The emotional reck that is Yolanda
So I'm gonna be as clear and concise as possible. Ok, ready, Pat thinks everything's more or less okay with our relationship. Hardly. I've been doing a good job hiding my anger from him and when I do show it, I blame it on something else bothering me. But I'm afraid. Really afraid of leaving him behind when I go to Boston. And I'm terrified that he'll cheat on me...again. He says he won't but me being my paranoid self thinks otherwise and that's normal. But what isn't normal is me trying to get every female in LHS to hate him. What isn't normal is how hard I'm trying to get him away from everyone. He knows I'm doing this and he suggested we go to consoling together hahaha yea. But part of me just wants to control who he's associating himself with...that would exclude all female except for myself and Sam and maybe a select few others. Then it get worse. When I can't stop my anger from getting full blown, it turns to violence. Pat gets hurt a lot -_-. Luckily he's a big strong man. Then sometimes that isn't enough so I resort to emotional violence. When Pat sees me emotionally hurt by something he did, then he gets hurt too. You'll never guess what I'm good at faking. It's just so bad and it's getting ridiculous. Maybe if he didn't fail at life in the first place...
The worst part is that I know he's changed and what I'm doing to him is breaking his heart. This is all a manifestation of my overly paranoid and imaginative mind. But it looks pretty real to me.
Manifestation is my new favorite word.
The worst part is that I know he's changed and what I'm doing to him is breaking his heart. This is all a manifestation of my overly paranoid and imaginative mind. But it looks pretty real to me.
Manifestation is my new favorite word.