its been a while since i wrote a post that i just kinda openned up on and i kinda have been feeling locked up a lately. I have so many feelings going around in my head right now. i have my workshop tomorrow and 10kids are coming, thats right after all this planning i get screwed over. my mom blames me for it, she said i didnt do enough, it always comes back to me never doing enough. i am so tired, ive been so overworked, and you know what i think im falling in love, yeah its crazy, its happening, and i think im being in loved back. and ahhh its so hard to try to keep everything in when you just wanna tell everyone how you feel but then they ask all these questions and get in your business so ive just been holding it in and just telling him and thats hard for me cause im savannah. and god my friends are so wonderful, they stuck around me no matter what. i have the most amasing best friends ever. its funny how much life will give you if you just fight for what you know is right. i have $20,000 on my college paid for, i have so many people helping me and telling me they want me in there lives, and i guess thats just what i needed to hear, people say they care and not just makeing me guess and hope they do. i love alan comings. me and john watched a movie about animal sex and such and well im just kinda grossed out. animals are sick, thats all i have to say. i have this sonnet thats due tomorrow in acting class and well ive worked my ass off and planned it so well but i just keep thinking "what if it sucks" and its holding me back. that holds me back a lot. i came home today and i started to sing because thats just the way savannah works and i just kept stopping and saying "savannah that was bad do it agian" and well i still havent finished the song because i kept stopping. yesturday i was doing my homework and alex wanted to help and i just kept saying no, not because i dont think he doesnt know, because a number of my words are wrong, i cant spell and i have shitty handwriting. but him being alex he helped without makeing fun and actaully being really sweet about it. today i read in mr.weavers and he said i needed to read out loud more because i cant run away from it and thats true. all my life i cant say"i cant". because for a lot of things i can, its just the things that are really easy to other people are hard and not understood by me. i dont know how im gonna get my PH.D, i just know that without it ill never be happy. but getting it will make me really unhappy. i guess im just scared that the only way for me to be a normal human is to take my ADD pills and to be blank.but thats not me, i know the real savannah and i mean that more then ever now. savannah is always going to say "i got you this", always gonna sing with a face that makes everyone laugh, always point out random things and sing along to the radio, im always not gonna drink soda, eat junk food, and ill always eat my steak medium rare, always say sorry 1st and im always gonna do what i think it right, always always alway fight for what i want and always love myself the sweet quite boys. and plus ill always have the coolest friends ever. oh oh oh and be a huge bitch to people that disrespect music. i guess im always gonna write stupid livejournal posts too.
love Savannah