A Product of Evolution
Title: A Product of Evolution
Author: sazzy_kitten
Rating: Pg-13
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Puck/Kurt
Genre: Romance/ Humour
Warning: AU, M-preg, future-fic, a bit of language, all told it's pretty mild.
Spoilers: None...
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Or Glee. Or Rick and Virgil...
Author Notes: I had this idea a long time ago, when thinking of the various fundamental glitches with M-preg. Whenever I write them, I try to make them as realistic and plausible as possible (if I'm delving into details), and this was something that's always bothered me about M-preg stories.
P.S. It got out of hand...
P.P.S I've changed some things around, just to have a much more precise contrast between Hermaphrodites, females, and males, and that's the presence of testicles. In truth hermaphrodites there's both testicular and ovarian tissue present, but hey, artistic license applies. Let's just pretend that I can do what I want.
P.P.P.S Men have mammary glands in their nipples that are smaller than females, making it possible for them to lactate. I took that idea and expanded on it. :D
Summary: It wasn't to say that Kurt was unhappy about this. It's just that he's kind of going into shock over it is all. (AKA: The only apparent peril of pregnancy? Breasts.)
Word Count: 1,815
X
In our time, it has become a well known fact, observed and accepted just over a century ago by most, if not all, scientists when the human population faced steady decline that looked to end with the eventual extinction of the human race. The births of male infants to females were five to one. Reporters and journalists jokingly stated that this was Mother Natures smug retaliation for the copious pollutions that were destroying Earth. Fifty years later, the birth counts rose to fifty to one. The lack of females in modern day society and the slow increase of psuedo-hermaphroditic characterizations in males led to the first case of male pregnancy in history.
Sixteen year old Rick Foley engaged in sexual intercourse with his friend and classmate Virgil. At his birth doctors had wondered over the lack of testis, however, no investigations were conducted at the parents requests and the case went largely undocumented until the beginning of the boys second trimester. The phenomenon was recorded thoroughly and all further subjects with such characterizations were well documented and the child was eventually told about his condition. They were a technical third gender, though still classified as males. In their birth records there was a small stamp that read Hermaphrodite; male.
In the future there is expected to be another sub-gender, this of female hermaphrodites with the ability to impregnate-
Kurt set down the seventy-five year old article his History professor had assigned and sighed, rubbing his forehead and poking gingerly at the white stick on the counter. He knew what he was, it was on his certificate, hell the proof was stated on his body. The abnormally high levels of estrogen, the lack of testicles, everything about him screamed lady-boy, as the neanderthals used to like to call him. There were some boys who got out lucky, with typical male characterizations. The only way you'd know about them was if you'd seen a full frontal view of them in the nude, when there was no hiding the lack of a certain something.
With the recent increase of male pregnancies, the female gender was once again rising in number and the writer of the article was correct; another sub-gender had risen, women with male organs, usually smaller than most 'normal' mens, although what could be classified as normal nowadays confused the hell out of Kurt. In fact, he had a close friend from high school his own age that was like that. She was in a happy, healthy relationship with a dancer she'd met at collage and they'd had yet to run into any silly little complications like pregnancy because they were smart and Kurt was going to murder Noah if that happened to them because of surprise bathroom sex. At school. When their only shared Prof just so happened to enter the room, thus covered the sharp snap of the condom in the panic (he knew they should've just sprung for good quality ones, but nooo).
Finally, Kurt took a deep, bracing breath and grabbed the stick, not giving himself time to chicken out again.
X
Puck was in a spectacular mood, all things considered. Sure, most of his classes were hell. First one a girl puked all over his desk in an unfortunate bout of morning sickness and announced at the top of her lungs the lengthy and painful method of castration she would perform on her girlfriend for getting her pregnant at such tender time in her life. Second block some dude he'd never spoken to tried to come on to him by shoving his dirty hand down Puck's pants. Thankfully the belt Kurt had insisted on helped, but the guy was a bit too high to realize that (note: find out who the dealer is, seems like some premium shit). Third period, the same girl who had the pregnancy scare sheepishly wondered into the class (the second of three that she shared with him, Puck later found) and explained her story when asked. His fourth and final block of the day was dominated by police activity, trying figure out who the hell slashed his tires.
Not cool man.
But all of the nasty, stinking bad news was outweighed when he thought of Kurt, sitting in their dingy, cramped apartment, probably pouring over his massive workload.
Puck's keys jingled as he unlocked the door and called out a greeting. Kurt walked out of the bathroom, face stoic and body held perfectly straight. Puck froze, wondering if he'd done something wrong and forgotten about it already.
"Uhh, babe?" he asked tentatively, dropping his keys into the dish Kurt's had set out and shuffling closer. "What's up? Everything all right?"
"No, Noah, everything is not all right," Kurt replied, voice tense and strained. "I am twenty-two, in the middle of University, and we went out drinking last weekend! Everything is definitely not okay!"
"Woah, woah, babe, those are all things that most people are happy about!" Puck watched Kurt's manicured thumb nail scrape incessantly at his forearm and walked forward to grab his hand and intertwine their fingers. "Talk to me, what's this about?"
"It's about the fact that in a few months I'm going to have breasts, Noah! Breasts! I get mistaken for a woman often enough as it is, I don't want to complete the transformation, even if I do still have a penis, because that doesn't count for much nowadays!" Kurt's voice grew higher as his hysteria became more apparent. Puck shook his head and tried desperately to make sense out of his boyfriends statements.
"Kurt! Why the hell would you grow breasts?"
"Because you can't keep it in your pants!" Kurt said, slapping Puck's chest weakly with an open palm. "Not that I've ever complained, but in a school bathroom? With cheap condoms? We should have known better, and now this-" Kurt sniffled softly, anger melting into tears. "I'm only twenty-two, how the hell do I know if I'm ready? And what about school? I just don't know what to do Noah!"
"So, wait, let me get this straight," Kurt snorted and rolled his eyes muttering, "no such thing anymore,", "you're... pregnant?" Kurt nodded and handed him the test, wrapping his arms around Puck's waist and pushing his wet face against the t-shirt covered chest. "And you think this happened when Strauker walked into the washrooms after World History?"
"That's the only time it could have happened. Any other and we would've noticed the condom breaking but we didn't. I booked an appointment already, so we'll find out how far along I am and whether or not those margaritas will have any negative consequences." Puck was silent as he held Kurt, pressing their cheeks together. "Noah? Say something."
"You're not begging me to stay," Puck muttered quietly. Kurt sniffled and pulled away, confused.
"What?"
"You aren't assuming I'll leave you because of this." Puck ran his thumb over the drying tears streaks, following the curve of Kurt's cheek and jaw.
"I... that thought never crossed my mind. I mean, we've talked about children later on, and you've always been enthusiastic about it so-" Kurt blinked and looked down, trying to control the sudden and nearly overwhelming urge to begin sobbing again. "You won't leave, right? Now you put the idea in my head, and-"
"Babe, chill!" Puck grinned and lifted Kurt, spinning them around until Kurt demanded to be let down. "We're having a baby a little earlier than planned, so what? This has been one of my long term goals since high school. And we're going to be kick ass parents, trust me."
Puck picked Kurt up again, hands under his thighs and wrapping the long legs around his waist. He carried his boyfriend into the bedroom and gently dropped him onto the bed, jumping on next to him and cuddling him close. Kurt smiled and shifted on the bed, throwing a leg over Puck's hip and snuggling closer.
"Cuddle slut," he teased, nuzzling Puck's jaw, face scrunching up when the thin layer of stubble tickled his nose. Puck snorted and poked him, questing fingers finding his ticklish spots and mercilessly stimulating them. Kurt yelled and laughed until he snorted. Puck guffawed loudly, flipping onto his back and grabbing at his stomach while Kurt's hands slapped over his mouth and a bright, embarrassed flush spread over his face. He rolled on top of Puck and kissed him, silencing the raucous laughter.
"Jerk," Kurt mumbled when they pulled apart. Puck snickered and laid one last chaste kiss on Kurt's cheek.
"I love your laugh babe," he reassured, arms wrapping tight around Kurt's waist.
"Oh, Noah?" Puck closed his eyes and hummed.
"Yeah?" A sharp slap landed on his rib cage. "OW!"
"That's for the inevitability that is me growing breasts."