Jokes 2
Some of these are so true- men watch out!
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,he laid down the following rules:"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......whether you're here or not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever ""Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last!"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
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Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"and storms out of the house. After some e time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
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Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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God may have created man before woman , but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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Catholic Gasoline
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was making rounds visiting housebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it,a gas station was a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The only gas can he owned was loaned out. Since she was out to see a patient, she went back to her car and spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Being resourceful, she went back to the station and filled the bedpan with gas. She went back to her car and proceeded to fill her gas tank with the gas in the bedpan. Two men saw her doing this and one of then turned to the other and said "If it starts, I 'm turning catholic..............
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Great T-shirts For Women
I'm still hot......It Just Comes In Flashes
Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise" I wash my mouth out with chocolate
I'm not $50.00......I'm $49.99 plus tax
Keep Staring.....I may do a trick
Life is short......Make fun of it