Fanfic: Resigned to Discontent
Title: Resigned to Discontent
Author: saying_sooth
Rating: PG
Word Count: 635
khrfest Prompt: V-42. TYLGokudera to TYLYamamoto - Not together, angsty; Yamamoto is married and living happily with his family. Gokudera is not so happy.
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Often, Yamamoto invites Gokudera over for dinner with his family, on New Year’s Day or for no special occasion at all, and Gokudera is hard-pressed to say no. He knows that Yamamoto has good intentions - he probably worries for Gokudera’s well-being in the same way he worries about his father’s, hoping that neither of them gets too lonely - but going to dinner would not patch up Gokudera’s wound, only intensify the pain. So he thinks up an excuse.
Sorry, too much paperwork, he says. Or, Ryohei wanted to spend more time with Kyoko and Hana so I traded missions and I’m leaving in five minutes. Or, once, Gotta babysit Lambo and I-Pin tonight, promised the Tenth already (what a nightmare the rest of that night had been).
Yamamoto swallows his excuses with enough grace to make a saint, but there’s always a crinkle to his smile that gnaws at Gokudera’s conscience. Yamamoto never gives up asking though. He asks again, and again, and again - like this morning, right now.
Yamamoto hands him a cup of coffee and stands next to him - their elbows brush through the fabric of their Armani suits. At first, they observe the training in the room below in silence. Lal is putting the newbie recruits through their paces, categorizing her massive, die-hard workouts as “warm-ups” as if her will could make it so. Gokudera cannot suppress a chuckle when Lal begins shouting at the rookies like the militant dictator she is; at least one rookie looks close to peeing his pants.
Yamamoto shoots him a smile at his good humor and makes his move. “Want to come over for dinner tonight?”
Gokudera masks his hesitation with a sip of his coffee. Unfortunately, that gives Yamamoto more time to blather on.
“Airi’s cooking today, not me.” Yamamoto says. Gokudera’s guilt unfurls at the name of Yamamoto’s wife, and so does his jealousy. “She’s been practicing some Italian recipes with Haru and Kyoko, so she wants you to come over for taste-testing.”
Gokudera’s only sparing him half an ear right now, busy running through plausible excuses. However, Yamamoto’s next statement gives him pause.
“Akira and Shizue want to see you too. They miss their godfather.”
Gokudera misses both of his godchildren as well. Akira is a precocious four year-old who’d been picking up baseball right quick the last time Gokudera visited, and Shizue is three and a bubbly mass of giggles and spun sugar. They are Yamamoto’s children through and through, and Gokudera sometimes has to blink back tears while looking at them. However, he does not begrudge them their father, nor does he begrudge Yamamoto Airi her husband. So…maybe it’s time to answer a dinner invitation in the affirmative.
“Sure.” Gokudera says once he swallows his coffee. “I’ll come.”
“Great! I’ll call Airi to confirm she’s cooking for five.” Yamamoto shoots him a smile before fishing out a cellphone from his left jacket pocket. Yamamoto dials and waits for the pick-up, and then he starts talking. His tone changes, becomes quieter and more subdued. More intimate. Gokudera goes back to looking at the rookies, tuning out the specific words and hearing only Yamamoto’s voice.
Gokudera knows that what he wants from Yamamoto will never happen, and he’s resigned to it. He also knows that he’ll probably never recover from the crush - he’s just a sucker for firsts like that. His first Boss was the Tenth and would forever be the Tenth. His first chosen weapon was dynamite and would forever be dynamite - despite his ring flames, weapons boxes and Sistema C.A.I., nothing excites him more than a perfectly-executed Rocket Bomb. His first true love was, for better or worse, Yamamoto Takeshi, and although he wants more than friendship, more than partnership, he will settle for the smiles and the companionship.
It is sufficient, but it will never be enough.
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A/N: I'm writing so much angst this round. @__@ Ah well, 8059 smut tomorrow. :3
Author: saying_sooth
Rating: PG
Word Count: 635
khrfest Prompt: V-42. TYLGokudera to TYLYamamoto - Not together, angsty; Yamamoto is married and living happily with his family. Gokudera is not so happy.
-----
Often, Yamamoto invites Gokudera over for dinner with his family, on New Year’s Day or for no special occasion at all, and Gokudera is hard-pressed to say no. He knows that Yamamoto has good intentions - he probably worries for Gokudera’s well-being in the same way he worries about his father’s, hoping that neither of them gets too lonely - but going to dinner would not patch up Gokudera’s wound, only intensify the pain. So he thinks up an excuse.
Sorry, too much paperwork, he says. Or, Ryohei wanted to spend more time with Kyoko and Hana so I traded missions and I’m leaving in five minutes. Or, once, Gotta babysit Lambo and I-Pin tonight, promised the Tenth already (what a nightmare the rest of that night had been).
Yamamoto swallows his excuses with enough grace to make a saint, but there’s always a crinkle to his smile that gnaws at Gokudera’s conscience. Yamamoto never gives up asking though. He asks again, and again, and again - like this morning, right now.
Yamamoto hands him a cup of coffee and stands next to him - their elbows brush through the fabric of their Armani suits. At first, they observe the training in the room below in silence. Lal is putting the newbie recruits through their paces, categorizing her massive, die-hard workouts as “warm-ups” as if her will could make it so. Gokudera cannot suppress a chuckle when Lal begins shouting at the rookies like the militant dictator she is; at least one rookie looks close to peeing his pants.
Yamamoto shoots him a smile at his good humor and makes his move. “Want to come over for dinner tonight?”
Gokudera masks his hesitation with a sip of his coffee. Unfortunately, that gives Yamamoto more time to blather on.
“Airi’s cooking today, not me.” Yamamoto says. Gokudera’s guilt unfurls at the name of Yamamoto’s wife, and so does his jealousy. “She’s been practicing some Italian recipes with Haru and Kyoko, so she wants you to come over for taste-testing.”
Gokudera’s only sparing him half an ear right now, busy running through plausible excuses. However, Yamamoto’s next statement gives him pause.
“Akira and Shizue want to see you too. They miss their godfather.”
Gokudera misses both of his godchildren as well. Akira is a precocious four year-old who’d been picking up baseball right quick the last time Gokudera visited, and Shizue is three and a bubbly mass of giggles and spun sugar. They are Yamamoto’s children through and through, and Gokudera sometimes has to blink back tears while looking at them. However, he does not begrudge them their father, nor does he begrudge Yamamoto Airi her husband. So…maybe it’s time to answer a dinner invitation in the affirmative.
“Sure.” Gokudera says once he swallows his coffee. “I’ll come.”
“Great! I’ll call Airi to confirm she’s cooking for five.” Yamamoto shoots him a smile before fishing out a cellphone from his left jacket pocket. Yamamoto dials and waits for the pick-up, and then he starts talking. His tone changes, becomes quieter and more subdued. More intimate. Gokudera goes back to looking at the rookies, tuning out the specific words and hearing only Yamamoto’s voice.
Gokudera knows that what he wants from Yamamoto will never happen, and he’s resigned to it. He also knows that he’ll probably never recover from the crush - he’s just a sucker for firsts like that. His first Boss was the Tenth and would forever be the Tenth. His first chosen weapon was dynamite and would forever be dynamite - despite his ring flames, weapons boxes and Sistema C.A.I., nothing excites him more than a perfectly-executed Rocket Bomb. His first true love was, for better or worse, Yamamoto Takeshi, and although he wants more than friendship, more than partnership, he will settle for the smiles and the companionship.
It is sufficient, but it will never be enough.
-----
A/N: I'm writing so much angst this round. @__@ Ah well, 8059 smut tomorrow. :3