Less crazy rant/life stuff
Wednesday my mom tells me, "You know, McDonald's had a hiring day yesterday and hired 50,000 people," using that voice of you didn't do it, did you?
I tell her I was there and when says, "And they didn't hire you?" I have to tell her that no, they didn't, they said they might call back for an interview in the next few weeks.
Thursday morning I call Kroger for the third day in a row, just to get more runaround. Mr. Lanem says my availability isn't good enough, that they already hired their cashiers. My eyes were already full of tears when I said, "I can be available whenever. Fencing doesn't matter as much as getting a job right now," even though I'd love to be able to do both. He knew I wasn't alright and said to call back next week, they might try to work something out.
I hung up and started bawling.
With only three days left of classes, I skipped French and German, sat by the gazebo during Shakespeare's birthday celebration and drank my coke and strawberry smoothie with vodka, a few friends and some poetry until we went for margaritas. I went to Theory drunk, but it turned out to be a fun day.
Kat called her manager friend and he's going to try to help me get a job. I really just have to get through another week of classes, pages upon pages of papers, and then finals.
Then I turn 21 and I have a lot of birthday plans.
But I think no one really knows how far deep I'm in now. I laugh about it too much. Maybe I want someone to realize I'm fucking up and breaking down all the time. A friend can't help. I feel like I need a legitimate parent or a professor to be like, "Hey, what are you doing with your life? Let's talk about this."
I'm worrying about so much that I can't even focus on the work I need to do. Grad school things fell behind awhile ago.