(no subject)
I am so sick of your damn bullshit. Why did you take me from a happy place into this hell?!
Why? Answer me that atleast. It isn't like you have ever done me any good. I try so hard and I barely get a fucking thank you! I hate living with you I won't even cry when you're dead. All you bring me is depression. You are the reason I cut myself for two years and hated my body for even longer. I saw your face when my head was in the toilet puking my life away. I hate you.
All I ever wanted was for you to tell me how you felt when so naiive I didn't realize that you already were. I was just to optimistic to believe you when you told me the truth. I hate you said it all. Especially when you said it to my face. "Oh but I never" yea..and you never called me a shitfaced jackass either..or you didn't say how fat I was or call me fatty when I turned my head. I hate you. I used to think I could still grow up in a half normal life but you are not normal and now neither am I. I never was. I hate you. You were all the reasons why for the past two years I wanted to cut just a little bit deeper to test myself to see how much I really wanted to keep trying. You are so lucky I found happiness somewhere. Or else you would be left with a guilty conscience and a dead grand daughter lying on the floor. I hate you. You blame me but in the end it is really all your fault. If you would have just listened to her she wouldn't be away from me in arizona she wouldn't have to go states away just to keep herself free of her drug habbits. I might not even be here which sometimes doesn't sound so bad. I hate you. You don't even try to hide it anymore. I tell you all these things and yet I am still "just looking for attention".
I hope you think that when I am gone. Because when I am gone..I am never looking back. I don't want your face to haunt me anymore. Perhaps it will be like you never even existed. I can dream can't I?
I hate you just like you hate me.
Why? Answer me that atleast. It isn't like you have ever done me any good. I try so hard and I barely get a fucking thank you! I hate living with you I won't even cry when you're dead. All you bring me is depression. You are the reason I cut myself for two years and hated my body for even longer. I saw your face when my head was in the toilet puking my life away. I hate you.
All I ever wanted was for you to tell me how you felt when so naiive I didn't realize that you already were. I was just to optimistic to believe you when you told me the truth. I hate you said it all. Especially when you said it to my face. "Oh but I never" yea..and you never called me a shitfaced jackass either..or you didn't say how fat I was or call me fatty when I turned my head. I hate you. I used to think I could still grow up in a half normal life but you are not normal and now neither am I. I never was. I hate you. You were all the reasons why for the past two years I wanted to cut just a little bit deeper to test myself to see how much I really wanted to keep trying. You are so lucky I found happiness somewhere. Or else you would be left with a guilty conscience and a dead grand daughter lying on the floor. I hate you. You blame me but in the end it is really all your fault. If you would have just listened to her she wouldn't be away from me in arizona she wouldn't have to go states away just to keep herself free of her drug habbits. I might not even be here which sometimes doesn't sound so bad. I hate you. You don't even try to hide it anymore. I tell you all these things and yet I am still "just looking for attention".
I hope you think that when I am gone. Because when I am gone..I am never looking back. I don't want your face to haunt me anymore. Perhaps it will be like you never even existed. I can dream can't I?
I hate you just like you hate me.