Strangers Again - [Oneshot: Part A]
Title: Strangers Again
Length: Oneshot (approx 5,600 words)
Author: sayhell
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Kyuwook
Genre: Mild Angst
Summary: Four years after the disbandment of Super Junior, Kyuhyun met Ryeowook once again, only to find that Ryeowook was no longer ensnared by their broken relationship.
Ever since the month started, Kyuhyun found himself stranded by the preparations for his own wedding. From the design of the invitation card and down to the finalization of the dinner menu, the suffocating details intimidated him. More than once, the tantalizing idea of calling off his wedding surfaced in his mind.
It was nearly eleven when his parents and future in-laws left. They had come on the excuse of wanting a last dinner with their children before they wed, but through the course of the meal, Kyuhyun realized that they were here to ensure that the wedding would proceed smoothly this weekend. Despite the fatigue that knotted his muscles, he kept his annoyance in check and obediently attended to each and every of their concerns.
After sending them off, he padded towards the mini bar and poured himself some wine. He swirled the wine and lifted the glass to his nose. Stress began to slowly slip away when the mild aroma of the wine curled in his lungs. Without taking a sip, he set the glass back onto the counter.
He reclined on the sofa and propped his feet on the coffee table. He tipped his head back, closed his eyes and set himself free from the obligations that tethered him to reality. Thoughts about the past, present and future raced through his mind. But mostly, the thoughts were about the could-have-beens.
“Tired?” His eyes flew open in startle at the voice of his fiancée. He had forgotten that Eunhee was still in the kitchen doing the dishes. He straightened himself and swept all his vulnerability back under the mask he had gotten used to wearing in front of others.
“Not really.” He shook his head and smiled a little. “This is much better than those times where I was still an idol.”
Eunhee smiled in understanding as she wiped her wet hands on the apron. “Well… technically you’re still an idol.”
“Last time I checked, anyone above the age of thirty isn’t qualified to be an idol. Old-dol sounds more like it.” He winced in pretense, setting Eunhee off into a fit of giggles.
“Idol or Old-dol, you know I love you all the same.” She undid her apron and draped it over the back of a dining chair. Springing lightly on her toes, she moved gracefully towards the sofa and took the spot beside him.
“I never knew it would be this tiring to plan our own wedding but I know at the end of the day, everything would be worth this torture,” she said half-jokingly as she knelt on the sofa. Hovering slightly above him, she cupped his face between her palms. Her slender fingers pressed at his temples, slowly massaging.
“It will be,” he murmured half-heartedly. Her fingers distracted him and he found his mind backtracking into the past, where a certain someone used to soothe his crankiness the same way.
It may look the same, but it doesn’t feel the same. He thought as his heart throbbed with a familiar dull pain. It doesn’t feel the same because this isn’t you.
“I may sound a little desperate but I can’t wait for us to start living under the same roof.” Her face shone with joyful expectations. For a brief second, he couldn’t meet her eyes. The thought he just had was, if anything, akin to betrayal.
“That wasn’t just a little desperate,” he hid his guilt and joked. He shifted a little and stretched, surreptitiously easing her hands away from his face and setting a few inches of distance between them.
“Tease me all you want now.”She waved her fist in mock haughtiness. “Once we get married it will be payback time.” Her threat fell into another roll of giggles. He laughed along.
A short moment of silence followed when their laughter fell away. She snuggled closer and tipped her head onto his shoulder, purring slightly in contentment. Her hands found his and their fingers locked.
“We’ll definitely be happy,” she pledged and from his angle, he could glimpse a fraction of her hopeful smile. “Our wedding will be perfect and so will our marriage. We’ll be blessed.”
He pursed his lips as his heart made a thousand apologies. He was far from the perfect man she had expected him to be. He couldn’t love her the way she wanted, not when another person remained so firmly rooted in his heart that even the thought of letting go was excruciating.
“What’s this?” Something caught her attention and she sat up, reaching for the corner of a paper that was peeking underneath the phone. A breath hitched in his lungs when she retrieved the creamy envelope that encased the invitation card to their wedding. She looked at him in panic.
“Hyun, what is this doing here? All of them are supposed to be sent out last week!” She nearly screeched and before he could stop her, she had whipped the card out of the envelope to look at its contents.
“Ryeowook?” She frowned. “Isn’t he your best friend back from the days when the group was still active?”
He was more than that. He thought and felt a stab that numbed him for an instant.
“He is.” Masking his discomfit, he took the card from her and slid it back into the envelope. “I guess I’ve been too busy lately that this has slipped my mind. I’ll send it out tomorrow.”
“Oh Hyunnie,” she sighed, looking apologetic for her outburst. “It’s not that I’m being hysterical but I just hope to have a wedding that is as close to perfection as possible.” She circled her arms around his neck.
He smiled in assurance. “Of course I understand that. But don’t let this wedding stress you out.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I want my wife to be the prettiest bride in the universe.”
“Not your wife yet.” She blushed and mumbled, burying her face in his neck.
“All right, Mrs. Cho then.”
“You’re getting cheesy.” She laughed and broke apart from him. “Well, I better get going before all this sweetness makes me nauseated.” She grabbed her handbag and looped her scarf around her neck.
“I’ll send you home.”
“No no no.” She pushed him back down as he tried to get up. “Get more rest. You still have a radio show to attend tomorrow morning. I’ll be good on my own.” She bent and pecked his cheek.
“I’ll see you tomorrow! And don’t forget to send the card out!” she reminded from the doorway where she was putting on her heels. He nodded and she beamed before disappearing through the door.
When the door clicked shut, he heaved a sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose in fatigue. The blanket of deception he had worn around himself ruptured and it was only in this moment of silent solidarity that he could break away from the lie he had been living. For a few minutes, he buried his face in his palms and inhaled deeply, trying to regain control of the tyrannical pain that was eating him up.
He stared at the invitation card, which seemed to jeer at him for failing to hold onto the person that he still valued on a scale that extended beyond mere friendship. He had postponed the delivery of this card for as long as he could, concocting all sort of excuses for his cowardice.
With resolution, he retrieved his phone from the coffee table and tapped in a string of numbers that was still entrenched in his memory despite the prolonged absence of its owner. The luminescence of the screen scorched his eyes as his finger hovered over the dial button for a long time. Finally, with a spurt of gathered courage, he dialed the number for the first time in four years and held the phone to his ear.
He paced to the balcony as the signal toned. His eyes scanned the wide expanse of Seoul’s night scenery. He briefly wondered if, in an apartment somewhere in this city, Ryeowook was rushing to answer his phone.
His heart rate accelerated with each passing second and an irrational fear bloomed in him. What if Ryeowook had changed his number without informing him? What if Ryeowook had chosen not to answer the call upon seeing the blinking insistence of his name?
After a few more moments dangled in fear, the other end finally clicked.
“Yobeoseyo?” It was the same mellifluous voice that he recognized. It was slightly deeper than he had remembered but its gentle quality was untainted by time.
A wild surge of emotions told him how much he had yearned for the man. He rubbed his burning eyes with his knuckles. Being on the line with Ryeowook was the closest resemblance to a reunion they had in four years and the simple gratification of it robbed him of the ability to speak coherently. All the phrases he had rehearsed over the last few weeks sank into the oblivion of his mind.
“Kyu?” Ryeowook probed. “Is that you?”
“Yes it’s me,” Kyuhyun finally breathed. “I…”
Miss you. Ryeowook remained quiet as he waited for Kyuhyun to finish.
“Ryeowookie,” His confession came out as a whisper. “I’m getting married.”
A tight silence followed because neither of them knew what could be said. At some point in their silence, Kyuhyun inwardly begged for Ryeowook’s objection. He knew that with just one word from Ryeowook, he would give up all that he has just to be with him again.
Yet a seemingly cheery ‘congratulations’ was all that punctuated the stunned silence of the other end. Reality was a harsh slap that told Kyuhyun that Ryeowook would never be his again.
::::::::::
Kyuhyun had a very different idea about the notion of love in the first eighteen years of his life. To him, love was a dispensable drug that mortals get themselves addicted to; an immensely overrated drug that humans are willing to risk their hearts for.
“Humans don’t fall in love with each other,” he had rebutted when bossy friends tried to conform him to their ideas. “They simply fall in love with the idea of being in love.” Then he had confidently vowed that he would never fall victim to love.
However all his beliefs were dispelled when a certain Kim Ryeowook waltzed into his life and crashed effortlessly through the infallible fence that guarded his heart. It wasn’t unexpected though, seeing how vulnerable he was back then. He had been in need of someone to cling onto so that he could stay afloat amidst the clamorous objections of the fans. Ryeowook had become his buoy.
Ryeowook’s unwavering presence had healed his battered pride during the initial months where everyone had been skeptical about his addition. The frequent words of encouragement were like beautiful fireworks that lit up his world when his confidence had been snuffed out. It wasn’t long before he realized that everything that Ryeowook was had him cartwheeling into the churning whirlpool of infatuation.
He had buried himself in self-denial during the early phase of attraction, convinced that the unholy feelings would eventually fade. However, his desire for Ryeowook only mounted with time, drowning out all the values his religion espouses. He realized that he could no longer be contented with the position as Ryeowook’s friend; he wanted an exclusive relationship with Ryeowook.
His deeply-rehearsed confession came one winter night after the group had been revered with awards on a year-end award show. His hyungs, inebriated with alcohol, had retreated back to their rooms, leaving only the two of them ensconced on the couch. The sharing of their future ambitions boiled down to the revealing of his feelings.
Each word that had composed his confession was a genuine reflection of his love. When Ryeowook wound his fingers through his in tacit acceptance, he broke out in a smile and his heart finally relaxed. As they hugged, he caught traces of tears coating Ryeowook’s long lashes and he swore that this would be the last time he would see Ryeowook’s tears.
The days that ensued were drenched in ultimate happiness. They spent as much time as they could together and their hearts beat out of the same cadence. Even when they were on stage, they would edge close to each other, their fingers intertwining automatically. Between them, chemistry would fizzle like excited sparklers. Occasionally, after they had descended the stage, they would disappear to a lonely corner of the dim backstage; and away from the judgmental eyes of society, they would lose themselves in the warmth produced as their bodies rubbed against each other.
At that time, they had foolishly believed that what exists between them could surpass even eternity.
It was only when the novelty of their relationship had worn off, did Kyuhyun realize that what it takes to fall in love is very different from what it takes to stay in love. The clandestine nature of their sacrilegious relationship took a toll on him: it had gotten increasingly difficult to deal with the suspicious glances cast at them by their members and managers. It became clear to him that if they were to continue, their relationship would evolve into a bomb that would detonate anytime and decimate everything that Super Junior is.
He began to drop hints about his desire to terminate their relationship. He began to distance himself from Ryeowook. He avoided physical contact with the man and cooked up several feeble excuses so that he could wriggle out of their weekly date. He had even sounded his displeasure at Ryeowook’s excessive molly-coddling when it came to his health.
When Ryeowook chose instead to clutch stubbornly onto the deformity that their relationship had become, Kyuhyun’s impatience grew and he became unforgivably irascible. He would snidely remark about Ryeowook’s inadequacy in the area of singing and when the man approached him for suggestions from improvements, he would brush him off as if he was dust. On some of the occasions, he had even yelled when Ryeowook persisted.
He had earned several lectures from his hyungs about his incorrigible attitude towards the eternal maknae; hell, Sungmin had even gifted him with a punch on his cheek which he rightfully deserved. Yet he continued his ways, wishing that Ryeowook would end it off.
Soon enough, his wish came true. One midnight, Ryeowook entered his room and sat down on the bed in silence. It was minutes before Kyuhyun turned away from the computer to offer Ryeowook a questioning glance.
“Let us end here. I was wrong to assume that both of us are able to withstand the pressure that comes along with a homosexual relationship. I’m tired now.” Ryeowook had said in a weary but steady voice. “I’m giving you what you’ve wanted all these while. When tomorrow comes, let us be friends again.”
Even though Ryeowook had left the room with his shoulders rounded in pride and head held high, Kyuhyun could never forget the deep hurt that swam in those eyes. Regret loomed immediately in his heart. He had thought that he could be free from blame if he wasn’t the one who initiated a breakup. He had been disgustingly selfish.
Despite the pact to remain as friends, the dynamics between them had been inevitably tweaked and it was impossible for them to ease back into normal friendship. It became Ryeowook’s turn to draw a clear line. They would still engage in brotherly affections, but Ryeowook avoided overt intimacies with Kyuhyun. No longer did he care for Kyuhyun in a way more than a friend should. Friends: that was all they have become. But both of them understood that they had never really gotten over each other.
Soon, one after another, the members had enrolled into the military and the disbandment of Super Junior became imminent. Kyuhyun had been there when it was Ryeowook’s turn.
They called each other every now and then, but when they realized that words could no longer patch the widening gap between them, their contact stopped altogether. From then on, Kyuhyun would only hear about Ryeowook through the words of the others. He would keep his ears perked during gatherings which Ryeowook was consistently missing from.
In Ryeowook’s absence, Kyuhyun felt like a nomad who wandered from places to places in search of someone who could complete his soul. When his parents pressurized him into marriage, he simply jogged onto the woman who was conveniently in his life - Eunhee. She was a nice woman, but she’s not Ryeowook.
And so, even when their wedding neared, Kyuhyun found himself repeatedly wondering: If he hadn’t given Ryeowook up, would Ryeowook be his bride?
::::::::::
Part B
Length: Oneshot (approx 5,600 words)
Author: sayhell
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Kyuwook
Genre: Mild Angst
Summary: Four years after the disbandment of Super Junior, Kyuhyun met Ryeowook once again, only to find that Ryeowook was no longer ensnared by their broken relationship.
Ever since the month started, Kyuhyun found himself stranded by the preparations for his own wedding. From the design of the invitation card and down to the finalization of the dinner menu, the suffocating details intimidated him. More than once, the tantalizing idea of calling off his wedding surfaced in his mind.
It was nearly eleven when his parents and future in-laws left. They had come on the excuse of wanting a last dinner with their children before they wed, but through the course of the meal, Kyuhyun realized that they were here to ensure that the wedding would proceed smoothly this weekend. Despite the fatigue that knotted his muscles, he kept his annoyance in check and obediently attended to each and every of their concerns.
After sending them off, he padded towards the mini bar and poured himself some wine. He swirled the wine and lifted the glass to his nose. Stress began to slowly slip away when the mild aroma of the wine curled in his lungs. Without taking a sip, he set the glass back onto the counter.
He reclined on the sofa and propped his feet on the coffee table. He tipped his head back, closed his eyes and set himself free from the obligations that tethered him to reality. Thoughts about the past, present and future raced through his mind. But mostly, the thoughts were about the could-have-beens.
“Tired?” His eyes flew open in startle at the voice of his fiancée. He had forgotten that Eunhee was still in the kitchen doing the dishes. He straightened himself and swept all his vulnerability back under the mask he had gotten used to wearing in front of others.
“Not really.” He shook his head and smiled a little. “This is much better than those times where I was still an idol.”
Eunhee smiled in understanding as she wiped her wet hands on the apron. “Well… technically you’re still an idol.”
“Last time I checked, anyone above the age of thirty isn’t qualified to be an idol. Old-dol sounds more like it.” He winced in pretense, setting Eunhee off into a fit of giggles.
“Idol or Old-dol, you know I love you all the same.” She undid her apron and draped it over the back of a dining chair. Springing lightly on her toes, she moved gracefully towards the sofa and took the spot beside him.
“I never knew it would be this tiring to plan our own wedding but I know at the end of the day, everything would be worth this torture,” she said half-jokingly as she knelt on the sofa. Hovering slightly above him, she cupped his face between her palms. Her slender fingers pressed at his temples, slowly massaging.
“It will be,” he murmured half-heartedly. Her fingers distracted him and he found his mind backtracking into the past, where a certain someone used to soothe his crankiness the same way.
It may look the same, but it doesn’t feel the same. He thought as his heart throbbed with a familiar dull pain. It doesn’t feel the same because this isn’t you.
“I may sound a little desperate but I can’t wait for us to start living under the same roof.” Her face shone with joyful expectations. For a brief second, he couldn’t meet her eyes. The thought he just had was, if anything, akin to betrayal.
“That wasn’t just a little desperate,” he hid his guilt and joked. He shifted a little and stretched, surreptitiously easing her hands away from his face and setting a few inches of distance between them.
“Tease me all you want now.”She waved her fist in mock haughtiness. “Once we get married it will be payback time.” Her threat fell into another roll of giggles. He laughed along.
A short moment of silence followed when their laughter fell away. She snuggled closer and tipped her head onto his shoulder, purring slightly in contentment. Her hands found his and their fingers locked.
“We’ll definitely be happy,” she pledged and from his angle, he could glimpse a fraction of her hopeful smile. “Our wedding will be perfect and so will our marriage. We’ll be blessed.”
He pursed his lips as his heart made a thousand apologies. He was far from the perfect man she had expected him to be. He couldn’t love her the way she wanted, not when another person remained so firmly rooted in his heart that even the thought of letting go was excruciating.
“What’s this?” Something caught her attention and she sat up, reaching for the corner of a paper that was peeking underneath the phone. A breath hitched in his lungs when she retrieved the creamy envelope that encased the invitation card to their wedding. She looked at him in panic.
“Hyun, what is this doing here? All of them are supposed to be sent out last week!” She nearly screeched and before he could stop her, she had whipped the card out of the envelope to look at its contents.
“Ryeowook?” She frowned. “Isn’t he your best friend back from the days when the group was still active?”
He was more than that. He thought and felt a stab that numbed him for an instant.
“He is.” Masking his discomfit, he took the card from her and slid it back into the envelope. “I guess I’ve been too busy lately that this has slipped my mind. I’ll send it out tomorrow.”
“Oh Hyunnie,” she sighed, looking apologetic for her outburst. “It’s not that I’m being hysterical but I just hope to have a wedding that is as close to perfection as possible.” She circled her arms around his neck.
He smiled in assurance. “Of course I understand that. But don’t let this wedding stress you out.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I want my wife to be the prettiest bride in the universe.”
“Not your wife yet.” She blushed and mumbled, burying her face in his neck.
“All right, Mrs. Cho then.”
“You’re getting cheesy.” She laughed and broke apart from him. “Well, I better get going before all this sweetness makes me nauseated.” She grabbed her handbag and looped her scarf around her neck.
“I’ll send you home.”
“No no no.” She pushed him back down as he tried to get up. “Get more rest. You still have a radio show to attend tomorrow morning. I’ll be good on my own.” She bent and pecked his cheek.
“I’ll see you tomorrow! And don’t forget to send the card out!” she reminded from the doorway where she was putting on her heels. He nodded and she beamed before disappearing through the door.
When the door clicked shut, he heaved a sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose in fatigue. The blanket of deception he had worn around himself ruptured and it was only in this moment of silent solidarity that he could break away from the lie he had been living. For a few minutes, he buried his face in his palms and inhaled deeply, trying to regain control of the tyrannical pain that was eating him up.
He stared at the invitation card, which seemed to jeer at him for failing to hold onto the person that he still valued on a scale that extended beyond mere friendship. He had postponed the delivery of this card for as long as he could, concocting all sort of excuses for his cowardice.
With resolution, he retrieved his phone from the coffee table and tapped in a string of numbers that was still entrenched in his memory despite the prolonged absence of its owner. The luminescence of the screen scorched his eyes as his finger hovered over the dial button for a long time. Finally, with a spurt of gathered courage, he dialed the number for the first time in four years and held the phone to his ear.
He paced to the balcony as the signal toned. His eyes scanned the wide expanse of Seoul’s night scenery. He briefly wondered if, in an apartment somewhere in this city, Ryeowook was rushing to answer his phone.
His heart rate accelerated with each passing second and an irrational fear bloomed in him. What if Ryeowook had changed his number without informing him? What if Ryeowook had chosen not to answer the call upon seeing the blinking insistence of his name?
After a few more moments dangled in fear, the other end finally clicked.
“Yobeoseyo?” It was the same mellifluous voice that he recognized. It was slightly deeper than he had remembered but its gentle quality was untainted by time.
A wild surge of emotions told him how much he had yearned for the man. He rubbed his burning eyes with his knuckles. Being on the line with Ryeowook was the closest resemblance to a reunion they had in four years and the simple gratification of it robbed him of the ability to speak coherently. All the phrases he had rehearsed over the last few weeks sank into the oblivion of his mind.
“Kyu?” Ryeowook probed. “Is that you?”
“Yes it’s me,” Kyuhyun finally breathed. “I…”
Miss you. Ryeowook remained quiet as he waited for Kyuhyun to finish.
“Ryeowookie,” His confession came out as a whisper. “I’m getting married.”
A tight silence followed because neither of them knew what could be said. At some point in their silence, Kyuhyun inwardly begged for Ryeowook’s objection. He knew that with just one word from Ryeowook, he would give up all that he has just to be with him again.
Yet a seemingly cheery ‘congratulations’ was all that punctuated the stunned silence of the other end. Reality was a harsh slap that told Kyuhyun that Ryeowook would never be his again.
::::::::::
Kyuhyun had a very different idea about the notion of love in the first eighteen years of his life. To him, love was a dispensable drug that mortals get themselves addicted to; an immensely overrated drug that humans are willing to risk their hearts for.
“Humans don’t fall in love with each other,” he had rebutted when bossy friends tried to conform him to their ideas. “They simply fall in love with the idea of being in love.” Then he had confidently vowed that he would never fall victim to love.
However all his beliefs were dispelled when a certain Kim Ryeowook waltzed into his life and crashed effortlessly through the infallible fence that guarded his heart. It wasn’t unexpected though, seeing how vulnerable he was back then. He had been in need of someone to cling onto so that he could stay afloat amidst the clamorous objections of the fans. Ryeowook had become his buoy.
Ryeowook’s unwavering presence had healed his battered pride during the initial months where everyone had been skeptical about his addition. The frequent words of encouragement were like beautiful fireworks that lit up his world when his confidence had been snuffed out. It wasn’t long before he realized that everything that Ryeowook was had him cartwheeling into the churning whirlpool of infatuation.
He had buried himself in self-denial during the early phase of attraction, convinced that the unholy feelings would eventually fade. However, his desire for Ryeowook only mounted with time, drowning out all the values his religion espouses. He realized that he could no longer be contented with the position as Ryeowook’s friend; he wanted an exclusive relationship with Ryeowook.
His deeply-rehearsed confession came one winter night after the group had been revered with awards on a year-end award show. His hyungs, inebriated with alcohol, had retreated back to their rooms, leaving only the two of them ensconced on the couch. The sharing of their future ambitions boiled down to the revealing of his feelings.
Each word that had composed his confession was a genuine reflection of his love. When Ryeowook wound his fingers through his in tacit acceptance, he broke out in a smile and his heart finally relaxed. As they hugged, he caught traces of tears coating Ryeowook’s long lashes and he swore that this would be the last time he would see Ryeowook’s tears.
The days that ensued were drenched in ultimate happiness. They spent as much time as they could together and their hearts beat out of the same cadence. Even when they were on stage, they would edge close to each other, their fingers intertwining automatically. Between them, chemistry would fizzle like excited sparklers. Occasionally, after they had descended the stage, they would disappear to a lonely corner of the dim backstage; and away from the judgmental eyes of society, they would lose themselves in the warmth produced as their bodies rubbed against each other.
At that time, they had foolishly believed that what exists between them could surpass even eternity.
It was only when the novelty of their relationship had worn off, did Kyuhyun realize that what it takes to fall in love is very different from what it takes to stay in love. The clandestine nature of their sacrilegious relationship took a toll on him: it had gotten increasingly difficult to deal with the suspicious glances cast at them by their members and managers. It became clear to him that if they were to continue, their relationship would evolve into a bomb that would detonate anytime and decimate everything that Super Junior is.
He began to drop hints about his desire to terminate their relationship. He began to distance himself from Ryeowook. He avoided physical contact with the man and cooked up several feeble excuses so that he could wriggle out of their weekly date. He had even sounded his displeasure at Ryeowook’s excessive molly-coddling when it came to his health.
When Ryeowook chose instead to clutch stubbornly onto the deformity that their relationship had become, Kyuhyun’s impatience grew and he became unforgivably irascible. He would snidely remark about Ryeowook’s inadequacy in the area of singing and when the man approached him for suggestions from improvements, he would brush him off as if he was dust. On some of the occasions, he had even yelled when Ryeowook persisted.
He had earned several lectures from his hyungs about his incorrigible attitude towards the eternal maknae; hell, Sungmin had even gifted him with a punch on his cheek which he rightfully deserved. Yet he continued his ways, wishing that Ryeowook would end it off.
Soon enough, his wish came true. One midnight, Ryeowook entered his room and sat down on the bed in silence. It was minutes before Kyuhyun turned away from the computer to offer Ryeowook a questioning glance.
“Let us end here. I was wrong to assume that both of us are able to withstand the pressure that comes along with a homosexual relationship. I’m tired now.” Ryeowook had said in a weary but steady voice. “I’m giving you what you’ve wanted all these while. When tomorrow comes, let us be friends again.”
Even though Ryeowook had left the room with his shoulders rounded in pride and head held high, Kyuhyun could never forget the deep hurt that swam in those eyes. Regret loomed immediately in his heart. He had thought that he could be free from blame if he wasn’t the one who initiated a breakup. He had been disgustingly selfish.
Despite the pact to remain as friends, the dynamics between them had been inevitably tweaked and it was impossible for them to ease back into normal friendship. It became Ryeowook’s turn to draw a clear line. They would still engage in brotherly affections, but Ryeowook avoided overt intimacies with Kyuhyun. No longer did he care for Kyuhyun in a way more than a friend should. Friends: that was all they have become. But both of them understood that they had never really gotten over each other.
Soon, one after another, the members had enrolled into the military and the disbandment of Super Junior became imminent. Kyuhyun had been there when it was Ryeowook’s turn.
They called each other every now and then, but when they realized that words could no longer patch the widening gap between them, their contact stopped altogether. From then on, Kyuhyun would only hear about Ryeowook through the words of the others. He would keep his ears perked during gatherings which Ryeowook was consistently missing from.
In Ryeowook’s absence, Kyuhyun felt like a nomad who wandered from places to places in search of someone who could complete his soul. When his parents pressurized him into marriage, he simply jogged onto the woman who was conveniently in his life - Eunhee. She was a nice woman, but she’s not Ryeowook.
And so, even when their wedding neared, Kyuhyun found himself repeatedly wondering: If he hadn’t given Ryeowook up, would Ryeowook be his bride?
::::::::::
Part B