I Wanna Go Home Now!!!!!!!
I'm now at my parents in Arkansas visting with them. I learned last week that my father was sick and has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Mom said that I needed to come home before Dad went back to work on 4/11/05. So I jumped on a plane (which was very hard to do but I'll talk about that later) this past Thursday and here I am. Now I did read about the disease before I came here and it's not very pretty. From all that I have read Dad is in stage 3 out of 4(one doctor said 6), so I don't think my father will live more than the next two years. Ever since my stepfather died and I saw my real Mom go thru the mess of wills and hosptial stuff, I have asked my Dad & Stepmom to please get their affairs in order. Ok they haven't done it yet. Why?? Oh things like...it takes money for a lawyer....oh we haven't decided...etc.....
Big FAT FUCKING Excuses if you ask me. The only thing they do know if that my two brothers that live here will be the excutors of everything. That is really ok by me due to me living so far away. But I never excepted to have my own family tell me that I don't have any rights in asking or saying anything because I chose not to live in AR. It's been all I can do today to hold my self together. I'm to the point to tell them all to go FUCK OFF! Everyone here treats me like I am the youngest child when in fact I am the oldest of three. So FUCKING what the other two are boys. Just because the one brother is a Cop and ex-Marine, he knows and has seen it all. The baby of the family is 24 and just as fucking stubborn as the other and Dad put together.
So tell me why don't I have the right to ask Mom & Dad to take care of things that I know needs to be done? Why can't I ask have you done this or that? Why can't I ask my brothers to get off their asses and talk to Mom and Dad or help them with money if that is all that is really needed? It's my Father too and I have the right to have a say anything I want to. He is the only one that has any right to say anything back to me. Dad needs to excierse and to what so that he doesn't lose any more weight. Well, yes I am not here to come over and get him to do things with me like walking and such but why can't the boys??? Oh their excuse is "I work!!!" Like me not work is the biggest SIN of the world. So FUCKING what you work! You have two days off get up and come over and encourage Dad to do things that he needs to do. The Boys keep blaming all of Dad's illness on smoking and yes that is a large part, but there are other factors as well. So the boys think that as long as Dad is smoking there is nothing that they can do. BULLSHIT!!!
I told them that I bet Dad won't even live to see 60, he's 58 now. The boys think he will out live them. LMFAO (hysterial) They think that Dad not have an Living Will or anything of the type is NO big deal!! They have NEVER had to stand their and tell the Doctor do this or that. They never had to this with a very close living family member. I have had to go thru this three times. It's not easy....but "big boys" can do anything anytime!! Well the mood I'm in now I wish I could see into the future and just see how the FUCK they handle telling the EMT's or Doctors to stop working on Dad. Yes they will be able to say the words but I bet they have nightmares for years to come.
I don't even feel like I am part of this family anymore. Mom only tells me things now because Dad makes her. He is the only one that I feel like remebers me. I want Ray now and I want to talk to my SS right now and can't!!!! I just dare anyone to get in my way tomorrow as I am flying home because I have a very short fuse right now!! The boys won't even come over to have dinner tonight with Mom & Dad and I. Now tell me who is being petty!!!!