalie either. Nevertheless, let us try and remain civil here, please. I was only tasked with safeguarding you. Making myself known was strictly a favour to you." Angel frowned, her pretty face turning frumpy. Though mild mannered (as long as you didn't try slapping her around), I suppose not even she liked to be called names or treated with as much venom as I was.

"Her scion." I rolled my eyes and amended with petty scorn. "Same difference as far as I'm concerned. A puppet's a puppet, no matter how pretty you paint it."

"I will take what progress I can, nonetheless." She said, keeping up her annoying passive-aggressive routine. Maybe if I dyed my hair blond, got pointy ears and eight months pregnant, I could actually stomp on her nerves enough to get her to yell... "I'm not your enemy, Rachel. I never have been. Perhaps you could start treating me as such?"

"You're not my friend, either." I grunted. "I'm not about to forget who it is you work for the rest of the time."

"I believe Nathalie is currently aboard a luxury liner somewhere on the Mediterranean, enjoying a love cruise with Dorothy. She is after all conspicuously absent, is she not?" She gestured to the empty space around us as she spoke. True enough, the oldest thing around had to be three hundred years old, at most. "As for me, I recall I already explained I'm my own person, no matter how close she and I are. If I were to condemn you for the company you keep, or have kept in the past, I could find a great many reproaches to address you. It has been millennia since demons have been considered reputable company..." She trailed off, and I silently cursed Ivy's big mouth for filling her in on my associations, both past and present. Deflated by that rather accurate assessment of my hypocrisy, I shrugged and let go of a measure of the hostility I felt towards the elf. She wasn't Ivy's murderer, even if she associated with her, just as I wasn't a sadistic slave trading bastard, even if I had one on the demon equivalent of speed dial. We both had distasteful associations we'd made under less than ideal circumstances. Even if she was proud of hers, I suppose I could leave it at that.

"Fine." I muttered. "I suppose it should be reassuring she's got one more person on her side..." If anything, that's one more person to catch a bullet for her... I snidely added in my mind, even though I knew a bullet was not exactly likely to be the cause of Ivy's final death, unless it came from one of those big-ass precision rifles that could tear a man apart from a mile and a half away... and the thought of Ivy on the wrong side of one of those was not one I wanted to linger upon for too long, considering the no-doubt precarious position she was in now after the scene she and her mom made in the cemetery.

"Something unpleasant just crossed your mind." Angel observed with razor sharp wit and intuition, and totally not because picturing the effects a large calibre bullet could have on my lover put a frown as obvious as the moon in the night sky on my face. "What is it?"

"Nothing." I answered, still muttering though it had more to do with the disquiet taking over my heart than my interlocutor's presence now. "On second thought, I am grateful you're here." I wouldn't say the elf beamed at that reluctant admission, but she did look pleasantly surprised. And I was glad. Angel had kept the job of safeguarding Nathalie for centuries. Odds were she was damn good at it, and now that expertise was at Ivy's service, in a time when my vamp could definitely use a deadly, experienced enforcer.

"If my presence is suddenly a boon to you, and considering I have spent the past month serving Ivy, it must mean you are concern about her well-being..." The elf mused out loud, easily piecing together my sudden change in attitude. "Do you think her position so dire? I assure you, she is doing quite well swaying her opponents' allegiances and securing her power bases. It is hardly a question of whether she will rule this city any longer, but when."

"Maybe that was the case as of this morning, but after tonight?" I asked disbelievingly. "She pretty much handed her mom victory on a silver platter. I may not like you, but I'll gladly have your freaking babies if you can help me get her out of this alive. Undead. Whatever."

It was my turn to be surprised as a short burst of twinkling laughter escaped the ancient scion. I must admit the smile and the shimmer it put in her green eyes gave what I had to admit was a rather fetching look to her face. "I'm sorry." Angel covered her mouth and centered herself, no doubt as self-conscious as I was how badly out of place her laughter felt in the solemn confines of the house. "I did not expect this comment from you. Forgive me. I have to reiterate Ivy is and will be fine. She is very nearly untouchable now, and barring tragic circumstances will remain alive for a great many years to come. Your worry over her is unfounded."

"But... the cemetery?" I asked, befuddled by her reaction. "Didn't you see her back down to one of her adversaries in front of half the vampire population of Cinci?"

"I saw her demonstrate compassion in her sister's time of need." Angel countered. "Not a bad trait for a leader, to know when the cost outweighs the benefits."

"It's a contest of strength they're engaged in, isn't it? How can you say that's not going to affect her in the long run? That can't be good for her, can it?"

"That is not incorrect, but it is a simple way to see it. Vampires don't rule via sheer dominance the way weres do. Raw strength is a part of the tests that determine who will arise as the next master of Cincinnati, no doubt about it, but it is not all there is to it."

"Meaning?"

"That no one wants a strong leader who abuses their position, sacrifices their underlings for power or causes pain for entertainment. A master vampire has privileges, but also responsibilities towards their people. How well they acquit themselves of this balance goes a long way towards determining their quality as leaders. Ivy showed her strength today by standing up to her mother, but she also showed compassion and decency by willingly removing herself when Erica was caught in the crossfire of their quarrel. If anything, I believe she earned herself more support than ever by doing so."

"I... I suppose that makes sense..."

"It does. Did anyone express concern that Ivy's bid might fail during the evening? Did Melissa?"

"No... no, they didn't..." And Melissa was certainly politically savvy enough to pick up on the possibility Ivy might have damaged her standing as a potential master. Wait, are you suggesting she may have planned this? Much as I loathed thinking about it, was it possible Ivy had rushed to comfort Erica, knowing what would happen? Could she have willingly goaded her mother into throwing a fit so she could make herself look better in comparison? It would be horrible and ruthless, but... No, not going there again. From now on, I'm going to assume she's innocent until proven guilty. I decided and shoved the unpleasant thought away. Stupid resolution when dealing with that kind of being, you say? Well, odds are you're not sleeping with one, and if you are, well you're lucky yours doesn't get pissed when you second-guess their motives. Ivy had done good. I would call her later to tell her I thought so, and that was that. Case closed. There was no distasteful politicking to see here, no sir.

"Indeed. Do not trouble yourself overmuch with this. I fully intend to make sure both you and Ivy get through this ordeal unscathed. No harm will come to either of you, you have my word."

"I can handle myself, thank you very much." I scowled back, making her smile annoyingly at me again. She made me feel like a child, an impression I didn't appreciate at all. Then again I was give or take a tenth of her age, so maybe that just came with the territory...

"How interesting that you appraise me for pledging my protection to Ivy, yet reject me for hinting I would do the same for you..." Angel said thoughtfully, looking at me like a puppy dog that'd just done a cute but silly trick.

"I can handle myself." I enunciated more slowly this time around. Hey, it didn't look like she got the message.

"So can I. So can Ivy. One's strength should not make them so prideful as to refuse the help of others when it is freely offered, especially when they face adversity the likes of which you, and I, do. Yours are not challenges you should tackle alone."

"You know, as pretty as it is, Ivy's got a big mouth..." I muttered, which of course made the elf smile annoyingly some more.

"Not so much, no. She's been quite tight-lipped on the subject of her beloved, in fact. Your little courtroom drama with the demon Algaliarept has made the headline in more than just your local newspapers." I choked in surprise, my face blanching at the elf's casual dropping of Al's full summoning name. Goddamn, what was wrong with this woman? And how the hell had she gotten that name in the first place?

"Turn take it, are you trying to lure him here?" I hissed fitfully. The last thing this evening needed was Al crashing it. Just saying his name aloud wouldn't be enough to have him appear out of thin air in front of us in theory, but the demon had an uncanny gift for finding his unwanted way to me anyway. He might see vampires as a woeful waste of his time, but I wouldn't put it past the creep to stir some havoc here just to get a rise out of me. "How do you know that name?"

"There are many things you don't know about me, Rachel." The elf smirked in a manner distinctly reminiscent of her mistress, reading me like an open book. "You work with demons." Angel continued cryptically, a flicker of something disdainful passing in her emerald eyes. Not fear like some elves of my acquaintance, or brazen confidence like others, but disdain. Interesting. Considering her tremendous powers, I would have expected her to have taken a few lessons from one of my dark cousins. If she hadn't, well, that would put her well above Ceri or anyone else I knew in raw magical aptitude, and not level with my blond friend as I thought when they were about to blast each other to cinders. "That's your prerogative, but I made the choice not to, long ago. In fact, I went to extreme lengths in the past to make sure none of their kind could find me, or any child of mine I might someday chose to have."

"You know his full name. That's not something anyone who doesn't deal with demons should know."

"Acquaintances of his happened to be involved in my plot to achieve my freedom. His name came up. A nasty fellow, as I'm sure you know. I never did find out whether or not he was found guilty by association..."

"Huh-huh... Maybe you shouldn't be saying that to someone with my reputation, then. You don't want a known demon associate getting word back to them, do you?" I pointed out, not that I ever intended to sell her out to demon kind unless she seriously forced my hand. Been there, done that with Lee, and in the long run it had only gotten Ivy shot when he decided to pay me back. In fact, my girlfriend's current predicament and less-than-alive condition could all be traced back to him. If he hadn't tried to have me killed when I took down that drug dealer a few months back, Ivy wouldn't have had to take that bullet for me. No bullet wound means no morphine, so she wouldn't have kissed me in a drug induced haze, and without that injury luring her back to Ivy's side, Skimmer would still be tucked away safely in prison. Without that kiss I wouldn't have overcompensated with Marshall, meaning there wouldn't have been that ugly scene in the church a month back that ended with the blond vamp storming out and straight into the awaiting arms of a psychotic rapist. Nathalie would have had no reason to come to Cinci, and Ivy would still be fully alive, if not necessarily with me. No power struggle, no opening for whoever had killed Seth to get his hands on him and Erica, no massive heartbreak for the young vamp, and I'd never have had to meet Ivy's mom. So, yeah, screw selling people out to demons. Even annoying elven Scions of even more annoying master vamps. You never know when fate's going to turn around and bend you over when you pull crap like that.

"Unless I seriously misjudged your character, not even the long standing bounty on my soul would tempt you to do anything with the knowledge." Angel calmly (and accurately) assessed me.

"What did you do anyway? Kill one?" I shrugged, kidding. "I don't see them caring so much. They're not exactly an altruistic bunch."

"It's the principle of the thing. They have enough self-preservation instinct as a species not to want their reputation as all-powerful beings damaged. Of course, they're much more upset about the damage I inflicted upon their precious collective veiling myself from their prying eyes." Angel shrugged, and again I felt the blood drain from my face. Her answer certainly implied she had managed to kill a demon, a feat that barely seemed this side of possible. I'd seen undead vamps who were no pushovers try and fail. This woman was either even more powerful or way craftier than I gave her credit for. I'm not sure which option made me more leery of her...

"Right..." I said wanly, feeling a little dizzy with information overload, and maybe a little something else. Inadequacy.

"Are you feeling well?" Angel inquired with something that looked like genuine concern to me when I leaned up against the wall for support.

"Peachy... just peachy." I breathed out with the last of a roughly exhaled breath. After meeting Mrs Tamwood, I'd been feeling tiny and edible, and now I was just feeling... inadequate, somehow. Not just because Angel apparently boasted far greater aptitudes and resourcefulness than I could see myself acquiring in the foreseeable future. No, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. No matter what happened in the turmoil of my life, I could always console myself with the knowledge I was a competent and powerful witch, if a bit of a loose cannon sometimes. Now Angel had demonstrated I could be outdone, even without resorting to demon magic or deals with the devil like I did, and that last buffer, that last refuge was simply swept away, leaving me hollow and depressed in the wake of the hopes I'd dashed and the responsibility I refused to step up to. Everything I learned over the course of the past few hours spun around in my head, circling me, pointing accusingly at me. Mr Randall, Mrs Tamwood, Heidi's mom, Melissa, Skimmer, even closer friends like Jenks, Glenn and David had given themselves up for the good of their loved ones. And worst of all was Ivy... my darling Ivy, who had laid down her life twice over for me. Everyone around me it seemed had committed such sacrifices, paid such steep prices for those they loved, while I... I wouldn't even consider letting a woman I claimed to love take what she needed from me in order to stay decent and sane, not to mention simply... animate, I guess. How did I compare, to any of them? I didn't. The most I'd ever given up for someone were my Saturdays I'd offered up to Al in order to rescue a man who'd tried to kill me on more than one occasion. More than I had for actual friends and family.

"And by that you mean you're not." Angel stated. Duh... how could someone so old be so damn good at stating the obvious?

"I'm gonna have to explain the meaning of sarcasm to you sometime..." I muttered, running a slow hand over my face, as if that alone could banish my grim thoughts. "Right now, it doesn't feel like we speak the same language."

"What is it that's on your mind, then?" The raven-haired elf questioned me again, once more surprising me with the very authentic-looking concern she displayed for me.

"... Have you ever woken up one morning and realised you're the biggest coward you know?" I paused before asking her. It's not that I exactly trusted her, but I felt I could use someone to talk to, and she had the only conveniently placed set of ears in the vicinity. Besides, with all that life experience behind her, maybe she'd actually have some advice for me. She was a scion after all, and the only non-vampire one I'd ever met.

"I can't say that I have. In all my years I don't recall a time I didn't number some sniveling coward or another amongst my acquaintances." She replied, her eyes on me studious and thoughtful. "Of all the things you could doubt, your own courage gives you pause?" She asked me, clearly surprised.

"Why wouldn't I?" I scoffed. "I'm a stupid-ass witch who needed two years just to gather enough guts to admit she's in love with a girl. It's not enough that I was scared of my own feelings for Ivy, now I'm scared of committing to her. Hell I'm scared of giving her any part of myself other than my body, and I've been withholding even that lately."

"Are you now?" Angel asked. And smiled. Seriously, fuck her smile. Why did she have to smile like she was so damn fond of me? I'm not a freaking puppy. "You would be cross with me, simply for thinking more highly of you than you do yourself?" She asked when she noticed I was getting pissed at the way she looked at me.

"Why would you?" I scoffed.

"Why would I not admire you? I've seen enough of you to know you're many things. Brash and impulsive, to be sure, and you've made your share of unfortunate associations, but you are also very generous and caring, as well as ferociously protective of those you love. A coward is not how I would describe you. A coward would not stand up to the most powerful vampire on this side of the Atlantic the way you have. A coward would not rush into an obvious death-trap to save a friend. I've seen you do both of those things, and I've heard of many other exploits."

Wait, you've seen what? You were there when we rescued Erica? I warily eyed her when she mentioned that. I sure didn't remember her lending a hand to get us all out of that mansion alive if she was. What the hell had she been doing? If she was here protecting Ivy, Angel sure had a funny way to go about her duties.

"I don't see you abandoning Ivy to her fate." Angel continued her little speech that I had to admit, made me feel a little bit better. "Are you telling me you would not fight for her?"

"I would but... it's not the same, is it? It's not a sacrifice. Fighting and helping people is just... it's what I do. I'll fight for her, not for her goals."

"People matter more to you than ideals or causes. Again, I feel to see the character flaw.

Everyone around me has given up so much more for the people that mattered to them, while I'm just sitting on the sidelines. Hell, I don't want to move from the sidelines, damnit!" Want your cake and eat it? Yep, that's me.

"And your devotion to Ivy is in doubt, simply because life does not yet require a sacrifice from you to demonstrate it? That is what I would call fortune, Rache, not cowardice." Angel countered me. "You don't need to pledge yourself to her. Ivy only requires one thing from you now, and that is your love and all it entails. Trust, honesty are the two most important element of any relationship with an undead. Give her those, and believe me, the two of you will have a great many years ahead of you to figure everything else out. A vampire's patience in their second life is eternal, Rachel. She will not seriously begrudge you even a decade of waiting now."

"No one else seems to think so." I scoffed. "I've lost count of how many people expressed their hope I'd take my place at Ivy's side."

"This city is at war." Angel replied calmly. "Of course, they will look for any reassurances they can find."

"Which kinda suggests everyone would be better off if I was Ivy's scion, don't you think?"

"Ivy's followers would surely agree with that statement. She herself might as well. It is true that the two of you would be much stronger bound this way. Ivy would be a better leader for it, and you would become a force of nature. However, this is not something that should be forced, either physically or otherwise. If you are scared, if you have doubts, it is better to simply trust in your feelings for each other to carry you through. Unlike what some may say, a physical bond between you is not necessary, only preferable. You may go through your entire life with her without it, and never be any worse for wear, as long as you remember to be honest and open with her, at all times. Lies and secrets will tear you apart much quicker than remaining unbound ever will."

"I... I guess..." I sighed in frustration, unable to give voice to my doubts and dreads. "I guess my biggest problem is that... I don't have a clue what being a scion really means. I've only seen the really awful side of it. I don't know if there's a better side, or even a worse one... it scares me, but when I stop to think about it, I don't even know for sure it's not something I could learn to want. I... oh... How dumb can I be..." Blame it on the late hour and the long day, but until that moment, it never dawned on me that I was talking to someone who'd been a scion almost as long as the U.S. had been an independent country. "You... You've been around that block, haven't you?" I said. "Could you tell me about it? Why you chose to become Nathalie's scion? How she did it, what it's like?" I asked those questions candidly, but looking at Angel bristling a bit in response, it was clear I'd finally touched a nerve. How fortunate that I hadn't been trying to this time... not.

Great going Rachel... I mentally berated myself. What, you already forgot those flashes you got from that undead bitch Nathalie? I was seriously lacking context for them, but I did recall seeing a younger, teenaged version of Angel narrowly 'rescued' from what sure looked like a sacrificial altar somewhere in there.

"That's an awfully personal question to ask someone you neither like nor trust, Rachel." Angel replied neutrally.

"I... sorry, I didn't mean to pry." I apologised, hoping I hadn't cut myself off from the only non-vamp scion I'd ever met, and just about the only person who could give me the perspective I lacked to start making an enlightened decision about that damn scion issue. I wasn't remotely warming up to the idea yet, but I suppose guilt-tripping will make you at least consider some things.

"The hour is too late for me to go digging those skeletons out of my closet." Angel wearily declared, her hand slowly rising to her chest to pensively wrap around the strange, dark red stone that hung from a silver chain around her neck. "Perhaps later I can indulge your curiosity. For now, I've gone the night without sleep. The lure of a warm bed is rather irresistible."

"I understand." I whispered as I watched her stride by me and back out the door, where she froze in her tracks. "Have a good night, Angel." What? I can be civil too...

"I believe the person you're looking for is somewhere on the south corner of the fourth floor." Angel said over her shoulder. "Good morning, Rachel. And please try to remember what I said. Love and all it entails. Especially honesty." And with that strangely worried parting comment and a brief grimace of pain, the elf turned into a slightly too large, shining black raven right before my astounded eyes. A final croak and a flutter of wings later, she was gone.

Well, that sure explains why I didn't see her when we rescued Erica... I thought, my eyes wide with astonishment. How the heck had she done that? She hadn't used a potion, and if she really didn't deal with demons, that transformation wasn't due to a curse, either.

'A lot I don't know about you', huh? I'm starting to think that's an understatement.

I stood flabbergasted on the porch for a while, staring at the spot where Angel had vanished, trying to remember why I was walking back in in the first place, only remembering I was looking for Erica to bring her back home. Not only that, but Angel had been kind enough to give me a place to look for her. How nice.

I felt like a burglar in the huge darkened confines of Ivy and Erica's family home, my steps echoing a fair bit in the absolute silence of the huge, deserted house. I was the only one here now, for real, and it caused a spot of nervousness to be sneaking around like that in a vampire's lair. It was a relief to come to the south corner and find only one door slightly ajar, light spilling out in the murky hallway. The door spun quietly inward on well-oiled hinges, revealing a surprising sight within. The room beyond was a parlor or library of some sort, high-ceilinged, its interior wall lined with bookshelves. A lone desk stood on the opposite side, facing another bay window the likes of which I had seen in other rooms of the manor. A bit unexpectedly for a vampire's dwelling, a large skylight dominated the ensemble, providing what I was sure would be perfect, amply sufficient all-natural lighting during the daytime. Several love chairs were tucked in the corners, with a singular couch flanked by two lamps and faced by a low coffee table lining the far walls. On this couch was indeed the person I was looking for, as Angel had put it. Erica was there, curled up almost in a ball like a sleeping kitten. Most surprising, however, was the presence of the woman whose lap my young friend was using as a pillow, a woman whose lips curved into a lazy, seductive smile as soon as her unfathomable brown eyes settled on me.

I'd not only found Erica, but I'd stumbled upon Ivy as well.